Will to Love

by Miranda P. Charles

  He collapsed on top of her, panting. "Am I crushing you too much, sweetheart?" he asked throatily as he planted a gentle kiss on her hair, unwilling to move.

  "Hmm. Not too much. Don't move yet," she said languidly, loving the way he called her 'sweetheart'.

  He smiled and let himself relax. He shifted their position a little so she wasn't absorbing his full weight, but remained inside her.

  "That was incredible. You were incredible," he whispered in her ear.

  "I think you were just as responsible for that," she said with a smile.

  After a quiet moment, he kissed her temple, got up and announced he was going to the bathroom.

  Clarise laughed when she saw him turn the wrong way in the hall, then head back the other way in the right direction.

  As she waited for Will, she wondered if he would stay the night. She wanted him to. Very much. But she won't ask. She didn't want to be the demanding, clingy girlfriend she instinctively knew he wanted to avoid. He didn't say that in so many words but that was what it appeared to be when he agreed to her one-date-at-a-time suggestion.

  For the first time since she propositioned him, Clarise thought about the meaning of her words. Did taking it one date at a time mean there were no expectations or commitments beyond the date they were on? If so, could she even call him her boyfriend? Or was she just someone he slept with every now and again? Did that mean she couldn't demand that they see each other exclusively?

  Clarise had only just started realising the possible consequences of the arrangement she made with Will. Could she handle them?

  Pain and panic threatened to surface but she pushed them away. Tonight, she would refuse to think about what it really meant to be on a one-date-at-a-time arrangement with him. She wouldn't let anything mar this special moment they just shared.

  And in any case, it was her fault for not thinking things through before she suggested it. She had no choice at this time but to make the most of what she could have with Will. And hope that her worst thoughts would not eventuate.

  Will came back to the bedroom, still naked, looking so handsome. Clarise noticed how toned he looked. She remembered he played tennis with her future brothers-in-law.

  He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over to give her a chaste kiss.

  "Are you playing tennis with Rick and Mark this Sunday?" she asked as she stroked his cheek.

  "No. We're having a two month break. We just finished our 'finals'. Rick and I lost the doubles, by the way. No prizes for guessing why," he grinned.

  She chuckled. "Will you be seeing them anytime soon?"

  "I don't think so. I don't see them a lot when we don't play. I don't have much time for socialising," he said with a wry smile. "What about you? Will you be seeing them anytime soon?"

  "I'll be seeing Megan and Rick tomorrow when we get together at my parents' place." She looked at him, wanting to ask what he thought about letting her family know that she was going out with him. Her future brothers-in-law were his friends, after all.

  "Will you say anything to them about us?" he asked her.

  Here's her chance to ask. "Do you think we're in that kind of a relationship that we go and tell our families?"

  Will mistook her query as a mock question rather than one that needed an answer and sighed with relief. "I'm glad you think that, too. I agree we just keep 'us' to ourselves for now." He kissed her again before getting up to get dressed.

  Well, there are my answers. No, he doesn't think we're in a kind of relationship you tell your family about and, no, he's not staying for the night. She couldn't help but feel disappointed and sad.

  She got up and put on her robe. "Would you like some coffee before you go?" She wanted him to stay longer. She didn't want him to leave yet.

  He pulled her close and kissed her forehead. "No, I better go. I have to go through some job applications for the management position in Melbourne."

  "On a Friday night?"

  "Yes. I work when there's work, and right now, there's a lot of work." He looked at her intently. "Like I said, my time frame for what I want to achieve is very tight."

  She nodded and put on a smile as she followed him to the door.

  "Goodnight, baby. I'll call you," he said as he kissed her before opening the door.

  When? she wanted to ask but all she said was, "Goodnight."

  Just as she was about to close the door, she called after him. "Will, can I call you?"

  He stared at her for a second, as if the thought never occurred to him. "Sure," he answered and waved goodbye.

  Clarise wondered if he really meant it.

  CHAPTER NINE

  "Martin, are you about done with barbecuing?" Clara called to her husband. "Clarise has arrived!"

  "Yes, everything's ready." Martin responded as he wiped the sweat off his brow from the heat of the barbecue. It was early March, the beginning of autumn, and the weather was perfect for a backyard barbie.

  Clarise walked out the backyard and waved hello to her dad, Megan and Rick. "Hi, dad. How's it going?" she asked as she gave her father a peck on the cheek and a one-armed hug, carrying her homemade tiramisu with her other arm.

  "Good, Clarise. How are you?" Martin looked at his daughter up and down, as if making sure she was okay. He did this every time he saw his daughters. About two years into Megan dating Rick, he'd been doing it to Rick too. It was his way of confirming he cared about Rick as a son.

  "I'm good, dad." She turned to her sister and her fiancee. "Hey, guys," and gave them kisses and hugs.

  "We're glad you're finally here. We're starving!" Megan declared.

  "Sorry, the tiramisu took me longer than I expected. And I got up a little late." Clarise couldn't sleep until the early hours of the morning, too consumed with thoughts of Will, the sweet memory of their lovemaking and whether they were heading anywhere as a couple. "You should have started without me," she admonished them.

  "Oh, don't worry, we've been having little bites here and there."

  Clara came out with some garden salad and everyone settled for lunch.

  Clarise loved this time with her family. She, Megan and Rick came here to their parents' place usually every two to three weeks. The last time she saw them all was during Megan and Rick's engagement party two weeks ago.

  "So, Clarise," her mother said while scooping herself some garden salad, "how is Victor going?"

  Clarise looked up in surprise. She had forgotten that her family still thought she was going out with Victor.

  "Umm, he's good." Clarise mentally prepared how she was going to tell her family that they were no longer 'together'.

  "Why didn't you bring him here today? Or are you not ready to do that yet?" Megan asked.

  "You do know he's welcome here, right, Clarise?" her dad added.

  Geez, my love life is the centre of attention again, Clarise thought uncomfortably. She looked at Rick who was the only quiet one. He grinned and winked at her as if to say 'I'm on your side'. He knew how her family always brought up the subject of her love life - or lack of it - and how uncomfortable it made her feel. She smiled at him warmly.

  She realised everyone was expecting her to answer their questions about Victor. Okay, then. Telling the truth is always the easiest. "Well, I have a confession to make," she started. Everyone seemed to freeze and waited for her next words. "Victor and I were never an item. He's actually gay."

  "What?" they all exclaimed at the same time. Their surprise - or was it shock - was evident in their expressions. They seemed frozen in time as they stilled and stared at her - her dad holding a fork with a piece of sausage midway through his mouth, her mum cutting up the meat on her plate, Megan helping herself to some salad and Rick about to bite on a chicken leg. It was really quite comical.

  "Well," Clarise looked at Megan and spoke with laughter in her voice. "You really scared me with your matchmaking plans. I thought the whole thing would have been too embarrassing and the only way I thought I could stop you f
rom embarrassing me at your party was to pretend I already had a boyfriend."

  No one said anything. They just continued to stare at her.

  "Oh, come on, guys. It was actually kind of fun. And I'm really sorry I ruined your plans but..." she shrugged.

  Finally, everyone moved again.

  "Well, well, well," Megan said, looking at her intently. "What a damn shame. You certainly acted to the hilt."

  "I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me. I didn't ruin your party, though, did I?"

  "No, of course not," Megan conceded.

  Rick piped in. "Well, it was a good thing that the guy we were going to set you up with was relieved it didn't happen either."

  "Oh, really?" Clarise asked, knowing full well who Rick was talking about.

  "Yeah. He said he wasn't interested in being introduced to anyone anyway. He's really not looking for a relationship at the moment by the looks of it. Too busy with his business."

  A certain sadness enveloped Clarise. He doesn't want to be with me like I want to be with him. But I already knew that.

  "So who was this guy? Did I meet him at your party?" Carla asked curiously.

  Clarise squirmed with discomfort. She didn't want to discuss Will. She remembered his words from last night, 'let's keep 'us' to ourselves for now'.

  "Oh, mum, it doesn't matter now. We won't mention names. It's obvious both Clarise and our friend aren't into matchmaking." It was Megan to the rescue. Clarise breathed out a quiet sigh of relief.

  "So, Clarise, does that mean you're not going out with anyone at the moment?" Clara prodded.

  Clarise thought of Will and their confusing status. "No, mum, I'm not," she answered, not realising she said it with a tinge of sadness that was obvious to her family.

  Clara and Megan looked at each other and a gleam appeared on Megan's eye.

  ~~

  "I'll bring out more drinks and some water," Megan offered after everyone finished their lunch. They were now ready to dig into Clarise's tiramisu. "Would you like to help me, darling?" she said to Rick.

  Rick nodded and followed her into the house.

  Once out of earshot, Megan said to Rick, "You know we can still continue with our matchmaking plans for Clarise."

  "Why?"

  "Darling, you saw her sad look when she said she wasn't with anyone. You know she's not much of a party girl or anything like that. She doesn't meet enough nice guys. And you've got some single friends. I'd love for her to find that special someone like I found you," she smiled at him alluringly.

  Rick laughed as he hugged Megan. "Babe, you're such a romantic."

  "Okay, so who else can we introduce to her? Is Will definitely out?"

  "I think so. He definitely said he didn't want a relationship with anyone when I prodded him about it last Sunday. He assured me he was very relieved we didn't go ahead with our matchmaking plans." Rick paused before continuing. "I think Jared Brigden will be a good candidate."

  "Jared?" Megan frowned as she tried to remember who he was.

  "Yeah, from Brigden Sports Merchandise, remember? He gave Clarise some tennis lessons last year, after she won them from mum's charity fund raiser. I seem to remember he was keen on her back then but he knew he was moving to Brisbane so he didn't pursue it."

  "Oh, yes, I remember," Megan said excitedly as she pulled out a bottle of dessert wine and mineral water from the fridge. She handed them to Rick and reached in for a beer for her dad. "Is he back here in Sydney?"

  "Yes, he's been back for a couple of months now. He's managing their branch here after his dad decided to take an early retirement. His younger brother's up in Brisbane now. He's been around the tennis courts recently. We've played a couple of games with him."

  "Great!" Megan said gleefully. "Hmm. Maybe we can organise something for all your sports buddies as an excuse. That way it's not too obvious to Clarise or she'll run for the hills. We need to make sure we don't tell them our plans," Megan cautioned.

  "Okay, Miss Cupid. I'll leave all the planning to you. That's your thing." Rick said fondly as they walked back out with drinks.

  ~~

  Clarise sat in front of the TV as she ate some leftovers from her parents' barbecue. She thought of calling one of her friends but she still felt like wallowing.

  Will hadn't called all day. It's Saturday! Surely he would have had some time to at least say 'hi' and 'hello'? She may be a bit unreasonable with her expectations but she couldn't help compare him to Daniel. Daniel used to call her every day even if it was just to see how she was, or how her day went. And she didn't even sleep with him!

  Deep down, Clarise knew she was really nervous about their relationship status and was looking for some reassurance.

  'Why don't we just take it one date at a time?' she remembered saying to him.

  'You'll be okay with that?' he had asked. And she led him to believe she was.

  Am I really okay with that? Clarise tried to understand her emotions as she stared at the TV unseeingly.

  What if his schedule only allowed him to see me occasionally? But, isn't that what we agreed to - whenever our schedules would allow? But could I really handle that? I know it's not what I really want. I want him to be mine and I want to be his.

  Her phone rang, startling her out of her rumination.

  Will! Her heart pounded rapidly.

  "Hi," she said shyly.

  "Hi, baby."

  Baby! And he called! Clarise's face broke into a grin.

  "Am I interrupting something?"

  "No. I'm just watching TV."

  "What are you watching?"

  "Umm," Clarise focused on the TV screen to see what was showing. She wasn't really paying attention. Unfortunately, the commercials were on. "I'm still flicking the channels. I haven't decided on what to watch yet. What are you doing?"

  "Talking to you." She could sense the grin on his face.

  "I meant, apart from the obvious?"

  He chuckled. "I was working."

  She looked at the clock. It was 7:45pm. On a Saturday night. "Wow, you really do work all hours."

  "Yes, all hours," he agreed. "Some of my business contacts are overseas. And the tourist trade is 24/7. In fact, I never turn my mobile phone off."

  "What? You mean to say you can take business calls at two o'clock in the morning? Don't they call your office landline?"

  He laughed. "There was a time when I was giving out my mobile phone number to business prospects instead of the office number. So, some of them still call me direct on my mobile. Fortunately, my overseas business partners are considerate enough to check the time difference before they call. But I'm just the kind of person who doesn't want to miss opportunities, I guess. When I first started, someone from the US did call me at around midnight. For some reason he thought I was in Austria and not in Australia. Well, that phone call led to a very profitable business partnership."

  "Wow. So when you answered the phone for that guy from the US, did you sound like you just woke up from sleep?" she asked humorously.

  "No, I was still awake. Just. I usually go to bed around midnight or thereabouts."

  "Oh." She wanted to ask what time he usually woke up but he spoke before she could ask.

  "Anyway, I was wondering if you'd like to have lunch with me tomorrow?"

  "Oh, you don't have anything more important to do?" She said it teasingly, but she really wanted him to say seeing her was more important than anything else he could do on a Sunday.

  "No, not during mid-day. I think I should be able to do most of what I need to do tomorrow morning." He continued in a lower voice, "besides, I really want to see you."

  It wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear but it was enough to melt Clarise. She really missed him. "Yes, I'm free tomorrow."

  "Good. I'll pick you up at 12?"

  "Sounds good," she said grinning like an idiot.

  "Goodnight, Clarise."

  "Goodnight, Will."

  ~~

  It was another bea
utiful autumn day. The sun was shining outside and Clarise was feeling as bright as the day looked. She was seeing Will again.

  The buzzer sounded. "Hi, Will. I'll be downstairs in a sec."

  "Can I come up first?"

  "Yeah, sure." Clarise buzzed him in. She felt the butterflies fluttering in her stomach so she looked around her apartment to double-check its state of tidiness to distract herself.

  There was a knock on the door and her heart skipped. "Hi." Clarise said to the handsome face before her as she opened the door. God, how could she have missed him so? How could she have fallen for him so fast?