Sally Wentworth - Liberated Lady

by Sally Wentworth

  'Dinner won't be long. I've made spaghetti bolognese, is that all right?' the younger girl asked rather anxiously.

  'Mm, lovely.'

  'I hope so, I've been practising for days,' Nicky confided.

  Sara had to smile as she imagined poor Richard having to eat pasta every day until Nicky got it right. 'Can I help?' she offered?

  'No, I think I've thought of everything, thanks. Oh, except could you give this tray of glasses to Richard? They aren't ours,' Nicky added. 'Alex let us borrow them when we left his flat.'

  Sara's eyebrows rose. 'You were staying with him?'

  'Yes, for a week or so until we found this place.'

  Obediently Sara took the glasses in and Richard poured them each a sherry. It was terribly sweet, but Sara managed not to let her expression change as she , drank it. Obviously Nicky and Richard, their palates not yet educated, found it exactly to their taste. She became aware that Alex was watching her, a look of amusement on his face as she struggled not to grimace at the cloying sweetness. They sat down at the table and Nicky piled their plates up with heaped strands of pasta and spoonful of sauce.

  Sara held up her hands in protest. 'Hey, that's enough! I shall never be able to get through all that lot!'

  'Why? Are you on a diet or something?' Alex asked her tauntingly. 'Come to think of it, you do look rather thinner than when we last met. Quite peaky, in fact. Are you sure you're not working too hard?" he asked in mock solitude.

  'I'm perfectly well, thank you,' Sara retorted tartly’ He was sitting next to her on her left and she was acutely aware of the unavoidable pressure of his knee against hers under the small table. Hastily she asked Richard about their honeymoon, and with the help of the wine the atmosphere eased a little. Nicky was soon laughingly relating some amusing incident that had befallen them. Her face was flushed, but Sara noticed that Richard only let her have a couple of glasses of wine and then made her go on to lemonade.

  'How are you managing?' Alex asked them.

  'Quite well,' Richard answered in his usual calm voice. 'It's convenient for the college here, only takes about ten minutes in the car. And Nicky's got a job not far away,' he added with a grin.

  Sara turned to her sister. 'Really? What kind of job?'

  'Nothing very exciting. Just making the tea and running messages and that sort of thing for a drawing-office. But it's quite interesting and the people are very nice,' she added with a touch of defiance when she saw the fleeting look that came over Sara's face no matter how she tried to hide it.

  'Sounds indispensable to me,' Alex broke in. There's a definite art to making tea. Did I tell you about one tea-lady we had at our office? We couldn't understand why we kept having so much absenteeism from stomach upsets until we found that the woman had been scouring the "teapot and kettle out with, some sort of acid. Seems she'd been doing the same thing at home for years and it hadn't had any effect on her at all. I reckon she must have had a cast iron stomach.'

  Richard helped Nicky to dear the plates after they'd finished the spaghetti, leaving Sara and Alex alone in a sudden silence.

  'I didn't see your car outside,’ she remarked stiffly, picking up a fork and tracing patterns on the doth with it.

  'No, I came by cab. I'm going abroad shortly and the car's in for servicing.'

  ‘Oh.' His knee touched against hers and she hastily moved her leg out of the way.

  He looked at her sardonically and was about to say something but Nicky came back with the dessert and he stayed silent.

  After the meal Sara insisted on helping with the washing up and firmly closed the door to the kitchen' behind them.

  'I wanted to talk to you about your father's money, Nicky.’

  It's all right, Sara,' Nicky broke in before she could go on. 'I knew you wouldn't let me have it when you found out the truth. But it wasn't my idea, honestly it wasn't,' she added earnestly.

  'No, I know. But you could have told me it wasn't true.'

  'Yes, I suppose so. But I wasn't going to if it meant not getting married,' Nicky admitted honestly. 'And it doesn't really matter about the money because we're managing very well. Richard's father increased his allowance and sent us a fat cheque for a wedding present, so we're loaded.' She looked down and concentrated on washing the glasses. 'Although, ironically enough, I think the reason we pretended to use to get married might be true now.'

  'Sara stared at her in astonishment. 'What? You mean you think you're pregnant? But, Nicky, you've only been married a few weeks.'

  'Well, I'm not absolutely certain yet, but I think I could be,’ Nicky said blushingly. Then seeing Sara's shocked face, she said, 'It’s what we want, Sara. We decided straightaway that we'd like to have a family while we're young. It's quite intentional, I assure you.'

  Nicky sounded so serious and grown-up that Sara hardly recognised her, but there was an air of happy serenity about her sister that stilled many of her misgivings. Anyway there was nothing she could say, nothing she could do; Nicky belonged to someone else now and Sara had no hold over her any more. All she could manage was to extract a promise from Nicky that she would let her know when she herself knew positively one way or the other.

  They sat around and chatted for a while longer, but at eleven Sara rose. 'I must be getting along, Thank you for dinner.'

  Alex, too, got to his feet 'And so must I. Perhaps you wouldn't mind giving me a lift, Sara?' he added, a glint in his dark eyes because he knew she couldn't very well refuse.

  'Yes, of course,' she answered stiltedly, and they made all the conventional goodbyes.

  The landing was very dimly lit and Alex stopped her as she was about to precede him down the stairs. 'You'd better let me go first. You'll fall and break your neck in those high heels.'

  They got in the car and he seemed to fill it with his presence, hit broad shoulders turned slightly sideways so that he could watch her. Rather tremblingly she inserted the key in the ignition.

  'Would you like a cigarette?' he asked as she pulled away.

  'No, thanks. I never smoke while I'm driving.’

  "Very wise.' He lit one for himself and opened the window a little to let the smoke escape.

  Sara forced herself to keep calm and asked as steadily as she could, 'Are you going abroad for long?'

  'Two or three weeks. I have to go to France to follow up a possible contract and then on to West Germany.' A silence fell between them after that until he told her which direction to take to reach his flat. It was in an imposing-looking court in a quiet avenue off Baker Street.

  'Will you come up for a nightcap?' he asked as she drew up outside.

  'No, thanks. I'm rather tired.'

  'Still as big a coward as ever, Sara?' he asked softly.

  Slowly she turned her head to look at him. The light from the street lamp shone through the window, accentuating the angles of his face, deepening his jaw-line and hardening his mouth, giving him a cruel, satanic look. 'Yes, I suppose so, if that's what you want to think,' she answered after a moment. 'I haven't changed, if that's what you mean. I still want the same things out of life. They just don't happen to be the same things that you want, that's all.'

  "There's one thing that we both want,' he said with a harsh note creeping into his voice. 'Only you're too damned scared to let go of your inhibitions and find it out for yourself.'

  'Please! Can't we just leave it?' Sara's hands gripped hard on .the steering wheel, 'What's the point of going on? We both know it's a waste of time.'

  'Is it? You can't deny your feelings for me so easily, Sara. You may not be sure in that crazy, mixed-up head of yours just what they are; but you know darn well that they're there. I only have to touch yon and you go to pieces.'

  'That isn't true.'

  Isn't it?' He reached out and drew her towards him’ taking his time about it, letting her see the purposeful look in his eyes. His hand was burning hot as it travelled slowly up the material of her shirt, undoing the strings at the neck and sliding insi
de to caress her throat. 'Isn't it, Sara?' he asked again softly, his mouth only an inch or two away from her own.

  She forced herself not to respond, to hold herself rigidly in his arms as his lips met hers, gently, caressingly. His kisses became deeper and then almost cruel as she stayed frozen beneath the hot demands of his mouth. His hand strayed down to fondle her breast and she began td tremble violently. As he felt it, his lips became more passionate, more importuning, but she still refused to yield to him, her body stiff and unbending, her lips stubbornly cold beneath his.

  Alex let her go suddenly, his" eyes boring into hers. Then without a word he swung himself out of the car and slammed the door behind him before striding purposefully into the entrance of the apartment building.

  So it was over, finished. And now perhaps she could get back to being in control of her own life-style again, put Alex's disturbing memory out of her mind completely and just write him off as one of those experiences one has to go through in life. But it was a few days before she could bring herself to look at the whole episode objectively. Knowing him had taught her a lot; that she wasn't willing to sacrifice her career and her independence for marriage and security, and also that .she couldn't blithely enter into a cold-blooded sexual relationship. So just what did’ she want? she wondered wryly. A. man who would be warm and loving, but otherwise not make any demands on her time and her freedom, someone who stayed conveniently in the background? She smiled cynically to herself; that sounded more like a wife than a husband! And did she really want such a lukewarm affair when Alex had opened the door to show her what passion could hold? Gripping her bottom lip between her teeth, Sara tried to dull the aching desire that pulsed through her body. She had hoped that by exerting all her self-control when he had kissed her after dinner at Nicky's, she would have exorcised him for ever, proved to him that he no longer meant anything to her, and to herself that she didn't need marriage or any kind of sexual relationship to lead a happy and contented life.

  But it wasn't going to be an easy Job to forget him; she had tried in the last few weeks and had thought herself to be succeeding, then she had walked into Nicky's flat and it had all been for nothing. And he had known it, too, had been certain that a few kisses would make her give in completely, admit that he had mastered her. And it had taken an iron will-power to defy him, an effort that left her feeling drained and weak for days afterwards.

  Sara phoned Nicky a couple of weeks later to offer a return invitation to dinner, and one look at her sister's radiant face was enough to tell her that her news had been confirmed and she was going to be an aunt. Without Alex the atmosphere was far more relaxed, and over a meal that Sara had tactfully made sure wasn't too elaborate, Richard became more loquacious than she had ever known him.

  'After I've passed all my exams I'd quite like to take Nicky out to Africa to meet my parents, and I might even try to get a partnership out there,' he confided. 'It's a wonderful country, just great for kids.'

  'You must come out there and visit us if we do settle there, Sara,’ Nicky put in. 'That’s if you can spare the time from your work, of course,' she added without sarcasm.

  'Oh, I think I could manage it. It's not all work and no play, you know,' Sara returned lightly.

  And as if to prove to herself the truth of this statement, she took up the open invitations that -two or three men had given her and made dates to go to the theatre, concerts, night-clubs. .It was fun and she enjoyed the new places and new company, or so she told, herself very firmly. But when they kissed her goodnight or tried to take things further, she found that she just wasn't interested, there was nothing there. No touch to send her pulses racing, no spark to set her senses on fire and make her heart lurch within her.

  Telling herself that the others just happened to be incompatible, she accepted the invitation of a rich and handsome Canadian whom she met through the advertising agency, and for a while it seemed that he might make her forget. But one evening over dinner at a fashionable restaurant-it suddenly hit her that nothing was going to help—he was the wrong man, just as every man she would meet for the rest of her life would be -the wrong man! With shaking hands she set down the glass she was holding. 'I'm sorry, I don't feel very well. Will you take me home, please?'

  He was all concern and wanted to call a doctor as soon as they got to her flat, but she persuaded him that she'd be all right if left alone and presently he went away.

  Slowly Sara took off her dress and shoes and then lay on die bed for a long while just gazing at the ceiling. When the doorbell rang she thought it must be the Canadian returning to see if the she was all right so she pulled on a robe and went to answer it. The bell rang, again, imperatively. Almost automatically she glanced" at her watch; eleven o'clock. Surely he wouldn't come back at this hour? Putting on the chain, she gingerly opened the door a few inches. Her eyes flew wide in surprise; Alex was standing in the corridor, a grim, set look to his face.

  'Let me in, Sara. I have to talk to you.’

  'I—I thought you were abroad,' she stammered, her fingers still gripping the door.

  'I came back last weekend,’ he answered impatiently. 'Let me in, will you?' His eyes narrowed as he saw that she was partly undressed. 'Unless you've got someone in there, of course.'

  Sara's face Bushed and she quickly undid the chain and opened the door wide. There's no one here. Search the place if you don't believe me.'

  'Just thought you might be conducting another experiment in your search, for conjugal bliss/ he replied sardonically as he came in and shut the door behind him.

  Her face paled, leaving two bright spots of colour high on her cheeks. 'Why don't you just say what you came to say and then get out?' she snapped angrily.

  Alex ran a hand through his hair and said ruefully, I'm sorry, I hadn't meant it to start like this. I just can't seem to stop the sparks flying when I'm with you, can I?’ Without waiting for her to answer, he went on, 'I'm afraid I have some bad news. It's Nicky. She fell down the stairs at their place and has been taken to hospital. Richard phoned me and asked me to let you know.

  Aghast, Sara could only stare at him for a moment, then, 'How badly is she hurt?"

  'Pretty bad, I'm afraid. Richard said she was unconscious when he got to her and still hadn't recovered' when they reached the hospital.

  'I must get dressed, go to her.' Running into her bedroom, Sara blindly pulled on a skirt and jacket, pushing her feet into sandals before hurrying to rejoin him.

  They didn't speak again until they were in Alex's car and he was cutting his way surely through the late night traffic, driving as fast as he safely could:

  'How long ago did it happen?’ she asked anxiously.

  'Almost an hour, I should think. She'll' probably have come round by the time we get there/ he added consolingly.

  But when they hurried into the hospital casualty department with its drab, cream-painted walls and rows of uncomfortable seats, they found Richard still sitting dejectedly alone, his face tense and worried. He stood . . up when he saw them and said at once, They won't tell me anything. She's been in there for ages and I've asked everyone who's come out, but no one will tell me what's happening.'

  He was terribly upset, almost incoherent, so that Alex immediately went away to try and find someone in authority, while Sara took Richard's hand and persuaded him to sit down beside her.

  'How did it happen?' she asked him, knowing that he could think of nothing else and hoping that talking about it might help.

  'She was going down to put out the milk bottles and empty some rubbish. I would have done it myself, but I was studying and she didn't want to disturb me. Then she must have caught her heel in that worn stair carpet, because I found her shoe still there when I heard the crash and ran out to find out what had happened. She ' was so still, Sara, for a moment I thought she was… I thought she was…' His hand gripped hers convulsively. 'But then a girl came out of another bed-sitter and said she'd been a nurse. She felt Nicky's pulse and to
ld me to get an ambulance. But she didn't open her eyes or move, not once, all the way here.'

  Sara comforted him as best she could, but turned anxious eyes up to Alex when he came back some time later.

  'I managed to catch the Sister on duty,' he told them. 'Nicky's been taken down for X-rays and -now they're waiting for the results. They won't know anything for a while, but she's promised to come and tell us as soon as they do. So I suggest we go to the snack bar and have something strong and hot. You look as if you need it, old chap,' he said to Richard.

  'But I can't. They might come while we're not here,’ Richard answered fretfully.

  ‘I’ll stay. I'll come and find you straightaway if there's any news,' Sara told him, giving him a little push in Alex's direction.

  Taking him firmly by the elbow, Alex led him away, talking to him, reassuring him.

  Sara sat down again, by no means reassured herself, looking up expectantly whenever a nurse or white-coated doctor appeared through the anonymous swing doors, but none approached her. always going about their business or coming up to some other anxiously waiting relative. When the two men returned she could only shake her head, After a while,, at Alex's suggestion, she went to get herself a cup of coffee,, trying to drink it slowly to help the time to pass, but all the while wanting to gel back in case there Was any news. Putting down her empty cup, she rose to leave when Alex came into the room. The look on his face kept her frozen where she stood.

  'They've asked Richard's permission to operate,' he told her bluntly. 'Evidently she's broken some ribs and they think a bone may have pierced her lung. They also suspect some internal injuries.'

  The room, with its spartan tubular steel chairs and plastic-topped tables, started to spin. She swayed and Alex quickly caught her arm. 'Come on, Sara, bear up. You're tough enough to face this’

  'Am I?' she leant against him for a moment, then straightened and squared her shoulders. 'Yes, I suppose I am.' But there was a pallid look to her mouth as they walked back to rejoin Richard.