The Elder Mother

by Carrie Whitethorne

  “I’m fine,” he said at once, noting the look of concern on my face as he unstrapped the knives from his clothing.

  “Do you really need so many?” I asked as they clattered onto the dining table.

  He smirked, walking back around the sofa. “Probably not. I didn’t find anything, in case you were wondering.”

  I wrinkled my nose at him as he leapt over the back of the sofa and sprawled out. I pushed his feet away. “Nothing at all?”

  “Nope. We’re going to have to search on foot.”

  I frowned. I wasn’t sure if I could face that place again so soon, even if I had told him I’d be ok.

  “Don’t worry,” he assured me “We’ll work up to it. I was giving it some thought, and I have a few places we can visit to build your defences up before you tackle that again.”

  “Such as?” I asked slowly.

  “Well, we should probably start somewhere that’s supposed to be a happy place and work our way down,” he said with a smirk.

  Fifteen

  Seren

  “That’s one building?” I asked, amazed at the size of the place. Its walls sprawled for what looked to be miles, the sea of cars behind us covering such a great expanse, I couldn’t begin to imagine how many people would be inside the building. I’d noticed the river passing nearby and wondered how much of the ground this place was built on had once been lush and green. He pressed his lips into a thin line and looked at the massive building. “Yep. It was an ironworks before this monstrosity went up. That was the year before I was born.”

  I smirked. “How long ago was that?”

  “Twenty-seven years ago,” he said tightly.

  “Wow, you’re old,” I sniggered.

  “I’m old? You’ve been kicking around for over two thousand years! Looking good for it though,” he added with a wink.

  I was quiet for a moment, scowling at him. “Technically, I’m twenty-two years old. I haven’t walked the earth all the years I’ve existed, thank you!”

  I left the car, closing my door with a little more force than usual and I heard Elian chuckle. I smiled to myself as we approached the shopping centre and paused to take in the main entrance. A shining glass dome dominated the roof space, and I admired it until it was obscured from view as we passed into a covered walkway.

  We entered through large doors that opened spontaneously at our approach. I tried not to gawp in shock. The various sounds flooded my ears. People talking, music playing, the clatter of heels on the hard floors, all mingled to create a confusing background buzz. The brightly lit, high-ceilinged halls housed many different shops, each with their own music blaring through their doorways. The crowds of people were immense, all rushing back and forth, many walking with purpose from shop to shop. Some were seated on the various benches that lined the walkways, arranged around displays of plants and trees. I gazed around in amazement.

  “Feel them out,” Elian said, stopping by a bench and taking a seat.

  I sat beside him and nodded before looking around us. There were several people nearby, all resting in the provided seating areas. I began with them.

  I focused my attention on an elderly couple. Theirs were feelings of relief, but generally happy. I glanced at them, noting how the man held his companion’s hand as they watched the crowds pass by. She noticed me and smiled warmly. I returned the gesture and moved on, keeping their emotions in my focus. A young woman with a toddler in a pushchair. The child was unhappy, the woman fretful and stressed. I moved on quickly, adding her emotions to the ones I was keeping a hold on.

  A young couple, leaning by the entrance to a shop. The man was irritated, the woman speaking quickly into her mobile phone casting anxious glances his way. I held onto her anxiety, his irritation, and picked out a group of young women. They were generally relaxed and happy, a couple of them excited.

  I continued this way for a few minutes, until I held so many emotions I couldn’t distinguish one from another. The weight of them was uncomfortable, but not nearly as bad as my experience by the river.

  Elian looked thoroughly bored when I turned my attention to him. I felt him out and confirmed: bored, restless, underlying feelings of concern, and some sort of conflict. I wasn’t sure what he conflicted with, but it was strong, and it influenced his entire mood. As usual, he was masking it well.

  “Shall we move?” I asked, when he realised I was looking his way.

  “If you want to. Are you okay?” he asked, standing.

  I smiled at his concern. “Yeah, I’ve got most of the people here. I’ll keep hold and gather up more as we go. Should be okay.”

  He nodded. “Okay, when you need to stop, stop.”

  We passed through the building, Elian picking his way through the sea of shoppers, becoming more irritated by the minute; me collecting emotions and admiring the various window displays. One really caught my eye and I moved closer to get a good look. There were many vibrantly coloured bars and spheres arranged in elaborate stacks, in baskets, and on podiums. The smell coming from inside the shop was overpowering, but I couldn’t drag my eyes from the beautiful colours in the window.

  “What is that?” I asked as Elian leaned on the window facing out into the crowds.

  “Stuff you put in your bath to make it smell nice. Want some?”

  I looked at him and smiled. “Yes, I’ll go in. I won’t be long.”

  “I’ll get it. Come on, choose what you want,” he said, taking my hand and leading me inside.

  We’d been there for hours. I was beginning to feel tired, Elian was decidedly unhappy, and we were both hungry. We’d decided to have lunch before going home, and he’d chosen a restaurant on one of the upper levels. We were seated, and Elian ordered drinks as I continued my emotion gathering exercises. It was a much more pleasant experience here. Everyone was happy, relaxed, and I assumed, relieved to be away from the busy environment of the shopping area.

  “I’m pleased to be away from there,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

  “Why?” I laughed. “It isn’t that bad! Lots to look at.”

  “I can’t stand these places. Too loud, too bright, too busy.”

  I smiled at him as he scowled. “This was your idea,” I reminded him.

  “You needed it,” he said as he shrugged. “What would you like to eat?”

  I scanned the menu and pointed to an image. “That looks nice.”

  He nodded and placed our order.

  “Do you eat out all the time, Elian?” I asked, curious.

  “No, I usually cook, but Taran gave me an allowance for you, so I decided to spend it on getting you out.”

  “Taran? Really?”

  “Yep. I think he expected you to want to stay in a hotel or something, so he covered every eventuality. I didn’t use his money the other night, though. I paid to get you hammered.”

  I gave him a reproachful look as he sniggered to himself at the memory, just as our food arrived.

  “What is this, then?” I asked, gazing into my bowl.

  “Wouldn’t it have been better to ask before you ordered it?” he asked in mock exasperation, before explaining. “It’s a basic chicken broth, vegetables, and noodles. The noodles are made from a flour based dough and rolled out, then boiled.”

  I nodded and began my meal.

  “Elian, I feel I should apologise again for how overcome I was the other day. I will try harder to protect myself against it in future.”

  Tilting his head, he looked at me. “It isn’t your fault, Seren. You can’t help how you’re made. It’s that part of you that saved you.”

  I snorted and gave a cynical laugh. “Saved me? I’ve been locked up for centuries, Elian. It never occurred to me until now. Until you reminded me what it is to live, to laugh again. To feel—”

  Suddenly aware of what I was saying, I stopped speaking and poked at the vegetables in my bowl. After a few, uncomfortable moments, I went on. “I wasn’t saved. I was taken into servitude. I don’t be
grudge it. I’m happy to do it. We lost our lives, but countless others have been saved because of what I became.”

  He looked confused. “I thought you saved the girl?”

  He didn’t know. He didn’t know how I had become…this. I owed him the explanation. Everyone involved deserved to know the truth behind my death. I deserved the truth to be told about how. About why.

  “I did. But there was no way to save the life within me. We died together,” I said quietly. “That’s why he killed me. He couldn’t use me. There was no way for him to plant his seed, so he fed, killing us both, and he left my useless body for The Mother. I’ve belonged to her since.”

  His face slackened and I couldn’t help but feel what he felt. The outpouring of sadness, of pity. My chest tightened as he felt a small pang of grief on my behalf, then the flicker of anger that followed. Grinding his teeth, he stifled his emotions, realising I was aware of them.

  He didn’t speak for what seemed an age. “I’m so sorry, Seren. I had no idea. They’ve all used you. They—”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I said, trying to sound confident. “We all have a role to play. This is mine. But I wasn’t saved. It was never a rescue.”

  I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe they thought that my existence was a gift. I had never seen it as such. Of course, I understood why I was taken. Understood the need for a guardian, such as I was.

  “The Mother needed a body, as did Kern. I wasn’t useful enough for him, so when he deposited one she could use at the feet of one of her sentinels, she gladly took it. It seems they were much alike in that respect,” I mused.

  Elian looked horrified. “Seren, I—”

  “It’s okay. I accepted this a very long time ago, Elian. I am what I am. And I did save the girl.” I smiled sadly at the memory of her. “Ada, her name was. I watched her grow up, from the confines of the tree. I watched her children, and her children’s children. My unwitting sacrifice wasn’t in vain. Anyway,” I said, trying to sound more cheerful, “if that hadn’t all happened, we wouldn’t have met, would we?”

  I saw the hint of a small smile form, before he hid it.

  “You’re incredibly brave, Seren.”

  I pushed my bowl away, no longer hungry. “I’m not brave, Elian. It’s one word that could never be used to describe me.”

  “Dessert?” he asked, changing the subject.

  I shook my head.

  “I’ll pay the bill and we’ll go, then. Anything else you want to do today?”

  I shook my head again and he left me seated while he paid the bill.

  I wondered why he hadn’t been told. Did they even know? Surely they knew what Kern was? Did they know the difference between the various demons? Did they know they had a hierarchy?

  Lost in my thoughts, I was unaware of Elian standing at my side until he gently touched my shoulder. “Ready?”

  I smiled up at him, taking his offered hand, and allowed him to lead me out of the restaurant. On the way out of the building, we came to a small stand selling beautifully decorated cakes. He didn’t bother to ask if I’d like some, buying half a dozen and handing me the box. “For later,” he explained, taking my hand again.

  “Thank you.”

  He smiled, his eyes meeting mine, and lead me back out to the car. He left the cakes and toiletries inside and headed away from the shopping centre on foot.

  “Where are we going?” I asked as we left the car park behind.

  “For a walk,” he explained. “I could do with some fresh air after being locked in there for hours. The canal isn’t far. We can have a walk down there before we go home.”

  The afternoon was warm and pleasant, and I was glad to be outdoors. A narrow footpath ran alongside the canal, passing beneath various road and rail bridges as it followed the man-made waterway toward the industrial hub of the city. It amazed me how the place had changed since I’d lived. Even in two hundred years, the changes were incredible, not that I’d seen much of the area last time I was here. My small village on the banks of the river several miles away had developed into a thriving urban centre. The point at which the rivers converged, between the hills where Aedric would go hunting, was now the city.

  I hadn’t thought of Aedric for many years. I frowned and wondered why. I supposed it was some form of self-defence against the loneliness of my new existence. I had no companion in my incarceration, despite the feeling of her presence. I was utterly alone. To think of him, to miss him, would have made it even worse.

  I looked at my hand in Elian’s and wondered if it was a mistake to allow him to be so familiar since I wouldn’t be there much longer. I wondered if he would miss me at all when I was gone.

  Aedric had. He’d visited the tree for months after my death. He had formed a new relationship, eventually. But in those early months, he had grieved for me. It was agonising to watch.

  I chastised myself. Of course Elian wouldn’t miss me. He hardly knew me. A short week or two was not time enough to become attached to someone in that way. And he had this life.

  I would miss him, though. He’d been the first person I’d spoken to in several hundred years. I would miss his friendly nature, his kind smile, his deep, expressive eyes.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked, interrupting my thoughts. I was grateful.

  “Nothing,” I lied. “It’s so peaceful here. I was just enjoying being out in the fresh air.”

  The footpath was lined with hedgerows that were a hive of activity. Birds and various insects, busy in the spring sunshine, creating a quiet buzz around the canal. Smaller animals, voles and rats, busy in the dense bushes. He smiled and continued walking, maintaining his hold on my hand until we turned and walked back to the car.

  “Seren, I’m going to have to go out later. Do you think you’ll be okay?”

  I glanced up at him. “Why? Where are going?”

  “I have to check up on something. It won’t take long. A couple of hours, at most. Will you be alright on your own?”

  I felt for him, finding he was void of emotion. I knew it was intentional. He was usually so expressive, and he knew how to hide it from me.

  “I’ll be fine,” I said with a grin. We could both mask feelings.

  It was dark when he finally decided he was going.

  “Here, stuff your face with these. I’ll be back by midnight, I promise,” he said, handing me the box of small cakes he’d bought me. He bent low, placing them on the sofa at my side, and kissed my cheek. “Please, stay here.”

  Ignoring the kiss, I laughed. “Will you stop fretting? I won’t leave the apartment without you. After all, I want that pony ride you promised me.”

  He scowled. “I never promised anything of the sort.”

  “That’s not how I remember it!” I teased.

  He mumbled something as he made his way to the door. With a glance back at me, I saw him raise his phone to his ear. “It’s me. I need a lift. Now.”

  The door clicked shut behind him and I wondered at the underlying anger in his tone. He’d been so guarded with his emotions the majority of the afternoon.

  Why was he so upset by it? Why did he care what had happened all that time ago? It wasn’t important any more. It wasn’t important then, not to anyone but me. And Aedric, but he’d moved on after his period of mourning. It was expected. It was how it was. But it was not easy for me. I’d been forced to watch him with his new family from the confines of the tree. Forever alone. But he did live a full, happy life. I was thankful for that.

  I sighed and opened the box of cakes, smiling. I was grateful for Elian, for his kindness. He was so thoughtful and caring. He’d make a good husband, one day.

  I felt a pang of jealousy and laughed aloud at the foolish emotion. I would return to my tree, or be moved to wherever the kings had use for me, and I wouldn’t see Elian again when this was over. Why did I care who he spent his life with?

  I thought of his gentle kiss on my cheek before he’d left. Then I thought
about the other time he had kissed me, of my response, of the feelings that kiss had awoken in me. My stomach turned over.

  No, I couldn’t allow it. He didn’t love me the way I wanted to love him. It was best if I maintained a respectful distance and left as soon as the job was done. That would mean not allowing him to hold my hand as we walked, and not allowing him to kiss my cheek as we parted. My heart sank. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want any of this. But mostly, I didn’t want to lose him.

  Sixteen

  Elian

  I knew she’d be listening, trying to glean more information on my plans. I didn’t want her to know where I’d gone.

  I wasn’t happy. No, that was a poor description for how I felt. I was furious. I’d walked into this with only half of the information I needed on her. She’d been forced to tell me the most painful aspect of her story because they hadn’t bothered to warn me. I could have avoided the subject, avoided opening those wounds.

  She’d masked it well, but she couldn’t hide that look in her eyes. The pain and sadness at the mention of her unborn child. How could she?

  I wanted answers. I wanted to know why.

  Dagda arrived at the foyer door a few minutes later. “What’s happened?”

  “Nothing,” I said evasively. “I need to speak to Taran.”

  “What’s happened to Seren?” he pressed, concerned.

  I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “She was pregnant.”

  “She was…what?”

  I looked at him, meeting his hard, icy eyes. “Yes. When she died. She was pregnant. She didn’t really have a choice but to tell me, and the demon…well, I need to speak to Taran.”

  He looked almost as unhappy as I felt as he gripped my shoulder and took us to Avalon.

  We emerged in Taran’s study.

  “Father. Elian would like a word,” he announced, taking a seat in a nearby armchair.

  “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” he asked without looking up.