I’d definitely heard the phone ring the few nights I’d been here. “That’s cool. Is it hard raising him, though?”
“Extremely hard, especially, since he and I have been through so much together. I try to be there for him, but sometimes I feel there’s so little I can do. He’s a good kid, but he doesn’t do too well in school. He doesn’t admit it, but I know he uses drugs.”
“Maybe, it’s the company he keeps. You mentioned something about his best friend the other day, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, but Antonio had his issues long before he and Desmon met. They met a few years back when Desmon’s mom put him out. He stayed with us for a few weeks and they’ve been good friends ever since. I feel sorry for Desmon. His father’s in jail and his mother’s a whore. She and I have had a few words from time to time, but we try hard to be civil with each other because of the boys. Sadly, Desmon really doesn’t have much of a family.”
I tensed up at the things Anna said and couldn’t stand to know more. Again, I thought about what Ginger and I both had done to our son.
Since I remained quiet, Anna looked up at me and sighed. “So, are you going to stay with me for a while or go home?”
“I want to stay, but even though I’m a grown man, my sister still worries about me. I promised her when I moved here that I wouldn’t become a burden to her. I at least like to show my face every night. She was upset with me when I didn’t come home the other night.”
Anna smiled. I could tell she didn’t believe me. Hell, it was hard for me to believe. Anyway, I got out of bed, kissed Anna goodbye and told her I’d see her soon.
I’d guessed Ginger was still at the Casino. I went downstairs to see if Antonio and Desmon were still there. The thought of what went on while I was in jail frightened me, and I knew that when the truth came to light, all hell would break loose.
As I walked down the steps, I could smell the aroma of marijuana in the air. By the time I got downstairs, Antonio, Desmon and two more fellas, were passed out on the floor. I knew they were all fucked up as the empty beer cans proved to me that they were. Somewhat pissed, I quickly put Antonio’s keys on his key ring and tapped Desmon on his shoulder to wake him. He stretched his arms and squinted.
“What?” he said in a grouchy voice.
“Come upstairs for a minute.”
“Why? Can’t it wait until morning? I’m sleepy.”
“Just for a minute, au-ight?”
Desmon followed me upstairs and I took a seat at the kitchen table. He stood by the fridge, folding his arms. I was silent for a while and he let it be known again that he was tired.
“What’s up, Kiley? Man, I’m tired.”
I gave him a stern, yet serious look. “Are you happy with your life?”
He threw his hand back and hurried towards the steps to go back downstairs.
I put my arm in front of the door, blocking his exit. “No, wait. I’m serious,” I said.
“You couldn’t be.” He backed away from the door. “Man, it is almost five o’clock in the morning. I just got to bed and I’m tired. Right now, hell no I’m not happy. And, I ain’t gonna be happy if you don’t let me get no sleep.”
“You can get all the sleep you want in a minute. I…I just know your mother and I both have let you down and I want to make sure things get better between us.”
He shook his head from side to side. “Seriously, you got issues. I’m cool. I don’t need nobody, and as a matter of fact, I ain’t never needed nobody. Honestly, I don’t know what else you want me to say.”
My voice rose, and I didn’t intend to let my frustrations show. “Say that I fucked up! Tell me you would be different if I’d never gone to jail! Tell me you remember calling me Daddy and not no fucking Kiley! You gotta remember that Desmon. You have to remember how I was there for you before I went to jail. I’d come see you all the time and bring you your favorite ice cream. Chocolate. You use to enjoy being with me and I can’t believe you’ve forgotten about all of that.”
Desmon didn’t say a word. He walked over to the chair and pulled it back. He sat down and leaned in close to me, rubbing his hands together. “I vaguely remember being with you when I was little. However, I do remember the day my uncle Kareem was killed, and after that, I remember you hanging the phone up on me when I wanted to talk. For years, I asked my Mama what happened to you, why you stopped coming around and…and she said because you went to jail. Okay, fine, I thought. Take me to him, I asked, time and time again. I wanna see my Daddy. Even though he’s in jail, I still wanna see him. She said no. Yo Daddy said no. After awhile, I said fuck it. You became a part of my past and that’s where I want you to stay. Soon, Mama’s other boyfriend’s took on your role and I had plenty of Daddy’s. Many of which didn’t even compare to the Daddy I’d known, but I coped with it. So, man, I ain’t trying to be a thorn in your side, but I’m just telling you like it is. I know you got issues…”
His words stung, but I jumped on the defensive. “And you got issues too.”
“Maybe. But I’m gon handle mine. You make sure you handle yours.” Desmon stood up and walked back downstairs.
I took a deep breath, and after I sat in the kitchen thinking, I went to the bedroom. Things had to get better. There was no doubt in my mind that things definitely had to start looking up—and soon.
TIME TO COME CLEAN
Chapter Eight
For the next few weeks, things did get better. Desmon and me talked a bit more, I made it to his football games and I’d even let him drive my car when he’d asked. It was after the game and him and a few fellas wanted to parking-lot-pimp at a teenage club close by.
In addition to that, Anna and me continued to do our thing. I’d had sex with her almost everyday and her pussy had accustomed itself to me. For the first time, I felt like something was mine and nobody else. And as for my feelings for her, they were now beyond my control. I hated to continue to lie to her, but there was no other way. It was obvious that she didn’t have much respect for Desmon’s mother or father, and if she found out who I was, I knew she’d end it with me in a heartbeat.
The secrets and lies were killing me, though. Antonio had come home several times, and luckily, we were in her bedroom. She said that she wanted me to meet him, and I told her I just wasn’t ready to do that yet. When she asked why, I told her the timing wasn’t right and it would be inappropriate for her to introduce him to me so soon. She somewhat agreed, and for now, we were done with that issue.
My other problem was Ginger. She’d known I’d been seeing someone else and bugged the fuck out of me about it. She thought it was Jada, since Jada showed up the other day unannounced. Jada was pissed because she hadn’t heard from me since our encounter at the hotel, and she took it upon herself to come see me. I explained to Ginger that even if I were seeing somebody else, I would never disrespect her and allow Jada to come to her house. I did, however, give Jada my cell phone number so she could call me later, and she’d been blowing the damn phone up ever since. Her last message made it clear to me that if I didn’t call her back, she’d never call my Black ass again. I purposely didn’t call her back, just so she wouldn’t.
Ginger was going through her normal routine for the week, walking around the house mad. I was laid back in the living room with my feet propped up on the couch. She came in with an attitude.
“A white girl, Kiley? You have the nerve to play me off for a white bitch?”
“Ginger, what in the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about these strands of long straight hair that I keep finding on your damn clothes. You’ve made it clear that whoever the hell she is, that you’re not going to stop seeing her. If that’s the case, why don’t you go live with her so I can go back to what I did before you got here.”
I ignored Ginger. Got dressed and left. I’d let Desmon use my car since he was going to Homecoming tonight, so I took a walk through the neighborhood. Desmon said he was going to the mall to pick up hi
s tuxedo and promised to hurry back.
Instead of walking, I decided to jog. When somebody blew their horn at me, I turned and it was Desmon. I told him to go ahead on home and said I’d meet him there.
By the time I got there, it was a gang of young teenage girls close by Ginger’s front door. I hurried over to see what was going down, but before I could get to them, a serious fight broke out. The chicks were going at it like dudes, throwing punches, pulling hair and looking for any thing they could find to bust each other’s damn head. Since Desmon had already gone inside, I moved out of the way and let the girls shake off their frustrations with each other. Desmon and Ginger heard the ruckus and ran to the door. Ginger stood in the doorway, yelling that she was getting ready to call the police. And like me, Desmon stood there and watched. Soon, the place cleared, and after at least thirty to forty minutes had gone by, the police never showed.
“I hate this damn neighborhood,” Ginger yelled, as she continued to look out of the window for them. “Every time you call them bastards, they never show up.”
“Then, don’t waste your time,” I said. “You know they don’t give a fuck, so I don’t know why you even called.”
She barked at me as I sat on the couch. “Shut up talking to me. I’m still mad at your butt.”
“Be mad all you like, baby. I could care less.”
She rolled her eyes and walked away.
I went downstairs to see what Desmon’s tuxedo looked like. He’d been so excited about going to Homecoming and I really wanted everything to turn out well for him.
He stood in front of the mirror with his tuxedo on, checking himself out. I sat on the edge of his bed and he turned sideways in the mirror.
“So, what do you think? It look good, don’t it?” he asked.
“I can’t tell with the backwards baseball cap you got on. And the toothpick hanging out of your mouth don’t help either.”
He pulled his cap off, showing his flowing waves. I flashed back to Quincy, Kareem and me getting ready for our Homecoming dance in high school. It was a night to remember, and I sat smiling from my thoughts.
“Now, that’s better,” I said to Desmon. “You look nice…real nice.”
Knowing how handsome he looked, he strutted over to his closet and opened it. He reached for his wallet and looked inside. “Oops, I forgot. I ain’t got no money. Do you think you can help a brotha out?”
“You knew damn well you didn’t have no money. And, hell naw, I can’t help a brotha out.”
“Help your son out then. You don’t want me to go out without no money, do you?”
“Aw, so you my son now, huh?”
“I’m always your son. And I’m always gon be your son. So, help a brotha…I mean, your son out.”
I stood up and reached into my back pocket. I pulled out a fifty-dollar bill and reached out to give it to him. He looked at it, opened his mouth wide, and complained. “You kidding, right?”
“Hell, naw I ain’t kidding.”
“Man, what in the hell is that supposed to do for me?”
“It’s supposed to serve as an emergency. I assume you’re taking my car, right?”
He smiled. “Yeah. I was going to ask you about that too.”
“I’m sure you were. But, uh, my car is on full, so you don’t need gas. Make sure you eat before you leave, and if something urgent comes up, you got fifty whole dollars to work it out.”
He walked up to me. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Hell, yeah, I’m serious. If you knew you were going to Homecoming, then you should have prepared yourself for this day. You ain’t old enough to get a job, but you could have cut some grass, cleaned some gutters or something.”
“Ooo, Dad, now you know you ain’t right?”
I chuckled. “Aw, so, I done stepped up to Daddy level now?”
“You’ve always been my dad and you’re always gonna be my dad.”
“You are so full of shit, Desmon,” I said, reaching into my back pocket again. I pulled out four hundred dollars and gave it to him. He saw how much it was, and smiled after he took it from my hands.
“Now, that’s much better. I can take my lady for a nice dinner and take her to an extravagant hotel so we can fu—
I stopped him. “Watch it. You need to chill with that shit.”
“With what,” he said walking back over to the mirror to check himself out again.
“With all the females. Who’s the lucky girl tonight?”
He laughed and sat on the edge of the bed. “See, that’s a long story. And if I had time, I’d tell you. But all you need to know is that it’s not Gabrielle. You kind of messed that up for me.”
“You messed that up for yourself.”
“Maybe. But wait until you see Shannon.” He shook his head. “She is a dime piece plus a quarter. I mean when I say bad, I mean bad!”
I stood up and stretched. “I’m sure she is. Just make sure you protect yourself, though.” I reached into my back pocket, removing two condoms from my wallet. I dropped them on the bed in front of him. He looked at them and pursed his lips. I cleared my throat and he picked them up, laying them on his dresser.
“Don’t forget to put those in your wallet. I’ll see you in a minute,” I said, heading upstairs.
I got all the way up the steps, before I heard Desmon yell thanks. I yelled back at him, saying “any time”.
Surprisingly, Ginger ran around the house and tried to help Desmon get ready to go. She had her camera out and snapped many pictures of him and a few of me. For the first time, I felt proud. My son looked amazingly handsome and the smile on his face made me feel even better.
After he got ready, he drove to his date’s house to go get her. Ginger and me waited patiently in the living room for him to return and said very little to each other. When Desmon came back, he certainly didn’t lie. His date was so fine even I had to take a double look. She wore a royal blue strapless silk long dress with slits on the side, showing her thickness. Tiny diamonds lined the top of the dress and matched the diamonds she wore in her ears and on her bracelet. Her light brown skin was so smooth that she didn’t need much makeup and her hair was neatly combed into a roll with a few strands that dangled on the sides of her face. As for her eyes, they showed the excitement on her face to be with Desmon and were the same hazel color as his.
Ginger continued to snap her pictures, and when she told me to stand up with them, I could only smile. I asked Ginger to get in one of the pictures so I could take it, but I was interrupted by a bunch of yelling and cursing coming from outside. I walked over to the door to see who it was, and no sooner had I got there, shots fired, cracking the living room window.
“Get down,” I yelled, as glass shattered everywhere. Desmon, Shannon and Ginger dropped to the floor, expecting more bullets to follow. I crawled to my bedroom and got my glock from underneath the pillow. After I got it, I made sure everybody was okay and quickly opened the door. A burgundy car sped away with some of the chicks who’d been outside fighting earlier. One of them lay right in front of the doorway with bullet holes in her stomach. She looked up at me with tears flowing down the sides of her eyes. I kneeled down next to her.
“Help me,” she mumbled, as the words could barely come out of her mouth.
“Ginger!” I yelled. “Call the police! Better yet, give me the muthafucking phone!”
“Oh my God!” Ginger screamed while looking at the helpless girl in my arms. Ginger rushed to give me the phone and Desmon and Shannon stood close by in shock. Shannon cried on Desmon’s shoulder and he held her to comfort her.
When the dispatcher answered, I quickly tore into her. I told her what had happened, told her to have the paramedics hurry it the fuck up, and said if they didn’t, I was coming to get her ass for asking me so many questions.
Surprisingly, within minutes, the police and the paramedics arrived. By then, though, it was too late. The young lady that had been shot had already died. They covered her
with a white sheet and the police asked if anybody had seen anything. Ginger stepped outside and spoke to them, and I went back inside to check on Desmon and Shannon. I didn’t have much faith in the police doing a damn thing about it, so I wasn’t going to waste my time talking to them.
Shannon sat at the table with her face in her hands, as she continued to cry. Apparently, she’d known the young girl from school, and so did Desmon.
“I’m sick of this shit, man! They be fighting all the time. Over dumb shit too. It just don’t make no sense.”
“Why don’t y’all go ahead and leave? Try to enjoy yourselves. Ginger and me will see what’s up, but I don’t want this to hold y’all up.”
Shannon stood up and Desmon took her by the hand. After she went into the bathroom to clean herself up, they headed outside. Not able to look at the dead body, Shannon turned her head on Desmon’s shoulder. They made their way through the police cars, before making it to my car. Desmon honked the horn to let me know they were cool and then he left.
It was hours before shit started to settle down. When the young girl’s mother came home from work, it was a mess. She went ballistic and so did the rest of the family who later showed up. Thing is, I knew exactly what they were feeling. It took me back to the day I found Papa Abrams body and to the day Kareem was killed. Unable to watch everything go down, I went back inside and closed the door. If anything, the was a sign that I needed to get myself, as well as my son, away from this kind of environment.
Ginger left for work that night, and feeling the need to stress my concerns with someone, I called Rufus. It was late, but he sounded wide-awake.
“Killer, it’s me.”
“What’s up, man? Why you callin’? Is everything cool?”
“It’s au-ight. I…I just haven’t been feeling like myself these days, especially since Quincy was killed. You know what I mean.”
“I do. But, you know you my nigga, don’t you? And you know damn well you don’t have to go through that shit alone. Just move back to LA. Shit is going magnifico, I’m tellin’ you. Pack it up and get yo ass back here! How many times I gotta say it?”
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