Breaking Free (The Den Boys Book 3)

by A. T Brennan

  I didn’t know what to make of that.

  We weren’t quite fuck buddies, we were barely friends, and other than having sex twice and one actual conversation, we’d had no real interaction.

  That was the kind of text I’d send a friend or a lover. It was one of those things that said I was thinking about them, and while that might be true, it felt weird to show all my cards and be the one to reach out first.

  I felt like I was in middle school and agonizing over sending someone a note with “do you like me” on it and three boxes to answer— yes, no, and maybe.

  It was ridiculous, but even as I went through my weight circuit and then hopped on a treadmill for a good hard run, I couldn’t shake my thoughts of Kai.

  He was interesting, fascinating, if I wanted to be honest.

  He wanted to be a veterinarian, he danced to make money, and something happened to him that had derailed his plans for a few years. On stage he was confident as all hell, playing the crowd and shaking his ass like he was born to do it, but in person, he was kind of shy and a bit awkward, and completely adorable.

  I’d never met anyone like him and as much as I tried to ignore the truth I’d never had a stronger attraction to anyone before, not even Kaden.

  I picked up my pace, turning the treadmill up as thoughts of Kaden flooded my mind. I didn’t want to think about him. Not now. I was too fucked up with whatever was or wasn’t going on with Kai to deal with the memories.

  My lungs were burning, my legs were aching, and my heartbeat was pounding in my ears. I was pushing it too hard, and I was going to be feeling it tomorrow, and probably for the rest of the week, but that didn’t stop me.

  I ran until my vision started to tunnel and shimmer, and only then did I stop.

  Punishing my body used to work in calming down my mind, so did drinking my face off and passing out.

  I didn’t drink to get drunk anymore, and I was getting to the point where my mind had learned to override my body. It didn’t matter how much I pushed myself I could still think through the pain.

  I’d told Kai I wasn’t ready for anything, and that was true, mostly.

  If I was being honest with myself, I had no idea what I wanted or what I was ready for. Sex with Kai was amazing. He was hands down the best I’d ever been with, but it had been the few minutes after our last encounter that had rocked my world.

  Holding his smaller body against mine, his hair tickling my chest as he grinned up at me, those incredible eyes of his sparkling. The light kisses he’d pressed against my skin, and the way he seemed to have been made for me. Those were the moments I couldn’t get out of my head.

  I hadn’t had that kind of intimacy with anyone, not since... not for the last six years. I hadn’t wanted it, and I’d actively run from it, but with Kai, it had been as natural as breathing.

  Then there’d been those kisses.

  Holy fuck, that man knew how to kiss. Every touch of his lips on mine, each sweep of his tongue into my mouth, and the way his body had rocked against me as I cradled him, had created a sense of intimacy and need that I couldn’t have pulled away if I’d tried. I hadn’t wanted to keep kissing him; I’d needed to kiss him.

  I still had no idea how long we’d stood there in his room locked together in that kiss because time had ceased to exist. It could have been five minutes, it could have been an hour. The only thing I’d been aware of was him and me and the moment we were sharing.

  I’d never kissed anyone like that. Never. There’d been a time when I’d enjoyed making out and sharing kisses until my lips were swollen and my cock was ready to go, but to completely lose myself in a kiss like that had never happened.

  A part of me wanted to experience that again, but to also get to know Kai outside of the bedroom. To take him out and talk and discover little things about him. I didn’t just want to fuck him, but I couldn’t go on a date.

  Dating meant touching. It meant acting like more than just friends when we were around others, and it would bring attention to us.

  No. No fucking way. I couldn’t do that.

  I could do it in private, but not in front of people. If we weren’t in the club or at The Den, then that was a line I couldn’t cross, and that wasn’t fair to him.

  I might want more, but it wasn’t going to happen. It would be best to let it go and delete his number now before I led him on any more than I already had.

  “WHAT THE FUCK IS UP with you?” Rhys asked as I grimaced while bending over to pick up a bottle cap I’d dropped.

  “Nothing.”

  “You’ve been groaning and creaking like an old man for days. What’s going on?” he pressed.

  It was Wednesday night, and we were the last two in the bar. We’d had enough help during the night that I’d been able to hide in the office for most of my shift and get all of the admin tasks done. It hadn’t taken me long to count the tills and do the deposits, and now I was helping Rhys clean up so we could leave.

  “I may or may not have been pushing it at the gym, and I’m hurting.” I tossed the bottle cap in the trash and grabbed the broom so I could sweep up while Rhys put up the last of the chairs.

  “Why?”

  As much as I loved and appreciated how much Rhys cared about me, I sometimes hated how intuitive he was.

  “Because I’m six years older than you and don’t spend every waking hour body sculpting like you and Tristan do.”

  “Cute, but you know what I meant. Why are you pushing yourself?”

  “No reason.”

  “I’ll bet it has a name, and it rhymes with tie.”

  “Fuck off.”

  “You like him. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  I stopped sweeping and looked over at him. “Maybe not, but I can’t give him anything more than just fucking. How is that fair?”

  “Does he want more?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Maybe you should ask him.”

  “No, it’s better this way.”

  “If you say so. But I honestly don’t think he’s looking for more. Not with what he does.”

  “Go-go dancers can’t have relationships? That’s a pretty narrow point of view.”

  That wasn’t something I ever expected Rhys to say.

  “No, his other job.” Rhys rolled his eyes.

  “What other job?”

  “You don’t know?” He blinked at me.

  “I know he dances... what else does he do?”

  Rhys paused and then shook his head.

  “Never mind.”

  “No way. You don’t get to drop that and then pretend you didn’t say anything. What other job does he have, and how the fuck do you know about it?”

  “Relax, killer. I know because hundreds of guys know about it.” He rolled his eyes as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

  I had no idea what was going on, but I hoped to god Rhys had the answer in that phone and he wasn’t just ignoring me.

  “Here.” He handed me the phone, and I looked at the screen. It was a picture.

  “What the fuck.” My eyes snapped up, and I searched Rhys’s face. “How do you have a picture of Kai’s bed, and him naked on it?”

  “Look at the top right corner.”

  I did and there was something written there. I had to blow the picture up to read it. Cams2U.

  “What’s that?”

  “It’s a cam site. People do shows on it.”

  “Kai does cam shows?” I handed him back the phone, dumbfounded.

  “Yeah. I only found out about a week ago. I was browsing gay cams, and his stage name popped out at me. I clicked and it was him.

  “Did you watch it?”

  “No, I took the screenshot and went to a different room.” Rhys shook his head. “I wasn’t going to watch him knowing you and he had been together. I just wanted to be sure it was him.”

  “I...”

  “You really had no idea?”

  “No.”

  Suddenly the
lamps in his room clicked. They weren’t for studying, they were for lighting the room to make it look better on cam.

  “If he’s a featured dancer at Chimera, you know the whole name he goes by. What is it?” I asked Rhys as I opened Twitter on my phone. I had the app but barely used it. I followed six people and had three followers. The last time I’d actually tweeted was over a year ago, but I had to test a theory.

  “Skylar Young.”

  “Cute,” I mumbled as I typed the name in and added an “x” to the end. Sure enough, there was a SkylarYoungxxx, and when I clicked on the name the profile photo was Kai in a pair of booty shorts.

  “Zander?” Rhys’s voice sounded worried.

  “Just checking something.”

  His account was active. There were retweets, pictures of funny things, memes, and of course photos of him in varying states of undress— both at the club and from the shows it would seem.

  There were also announcements about when his next shows were, and it looked like he was doing one tomorrow night. I took a screenshot of the tweet so I’d have the link and then exited out of the app.

  “Send me that screenshot, the one you have.”

  “Zander, what’s going on in that head of yours?” he asked, his voice worried as he sent me a text with the screenshot.

  “Not a whole hell of a lot.” I bit my lip.

  I wasn’t angry and didn’t feel betrayed. We barely knew each other, and he had a right to his secrets. The idea of people watching him on cam didn’t turn me off, it would be hypocritical if it did considering I was okay with him being a dancer.

  If anything I was floored and beyond curious.

  Kai did cam shows for money? There was another unexpected layer to a man who was already a mystery.

  “Are you going to ask him about it?”

  “I’m not seeing him again, remember?”

  “So you’re going to watch his shows to get your fill of him that way? That’s a little fucked up.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing.” I rolled my eyes and picked up the broom to get back to work. “I might check out his show just to see what he does, but I’m not going to stalk him online while ignoring him in person. That would make me a pretty shitty guy.”

  “It would.” Rhys nodded. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “It’s not like it’s a secret.” I shrugged. “I’m the one who’s out of touch with technology and what’s going on. Hell, I don’t even have Grindr anymore.”

  “As long as I didn’t upset you.”

  The fact that Rhys couldn’t read how I was feeling said everything about how jumbled my thoughts and emotions were just then.

  “You didn’t. Just gave me a few things to think about.”

  Rhys nodded, not looking convinced that I was okay, and we resumed cleaning.

  I had a hell of a lot on my mind, and I really needed to get home so I could be alone.

  THURSDAY WAS MY FIRST night off this week, and I spent the day wrestling with what I was going to do when Kai’s show started.

  A part of me wanted to watch it, to see how he interacted with his viewers, and see him naked again, but another part of me felt that I shouldn’t. He hadn’t told me about the show, and it felt a bit like a violation to watch him after sleeping with him. It made no sense considering the shows were public, he advertised them on social media, and he was a dancer, but it still felt wrong.

  He was scheduled to start at ten, and at fifteen minutes to I booted up my laptop and quickly signed up for a free account. I didn’t buy any tokens because it felt dirty to tip him after sleeping with him. It only took me a moment to find his room.

  He was just logging on as I clicked on the thumbnail, and I knew right then there was no turning back.

  “Hello, my lovelies. I’m just gonna sit back and wait for people to log on.” Kai gave the camera an air kiss and leaned back against his headboard.

  He was stunning in a pair of loose sweatpants and nothing else. The way he was leaning back, casually palming himself was so erotic, and I loved how his eyes never left the camera.

  He looked so comfortable and confident, and that was almost as hot as his tight and toned body.

  “Hello, kk, nice to see you, bud. Hi, power, mason, just-in, fabguy. How are y’all doing tonight?”

  I watched as he greeted people in the chat, regulars by the sounds of it, and was amazed at how many people were joining the room.

  “I already told you all about my night with Alex, koda, what more can I say?” Kai shrugged, his face flushing.

  Alex? Who the fuck was Alex?

  I tried to follow the chat as he answered people, but my mind was spinning. He was fucking someone else? The possessive flare that passed through me was so strong it made me want to chuck my laptop at the wall and watch it shatter, but I didn’t do that. Instead, I bit back my anger and tried to remember that Kai was free to do what he pleased with whomever he wanted.

  “Before we start, here’s a recap of my rules for the new folks. My room is a bit different, and the rules are enforced. I don’t take requests or answer directions. I hate seeing caps lock, and rude people are a turn-off, so play nice. My moderator, levi25, is online, and if you break the rules, he’s gonna ban you. Let’s keep it light and fun, okay?”

  He gave the camera another one of those way-too-sexy air kisses and winked. “Yes, I’m dancing tomorrow, brits, you want to see my outfit?”

  The chat was filled with affirmatives, and he rolled off the bed and disappeared off camera. He reappeared a moment later with a pair of matte black briefs, black combat boots, and a skater hat.

  “What do you think? My dance partner is putting on his sexy cop outfit. It’s nothing more than blue briefs, boots, his police hat, and a badge on his hip. And there may or may not be a nightstick added for at least one set. We’re going for skater boy meets sexy cop. Think it’ll be hot?”

  The chat wall lit up with tips, and Kai blew the camera a kiss before settling back on the bed.

  “Thank you so much, everyone. For that, I think the pants need to come off.”

  I really wanted to see him take those pants off, especially since my own were getting tight imagining him in that skater outfit, but I was still reeling from the discovery that he was fucking someone else.

  Making a snap decision I exited out of the browser just as he lifted his hips and started to pull down his sweats.

  I didn’t know why it was bothering me so much. Kai and I weren’t together. I had no claim on him, and I’d already decided to keep my distance. I had no right to be mad, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn’t actually angry.

  I was hurt.

  The thought of him with another guy caused waves of pain that cut so deep I felt ill. That made even less sense than anger. What the fuck was wrong with me?

  Chapter Ten

  Kai

  “Grindr?”

  “What?” I jumped as a voice beside me jarred me out of my musings.

  I’d been staring at Zander’s number in my phone, contemplating texting him. It was Friday night, and I hadn’t heard from him. I knew he worked, and he was busy tonight, but a part of me had hoped he’d at least send me a text during the week just to say hi.

  “You checking out Grindr?” Angel asked as he leaned over to look at my phone.

  “Not your business, but no.” I pulled my phone away and shoved it in my locker. “I don’t have Grindr.”

  “How do you not have Grindr?” Angel asked incredulously.

  I rolled my eyes and pulled my skater cap on. We were scheduled to dance in a few minutes, so I didn’t have time to wonder if I should reach out to Zander first.

  “Because I don’t have time for that shit.”

  “Dude, the whole point is that it takes no time. Check the picture, swipe left or right. You chat, meet up, and fuck. It doesn’t get more efficient than that.”

  “I don’t want random sex. Been there, done that. Over it.
”

  “You are one weird kid.”

  I snorted. “You’re two years younger than me, asshole.”

  “Maybe, but you’ve still got that innocent twink thing going on. It works for you, but makes you seem like a kid.”

  I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and nodded to the cap in his hand. “You gonna put that on, Officer?”

  “How far do you want to take it tonight?” he asked as he slipped the police cap over his curly blond locks.

  Angel was the epitome of his stage name. He was a bit taller and huskier than me, but with his lily-white complexion and his mop of wheat-blond hair, paired with his wide blue eyes and full lips, he really did look like a cherub.

  “What are you in the mood for?” I asked, grabbing two handfuls of body glitter from the tubs we had set up by the mirrors. Most guys put it on before going out, but I preferred to do it on stage so I could tease the audience.

  “I’m horny as hell, and I need cash.” Angle delicately coated his torso with the glitter. “How about we go all out.”

  “Done.”

  Basically, that meant we’d do everything except pull our dicks out and fuck. Kissing, grinding, and spanking was all on the table, and the tips were always awesome when we did this.

  “I’m going to come before the end of the set, just so you know.” Angel winked at me in the mirror.

  “I figured. You wanna be in front or behind when you do?”

  “You decide. When I’m close I’ll tell you, and then you do what you want.”

  “You really are horny tonight,” I smirked.

  Angel might be slender and cherubic, but he wasn’t usually submissive. He only let me take charge when he was in the mood to be dominated.

  “Think how hot it’ll be. The cop being used by the skater twink.”

  I was just opening my mouth to answer when Jake called out that we were up.

  There were only six dancers tonight. Angel and I were featured partners, and then there were four other guys working the opposite shift.

  “How is it out there?” I asked Milo when he and the other dancers filed into the dressing room.