by Howe, Violet
“I definitely don’t want you to call me that again, but I’m more concerned about what you’ve been thinking about me.”
“What I’ve been thinking about you is that I love you and I intend to spend the rest of my life with you. You mean the world to me. But now that you’ve told me you’re not wearing any panties, my thoughts have taken a decidedly different turn. Can we get back to that part of the conversation please? I’d like to hear more.”
I was no longer sure whether I had cause to be angry. “So, you really didn’t call me that because of the song?”
“Nope.”
“And it really wasn’t a dig at me?”
“No ma’am. It was because I was digging ya, but not digging at ya.”
I paused for a long moment, trying to figure out what to say next. I’d gotten all worked up with my adrenaline pumping, and to find out he wasn’t guilty just took the wind out of my sails. What a sad statement on my current stress levels to realize I was actually excited to be able to yell at someone.
My job doesn’t allow me to yell at anyone no matter how much they frustrate me. I can’t yell at my mother even though she drives me bat-shit crazy because then she just turns it around on me and makes me feel guilty. So I’d just yelled at the only person safe enough for me to unleash upon. And it turns out he wasn’t even guilty.
“I’m sorry, baby. You know I’m on edge right now. I don’t mean to keep taking it out on you.”
“Apology accepted and situation understood. I know you’re under a lot of pressure. Now, about those panties…”
I laughed. “I gotta go. Get back to work and we’ll discuss my lingerie later.”
“Or lack thereof?”
I smiled again, thankful for him. My calm amid the storm.
Thursday, October 16th
I’d been dreading the call all day, flinching when the phone rang and getting sweaty palms when I picked it up to see who it was. I was surprised I didn’t hear from her last night since Carrie said she was going over there after she got off work.
When she hadn’t called by lunchtime, I relaxed a bit, figuring maybe my sister hadn’t had time to talk to her yet and I was in the clear. For today at least.
Wrong.
She jumped right into it without even saying hello.
“Carrie says you don’t want to use silk flowers in your centerpieces.”
“That’s right.” I swallowed hard and strummed my fingers on my desk. Funny how your mother’s tone of voice can make you feel like you’re in trouble no matter how old you are.
“Well, why didn’t you say so? Pearl and I have been spending every evening in that carport making centerpieces, and now you tell your sister you don’t even want them.”
“I tried to say something! I told you the day you were at the store that I didn’t want silk flowers, and I’ve told you several times since then.”
“We were only trying to help you, but I guess you don’t need us. You’ve got Ms. Pahfohming Ahts Centah to help you now.” Her thick accent went nasal as she mocked Maggie’s job and took it in a direction I’d really hoped to avoid.
“It’s not like that. Maggie offered to pay because she wants to help with her child’s wedding just like you offered to make them because you wanted to help your child.”
“I don’t have the money to buy you fresh flowers, Tyler. Your sweet daddy, Lord bless his soul, didn’t leave me much beyond this land and this house, which is falling down around my ears. I’ve got your brother in college—”
“Mama, I know all that. I haven’t asked you to spend a dime. I don’t understand why you can’t see this is actually easier on you and less stress for both of us. This lady will come in and do all the work. You and Aunt Pearl can just enjoy the day. If Maggie wants to do this as her gift, why should that bother you? You should be happy someone wants to do something nice for your daughter.”
“Fine. I’ll tell your aunt Pearl you don’t need her help.”
I rolled my eyes—grateful she couldn’t see me—and propped my forehead in my hand. “What about the favors? I asked you and Aunt Pearl to work on favors.”
“We can just do Jordan almonds.”
Is there a possibility my phone translates my voice into another language when we talk? Because I feel like she’s not hearing anything I’m saying.
“I don’t want Jordan almonds, Mama. We talked about coming up with something clever. Useful. Maybe something that reflects our family or something.”
“That sounds like a lot of trouble.”
Says the woman who’s been spending her evenings spray painting baskets and cutting stems off silk flowers and carefully gluing them into place.
“Okay, then don’t worry about the favors. I’ll come up with something.” I took a swig of my coffee, which I immediately regretted since it was room temperature. Blech.
“No, that’s alright. Me and Pearl will come up with favors. I’ll send you a picture right off the bat this time, though. I ain’t wasting all that time again only to have you say you don’t want it.”
“That’s great. That way we can be on the same page. Now, just so we’re clear—I’m calling Sandy today and asking her to do my flowers? Right? You’re not going to keep making centerpieces or go by a whole bunch of crap and then get upset when someone shows up the day of the wedding with flowers, right?”
“You need to watch your language. I gotta go get ready for bingo.”
I called Sandy as soon as we hung up and introduced myself. I explained what I had in mind and asked if she’d be able to make it happen on such short notice. She sang Maggie’s praises and asked about Cabe, assuring me she’d do whatever it took to make it work. We set up a phone appointment next week to go over details.
It’s too early to feel relieved. I need to see a proposal in my hand. I need to know it’s not going to cost Maggie a fortune. I need to be sure Mama isn’t going to make me suffer for this the rest of my life if I hire Sandy. I need to know Sandy can deliver in less than a month. What she delivers, I’m not as concerned about. I trust Maggie’s judgment when she says Sandy is talented. I mean, undoubtedly whatever she comes up with will be better than rainbow silks in white wicker.
Friday, October 17th
I couldn’t focus on my rehearsal tonight for the life of me. My concentration level has been crap lately anyway. My brain is fried and my body is shuffling around in zombie mode. I called tonight’s bride by next weekend’s name, and I forgot they were Jewish until we’d already done the entire rehearsal before I realized the rabbi was still in the bathroom.
Luckily, they were a rowdy group, so they actually apologized to me a few times for not paying attention and throwing me off my game, but it wasn’t them who had me frazzled.
Cabe went out with Jeffrey tonight.
They’ve been talking on the phone every few days since we had dinner together, and I’ve been amazed at how receptive Cabe’s been. They’ve discovered they have an eerie amount of things in common. Not like those twins separated at birth who come together years later and find they’ve lived parallel lives, but too many similarities to be coincidental.
It’s been cathartic and confusing for him. He harbored a lifetime of bitterness toward Jeffrey, but the man he’s met is nothing like the person he hated. Their mutual disdain and disappointment in their father has certainly made it easier for them to bond, but I think they genuinely enjoy each other’s company in conversation.
I’d been pleased that it was going so well, even though I admit I was sort of holding my breath when it first started, worried Cabe was going to get hurt or sent spiraling into another funk.
When he told me he’d invited Jeffrey to come down and spend the day on Bill’s boat with him, I was more than a little apprehensive. It’s one thing to talk to someone from a comfortable distance on a phone. It’s another thing entirely to be stuck out to sea with them for eight hours. Just two men who happened to hate each other their entire lives. Yeah. Nothing bad cou
ld happen there.
He planned to pick Jeffrey up at the airport while I was at my rehearsal, then the two of them would go to dinner and meet me back at the house.
I felt like time crawled in reverse all night. I wondered where they went to eat. What they were discussing. How it was going. If Cabe regretted inviting him. If Jeffrey felt uneasy about heading out on a boat tomorrow with a half-brother who’d resented him his whole life. I really need to stop watching real-life crime shows on TV.
They weren’t home when I got there, and Cabe didn’t answer my text right away. I was pacing on pins and needles when my phone finally buzzed.
“Leaving the pub now. See you soon. Want ice cream?”
I responded that I didn’t, but then said screw it and texted him again requesting mint chocolate chip. Stressful situations call for desperate measures. I don’t have another dress fitting for two more weeks. I have time to work it off.
They came busting in the door together, laughing and talking at the same time. Their resemblance so uncanny that it blew my mind again. I couldn’t stop staring at Jeffrey, even though I knew what to expect this time.
“Where’d you guys end up?”
“Raglan Road,” Cabe answered, launching into a story about the band and the crowd. They shared parts of the story, and I marveled at their comfort level, so far removed from the stilted conversation at our last dinner where Cabe kept his body turned in the direction of escape and didn’t utter a word without gritted teeth.
He looked happy tonight, though. Relaxed and at ease. I hoped with everything in me that Jeffrey was what he appeared to be. If he had an ulterior motive, or if he was out to hurt Cabe in some way, I’d never forgive myself for encouraging Cabe to entertain the idea of engaging with him.
I suppose there was no way to tell except time. I needed to trust Cabe’s judgment. Although that wouldn’t stop me from being on the lookout for any sign Jeffrey was evil incarnate.
“Tyler, thank you so much for welcoming me into your home,” Jeffrey said as I showed him our guest room and pointed out the location of the towels and extra toothpaste.
“Oh, of course. You’re welcome any time,” I said, biting my tongue to keep from adding “as long as you don’t try to screw over my fiancé.”
I couldn’t bite my tongue once Cabe and I were alone, though. “Things seem to be moving fast,” I said as he pulled me into a spoon cuddle when we’d turned out the lights.
“Yeah, I guess. It’s strange. I feel like I’ve known him for so much longer, you know?”
“Take your time, though. Be cautious.”
Cabe chuckled, his breath warm against the back of my neck as he pulled my hair up and out of his face. “Are you worried about Jeffrey and I taking our relationship to the next level?”
I elbowed him in the ribs. “I’m serious. I’m happy you guys are getting along and I think it’s cool that you click with him. But I’m just wary of your family after all that’s happened.”
He leaned over my shoulder and looked at me in the moonlight from the windows. “You’re the one who told me to call him back. Who encouraged me to go to dinner with him in the first place.”
I flipped onto my back. “I know that. I still think it’s a good idea for you to get to know each other. Especially if it helps you both move forward and let go of the past. I just don’t want to see you be hurt or disappointed, that’s all.”
He traced one finger down the side of my face and along my neck, curving across my shoulder as tiny shivers moved over me. “I appreciate your concern, and I love that you want to protect me. I think I can take care of myself, though. You still worried about the boat? Still thinking one of us is going to knock the other one overboard?” He laughed again and I elbowed him harder.
“Don’t laugh at me. Just promise me you’ll be careful. That you’ll be aware of your surroundings.”
“Ty, I have to do that any time I’m on a boat. I really don’t think Jeffrey is a maniacal killer, but if it makes you feel better, Dean’s coming with us.”
Wind rushed from my lungs and my chest released its tension. “Really? Oh my gosh. That’s awesome.”
Cabe raised up on one elbow and looked down at me. “You’re serious! You really think I’m in danger? From Jeffrey? Damn, Ty. You’ve got to stop binge-watching true crime shows.”
“I know, I know. It’s just that I can’t sleep lately with my brain going ninety miles an hour, and I hate keeping you up tossing and turning. So I go to the couch and watch until I fall asleep.”
He kissed my forehead and settled himself back into our cuddle. “Probably not the wisest choice of programming for lullaby, babe. Just keep counting down. It won’t be long until October and all its crazy weddings are done, and then November and our crazy wedding’s done, and then we’ll be chilling in a bungalow on the side of a mountain in Costa Rica.”
“Mmm. That sounds incredible. I can’t wait.” I hugged his arm around my waist and snuggled further back into his embrace, praying sleep would come and that he would be alright tomorrow.
Sunday, October 19th
They both survived. They were sunburned and had a bit of a hangover, but they got up this morning recounting tales of the fish they caught and the ones that got away. The three of us went out to breakfast together and then we drove Jeffrey to the airport and said goodbye.
He and Cabe did the man-hug thing and then Jeffrey gave me a huge hug and thanked me again for the hospitality. “I told Cabe the two of you need to come up and stay with me some weekend soon. We have a place right on the beach.”
I immediately turned to Cabe, worried the reference to Jeffrey’s life back home might set him off. He seemed perfectly at ease, though. Smiling and hugging me close to his side.
We had just come back in the house and let Deacon outside when my phone rang.
“It’s Mama,” I groaned. “I don’t even want to answer it. I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation with her without it ending in one of us shouting or crying. Do you think I could just not talk to her again before the wedding?”
“Sure,” Cabe said. “Just don’t answer the phone.”
“She’ll just keep calling. Over and over and over again until I answer.”
I sighed and clicked accept call, knowing it was inevitable.
“Honey, you are not going to believe what I found. Target has these snowmen made out of white metal. They have black hats and orange noses—you know, like a carrot? You plug ‘em in and they light up and the snowman waves his arm back and forth.”
“Okay.” I had no idea why this pertained to me.
“I was thinking we could buy some of those and put them around the fellowship hall. You know, for your winter theme? They’re cute as a button, and we could return ‘em and get our money back after the wedding.”
“Um, no.”
“What do you mean no? You haven’t even seen them.”
I swear I get a headache every time I am on the phone with her now. It’s like Pavlov’s dog but with pain. “I don’t have to see them to know that I don’t want light-up snowmen at my reception.”
“But you said a winter theme. Oh, and before I forget to tell you, I bought the most beautiful memorial candles for Grandma, Grandpa, Granny, and Pa Pat. Then I found this photo frame for your daddy, Lord bless his soul, and it has a beautiful quote on the left side, and then there’s a candleholder on the other side of the frame. It only holds a taper candle, so I didn’t buy one of the memorial pillars for him.”
I stopped in my tracks, halfway down the hallway. “We never discussed this. I never asked for that. I don’t want that.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“I don’t want that. I don’t want a graveyard set up at my wedding.”
She laughed. “It ain’t a graveyard, baby girl, it’s a memorial. It’s remembering those who have left us.”
“I understand what it is. I see it all the time, and I don’t want it.”
She stopped laughing. “But it’s a way to have your grandparents and your dear sweet daddy at your wedding. Lord bless his soul.”
“I know what it is, but I don’t want it. I’m fully aware that I’ve lost my grandparents and my father. I don’t choose to be reminded of that on my wedding day.”
“Honey, don’t be upset. It’s for everybody else, really. Just to show they’re not forgotten.”
“How on earth could they be forgotten? Do you think I somehow won’t know that Daddy isn’t walking me down the aisle if there’s not a picture of him sitting there?”
She paused for a moment, and I gritted my teeth together. This was one issue I was not willing to back down on.
“I think you have to think about what your daddy would have wanted, sugar.”
“Daddy would have wanted to walk me down the aisle, Mama. There’s no doubt in my mind about that. He will be in my heart every step of the way. But I do not want to look over at any point and time and see an entire table lit up with the people I love who have died and can’t be at my wedding. It’s morbid, and it’s depressing, and I don’t want it.”
She sighed. “It’s not morbid. It’s a beautiful way to remember them and honor their memories.”
“There’s other ways to honor their memory. This is a day of celebration and of moving forward. I understand that for some people, it’s comforting to have those reminders there. Or maybe they feel like they’re showing respect or something. I’ll be happy to visit their graves and leave fresh flowers. I’ll be happy to leave some arrangements in their name at the church, and I never, ever, ever forget to acknowledge their presence and send my love out to the universe. But I’m telling you that if I look up and see a table like that, I am going to lose it.”
“But don’t you want to include your daddy? You’re the only one of his daughters to have a proper wedding. It’s not fair to exclude him from it.”