by A. T Brennan
I didn’t say anything right away. I couldn’t.
Blaze had taken the truth and hit me over the head with it. I wasn’t alone because I wanted to be. I was alone because I felt like I had to be.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted, but that’s only because I’d spent the last six years telling myself that what I wanted didn’t matter. Things had to be this way, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Did I want a relationship? I honestly had no fucking clue. Kai didn’t seem all that eager to keep in touch, so there was no guarantee that he’d even want more than another fuck, but this wasn’t about Kai and what he wanted.
This was about me.
For the first time in six years, I was going to have to dig deep into myself and figure out who I was, who I’d become, and what I wanted.
BY QUARTER AFTER TEN, we were almost finished closing the bar. Rhys’s shift had ended at nine, so it was just Blaze and I. The kitchen had shut down on time, the last customer left before closing, and we’d cleaned almost everything that needed to be done while we were still open.
All that was left was the inventory, and counting and locking up the deposits for the day. The money was stuff I did on my own, but we always kept a second staff member around for safety reasons.
“Can you finish the inventory and keep an eye out for Kai? I don’t want him waiting outside.” I asked Blaze as I picked up the tills from the bar.
“You got it.”
I wasn’t worried about Kai not being able to handle himself, but watching Blaze get arrested for simply standing outside the bar after hours last year had made me leery of cops as much as bashers and muggers.
As I worked in the office, I tried not to listen for any talking out in the main part of the bar. Unless they were shouting, I wasn’t liable to hear anything, and I couldn’t see Blaze and Kai getting into a screaming match.
There was something off with the till, and we were almost fifty dollars short. For the life of me, I couldn’t find where the discrepancy was, and it wasn’t until almost eleven that I found it was from when Layla had made change for the second till but recorded the number wrong. It was an honest mistake, and I’d done it myself a few times, so I quickly corrected the error and finished up the deposit.
When I was done, I locked the office and headed out into the main part of the bar.
The sight that greeted me was exactly what I’d expected, but at the same time, it warmed something inside me.
Blaze and Kai were sitting at one of the tables near the bar laughing about something. They both looked completely relaxed, and it made me happy that Kai could get along with at least one of my friends.
I didn’t know why I was thinking like that. It shouldn’t matter if he and Blaze could have a conversation together. I wasn’t sure what I wanted, or how Kai might fit into my life.
“Hey,” I greeted as both men looked over at me. “Sorry, it took so long.”
“No problem. Kai was just telling me about school. He’s one smart dude.”
“Oh?” I had no idea what to say to that. I hadn’t even known Kai was in college.
“Yeah. I was asking him about programs I was interested in, but he’s in a different hemisphere.” Blaze grinned as Kai blushed.
“What are you studying?” I asked, looking at Kai.
“Biochemistry.”
“Wow.” I blinked. “What do you want to do with that? Research?”
“I want to go to veterinary school after I finish my undergrad.”
“You want to be a vet?”
“Yeah.” He blushed deep pink.
“You all good here?” Blaze asked, winking as he looked at me. “Galen’s waiting...”
“Go. Have a good night.”
“I plan to.” Blaze chuckled and turned to Kai. “It was really nice to meet you.”
“You too.”
They shook hands, and Blaze grabbed his bag off the floor before heading to the exit.
“He’s a cool guy.” Kai stood, looking unsure of what he should do. “Really nice.”
“He is. Everyone here is great.”
“Sounds like a great place to work.”
Things didn’t feel awkward per se, but they were definitely strained. It was as though neither of us knew what to say or how to act now that we were fully clothed and there was no music or crowd around us.
“I didn’t know you were in school. What year?”
“Third.”
“Did you start late?”
Kai was twenty-four; most people were done their undergrads by that age.
“I started on time but had to take a few years off, personal shit. I started back this year.”
“Oh, well, I’m glad you’ve gotten back to it.”
“Did you go to college?”
“I did.” I nodded and slid into the chair across from him.
He sat back down and looked at me, an interested expression on his face.
“I studied business.”
“Really? Cool.”
I was glad when he didn’t ask why I was managing a bar because I wasn’t ready to tell him that story, and I didn’t know if I ever would be.
“So you dance and go to school. That’s a lot to take on.”
“It’s like any other job. I just do it mostly naked.” He shrugged, and while it was obvious he was trying to make a joke, he looked a bit uncomfortable.
“Still, working at all can be tough. I was a server while I was in college, and it wasn’t easy trying to balance everything.”
“A server? Like at a restaurant?”
“A high-end seafood place.” I nodded. “They liked to hire male servers because they found the female customers were the ones who controlled how much was spent. They liked seeing men so everyone made more money.”
“And here I thought tits and ass were what people wanted.” Kai laughed.
“The ass part for sure, but the fewer tits in the place, the better my tips were.”
Our laughter died down, and the conversation stalled for a second.
“Do you have class in the morning?”
“Yeah. Not too early, but I have a test to write at ten.”
“Oh, do you need to go—”
“I already studied for it, so I’m good.” He smiled shyly. “But I can’t stay out all night.”
As an internal battle raged inside of me, I couldn’t stop myself from checking Kai out.
He was a gorgeous man, beautiful even. Everything about him from his plump lips to his incredible eyes and his lean, tight body were exactly what I liked in men, and he was sweet.
I’d never liked guys who were combative. I knew plenty of men who got off on fighting and making up, and they loved to verbally spar and give off attitude. That wasn’t me. The only fire I liked was in the bedroom, and I was a sucker for sweet and gentle types.
It felt wrong to invite him back to my place just to fuck again, but eleven o’clock at night on a Sunday wasn’t the best time to try and have a date, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for a date.
“Did you want to get out of here?” I asked after a long pause. “We can go to my place?”
“Do you mind coming to mine? It’s closer, and that way you won’t have to worry about driving me home or anything.”
“Sure. That works.”
I was a little shocked, and pleased, that Kai would invite me to his place. I don’t know why, but it felt special, like he trusted me.
We left the bar together, and he waited as I set the alarm and locked up. When everything was done, I led him to my car, and we climbed in.
“You remember the way?” he asked as he buckled his seatbelt.
“I do. So, my friend Rhys is a regular at Chimera,” I started as I pulled out of my parking spot.
“Oh?” Kai glanced over at me.
“The blond guy.”
“The one you were with the night we met?”
“Yeah, him.”
“And he’s just your friend?” K
ai asked casually, but by the way his gaze darted to me, I could tell he really wanted to hear my answer.
“Just friends. He’s not my type.”
Kai didn’t say anything, and I saw the small smile that tugged at his lips.
“Anyway, he’s been bugging me to come out to the club more, or at all, really.”
“Not a club guy?”
“Not usually.”
“What brought you out that night?”
“Blaze got married a few days before. It was a surprise, and we went to celebrate, sort of a belated bachelor party.”
“Wow, that’s cool. I honestly don’t know any gay couples who’ve gotten married, other than my manager at the bar.”
“I know a few,” I said carefully.
“So he wants you to come out with him more, like as a wingman?”
“I’m pretty sure he’s trying to get me to loosen up and see you again.”
“Well, do you want to see me again?” he asked, giving me a look that was somewhere between coy and hopeful, and it was hot as fuck.
“That wouldn’t be weird? Me showing up when you dance and staring at you all night?”
“That’s kinda what I hope all the men there are doing,” he said teasingly. “Only I want them to tip and go home with someone else. You I don’t want tips from, and I definitely don’t want you to go home with anyone else.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that, but the idea of watching him dance, knowing that all the men shoving money in his shorts wanted him but he was only thinking of me was fucking hot.
“You might see me, then.” I actually wasn’t trying to be coy even though that’s exactly how it came out. I was covering my ass in case I couldn’t bring myself to go. I didn’t want to promise Kai anything I wasn’t sure I could deliver.
“Has Rhys told you anything about the nights I usually dance?” He glanced at me, a smile on his full lips.
“Is it different than it was that night I went?”
“Oh yeah.” He chuckled. “Weeknights are regular dance nights. Usually, four guys and three shifts. The weekends are themed.”
“Themed?”
“Friday nights we do solos or pairs on the pedestal stages, and once a month they put up cages for us.”
“Cages?”
Damn, the idea of Kai dancing in a cage was enough to make my dick thicken, and the way I was sitting was not congruent to getting hard.
“Yup, and I usually put on a different role when I’m on the pedestals.”
“What do you mean?”
“Skater boy and emo twink are the easiest for me, but I like to mix it up with uniforms and stuff like that.”
I swallowed and kept my eyes on the road. If Kai was telling me this to tease me, it was working.
“Every other Saturday they install poles for us, and we’re allowed to do anything we want short of pulling our dicks out. On opposite Saturdays Angel and I are featured on the main stage during our shift, and we usually do pairs dancing.”
I couldn’t say anything. I just tried to focus on driving and on the images swirling around in my head.
There was nothing sexier than a dancer working a pole, and imagining Kai on one was almost too much to think about.
“Sundays are a little more relaxed. Usually, the club has a theme going on, and we just dance to it.”
“Like what kinds of themes?”
“Last week was ‘wet and wild,’ so we all wore swim briefs, and they set up a glassed-in shower stall for us on the main stage. This week is ‘the wild west,’ so we’re all getting hats and holsters to wear with our costumes.”
“Are they going to play country music?” I asked, trying to stifle my grin. Country music wasn’t something I’d ever thought I’d hear at a club.
“Not exactly. They remix a bunch of old country and mix it in with the trance and house.”
“Chimera is certainly a classy joint compared to what Envy was.”
“They wanted to do something different. It’s the only club in the area that offers this level of production, so people come from all over to see it. I make a lot more money on the weekends, that’s for sure.”
“I’m working this Friday, but I’m off Saturday,” I said slowly. Rhys was also off so I knew I’d have a partner in crime if I decided to go to Chimera to watch Kai dance.
“Maybe I’ll see you then.” Kai glanced at me and must have seen something in my expression. “Hey, Zander. No pressure. If you come and watch, awesome. If you don’t I won’t take it personally.”
We were only about a minute from his building, and while I wanted to tell him my hesitation had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my fucked-up views on sex and relationships, now wasn’t the time.
“And even if you do come by, you don’t have to leave with me or anything.”
“I’m pretty sure that after watching you dance for any amount of time, I won’t be able to leave without you.”
Kai grinned, his eyes softening. As he tucked a lock of his hair behind his ear, I saw that his hand was shaking slightly.
Was he nervous about something? Maybe he was rethinking inviting me over.
“I can just drop you off if you’re rethinking—”
“No, I want you to come in,” he cut in. “I just don’t bring people home, ever.”
“Why is that?” I asked as I turned onto his building’s street.
“The visitor’s lot is around back.” He pointed to the left side of the building. “Most of the time I meet guys as Skylar, and that’s a fantasy. It’s who I am when I’m dancing. I don’t like keeping that up when I’m not on stage, so things end before they start. When I do meet guys as me... well, there’s a lot of shit in my life that’s hard to explain.”
“Kai, as long as you don’t have body parts in the freezer, then you don’t owe me an explanation for anything.”
He bit his lip as I pulled into a vacant spot behind the building and turned off the car. “No body parts, I promise.”
“Then that’s all I need to know.” I patted his knee and waited to see what he would do next.
“Thank you.” He grabbed my hand and lifted it to his lips to kiss my knuckles. The move was unexpected, and sweet. Heat bloomed out from my chest even as a jolt of electricity shot up my spine. Even Kai’s lips on my hand could drive me fucking crazy.
“Do you still want to come in?” he asked, almost shyly, as he dropped my hand.
“Definitely.”
As we climbed out of the car, I couldn’t help thinking about what he’d said. What in his life was so complicated it would make him push people away? I knew I was the last person to judge since that was exactly what I’d been doing for the last six years, but what was his story?
Chapter Eight
Kai
I was nervous as I led Zander through the back entrance of my building and down the hall to my apartment.
I never brought guys home with me. Mostly because I didn’t like the idea of people knowing where I lived, but also because of how I lived.
We didn’t have much, and most of what we did have was mismatched and well loved. It was what we could afford, and I didn’t begrudge my circumstances. Fancy shit wasn’t important to me, but I didn’t like being judged.
Zander had his own house, and from what I’d seen he’d taken care to make it a home. We’d tried to do the same, but there was only so much we could do with a thousand square feet of space.
When we reached my door, I paused to glance back at Zander. He wasn’t looking around the dark hallway in judgment. No, his eyes were zeroed in on my ass. He glanced up when I paused, and I couldn’t help smiling at the cocky grin he gave me.
As he followed me into the apartment, he reached out and grabbed me by the hips. I didn’t even have time to gasp before he was spinning me around and slamming the door closed, his body pressing me against the door as his lips descended on mine. I could feel his erection against my stomach as he kissed me hard enough to ma
ke my head spin.
“Fuck,” I gasped as his lips left mine and latched onto the side of my neck, right under my ear. That was one of my sweet spots, and my body lit up as he gently bit and sucked on the tender skin.
“Where’s your room?” he asked gruffly, his breath tickling my ear and making me shudder.
“That way, last door.”
I knew he couldn’t see where I was pointing, but we only had one hallway so I figured he’d understand.
I half-expected Zander to pick me up and carry me like he had last time, but he didn’t. Instead, he gave me one more searing kiss and then took my hand in his.
He let me lead the way, and when we were in my room he glanced around. His eyes lingered on the stand-up lamps against the wall, and he gave me a curious look.
“Studying. The light helps,” I said quickly.
That was a lie. I felt like shit for not telling him the truth, but I wasn’t ready to reveal that particular secret to him.
Zander just nodded and gently reached out to push my hair back from my face before leaning down to give me a sweet and soft kiss.
It was night and day from the last time we’d been together. That encounter had started hard and hot and almost frantic. I’d loved every second of it, but I was really enjoying the slower pace Zander was setting tonight.
As we continued to kiss, Zander’s hands slid over my body, sending zings of pleasure up and down my spine. When he cupped my ass and squeezed, pulling me tight against his body in the process, I moaned against his lips.
After a few more teasing kisses, Zander stepped back from me and started to undo the buttons on his shirt, his eyes on me the entire time.
I stripped off my shirt and tossed it aside before pulling open my skinny jeans and shoving them down. It took a second to get them off, and by the time I was wearing only my briefs, Zander had stripped nude.
Holy fuck, he was glorious.