It was dark out.
Then he told me what happened.
“Don’t leave me, doll… and you’ll find out everything.”
seventeen
There were some strange things I had woken up to in my life.
Times when I went to bed and my mother was dating a guy named Josh and I’d wake up to a guy name Derek cooking pancakes with a smug grin on his face.
And my mother would shuffle from the bedroom, half naked, hugging Derek from behind, making it well known what they had done and what she wanted to have happen again.
That sort of became the normal for me. It was better than being woken up to my mother crying for help or the police showing up because of something happening to her.
When I was a kid, police officers used to give me a bear when they’d show up. It was some kind of thing they did to help kids stay calm and feel safe.
To put it blunt… I had an entire police force of teddy bears… to the point that they stopped giving them to me.
Now, there were other crazy mornings. Like the ones after parties. Where I’d be desperate to find Sarah, Taylor, and Grace and get out of some house while we were in one piece. Those were fun mornings though. We’d drive to a diner, chug coffee with our sunglasses on, eat greasy food, and then avoid all sunlight for the day.
When I opened my eyes and slowly sat up in bed, I never thought in a million years I’d see Jo sitting at the corner of the bed.
Dressed in all black, a dress that made her look to die for.
She was so stunningly beautiful that it made me blush.
“Breakfast?” she asked.
There was a cart next to my bed. Like you’d see in a hotel.
Filled with food.
“Coffee?” I asked.
“You have hands,” she said. “You can pour it. Unless you want me to have someone do that for you.”
“No, I’m fine,” I said.
I threw the covers off my body and sat up.
Wearing my favorite pajama bottoms and my new favorite hoodie. They didn’t match and I didn’t care. At least not until I was next to Jo. And I was sure she had fancy pajamas that all matched.
My mismatched clothes and my bedhead just completed the concept of me making myself feel like crap near Jo.
I poured myself coffee.
“Hungover or just tired?” Jo asked.
“Tired,” I said. “It’s been hectic.”
“I see you’ve thrown yourself right into things.”
“What choice did I have?”
“Same choice you have now,” Jo said as she stood up.
“Fuck, you’re pretty,” I said. “I mean… are you really a doctor?”
“What are you suggesting? I’m some high class whore?”
“No,” I said, heat flooding my cheeks.
Jo smiled. “I have no reason to lie to you, Belle. I know your mother called you. Fucking Michelle, right? This is what she does. She can never stop for a minute.” Jo laughed. “Just like me. That’s why we always got along.”
“Just different paths.”
“Yeah. Looks like you get to choose your path now, Belle.”
“Looks that way. But do I really have a choice? You offered to get me out of that situation. I’m thankful for it. But it wasn’t a forever thing. I’m pretty sure everyone knows that. So if my mother is serious about what she’s got going on… I can help her out. We’ll actually have a decent place to live for once. She can keep working. I can finish my classes and figure out what’s next. She just needs to stay busy enough to not get tied up with some guy.”
Jo swallowed hard. She reached for her small bag and took out her phone. “I’ll hate myself for five minutes for this next part, Belle. Do you know why I chose five minutes?”
“Why?”
“Because you should hate yourself once in a while. We all make dumb decisions. We all get put into a place where we have to make a big decision. And fighting it… I don’t know. Sometimes you just need to sit down and say I hate myself and explain why and then let it go. On the other side of the hate is the truth.”
“So what’s the truth, Jo?”
She showed me her phone.
It was a picture of my mother.
With some guy.
A guy in a polo shirt with a clean cut jawline, a butt chin, bright brown eyes, and slicked back hair.
“Fuck,” I said.
“Meet Chester,” Jo said. “He’s the CPA for one of the doctors Michelle cleans for. He was there while she was cleaning. They hit it off…”
I swallowed hard, feeling sick. “They always hit it off. And then they hit her.”
Jo nodded. “Looks like you really do have that decision to make, Belle. Which path. Stay or go.”
“I’m going to hate myself for whatever the decision is.”
“I know that. That’s why I said to take five minutes to hate yourself. Just like I’m going to do because I showed you that picture. Michelle asked me not to show it to you. She was worried you’d get worried.”
“Then why’d you show it to me?”
Jo put her phone away and tucked her bag under her arm. “That’s what’s at the end of the five minutes of me hating myself.”
“Which is what, Jo?”
“You being here,” she said. “I don’t mind it all that much. If you have the chance to do something for yourself, you should, Belle. You’re an adult. You don’t need to worry about anyone but yourself. And what I talked to you about the other night… I don’t do that. I don’t bring the work home, and I sure as hell don’t talk about it.”
“So this is you telling me you like me and want me here?”
“I wouldn’t go that far, Belle.”
Jo left the bedroom, shutting the doors behind her.
I looked down at the food on the cart.
I thought about my mother… already with another man.
But everything at BFH… wasn’t meant for me.
So what if there was a third path?
I could either go home, stay with Jo…
Or just leave to go somewhere else.
* * *
Lizzy shut her locker and looked at me. “Fuck this place kind of day?”
“Works for me,” I said.
“Let me text that bitch Danica and we’ll go down to the field.”
“The field?” I asked.
“Baseball field,” Lizzy said. “Good place to sit, soak up the sun, and pretend to care. As long as you have a book or two open, nobody will bother you. Worst case, work up some tears and cry over a boy or your period and you’re golden.”
“So it’s like skipping without skipping,” I said.
“Exactly,” Lizzy said.
We left BFH and met up with Danica.
She stood with her back against the building, smoking a cigarette.
Looking bad and cool.
I didn’t say a word to her either about Uly or Miss Whitaker.
“My mother wants me to leave here,” I said.
“Whoa,” Lizzy said.
“That’s news,” Danica said. “You’re leaving already?”
“Don’t know yet,” I said. “I feel like if I stay it’ll just be… problems.”
“I wonder what they’d do then?” Lizzy asked.
“Who?” I asked.
“Them,” Lizzy said. “They don’t like to lose.”
“The whole Them thing is bullshit,” I said. “Nothing’s happened. I don’t believe it.”
“If that helps you sleep at night,” Danica said. “You have a chance to get out of here…”
“I don’t know,” I said. “My mother is already dating some guy. Like she always does. I was almost thinking of just leaving all together. Maybe I can ask Jo to lend me money. You know? I can start over somewhere.”
“Ah fuck,” Lizzy said. “Douche jocks are out here…”
We were at the entrance gate to the baseball field.
Owen was throwing balls to Aaron
. Max was hitting baseballs with some kind of machine that threw the ball.
And then there was Ryan.
He stood with a baseball bat and glove but wasn’t doing anything.
“You know his jaw is wired shut, right?” Danica asked me.
“For real?” I asked.
“Oh yeah,” Lizzy said. “Uly and Hil…”
My heart sank.
But then it lifted back up.
I pictured Ryan on the beach. The things he said to me. His hands trying to touch me. Thinking he was all cool and perfect and that I wanted him or something.
“I’m going to go talk to him,” I said.
“What? Why?” Lizzy asked.
“This is my fault,” I said.
“It’s his fault,” Danica said. “For whatever he did to get the attention of Them.”
“I know that,” I said. “But that was because of me. And on top of that, I own him now. Ryan is my bitch. And I’m just going to go remind him of that.”
Lizzy and Danica were jaw dropped.
I walked away from them and toward Ryan.
He didn’t even see me at first.
I grabbed the baseball bat from him and lifted it into the air.
When he saw me, he tried to scream, but his mouth barely moved.
I saw what looked like braces on his teeth and my stomach did a flip.
Ryan threw his baseball glove to the ground and showed his hands.
“We have to talk,” I said.
He looked toward the field.
When I looked, Aaron, Max, and Owen were watching.
I pointed the baseball bat at all of them.
They showed their hands too.
I had power.
Real fucking power.
My mind flashed back to Gray again.
How badly I wanted to take a baseball bat to him. For what he did.
Yet maybe I owed him a hug.
All he did was help me feel the way I felt right then… and I had power.
“Take a seat somewhere,” I said to Ryan.
He walked to the first row of seats and sat down.
I sat next to him and kept the baseball bat close.
“Can you talk?” I asked.
He shrugged his shoulders.
“Does it hurt?”
Ryan nodded.
“So how do you talk to people?”
Ryan waved his right hand like he was writing.
I nodded.
I reached for my bag and grabbed a pen and a notebook.
I opened it to a fresh page.
“Who did this to you?”
Ryan lifted one eyebrow at me.
“Yeah, I know… I already know who did, Ryan. But I want you to say it. Er, write it.”
Ryan scribbled in the notebook.
You know who
“Dude, you better fucking write it,” I said. “Or I’m going to take the baseball bat to your legs.”
The pen magically started to move.
Your boyfriends
I rolled my eyes.
“Uly and Hil,” I said.
Ryan nodded.
“I saw Uly hit you,” I said. “Obviously. But then Hil did it too? Is that what made it… break?”
Ryan nodded again.
“Tell me how it happened.”
This time Ryan didn’t object.
He just shut up and wrote.
Came to the field to talk. He never just wants to talk. I know when a hit is coming. You don’t fuck with Them. So I took it. No big deal.
I shook my head. “You didn’t tell anyone? Like the cops or something?”
Ryan put his head back like he was laughing.
Then he scribbled some more.
Seriously? The cops? That’s not how it works here. Take the hit and move on in life. Ryan showed me the notebook and then started to write some more. I’m sorry for what happened on the beach. I didn’t know you were with Them.
My face turned red.
They really believed I was chosen or claimed or whatever by Them.
“Don’t fuck with me again, Ryan,” I said. “Next time they’ll kill you.”
Ryan shook his head.
Hil would never kill me. The others… maybe. But Hil wouldn’t let it happen.
“Why not?” I asked.
Ryan smirked.
Hil used to play baseball, Belle. He was the best player on the team too. He and I were best friends growing up too. You probably didn’t know that. Now you do. Feel free to tell him I told you. He can break my jaw again. What the fuck do I care?
I stood up and shut the notebook.
I grabbed my bag and pointed to Ryan. “Are you telling the truth?”
Ryan nodded.
“Why did he stop playing?”
Ryan pointed to his mouth then to my bag.
“Never mind then,” I said. “Thanks for the talk.”
I ran away from the field and toward Lizzy and Danica.
“Did Hil play baseball?” I asked them.
“Yeah,” Lizzy said. “Long time ago though.”
“He was the best player in the state,” Danica said.
“He was a stupid jock? Was this before he and Uly had a band?”
“Right around that time,” Danica said. “Why?”
“Why did he stop?”
Lizzy and Danica looked at each other.
Then at me.
“Oh, fine,” I said. “Fuck you both then.”
I pushed by them.
“Where are you going?” Lizzy called out.
I stopped and looked back. “I’m going to Miss Whitaker’s class to finish this fucking day. And then I’m going to find Hil. And I’m going to get more answers.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Danica asked.
“No,” I said.
But what fucking choice did I have anymore?
eighteen
Jo was gone again.
So I decided to be gone too.
I got into the car and started to drive but had nowhere to go.
“Shit,” I whispered as I stopped in the middle of the road just outside Jo’s house.
I had no choice but to text Hil.
Don’t overthink it. I need to see you.
He was way too quick to reply.
I need to see you too, beauty
I took a deep breath.
Where do you live?
Instead of texting me an address, Hil decided to be… Hil.
I’m in your head, your heart. Your panties. Unless you don’t wear any. Which is fine by me. Less work. More fun.
Heat flooded my body.
I started to reply when another text came through.
This one with an address and instructions on where to meet him.
All I had to do then was talk to the car.
Talk to the fucking car…
And it brought up a map on the screen located on the dashboard and took me right to Hil and Ash’s house.
Now this… this was a neighborhood.
There were a set of giant, iron gates that almost looked like cemetery gates.
They were open, ready for me.
The private road had lights on each side, along with trees that almost looked like Jo’s driveway.
The road ended and the headlights of my car flooded Hil’s body as he stood there smoking a cigarette.
I stopped the car and climbed out.
“Park right there,” he said.
I looked around.
There wasn’t just one giant house.
There were several houses.
Some smaller than others.
The obvious main house was behind Hil. I wasn’t sure how far away it was but it looked like a palace. Like something royalty would live in.
Hil flicked his cigarette to the ground and put his hand out for me.
I slipped my hand into his and he pulled me toward him.
“I’ll take you to the koi pond,” he said. “You’ll love it
there.”
“Oh?”
“You can feed the fish. Sometimes there’s frogs too.”
“Do you secretly love animals, Hil? Are you just a big mush under it all?”
“Not even close, beauty,” he said. “I’ve put people in that koi pond. Those who don’t listen to me.”
“Are you going to drown me?”
Hil grinned. “I plan on making you plenty wet in other ways.”
I had a lump in my throat and my face was hot.
I could take comments… but when Hil said that stuff…
We walked from the road to a path.
“This is impressive here,” I said.
“Yeah, well, it’s what they wanted. Their own little whatever.”
“Your mother and stepfather.”
“Yeah,” Hil said. “That a problem?”
“No. I’m sorry about… you know…”
“Not your thing to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything to make that happen.”
“Right.”
“They work on a lot of big things,” Hil said. “They have a lot of people come in from across the world. So rather than deal with hotels and meetings they have this place.”
“Makes sense,” I said. “Quiet and private.”
“Some of the women I’ve seen… oh, Belle…”
I pulled my hand away. “Does that work for you? Bragging about people you’ve slept with?”
“Because it makes you jealous.”
“Hardly. It makes you gross.”
“No it doesn’t. It turns you on, Belle. Because you know I know what to do. How to do it. Where to do it. I know the exact spot to put my lips to make you shiver and giggle. And I know right where to put my-”
“In the palm of your hand, Hil,” I said. “That’s where you can put it.”
He smiled. “Here we are.”
This was more like a Koi lake.
But it was beautiful.
There was a wooden bridge that arched over the water. A gazebo on the other side. Lights were on inside the gazebo. And even around the large pond, there were enough lights to light up the water.
Hil walked over the bridge and went toward a small shed.
It was bright red with white trim.
He returned with a bag of these pellet looking things.
“Food for the fish,” he said.
I caught myself smiling.
Hil was the same guy who was kind of gross but mostly hot. The same guy who broke Ryan’s jaw. And now he was giving me food to feed fish.
NOT SO Innocent: a bay falls high novel Page 18