by Leslie Gould
Lila’s heart began to race. He’d come. And he looked so confident and content, as if he belonged.
She scanned the women’s side. Mammi sat in the row in front of Eve, Shani, and Casey. Lila’s stomach clenched. She was jealous. Casey had experienced a part of life with Zane that Lila couldn’t even comprehend. And here she was sitting beside Shani, wearing a black sweater and white blouse. Her dark hair was pulled back in a bun. From her profile, Casey looked far more beautiful than Lila had imagined.
Not long after the first song ended, Gideon, Reuben, Daniel, and Jenny slipped in beside her. When the second song ended, they all walked down to the front of the church and sat along with the other witnesses on the benches designated for them.
No Amish service went quickly, especially not one with a wedding in it. First was a sermon, then a Bible reading, then a prayer. Then a second sermon. Finally, Jenny and Daniel were called up front and were married. That part of the service was short and to the point. Gideon officiated, mentioning both Jenny’s father and the Lehman children’s mother. Lila felt a tear in her eye but quickly brushed it away. Mamm would be proud of Daniel. He loved Jenny with all of his heart, and he was good and kind to her.
Lila wasn’t sure whether Mamm would be proud of her or not. Would she have wanted her to marry Reuben? Would she have been hurt by Lila’s love for Zane? One thing was sure, her Mamm wouldn’t want Lila to leave the church for Zane, even if that was what he wanted. Her mother hadn’t left, not even when she was pregnant with an Englischer’s babies. She’d stuck by her commitment.
After the wedding, Lila headed toward the side of the shed, away from the men’s side. She wanted to talk with Zane—but not in front of Simon or Casey. Eve stepped away from the other women, who were talking with Monika, and hurried toward Lila. When she reached her, Eve wrapped her arms around her niece. Lila hugged her back and teared up, again, at her Aenti’s warmth. “Mamm would be proud of Daniel,” Lila said.
“Of course she would,” Eve said. “But not more than any of the rest of you.”
Lila wrinkled her nose. “She wouldn’t be proud of Simon, and I doubt she’d be proud of me.”
Eve smiled. “Your Mamm wouldn’t exactly understand Simon, but she would love him no matter what. As far as you, why in the world would she not be proud of you?”
“I didn’t marry Reuben. I didn’t do the right thing, like she did.”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“She could have married the Englisch man, jah? And left. But she stayed.”
“Oh, dear,” Eve said. “I guess we weren’t very clear about all of that. She never considered leaving.”
Lila nodded in agreement.
Eve took Lila’s hand. “Sweetie, your birth father never knew about you and Daniel. He left before your mother realized she was pregnant, and then she never tried to find him.”
“He never knew?” All this time Lila had thought her mother hadn’t wanted to marry him and leave the church, but maybe she didn’t have a choice. “Why didn’t she tell him?”
“He returned to Virginia before your mother knew she was expecting. Patrick—my . . .” She stopped, glanced around, and then said, “My boyfriend knew him but not well. It wasn’t the way it is now with social media and everything. And no one had a cell phone. I suppose he might have had an e-mail address, but none of us knew it. It was like he just disappeared.”
“No one tried to track him down?”
“Well, I think your grandmother thought it would be the right thing to do, but your Mamm didn’t want to. I think she was afraid—of outside influences.”
“So she really didn’t love him?”
A pained expression crossed Eve’s face. “I’m afraid I’m not saying this very gracefully, but she didn’t know him very well . . .”
“They didn’t court for a long time?”
Eve shook her head. “They really didn’t even date.”
“If she had loved him, do you think she would have left the Amish?”
Eve hesitated. “Why do you ask?”
Lila shrugged.
Eve sighed. “She wasn’t opposed to someone leaving because of love. I considered it back then, and she never tried to discourage me. I think she would have been in favor of what I did when I left to marry Charlie.”
Lila nodded. “Denki,” she said to Eve. “That gives me something to think about.”
Eve held on to her hand. “Is there more you can tell me?”
Lila shook her head. “But I have a question. What’s my biological father’s name?”
Eve tilted her head, paused, and then said, “Everyone called him Butch. At the time I thought it was his name, but it could have been a nickname.”
“What about his last name?”
“Wilson.”
Lila exhaled. It was probably a pretty common name.
“What did he look like?”
“He was fair skinned. Gray eyes, I think. ” Lila had definitely gotten her blue eyes from her mother. “Light brown hair. Medium height.”
“Like Daniel?”
“Some,” Eve said. “But both of you favor your Mamm more, especially you.”
“There you are!” Shani headed toward them, the young woman at her side. “I want you to meet Casey.”
Lila stuck out her hand and stood tall.
Casey’s eyes lit up as Shani said, “This is Lila.”
“I’m so pleased to finally meet you,” Casey said. Her hand was warm and firm and her dark eyes sparkled. She seemed sincere. “Zane has told me so much about you.” She didn’t say it in a condescending way or in a victorious way either.
“It’s good to meet you too,” Lila said. Zane had told her some about Casey, but most of what she knew was from Mandy stalking her on Facebook. But she wasn’t going to admit that.
“Have you talked with Zane yet?” Casey asked.
Lila shook her head.
“You and your brothers were all he talked about the whole way here last night,” Casey said. “It about drove me crazy.”
Lila couldn’t help but smile.
“You all had an amazing childhood.”
“We did,” Lila said. Despite all the hardships in both families, they had. She smiled at Casey again and said, “I’ll see you during the meal. I need to get over to the house and help.”
She slipped away as Shani, Eve, and Casey continued talking. She didn’t want to leave the Amish—not ever—but if she’d thought her mother would have sanctioned it, would she have responded differently way back when? Would she have considered becoming Mennonite?
But what had she known when she was seventeen?
It wasn’t long until the meal was ready and Lila joined the bride and groom at their table, along with Reuben. They sat on either side of the couple, until after Daniel and Jenny finished eating and started going around to greet their guests. Lila stood and reached for Reuben’s plate to take it to the kitchen.
“Would you like a piece of pie? Banana cream?” she asked, as a goodwill gesture.
He nodded, but a pained expression passed over his face when their eyes met.
She realized he still hadn’t recovered from their breakup and said softly, “I’m sorry.”
He smiled and shook his head.
When she returned with the pie, he patted the chair beside his. “Can you sit for a moment?” he asked.
She could—for just a minute.
“So what’s going on with Zane?” Reuben asked and then took a bite of pie.
Lila shrugged.
“Who’s the girl?”
“Casey. She’s working with him in Maryland.”
“Oh.” Reuben took a few more bites and then said, “I thought you wanted to quit courting because of Zane, but now it looks as if he’s with someone else.”
Her face grew warm. “I didn’t stop courting you because of Zane. I stopped because I needed to be honest.”
Rose must have been watching the two of them, because she w
alked over then and leaned over Reuben’s shoulder. “Can I get you another piece?”
Lila stood and said, “Here, take my place. I’ll bring you both some more pie.”
It wasn’t until the second group was seated that Lila was finally within talking distance of Zane, but he was deep in conversation with Gideon. The next time she spied him, he was sitting at a table with her Dat.
Later, just before he left with his parents, he sought her out as she helped dish up the last of the pie.
“Could we talk soon?” he asked quietly.
“Jah,” she said, meeting his gaze. “Just the two of us?”
He nodded.
“I’d like that. How about at the fort?”
He glanced at his watch. “At seven p.m.”
She smiled.
“Hey, Zane, are you about ready?” Simon asked.
Lila turned toward her brother. “Why are you leaving so soon?”
“I’m going to go borrow Zane’s truck for a while.”
Lila shook her head. “I thought you’d stick around and help.”
He grinned and then said, “We’re going to go do the milking for Dat.” He grabbed Zane’s arm and pulled him away. “Come on. Your folks are waiting for us.”
Casey waved as she followed Simon.
Lila stepped to the window and watched them go, her heart racing. The afternoon shadows had crept over the snowy yard. Casey walked beside Simon, with Zane trailing behind. Adam played out in the grove of trees with Trudy and her friends from school. Zane stepped their way and scooped his little brother up with his left arm and flung him over his shoulder.
All of them walked toward the end of the driveway, where Joel had most likely parked the van.
Rose laughed behind her and Lila turned. Her sister still sat at the table with Reuben. He seemed to be enjoying himself. Lila smiled and headed to the kitchen to help Mammi with the dishes. Maybe Rose was more mature than she’d given her credit for.
Two hours later, as the women finished serving the evening meal for the relatives and young people that remained, Simon and Casey returned. Lila guessed Simon had driven Zane’s truck over. Dat and Beth were sitting with Monika and Gideon at the table.
“I thought you were doing the milking,” Lila said.
“Zane’s finishing it. He actually likes it.” Simon grinned. “Go figure.”
“All by himself?”
Simon shook his head. “Joel and Adam are helping. It’s like a field trip for them or something.”
Lila rolled her eyes as Simon asked Casey if she wanted a piece of pie and a cup of coffee.
“Sure,” she said and sat down next to Dat. “I’m Casey Johnson,” she said, sticking out her hand.
Dat shook it. “So you’re Zane’s friend.”
She nodded.
“When he left his message, I was expecting a soldier.”
She smiled, just a little. “I am a soldier.”
Dat smiled back. “Well, I gathered that now, but at the time I was thinking a man.”
Casey nodded her head. “I can see why you’d expect that.” Lila liked the girl. She seemed comfortable or at least tolerant of being in a totally new environment. And it seemed that she and Zane truly were just friends—Lila hadn’t seen a spark between them all day.
Lila leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. She’d need to leave soon to meet Zane, but she didn’t want to go before her duties were done.
“Are you feeling all right?” It was Beth, putting a hand on her shoulder.
“Jah,” Lila answered, opening her eyes. “I’m just tired.”
“You should go home,” Beth said. “Tomorrow’s another big day.”
Lila nodded.
“Your Dat said the Becks invited us all to their place for Thanksgiving dinner.”
“Really?” Relief flowed through her. “That’s so nice of Shani.”
“Actually,” Beth said, “I think it was Zane’s idea, but Shani seemed to welcome it. Your Dat said you’d bring the side dishes and the pies.”
“Of course,” Lila said. She still had quite a bit of work to do, but not having to oversee everything and host it was a huge blessing.
“Eve and Charlie will be there too,” Beth said.
“Dat’s okay with that?”
Beth nodded. “In fact, he suggested it.”
She leaned closer to Lila, her voice low. “Go on home. I’ll give your Dat and the girls a ride after all the cleanup is finished. I’ll tell them you needed to get started on preparing for tomorrow.”
“Denki,” Lila said, sad that Dat and Beth could never marry. But maybe they were content being friends. The woman was a gift from God, an absolute blessing. What would Dat have been like all these years if Mamm had lived, if he’d had a partner to help him navigate life?
When she reached her buggy, the boys assigned to take care of the horses hitched hers quickly while she lit her lantern. After she thanked the boys, she climbed up into the cab, pulling the woolen blankets over her legs, and soon turned onto the highway.
She wanted to be with Zane. He’d been right all along. Just because her Mamm hadn’t left the church didn’t mean Lila shouldn’t. And Beth would help Dat cope. Becoming Mennonite was the compromise Lila needed to make for Zane.
The lights of a semitruck shone through the back window. She waited until she’d rounded a curve to pull as far over to the side of the road as possible so the driver could get safely around her.
As she did, bright headlights from the other direction momentarily blinded her. It took her a moment to realize that a pickup was passing a car. She jerked the reins to the right—better to go in the ditch than be hit—but the wheel stayed on solid ground and she realized she’d pulled into a wide driveway. She yanked on the reins, stopping the horse, as the pickup made it around the car and then the truck, its horn blaring, passed her on the left.
She exhaled, her heart racing and her hands shaking. She hopped down to check on her horse. She was spooked, that was certain.
Lila comforted her, stroking her head. Thank you, Lord, she prayed as she did, relieved their time on earth wasn’t up.
All she could think of was Zane. She needed him. Wanted him. She ached for him.
After the horse calmed down, she climbed back in the buggy and urged the mare on, heading home to Juneberry Lane.
27
Zane threw one last pebble into the creek and then stood. The snow had started again. Big flakes floated down from the dark sky. He zipped his coat up to his chin. He’d wanted to call Lila every night since he’d returned to the U.S., but he hadn’t wanted to say too much too soon.
He had an appointment in two weeks to talk with an Army psychologist about his nightmares and hoped that would help. Seeing Jaalal again had settled him, but he knew he had more work to do. He felt hopeful about dealing with his internal wounds, though.
The biggest reason he hadn’t contacted Lila though was that he’d needed to speak with Gideon first and then Tim. He hoped she’d understand.
He checked the time on his phone. She was late. Waiting for her physically hurt.
A rustling in the field interrupted his thoughts, and he scampered up the bank. He opened the flashlight app on his phone and turned it on.
The rustling stopped. A soft voice called out, “Zane?” It was Lila.
“Here I am.” He held the light toward her voice.
She wore her heavy coat and her black bonnet, and held a flashlight—pointed at him—in her hand.
“I was afraid you might not come,” he said.
“I almost got sandwiched between a semi and a truck.”
He stopped and took her hand. “You’re shaking.”
She nodded. “I’m fine. But it scared me.”
“I’m so glad you’re all right.” He squeezed her hand and then nodded toward the fort. “We’d be out of the snow.”
“Okay,” she answered, still holding his hand as she followed him down the bank and into t
heir fort.
“Who fixed it up?” she asked.
“I did. When I was home . . . before.”
He motioned to the stump, and she sat, scooting to the edge, leaving enough room for him. He sat beside her, still holding her hand. He wanted to wrap his arm around her, but he was still afraid.
He squeezed her hand. “Did you finish your crazy quilt?”
She shook her head.
“I’ve thought about it a lot,” he said. “About our story.”
She nodded. She hadn’t told him that was what she was doing—but he had known.
His eyes glistened, and she rested her head against his arm. “Tell me what happened when you went back,” she said.
He told her about the MRAP hitting the IED and about Jaalal rescuing them and then spending the night in his home. “He was a true friend to me,” Zane said. “A true neighbor even though we live half a world away geographically and a world away as far as religion and culture.”
He went on to tell her about the mission being called off because of the downsizing that was going on. “Once Sarge was injured, they decided it wasn’t worth it to bring in someone new when we only had two months remaining—not when the mission wouldn’t be continued once we left.”
“Was it sad to leave?”
“It was. Especially leaving Jaalal.” Zane stopped for a moment, not sure what more to say, but then he took a deep breath and continued. “When he told me good-bye he said to go home and marry that beautiful Amish girl. Have a houseful of children. And then he said, ‘God go with you.’”
Lila shifted toward him and met his eyes. “How did he know about me?”
“He saw the photo on my phone, the one Simon took. Way back before I was injured.”
Lila shook her head. “You had a photo of me?”
“Two,” Zane said. “I’m sorry.”
She smiled. “No, I’m glad you had them.”
“I want what Jaalal said.” He leaned closer. “To marry you. To live here.” He smiled at the thought of living in their fort. “If we could.”