by Leslie Gould
“Bye,” he said and hung up before she could tell him she loved him.
As she headed back to the living room, wondering what was up with Simon, Adam called out, “Eve’s here.”
Shani quickened her step. That was exactly what she needed to take her mind off Zane. By the time she reached the front door, Eve was walking up the steps, but then she turned. Shani stepped out on the porch and saw Tim marching toward them.
He waved, first at Eve and then at Shani. He wore his long work coat and straw hat. His beard seemed to have more gray in it than the last time Shani had seen him.
Shani waved back to him. “Come on in for a cup of coffee.”
“Denki,” he replied, quickening his step even more. Shani held the door open for Eve and then for Tim. “Is your father still here? I wanted to speak with him before he leaves.”
“He’s out back, looking at the apple trees. He should be coming in soon.”
“I’ll go find him,” Tim said.
Adam came from around the Christmas tree. “Can I go out too?” he asked Shani.
“Of course.” She turned back to Tim. “Come back for a cup of coffee when you’re done. Tell Dad to also.”
He nodded and without waiting for Adam went back out the front door.
“Bundle up,” Shani said to her son as she led the way to the kitchen. He nodded. He always did. He didn’t love the cold the way Zane had when he was a boy. He was so much less daring than Zane was, and she was grateful for that.
As Shani measured the coffee she asked her friend, “How was yesterday? At Leona and Eli’s?”
“It was all right, but Tim didn’t come over.”
“Oh?”
Eve nodded. “Simon didn’t come either. He’s done something crazy—”
Shani’s eyes met Eve’s pained expression. “He didn’t,” Shani said, remembering his jokes about joining the Army.
Eve nodded. “He did.”
Shani filled the carafe and then poured the water into the machine. “When did he do it?”
“Christmas Eve morning.”
Zane knew. That’s why he’d asked if she’d spoken to Simon.
She pushed the Start button. “Why would he do that?”
“You’re not playing your role of Army wife very well.”
“Ex-Army wife.” She grabbed two mugs from the cupboard. “My role now is Army mom. And neighbor. How could Simon do that?”
Eve shrugged. “We haven’t talked with him about it—not since he joined.”
“Is Tim furious with us?”
“Why would he be?”
“Don’t be kind.” Shani leaned against the counter. “Why wouldn’t he be? Simon grew up on Joel’s stories. It had to have influenced him.”
“Joel only answered Simon’s questions. Charlie answered his questions too. It’s life. No one can protect their children from the world, not even Tim.”
“That doesn’t mean he won’t blame us.” Then again, Tim had seemed fine in the way he’d just interacted with her. “When does Simon leave?” Shani asked.
“I don’t know. The girls didn’t say.”
Shani pulled out the carafe and slipped one of the mugs under the stream of coffee, just as Tim and her father came into the house. Her dad was lighthearted. Tim must not have told him about Simon.
She put the coffee on the table for the men and then finished filling mugs for Eve and herself. Shani debated saying something to Tim, but then Adam came in and she made him a cup of hot chocolate.
Tim drained his cup, thanked her father for his input, and then said he had to get back to work.
After Eve left, Shani asked her father what Tim had asked him.
“We settled the lease for another year.” Her dad shrugged. “But then he asked if, as a parent, you’d ever done anything I didn’t approve of.”
“And what did you tell him?”
“Well, that I didn’t approve, at all, of you getting married at nineteen. But you were technically an adult.”
Shani frowned. “And what was your advice?”
“That I made sure you knew I loved you. That I supported you, no matter what happened. That was my advice to him—to show his love to his kids.”
Shani turned toward her father. “He didn’t tell you that Simon enlisted?”
Her father’s face paled. “No.”
Shani couldn’t imagine how Tim would incorporate her father’s advice into Simon’s situation. It would be more like Tim to use shame, not love, to try to win the boy back. And Shani was certain that would never work with Simon.
The next morning, after her father left for the airport, Shani with Adam at her side knocked on the Lehmans’ back door, a plate of peanut brittle in her hands. Lila answered, an uncomfortable look on her face.
“We’re a few days late,” Shani said, “but merry Christmas.”
“Denki,” Lila said. “I have something for you too.” She glanced over her shoulder as a chair scraped on the kitchen floor.
Then Simon said, “I thought you’d already told me what you wanted to say when Gideon was over.”
“I’ve thought of a few more things,” Tim said.
Lila’s face reddened.
Shani whispered, “Now’s not a good time, is it?”
Lila grimaced. “How about if I bring my gifts over in a few minutes? I should get Trudy out of the house anyway.”
Shani handed her the plate. “We’ll see you whenever you can make it.”
When they reached the driveway, the door slammed and Simon pounded down the back stairs. Shani kept walking, not wanting to interfere.
“Wait!” he called out.
She turned.
“Is Joel home?”
She shook her head. “He went in to work today.”
“When will he be home?”
“Probably midafternoon.” It was the Friday after Christmas. He hoped to come home early.
“I’ll be over then,” Simon said and then headed toward the barn, or more likely his shooting range behind the barn. Shani had heard him target practicing earlier in the day. She doubted Tim was happy about that either.
Lila and Trudy didn’t come over until long after lunch. “Sorry we’re late,” Lila said, stamping the snow from her boots on the mat inside the door. “Dat needed me to update his books. And we can’t stay. I need to get ready for work.” She thrust a package wrapped in brown paper and tied with red yarn toward Adam and then the second one toward Shani.
Trudy grinned at Adam. “Lila gave me one too.” He pulled a forest green apron, made from the same fabric as Tim’s shirts, from the paper.
He smiled back at Trudy and then thanked Lila. She gave him a quick hug and then nodded to Shani’s package.
Shani opened it quickly and pulled out a baby blue apron.
“It matches mine.” Trudy clapped her mittens together.
“Thank you so much,” Shani said.
“They’re for when we make cookies,” Trudy said.
Shani nodded. “We’re going to be baking in style.”
Trudy clapped her mittens together again. “Dat gave me bowls and a baking set for Christmas.”
Adam’s eyes lit up, and then he pulled her around the tree. “Come see my new Legos.”
“Could she stay for the afternoon?” Shani asked Lila. “I’ll walk her home later.”
Lila frowned. “Are you sure?”
Shani nodded. She loved having Trudy visit.
“Denki. I’ll tell Rose.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Things have been—tense around the house. Trudy doesn’t seem to notice, but I keep thinking it has to be hard on her.”
“Because of Simon?” Shani asked.
“Do you know?”
Shani nodded.
“Jah. Simon and Dat.” The girl sighed. “I’m sick of both of them.”
After Lila asked Trudy if she wanted to stay—of course she did—she said good-bye and headed back down the steps.
Shani grabbed
her coat, buttoning it up as she followed Lila outside. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Lila turned toward her and her blue eyes watered—maybe from the cold. Maybe not. She shook her head. “Pray, I guess. I’m afraid the conflict between the two of them is only going to get worse before Simon leaves.” She sighed and then said, “Dat’s always been so fond of Simon. I don’t think he ever saw this coming.”
“But you did?”
“Well, not this. But something. Simon’s the only one of us who doesn’t care what other people think.” One snowflake fell and then another.
“I’ve never thought of you caring much about what others think,” Shani said.
Lila shook her head and smiled, just slightly. “How could I help but care? I’m Plain. We all care. We’re expected to conform and we do. Except for Simon.” She turned toward the lane and then called back over her shoulder, “Thank you for having Trudy.”
“Thank you for letting her stay. I hope your shift goes well.”
Lila nodded, waved, and quickened her step. For the first time Shani wondered what Lila might do with her life without the expectations from her father and community. She would make a great teacher or nurse or accountant. And one day, she’d definitely make a great mom.
When Shani reached the porch, Joel’s pickup came around the curve in the lane. She waved and waited. “You’re home early,” she called out as he climbed out of his cab.
He nodded. “I brought some work home.” He grabbed his briefcase and then his cane. “Simon called me.”
“I knew he wanted to talk with you. But I didn’t think it was an emergency.”
“I don’t think it is. He just wanted to know when I’d be home. He said he had something to ask me.”
“Trudy’s over,” Shani said, stepping toward the door.
“Simon and I can talk in the kitchen.”
She nodded. A moment later, just after Joel had stepped inside, the sound of footsteps bounded across the porch.
“That was fast,” Joel said, opening the door to Simon. Shani stepped to Joel’s side.
At the bottom of the steps stood Tim, his arms crossed. “Talk him out of it,” he said. “I’d do the same for you, if it were your son.”
“I can’t change his mind.” Joel glanced from the door to Tim. “I never encouraged this.”
“The question is,” Tim said, rocking back on his heels, “can you discourage it? Tell him how to get out of it.”
Simon faced his father. “I’m not getting out of it. And for one last time, neither Zane nor Joel ever encouraged me to do this. It’s what I want. That’s it.” He stepped around Joel and Shani, into the house.
“I’m sorry,” Joel said. “He’d joked about it, but I had no idea he was serious.”
“Can he get out of it?”
“Maybe, if he talks with his recruiter. But he’d have to want to do it. He’s eighteen . . .”
“Jah, and never more of a boy,” Tim said.
“It’s cold,” Shani said. “Everyone come inside.”
Tim shook his head.
“I’ll see what I can do,” Joel said.
Tim nodded and then turned toward the field. Joel gave Shani a helpless look. She felt the same way. There wasn’t anything anyone could say to Simon to change his mind.
7
After Lila’s shift at the Plain Buffet ended, she picked up the phone in the back room to call Daniel for a ride.
“I can take you home,” Mandy said from the hallway. “I have the car tonight. My dad’s tired of picking me up.”
The two women bundled up in their coats and rushed out through the empty parking lot to Mandy’s car. After Mandy started the engine, she took out her phone. “I just got a Facebook account,” she said. “Don’t tell anyone.” She flashed a smile.
“What’s your boyfriend’s name?” She held the phone so the screen came on.
“Reuben?”
Mandy laughed. “No, your Englisch boyfriend.”
“I don’t have—”
“Zane, right?”
“He’s not—”
“Is he friends with Simon?”
Lila rubbed her hands together to warm them. “Jah, since we were all little.”
Mandy rolled her eyes. “No. On Facebook.”
“Simon doesn’t have a—”
“There he is. Zane Beck.” She held the phone closer to her face. “He needs to update his privacy settings.”
Lila craned her neck.
Mandy turned the phone toward her. There was a large photo of the poplar trees along the creek between the two houses and then a small photograph of Zane. Just a head shot. But below that was a picture of Zane, wearing a gray T-shirt that fit tightly across his chest with ARMY across the front, and beside him stood a petite woman. She had on an ARMY T-shirt too. Her dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she had a big smile on her face.
“Don’t worry,” Mandy said. “The girl just posted the photo. Today.”
“What?”
“She posted it to Zane’s wall. It’s not like he put it up there.” Mandy turned the phone back toward herself and touched the screen with her finger. “Here’s another photo of him and the girl. Casey. From a couple of months ago. She seems to be the only one who posts on his wall.” She held the phone up for Lila to see. The photo was taken in front of a brick building. Both wore Army uniforms.
Casey. Lila had been right about Zane having a girlfriend—or at least a friend. Her chest tightened. She focused on keeping her voice even as she changed the subject. “So Simon has one of these accounts?”
Mandy nodded. “I helped him create it last night, on my phone.” She touched the screen again. “Oh, look. He stole Zane’s cover photo. The little sneak.”
Simon’s big photo was the same as Zane’s—the poplars and the creek. Instead of a headshot, he had a photo of a deer’s head—probably the one he shot last fall. Mandy scrolled down. There was a photo of Simon at his shooting range and another one of him by Daniel’s truck. Dat would explode again if he knew Simon had let someone take an image of him.
“How did he take the photos?”
Mandy smiled. “On my old phone.”
Maybe Mandy and Simon had been hanging out more often than Lila realized. “Is Daniel on Facebook?” Lila asked.
Mandy shook her head. “Not that I know of. If he is, he’s not friends with anyone I know.” She dragged her finger along the phone again. “You’re prettier than she is.”
“Than who?” Lila asked.
Mandy squinted. “Casey Johnson. Zane’s Englisch girlfriend.”
Lila sank back against the seat.
Mandy put her phone into her pocket, and then shifted the car into reverse. “Daniel’s having a party tonight. Want to stop by?”
Lila shook her head. Good thing she hadn’t depended on him for a ride.
“Just for a minute?”
“No thank you,” Lila said.
Mandy laughed. “You’re nothing like your brothers.”
Lila smiled, just a little. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
Mandy turned left instead of right.
“Where are you going?”
“Just a little detour.”
Daniel only lived a mile away. Lila shook her head. “I won’t go in.”
“You can wait in the car,” Mandy said. “I’ll be fast. Simon has something he wants to give me.”
Daniel lived down a side road in a run-down house with three guys on his construction crew. Lila had never been in the house and had no desire to.
Mandy parked alongside another car and left the motor running while she ran inside. Lila could only imagine how Mandy’s father would react if he knew where his car was. Lila had met Mandy’s parents at the restaurant. Her father wasn’t quite as imposing as Dat, but he was definitely cut from the same cloth.
A couple of people stepped out on the porch. Lila squinted through the exhaust smoke that swirled around the car
. When the two started down the front stairs she realized one was Mandy. The other figure, a guy, was leaning against her.
Lila groaned. It was Simon, and he’d obviously had too much to drink. He stumbled a little coming down off the last step, but Mandy supported him. Lila stared straight ahead. The last thing she wanted to do was get out of the car and help. If she didn’t make eye contact, they wouldn’t expect her to.
Finally the back door opened and Simon slurred, “Hi, sis.”
Lila didn’t respond.
Mandy opened her door and slid onto her seat. “Guess it’s a good thing we stopped by,” she said.
“Or not,” Lila responded.
“Ach, don’t be mad.” Simon leaned toward Lila, his breath foul.
She plugged her nose. “Fasten your seat belt.”
Mandy shifted the car into drive, Simon clicked his seat belt, and Lila kept her hand over her nose.
If he couldn’t manage to get out of bed in the morning, she could expect another row between Simon and Dat—that was for sure.
Simon leaned back and said, again, “Don’t be mad.”
Lila tucked her shoulder up to her face. The moonlight on the snow lit up the fields. Silently she recited a short poem she’d found a couple of years ago in a book of Zane’s.
The sun’s gone dim, and
The moon’s turned black;
For I loved him, and
He didn’t love back.
It was by Dorothy Parker, if she remembered correctly. Perhaps Zane had loved her once, but the words were true tonight. They were true every night.
“Do you have any tomato juice at home?” Mandy asked. “That’s good for a hangover.”
They did, but Lila didn’t answer. She wasn’t going to involve herself. She kept her eyes on the dark landscape. A dog slunk under a fence. A barn owl swooped down over a field.
Simon didn’t say anything more. Maybe he’d fallen asleep.
“Do you work tomorrow?” Mandy asked, turning off the highway and down Juneberry Lane.
“Jah,” Lila answered. “The lunch shift.”
“I’ll see you at the shift change, then,” she said.
“I think I’m going to be sick.” Simon leaned against the window.