No Justice No Peace

by Brenda Hampton

  “Don’t worry about the gas,” I said. “There’s enough in there already.”

  He smiled and shook his head. “That’s a shame. Y’all couldn’t wait until we got out of here to get ya freak on.”

  “Desmon, goodbye,” I yelled.

  They ran out laughing. And unfortunately, messed up my mood.

  By early evening, Anna and I got bored from being around the house so we caught the Metrolink to the movies. Anna knew I’d attempted to keep her inside because I wanted to protect her as much as I could. She insisted whatever was going to happen, would happen, and said there was nothing either of us could do if it did. I agreed, but the memory of the last time we went out together stuck with me.

  The movie was over about eight o’clock, so we stopped by Outback Steakhouse to get our grub on. After we ate, we headed back home. It was another beautiful evening, as the sun had gone down and the streets were filled with joggers, bikers and walkers. When we got inside the house, Desmon had left me a note on the table with my keys that said he and Antonio would be back later. He claimed they were going to a party and said he’d call me later if he didn’t make it in tonight.

  More than anything, I was glad that he was getting back to normal. Anna was right about him being strong, but a huge part of me already knew that.

  I was ready to have my discussion with Anna, so I waited until she came out of the bedroom from changing her clothes. I did what I knew best and rolled up and joint, then took a few hits from it. I’d set the marijuana aside for a bit, as I tried to set a good example for Desmon. But, I couldn’t resist the fact that it made me relax each and every time I felt under pressure.

  By the time Anna came in, I was sucking in the last tip of the joint. She didn’t say nothing to me, but rolled her eyes as if she was annoyed. I placed the tip in the ashtray, and then slid my hand down inside my pants and held my dick.

  “I was just thinking,” I said.

  “Hell, no!” she responded. “I’m not going to have sex with you every day, Kiley. My body will not allow me to do it so, I’m sorry.” She sat on the couch next to me.

  “Did I ask you for some sex?”

  “I assumed since you got your hand over your thing like that, you wanted—

  “Your assumption was incorrect. My thing just jumped when you came into the room and I had to calm it down.”

  “You’re so silly,” she laughed, and then, laid her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her and squeezed her thigh.

  “You got some small thighs,” I said. I then swayed my hand back to her butt. “But, a nice firm ass.”

  She snickered. “Thanks. But, I thought you said earlier you wanted to talk to me about something. You wouldn’t be beating around the bush, would you?”

  “Just a lil bit. But, I’m getting to it.”

  Anna waited for me to get to it, so I did.

  “Baby, I promised myself I wouldn’t keep nothing else from you. I wanted to let you know that in a few more weeks, some shit gone go down that’s gonna require me to move back to LA.”

  Anna had already lifted her head off my shoulder, before I could get another word out. “Kiley, don’t put yourself in harms way if you don’t have to. Just let what happened go. We’ll be okay.”

  “I’m afraid not. There are some rumors circulating and I have to remain on top of things. If I don’t, it’s gonna bring hella trouble for me.”

  “What’s about to go down?” I could tell she was getting upset by the frown on her face.

  “Look, don’t go getting all upset. I got this all worked out, and trust me, everything will be okay.”

  “You still haven’t said what’s going to go down.”

  “Basically, some people gon get hurt. Now, I’m not the one pulling the trigger, but…”

  Anna eased off the couch, throwing her hands in the air. “This is too much, Kiley. Do you realize how dangerous this game is that you’re playing?”

  “It’s not a game. How many times do I have to say if I don’t go after them, then they will come after me, you, Desmon or Antonio. I can’t let that happen.”

  “Who are you talking about—?

  “Dominique and Dwayne.”

  “Who in the hell is Dwayne?”

  “Jada’s husband.”

  Anna’s sat stone-faced and she gritted her teeth as she spoke. “You mean to tell me that you are going to have Jada’s husband killed? Why? So you can be with her? Are you that fucking jealous…”

  I grabbed her hand, as she stood in front of me. “Calm down. It ain’t even like that. Him and I had a some words and a physical altercation occurred.”

  “Over…let me guess, Jada? Right?”

  She was right, but I really didn’t want to tell her. “He thought me and Jada were together, but it wasn’t like that. I broke his arm, and from what I’m hearing, he’s been looking for me.”

  “Was this the day you fucked her, or have you been with her since then?”

  “You know I haven’t been with her since then. I thought you’d understand…”

  Anna lost it. “Well, you were wrong! I don’t understand none of this shit! You expect me to sit back and wait until you have your ex-freaking girlfriend’s husband killed, and then fly off into the night with you like you’re a damn prince charming! It doesn’t work like that Kiley! What about us! Why can’t we just live a normal and peaceful happy fucking life together!”

  I reached out to her again, but she snatched away. “We will be happy together, baby. Once all this mess is done with, we’re moving to LA. Rufus already got the hook up for us and you are going to love living in LA.”

  “Fuck Rufus! He’s an animal who doesn’t give a damn about the human life! I can tell that just by looking at him!”

  “You need to calm your ass down,” I said, getting angry myself. “Now, I was nice enough to tell you what’s going to happen. I didn’t have to tell you shit, but I did! The choice is yours, baby. Either you gon roll with me, or get left behind!”

  “What a stupid-ass ultimatum! I guess you’re going to give Desmon the same alternative, huh?”

  “Desmon ain’t got no choice. He’s coming with me no matter what.”

  She shook her head. “That’s so damn sad. You’re pathetic. I can’t believe you would put his life at stake because you’re too damn foolish to grow up.”

  I was so sick and tired of the dumb shit with females, and before I knew it, I smacked the shit out of Anna. She fell to the floor and held her cheek in disbelief. I kneeled down next to her, realizing that I had gone too far.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”

  She shoved me away. “Just get away from me. I hate what you’re doing to us and I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  “Please don’t make this hard for me. By asking me to stay, you’re asking me to stay here and die. I can’t do that, not even for you.”

  Ignoring her emotions, I stepped over Anna and headed towards my room.

  “You’ll be dead in less than a year,” she yelled. “If you move back to LA, you’ll be dead in a year!”

  I turned to her. “It’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

  I went into my room and closed the door. I sat on my love sack and propped up my feet on the footrest. I thought more than anything Anna would understand. I was sure Desmon would be the difficult one, but I guess I had my work cut out for me. I wasn’t going to change my mind, and again, whoever didn’t want to roll with me, then there wasn’t shit I could do.

  TIME TO GET THE SHOW ON THE ROAD

  Chapter Eighteen

  For the next few weeks, Rufus and me were on the phone twenty-four-seven. I hadn’t talked to Desmon about my plans, but I prepared myself to do so when he got home from school that day. I felt as if he’d already been through enough with Ginger’s death, so I wanted to wait for as long as I could to break the news to him about moving.

  As for Anna, she remained pissed. She hadn’t slept one night in bed wit
h me since then and she’d been away from the house quite often. I was hurt, but she didn’t realize that this was the nature of my business. She made me choose and I had to choose survival over her.

  When Desmon got home from school, I let him get settled, then knocked on his bedroom door that was already open. He looked up and bounced his head to the music he had playing on his IPOD. He had a black stocking cap on his head and his baseball cap was backwards. His white ribbed oversized long t-shirt was sparkling clean and he looked like a gangsta with his baggy jeans that hung low on his hips. He made a knocking sound with his mouth as he continued to move his head to the music. When he saw that I wanted to talk, he turned the music down and took the earpiece out.

  “I know you want to talk about something because I can tell it in your eyes. Can I do my sit-ups first, though?”

  “Yeah, come on. I’ll do’em with you.”

  I got on the floor next to Desmon and we both lay on our backs. He looked over at me.

  “Are you ready?” he asked.

  “Hold up,” I said, and then pulled my shirt over my head. “Now I’m ready.”

  Desmon pulled his shirt over his head too and then laid flat on his back. “I’m ready too. How many we gon do?”

  “Five hundred. First, we gon pull up to the right side, then to the middle, and then to the left side.”

  “Cool,” he said, looking over at me. “You ready?”

  “Yep.”

  We started our sit-ups and did them at the same rhythm. I was amazed at how well Desmon was in shape and he was able to keep up with me until we reached two hundred and twenty-five. He slowed up a bit and I slowed down with him.

  “Come on,” I said, straining not one bit. “Work them abs.”

  “How do you do this?” he strained. He slowed down even more and then laid flat on his back. “I can’t do no more. That’s it for me.”

  I laid back and we both took quick short breaths in and out. Sweat dripped from our bodies, and even though I felt good about being in better shape than he was, I kept the gloating to myself.

  “So, what you want to talk about,” he asked while still on his back.

  “About moving.”

  He looked over at me. “Moving where?”

  “Back to my hometown, LA.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah, man. Things getting kind of heated around here. I think it’s time that I…we made a move.”

  “What you mean by heated? Everything been going cool, ain’t it?”

  “So far. But some things are about to transpire soon. I had some issues with the brothas who jumped on me at the racetrack.”

  “How you got issues with them and they dead?”

  “Well, one of them survived. Besides, your daddy ain’t well liked in the Lou.”

  “What about school? What I’m gon do about school?”

  “You can go to school in LA. You only got a month left before the end of the year and I want you to see if you can take your finals a lil early.”

  “Umm…maybe. But, uh, what about Anna? Have you told her yet?”

  “Yes. If you haven’t noticed, that’s why she ain’t been talking to me.”

  “So, what you gon do?”

  “I ain’t gon do nothing. If she don’t want to go then I ain’t got no choice but to leave her. I…we gotta get out of here.”

  “I’ll talk to her.”

  “So, does that mean you don’t have a problem with leaving?”

  “Hell, naw. I would love to move to LA. I just won’t see my Gabrielle anymore, but too bad.”

  “What about Antonio?”

  “If Anna go, he’ll go. She’ll change her mind.”

  “I wouldn’t count on it. Something tells me that she’s already made up her mind.”

  “Like I said, I'm going. I don’t care who else go, but I’m going.”

  I held my hand out for Desmon’s and he slammed his hand against mine. I was now more than relieved and my move was officially confirmed.

  Anna had been listening closely in to my conversations with Rufus. She knew more than anybody that the big hit was expected to go down in less than 72 hours. Rufus and his connections were already at a hotel in the Lou setting shit up. We’d planned to stay as far away from each other as possible. I attempted not to see him and he made no attempts to see me.

  I’d ended my call with him and was lying on the bed thinking about the long drive I had ahead of me. I’d already pretty much cleared out the house and gave most of my belongings to Michelle’s mom who had asked for just about everything.

  The other day, Desmon pleaded with Anna to go. He tried to explain to her how happy we’d all be together, but she just wouldn’t listen. When she raised her voice at him, I got pissed and she got even more pissed at me for yelling at her again. She’d made many threats about leaving, but it wasn’t until she stood in front of me with her bags packed that I actually believed her.

  “I think I got everything,” she said, as she leaned against the wall in my room. “In the meantime, if there is anything I can do to stop you from doing this, please let me know. I’m dying to stop this whole damn charade—

  I shrugged. “Face it, baby, it’s a done deal. Now, you need to stop getting upset and accept this situation for what it is. Time is running out and if you’re going to leave me, then you need to go ahead and leave me now.”

  She walked up to me and looked so beautiful that I had to turn my head away. “Would you please just listen to me for one damn time? Call whatever it is off with Rufus. Tell him you don’t want no part of it, and let’s just move further away from everybody.”

  “Have you not listened to anything I’ve said, Anna?”

  “But, you’re wrong, Kiley. You’re going about this the wrong way. Don’t you see?”

  “Yes. I see that you need to get yourself together. I’m not will to change my mind, au-ight!”

  She turned my face to look at her. “Do you love me?” I didn’t respond and she yelled it again.

  “Yes, I love you! But, what does that have to do with anything?”

  “Then you owe it to us to do the right thing.”

  I grabbed her shoulders. “I'm gon say this one more time. I’m not changing my mind! I love you and I plan to do my best to protect you. If you don’t want me to, then leave! I can make it without you! Trust me, I can.”

  She stepped backwards and took a hard swallow. She picked up her suitcase and made her way to the door. I made my way to the window and looked out.

  “If you won’t change your mind for me, then how about for us?” she pleaded.

  I kept quiet for a moment, then responded. “No, baby. Not even for us.”

  After that, she left. I heard the front door slam hard and felt no need to go after her. To me, life was about making choices. Some good, some bad and some ugly. I hated more than anything that the relationship between us had to end the way it did.

  Rufus called for the last time and all he said was for me to tune in to the news. I’d been on a drinking and smoking blunts binge since Anna left me, so I was a bit messed up by the time the news reporter came in with breaking news. There appeared to be two explosions. One on the city’s Northside of St. Louis and the other on the Southside. According to the news reporter, the police said that both incidents were somehow related and more than eleven to fifteen people had been killed. Bottom line, when so many Black men were involved, it had to be drug related. The news reporter used words like: the worst crime ever, deadly attacks, never seen anything like it. Basically, you’d of thought St. Louis was at war. Then again, I guess we were. I knew if I didn’t hurry up and get the fuck out of here, a war would surely follow.

  As I continued to gaze at the TV, it was obvious that Rufus and his connections tore up some shit. Fires burned everywhere and when they started to show the faces of some of those who had been killed, the first face they showed was Dominique. The police referred to him as a long time drug lord that had corrupted
the streets of the city for many many years. They talked about the large amounts of drugs and money found and showed faces of his many accomplices. When they showed Dwayne’s face, they announced him as being deceased as well. I wasn’t sure if they had the facts straight or not, but the news reporter made it out to be gang related, drug related, thug related, and anything else they could find to downgrade Black men even more. The people they interviewed on the TV didn’t help the situation either. They couldn’t even talk right and had no vital information to assist the police in determining who was responsible.

  Desmon knew I was under a lot of pressure so he stayed in his room and watched the news from there. He’d watch me go through my hurt from Anna leaving me, and he knew that even though I didn’t want to be a part of what went down, I was basically left with no choice. Especially since these fools had plotted against my life. He walked into the living room as I continued to flip through the channels.

  “So, I see you’ve been tuned in already,” he said.

  “Yeah. I’m sorry that you gotta see all of this.”

  “No need to apologize. I just be glad when it’s all over with.”

  I looked up at him. “You ‘bout ready?”

  “Naw, the question is, are you ready?”

  “I’m as ready as I’m gon ever be.”

  “Au-ight then, let’s go.”

  Since our bags were already packed and in the car, I got up and we left the house. We got into the car and a slight bit paranoid; I hesitated to turn the ignition. When I did, everything was cool. I knew my days of paranoia would last for some time, but once my mind got settled, I expected to be back to normal soon.

  Hungry from all the blunts I’d smoked, I asked Desmon if he wanted to stop for something to eat. He said that was cool with him so we stopped at a nearby waffle joint to get our grub on.

  At this point, I guess I was happy. I was happy to have my son with me for the rest of my life and it really couldn’t get any better than that. I wished like hell Anna had changed her mind about coming with me because that would have made my life so much more complete. No doubt, she was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I hated to lose her the way I did, but I knew more than anything that nothing in life is ever promised.