A Date with Fate
Page 12
“Agreed,” said Rhi, wiping her eyes.
“Definitely,” said Polly.
If I don’t say something now, I may never say it, Eve thought as everyone moved together in a big group hug.
Like Lila, she had just realized a crucial truth.
Life was too short not to live the life she wanted.
It was time to be honest about who she really was.
TWENTY-TWO
“I have something I want to say to all of you,” said Eve.
“You look scared,” said Lila, looking at Eve in surprise. “I didn’t think you ever got scared, Eve.”
Keep going, Eve thought to herself. She swallowed hard. “I have been having a few . . . problems lately,” she said, fumbling for the words. “Facing things. About myself.”
Her friends were listening now. Eve felt more scared than ever.
“What Lila said about being honest with each other,” she hurried on. “I want to be honest with you. You’ve probably noticed I’ve been kind of . . . angry lately. Preoccupied. Remember when you saw me a few weeks ago coming out of Ms Andrews’ office, Rhi?”
Polly started at the mention of her mother’s partner.
Rhi nodded. “I remember,” she said. “What about it?”
Eve ploughed on. “I’d been talking to her about something personal. Something that had been troubling me for a while.”
“Go on,” said Polly encouragingly.
Eve felt like she was beside Ryan, jumping off that terrible cliff. It was a long way down. There was no way of knowing if she’d come up again.
“I think I might be gay,” she blurted out.
Lila’s mouth fell open.
“What?” said Rhi in astonishment.
“I might not be,” Eve hurried on. “My feelings are all over the place at the moment, to be honest. But I have . . . these dreams, and I don’t seem to have much luck with boys, not long-term. And then Caitlin came along. You saw me kiss her. I enjoyed it. More than I’ve ever enjoyed kissing boys. And I’ve kissed a lot of boys,” she added, a little wryly.
“You’re telling me,” Lila said, recovering. “Wow, Eve. This is big.”
I won’t cry, Eve thought in determination. “Like I say, I might not be,” she said lamely. “But I think that I probably am.”
She stood there, wringing her hands and watching her friends’ faces. What would they think? Had she just made the biggest mistake of her life?
“Wow,” Lila said again.
“Well,” said Polly firmly, “I think it’s great. Well done, Eve. I’m so glad you told us.”
It was taking Eve a lot of effort to hold it together. “You are?” she whispered, flushing. “You don’t think it’s weird?”
“I’m hardly going to,” said Polly, grinning. “Am I?”
Eve felt Polly’s arms come around her and squeeze her tightly.
“That was really brave,” Polly said, releasing her. She looked at the others. “Don’t you think that was brave, guys?”
“I don’t know what to think,” Lila said weakly.
Eve realized that Rhi was glaring at her.
“Typical Eve,” she said, her eyes sparking with anger. “Making Ryan’s death all about you.”
Eve flinched. “I didn’t mean it that way,” she said, feeling a little horrified.
Rhi turned to the others. “Can’t you see what she’s doing?” she demanded. “She can’t bear not being the centre of attention. You stole my boyfriend, Eve, and yet somehow now you’re telling me you’re gay as if that excuses you for everything you’ve ever done? You’ve done some low things in your time, but this is the lowest!”
She hurried away, her arms wrapped tightly around herself and her head down.
“Rhi!” Eve called hopelessly. “Come back! Talk to me!”
But Rhi didn’t look round.
It isn’t supposed to be this way! Eve wanted to shout after her former best friend. I didn’t choose to feel like this!
She felt a hand on her arm.
“Rhi will get used to the idea,” Polly said. “Give her time.”
Lila still hadn’t said anything other than “Wow”. Now she was staring at her feet, twisting the toe of her shoe into the sand.
Eve suddenly wanted to be by herself.
“You two should go after Rhi,” she said.
“What about you?” said Polly in surprise.
Eve started walking towards the pier. “I want to be by myself,” she said over her shoulder.
She didn’t look back until she had reached the sea wall. Rhi and Polly were already specks in the distance. Eve shivered, and rubbed at her arms. The wind was bitter.
You’ve said it now, she thought. And it can’t be unsaid.
How did she feel? Alone, that was for sure. Lighter, maybe. Even with Rhi reacting the way she had, and Lila not looking at her. . . Yes. Lighter was the word. It was as if she had been carrying something heavy on her back for weeks. Months. And now she’d put it down.
Eve rested her back against the sea wall and gazed away from the sea towards the town. Heartside Bay looked just as it always did. Rooftops huddled together along the curving shoreline. Boats bobbing in the harbour, gulls wheeling through the sky with their harsh screams. And yet it was completely different too.
She had never realized how much she was hurting herself by keeping her feelings a secret. Even from herself. The relief was indescribable.
Someone was coming towards her across the beach. With a shock of recognition, Eve saw that it was Caitlin.
“Hey,” said Caitlin, coming to a halt in front of her. “Are you OK? Polly just sent me a text.”
Eve wrapped her arms more tightly around herself. “What did she say?”
Caitlin’s smile was blinding. “That you just did the deed and came out. And that you probably needed a friend right now.”
Eve pulled a face. “I just told my friends to get lost,” she said.
“Are you going to tell me to do the same?” Caitlin enquired.
“Of course not,” Eve said, smiling slightly. “You’re one of just two people I know in the entire world who understands what this feels like.”
Caitlin gave her a hug. “I’m so proud of you,” she said warmly. “I know exactly how difficult that must have been.”
Eve clung to Caitlin gratefully. “I feel pretty alone right now,” she confessed, pulling back. “Do you promise this gets better?”
“Of course it does,” said Caitlin, rubbing her back. “Your friends will come round to the idea. And if they don’t, they aren’t really your friends at all. Are they?”
Even though Eve felt as vulnerable as a crab without its shell, she took comfort from Caitlin’s words. Friendship wasn’t friendship if it didn’t accept all of you, exactly as you were, warts and all.
She turned her face to the wind, feeling the spray on her cheeks, and thought of Ryan.
I’m still here, she thought gratefully. I hope I never forget how lucky I am.
Life, she knew, would never be the same again.
With many thanks to Lucy Courtenay and Sara Grant
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First published in the UK by Scholastic Ltd, 2014
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