A Billy or a Dan, or an Old Tin Can

by Paul Kelly

  “She’s very much better and I admire the way she is able to contain her grief, Sadie ... better than I can do and Charlie was not my ...” Tom couldn’t finish the sentence. “I know she still cries in the night for him and I’m pleased that she can do that, even if I worry for her and wish this thing had never happened. You see, I can’t see the God that Mary can see and I can’t understand why all this had to be ...as Mary says it is God’s will. I just can’t understand it, Sadie. We all miss your brother terribly and I worry for Willie. He’s living in a world of his own.”

  “Tom I can’t come home with you. I really can’t. Robert couldn’t survive without me”, she said as she cuddled Fiona on her knee.

  “What about you Sadie? He may not be able to live without you now, but if he carries on the way he’s doing, he will lose you in time. No man should treat a woman like the way he treats you and then in the same breath, tell you that he loves you. I don’t believe it Sadie. I just don’t believe it.”

  Sadie looked as though she had joined Willie in his other world, as she sighed wearily.

  “I wish I wish,” she said and kissed her baby. “I wish Robert would tell me just once that he loved me, Tom. You and Mammy are lucky. You are both good people, but some people don’t have your qualities of life and they shouldn’t be written off should they?”

  Tom marvelled at Sadie’s philosophy and how she had matured mentally since she had gone to live with Robert Wells and he marvelled even more at the thought of Mary’s first husband, Willie Blair. He must have been quite a man to have had such children as he had. He tried to persuade Sadie to change her mind, almost wishing he could just drive on until he arrived home and not give her the chance to get out of the car, but he knew that would be in vain. He drove round again and left Sadie near her own address and drove back as quickly as he could to Mary.

  “Your coffee is stone cold, Tom Carey. I’ll make you a fresh cup. Did you get what you went for at the shop?”

  “What? What did you say Mary?”

  “The important stuff you left at the shop ... Isn’t it important any more?”

  Tom did not answer. He sat down heavily in the chair by the fireside. He was confused.

  “Tom I’m talking to you...”

  “Sorry Love. What did you say? I was miles away there.”

  “Never mind I know how busy you are. Here, drink this fresh cup of coffee and I’ll have another with you.”

  ***

  The following day, as he was on his way to the shop, Tom took the note book from the glove compartment of his car and studied the address he had written there. “Sherlock Street ... Sherlock Street ...” he repeated to himself but he didn’t know the number of the house, nor the name of the people who lived there.

  Taking a chance, he went there and waited for a long time. Sadie had no idea he was coming to see her, but eventually his patience and persistence paid off and she appeared from the house; headscarf in place and looking more cowered than usual. Tom sighed.

  She had Fiona with her. He left the car and walked towards them and Sadie was obviously surprised to see him as she pulled her headscarf more closely around her face.

  “Sadie ... Sadie, I can’t go on deceiving Mary in this way. You know how I love her and I love you too, but I must tell her about you .... I must, Sadie.”

  Sadie lowered her eyes and stood still, clutching Fiona firmly by the hand and the little girl smiled up at Tom.

  “Alright Tom ...Can you drive me to see her now? I mean, I know you have a shop to run and I shouldn’t ask you, but I don’t have enough money for the fare.”

  “Bugger the shop,” he whispered, holding his and to his lips so that Fiona wouldn’t hear him, “Get in.” He was delighted as he opened the door for Sadie and she jumped in beside him and sat Fiona on her knee.

  “Mammy will have a fit when she sees me Tom,” she said as she uncovered her head and the bruises on her scalp and neck were frightening. Tom gasped.

  “She will have to be told the truth, Sadie. There’s nothing else for it.”

  He drew up at the door and Sadie remained in the car as he went into the house alone. Mary was in the kitchen and the radio was playing as he crept up quietly behind her and put his arms around her waist.

  “Oh! You gave me a fright. I didn’t hear you come in and shouldn’t you be at the shop at this time?” she asked, glancing at the clock on the kitchen wall.

  “I’m taking the day off,” he said without further ado.

  “I’ll put the kettle on then and we’ll have a cup of tea, eh?”

  Tom looked at Mary over the top of his spectacles.

  “Can you make that for three, Love? I think you may have a visitor.”

  Mary’s face lit up when he said that.

  “A visitor,” she asked, “who Tom ... who?”... Mary’s voice was full of anticipation and Tom hesitated before he removed his spectacles and put his hand on her arm.

  “It’s Sadie, Darling but before I say any more she is having rather a rough time at the moment and she’s not too well.”

  Mary’s face dropped,

  “What’s wrong, Tom? Where is she? Please tell me what’s wrong.”

  Mary was excited but tense. She hated to hear of any trouble or mishap in her family, especially after her recent bereavement.

  “Nothing that can’t be put right ... and by the way,” His eyes flashed, “I don’t think one-year-olds drink coffee, do they?”

  Mary clasped her hands together.

  “She’s brought Fiona Oh! Tom, where are they. Don’t keep me waiting,” she cried, but Sadie was already standing in the doorway, looking very dejected as she held Fiona in her arms.

  “My Darlings ...” Mary rushed to the door and embraced them as Tom returned to the kitchen to take care of the coffee. “It’s so long since I’ve seen you, my Love and my little angel here.” She kissed the baby and snuggled her to her bosom

  “It’s only just over a week Mammy I was here last.” said Sadie, but

  Mary interrupted.

  “I know ... I know, Darling, but it always seems longer when you love someone and you don’t see them every day.” Fiona whimpered and Mary stroked her head. “There, there Sweetheart. Nanna’s here. Nanna will look after you, won’t she, sweetheart,” she cooed and then realising her apparent possessiveness, she quickly added, “Just until Mummy has her coffee, eh?” ... and Sadie smiled.

  Tom helped Sadie off with her coat and left the room with it over his arm, wondering how on earth she was going to cope with the headscarf ...

  “It is lovely to see you again, Mammy. Are you alright?”

  “Yes Darling and more so now that you and Fiona are here. Tell me, how are you getting along? Is Robert well?” Mary had so many questions to ask her daughter and Sadie pressed her teeth into her lower lip as Tom came back into the room.

  “Well ...we are having a little difficulty at the moment Mammy, but I’m sure everything will be alright.” Sadie looked at Tom for reassurance.

  “Are you? ...Is it a money problem, Dear?” asked Mary as she stood back to study Sadie’s dress. This was not the way her daughter used to dress, she thought and why didn’t she take her scarf off. Was it that she couldn’t afford to have her hair done ... Well that wouldn’t matter in the least ... No ...nothing mattered, as long as she was happy ... and Sadie sat fidgeting with her fingers.

  “If it was just money problems Mammy, I don’t think it would be so bad,” she said and Mary looked at her in surprise.

  “Please tell me Darling,” said Mary in a gabble, “but not until we’ve had our coffee. It’s just freshly made and I’ve got so much I want to talk about and so many questions ...”

  Tom stood up.

  “You two sit there and talk I’ll get the coffee,” he said and made his
way into the kitchen, returning shortly with the coffee tray and some of Mary’s home made cake. “Will my little angel drink this?” he asked as he brought in a small cup of orange juice for Fiona. “Let me take her here while you ladies have a chat about old times even if it is only a week since you last met,”

  Tom was making every attempt to ease the atmosphere and hope that Sadie would be able to explain her difficulties satisfactorily with Mary. He lifted the baby in his arms and tickled her chin with his nose.

  “That’s what big noses are for,” he mused as he sat down gently with the new lady in his life and she drank the juice and belched very un-lady-like. “Oh, dear ... What a big girl you are,” he remarked as he laughed and continued with his tickling therapy whilst Fiona chuckled with delight.

  “I don’t know which is the baby, Sadie ... Do you?” said Mary, “Now how can we help you Darling? I hate to hear of you having any sort of trouble.”

  Sadie’s face took on a sombre appearance as she slowly removed her scarf and Mary gasped.

  “Oh! My God ... What has happened to you ... Tom ... Tom Come and look at this ...”

  Tom diddled Fiona on his knee.

  “I know Mary I know ... That’s why I wanted Sadie to come and see you.”

  Mary stood up and placed her cup on the table in front of her.

  “I feel I feel a little faint, Tom,” she said and Sadie rushed to her mother’s side and took hold of her arm.

  “Sit down Mammy. Sit down. I’m sorry if I’ve upset you ... Maybe I should go now Tom, I didn’t think this is what I should have done. I shouldn’t have come home not like this.” Sadie took Fiona from Tom and he went to Mary’s side.

  “Everything will be alright Sadie. I promise you Just sit down and finish your coffee.” he said but his reassurances did not eliminate the pictures that haunted Mary’s mind. She pushed her hair back from her forehead.

  “Robert is responsible for this ... Isn’t he?” she asked calmly and in a steady tone, but Sadie did not answer. Instead, she asked Tom if he would get her coat but Mary ignored her. “He is ... Isn’t he?” she insisted. ...and Sadie sighed.

  “Mammy ... Robert is not very well at the moment. He is out of work and ... and things are not too good between us at the moment.”

  Mary looked again at Sadie’s bruises and her face showed great concern.

  “The bruising is very bad but thank God, there doesn’t seem to be any cuts,” She took Sadie’s head in her hands and gently stroked her hair before she kissed her sweetly. “You must stay here Darling. You can’t go back to that ......” but Sadie would not allow her to continue.

  “Mammy, I can’t stay here. Robert needs me,” she complained but Tom interceded.

  “Your mother is right, Sadie Only for a few days until you are well again.” He looked tenderly into Sadie’s eyes as he spoke, “Those bruises need treatment I’ll go and see Robert and explain,” but Sadie became worried when Tom said that to her.

  “No ... no ... no, Tom ... For God’s sake don’t go near the house. Robert will be wild when he hears I have been here. Please don’t go ...”

  Tom was hesitant and lowered his head as he walked towards the fireplace.

  “Sadie, Sadie Darling ... If I don’t go to see Robert Wells, then I will have to go to the police. Now which do you prefer?” He looked back across the room to where Mary was sitting as he spoke. He looked resolute and Sadie knew he was serious in what he said.

  “Please be careful Tom. I love Robert, but he can be violent.”

  Mary sat quietly. Her face was pale and her eyes portrayed fear.

  “Do as Sadie says Tom if you have to see that man...be careful, won’t you?”

  He smiled at her as he left the lounge and Mary followed him to the front door.

  “I love you, Mary Carey,” he said with a grin and she kissed him as he closed the door behind him and the car sped off as Mary returned to Sadie and Fiona.

  “Sadie Sit Fiona on the floor and let me have a look at your neck.”

  The bruising was extensive and went down into the shoulder and around the breast. Mary went out of the room for a few moments and returned with a basin of warm water to bathe the neck but she also had something in her hand which Sadie didn’t recognise at first.

  “Darling Aggie won’t mind if you have these. She won’t need anything like this much longer anyway.” she said and handed Sadie a fresh brassiere and a pink coloured blouse.

  As she helped Sadie to dress, Mary’s thoughts turned swiftly to Aggie. Her family was breaking up and she wished they were all children again. What lovely children they all were, she thought as she touched her necklace and fingered her miraculous medal.

  “Dear God Help us through this time,” she prayed quietly, “and help Tom ...” she added as an urgent afterthought. “Well, talk of the devil. Look who it is ...”

  At that moment, Aggie came into the room and threw her arms in the air when she saw Fiona.

  “Hello precious darling, sweetie pie,” she called out and then she saw Sadie. “Sadie, it’s lovely to see you again How are “ she hadn’t finished her sentence when she saw the marks on her sister’s neck. “Goodness what is that? What ...what has happened to you Sadie?”

  She grabbed Fiona in an instant and hugged her close to her breast

  “It’s just an accident Aggie I’ll be alright,” Sadie replied but Aggie was swift to understand the situation and discreet not to ask any further questions. She was, nevertheless, concerned deeply for her sister, which presented further doubts in her mind about her own vocation. Was this another reason why she should not enter the Religious Life, she thought was this God’s way of telling her again, that she should forget all ideas of becoming a Nun and remain at home where she was most needed? She looked again at Sadie’s bruises and there was nothing more that needed to be said. Aggie knew. .

  She had always felt that she could understand any problem, as well as be sympathetic, but this one was beyond her comprehension and she could restrain a feeling of intense anger towards Robert Wells no longer. She put the baby down on the floor again, on a rug that Mary had spread out for her and looked more closely at the marks on Sadie’s body, but as she cradled her sister in her arms, Fiona came crawling between them.

  “My dear Sadie what can I say?” she said and Fiona whimpered at being squeezed between the two of them as Mary brought in some fresh coffee.

  “Let me take that little Princess Come to Nanna, Darling.”

  ***

  Tom parked his car at the end of Sherlock Street and got out to look for number twenty-three. It was a dilapidated house and the dark green door hadn’t been painted since Adam was a boy he thought. He knocked quietly and waited, but renewed anger flooded through his veins as he stood there. He felt like an animal protecting his young, as he waited, but there was no answer, so he knocked again, a little louder the second time. The door opened slowly and a fat man appeared rubbing his eyes sleepily as he stood there.

  “See you, Bob “ a young girl of no more than seventeen or eighteen slid past the obese chap as he filled the doorway, and made a quick exit along the street.

  “See ya Liz,” he called out after her and stood, bleary eyed, looking at Tom. “Well, what d’ya want ... Who are ye?” he enquired and scratched his stomach as he spoke. His vest was bespattered with food stains. Tom caught the man’s breath as he spoke and the stench of stale alcohol made him want to reach.

  “Are you Robert Wells?”

  The fat man belched and Tom closed his eyes in disgust.

  “What’s that got to do with you?”

  Tom repeated his question.

  “I’m asking you ... Are you Robert Wells?”

  It was only then that Tom recognised the man to be Sadie’s partner. His face was larger and redder than he had known
him before when he had met his once at the house when Sadie had invited him home, but he looked so different then. It was hardly creditable to think this man was the same person but he was. Slowly the face that Tom had known before came back to him. The man tottered slightly and his eyes glazed over.

  “Could be,” he sighed, but Tom pushed past him into the house and through a dark corridor, where the stench of whisky and stale sweat was evident. “Hey what’s all this then?” he called out and Tom turned on him.

  “Do you want me to fetch the police, Mr.Wells ...because I’ll be happy to oblige ...My daughter is Sadie Blair.”

  Robert Wells narrowed his eyes and his face went pale as he rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand. He sucked his teeth as he closed the street door and walked past Tom into a bed sitting room, making every attempt to pull the sheets up over the bed. The room smelt even more offensively than the corridor outside and the bed had obviously been left unmade. Tom looked around, trying to get used to seeing in the dim light, where the curtains hadn’t been drawn. Unwashed dishes were piled up in the sink and a half empty milk bottle stood on the table with some more dirty dishes and a cluttered ash tray. Robert cleared part of the table with one sweep of his hand and sent the crockery flying to the floor. The ash tray followed.

  “I wondered how long it would be before some of you lot paid us a visit. Have you brought anything for us?” said Wells and Tom was amazed at his arrogance. His instinct was to knock the dirty, dishevelled man to the ground and get away from the filth and squalor as soon as he could but that would only serve as a short term solution and besides, Robert Wells was a big man ... Much larger than Tom in every way. He pulled his trousers up around his waist, skirting his beer belly and smiled.

  “S’cuse me,” he affected good manners as he zipped up his flies but his eyes never left Tom’s face.

  “I want to know what you have been doing to Sadie ...”

  The fat man pretended not to understand what Tom had asked him and he flicked his eyes in pretentious innocence.

  “What’s my lovely Sadie been saying this time, then?”