Split

by J. B. Salsbury

  He blinks and shakes his head. “So Lucas…”

  “Lucas is the main identity. He’s the one you know, the artist, the quiet man you hired.” I clear my throat. “Gage is the other.”

  “It has a name?”

  “Not an it, Dad. A who. And, yes, Gage is Lucas’s protector. He surfaces when Lucas is in a situation he can’t handle emotionally.”

  “He violent?” There’s panic in his voice.

  “He’ll protect Lucas at any cost. I’ve seen him angry and he’s threatening, but at the heart of Gage is Lucas, so—”

  “Lucas wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

  “Exactly.”

  He runs two hands through his salt-and-pepper hair, and the worry in his eyes makes him look older than his fifty-five years. “Poor kid.”

  I lean over and squeeze my dad’s shoulder. “We’re the only family he has now and I refuse to let Trevor exploit him when he’s finally found a home. A place where he belongs.”

  “You trust him, Shy?”

  “With my life.” Although maybe not so much with my heart.

  “All right.” He stands and tosses his empty bottle into the trash. “Only known the kid for a few months, but he’s given me no reason not to trust him. That says a lot seein’ as that Trevor guy makes my skin crawl just standing in the same room with him.”

  “I need to go talk to him, Dad. Things between us are…in a way they’re…”

  “You two been dating?”

  “Yeah.”

  He nods. “Let’s go to the river house, make sure things are okay with Lucas.”

  “Dad—”

  He holds up a hand. “I’ll give you guys space, but after hearing all this I need to see the boy for myself.”

  “’Kay.”

  He grabs his keys and I snag my coat before heading out to my dad’s truck. It’s so cold out I can see my breath, but seeing Lucas again has me sweating with nervousness. What if Gage is there? How will my dad react? I exhale and climb into the truck, hoping that Lucas has proved himself enough that my dad will accept Gage just as easily.

  We head down the dirt road that leads to the river house in silence. My mind mulls over what needs to be said, as well as the things Lucas and I need to talk about in private.

  “Whoa!” My dad slams on the brakes, sending a plume of dirt into the air.

  “Buddy?” The brown and white dog is pacing in the middle of the road. “What’s he doing?” I hop out and cautiously approach him. “Hey, Bud.” He looks up at me with his sad doggie eyes. “Everything okay?” He goes back to pacing. I turn back to my dad and shrug, then walk the rest of the way to the A-frame house. Once the place comes into view, I squint at what looks like a dark vehicle parked close to the water’s edge.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I take off running, and Buddy barks, chasing after me. I faintly register the sound of my dad’s truck door slamming and as my foot hits the bottom step of the porch, two arms wrap around my waist from behind.

  “Shy, calm the hell down,” my dad growls in my ear. “Don’t go storming in there with guns blazing.”

  My breath hits in sharp bursts, but he’s right. I hate that Trevor got to him before we did, but I need to calm down. “Okay, I’m good.”

  My dad releases me and I take a calming breath but notice Buddy is back in the middle of the road, staring out into the trees.

  Together we climb the few steps up to the porch and my dad knocks on the front door. “Lucas! Son, you in there? Open up!”

  “Help!”

  “Shut up!”

  Two male voices.

  Shit!

  My dad pulls me behind him and pushes open the door. “What the hell…?”

  I peek around and there, in the middle of the living room, is Trevor. He’s sitting on a chair, his arms pulled behind his back and secured with duct tape, his ankles the same.

  “Nash, please, call the police!” Trevor’s voice is weaker than I’ve ever heard it.

  “I am so…” Gage is sitting in the corner, his knees cocked, forearms resting on them, his hair loose and wild, hanging over eyes that are glaring at me. “Disappointed.”

  “Lucas—”

  I grip my dad’s biceps. “That’s Gage,” I whisper.

  Gage chuckles. “I cannot believe you’d be attracted to a man like this.” He motions to Trevor, disgust twisting his gorgeous face. “He’s already cried twice.” A maniacal laugh bursts from his lips. “I don’t even have a weapon!”

  My dad steps deeper into the room, closing the door behind us. He stares between Trevor and Gage but finally addresses Gage. “What’s going on, son?”

  Gage’s eyes flicker with emotion at the fatherly tone in my dad’s voice. “Mr. Nash…” He pushes up from his seated position but doesn’t move any closer. He runs a hand through his hair to smooth it down in what seems like an attempt to look more presentable. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  “Gage.” My dad nods.

  Gage’s eyes find mine and his eyebrows lift in a silent, You told him.

  I nod back. As much as I want to hate Gage for what he did, how badly I want him to know the hurt he put me through, I can’t. I have to believe he acted out of self-preservation, some inherent defense to avoid any kind of emotional abuse. God, I’m sick, but I still love him.

  “This fucking psycho is holding me hostage!” Trevor breaks the silence.

  Gage rolls his eyes and saunters forward. My gaze devours his shirtless torso and the way his gray sweats hang loose around narrow hips. He’s the walking definition of dangerous and sexy. His eyes fix on mine. “Was he always such a drama queen?”

  My dad stabs a finger in the air. “Someone better start talking or I’m calling the sheriff.”

  Gage glares at Trevor, making my ex’s face drain of what little color it had. “This piece of shit showed up on my doorstep to fucking interrogate me. He was asked to leave. Multiple times. He wouldn’t.” He shrugs. “So I dragged him inside, tied him down.” He flashes me a wicked grin. “We had a little chat about his intentions with the lovely Shy Ann.”

  This gets both my and my dad’s attention and Trevor shifts uncomfortably in his binds.

  “Seems he had plans to drag you to Los Angeles, but not to help you with your career goals.” Gage smacks Trevor on the backside of his head, making him yelp. “He was going to make you his whore.”

  “Ha! Yeah, well, he could’ve tried.” I glare at my ex-friend. “Like I’d ever let him touch me again.”

  “You fucking liar!” Trevor’s face screws tight and a vein bulges from his forehead. “You would’ve done anything I asked to get to Los Angeles. Don’t go acting all self-righteous now. You fucked me all through college just to get a job, and don’t—”

  “Heard enough.” My dad crosses to Trevor and pulls him up from the chair. Keeping his wrists and ankles bound, he tosses him over his shoulder. “I’ll be outside. Callin’ Austin to come pick up this sack of crap. You two talk about whatever you need to talk about before the sheriff gets here. And you?” He stares down at Gage. “I’m trusting you with my daughter. Don’t make me regret it.”

  Gage stands a little taller. “Sir.”

  Satisfied with Gage’s response, my dad heads out with a wiggling and irate Trevor over his shoulder. Once the door closes, I face Gage. Silence builds between us, both of us daring the other to talk first.

  “You hurt me.”

  He rocks back and his shoulders slump, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I know.”

  “Why?” The single word comes out like a cry from my soul.

  “I thought…fuck. I saw you at the hospital. He kissed you.”

  I suck in a sharp breath. “You were there? It wasn’t what you think—”

  “Luke knew it wasn’t. He understood.” He shifts on his feet and finally brings his eyes to mine. “It was me. I was…scared. Thought we’d lose you.”

  “So you pushed me away first.”

  His eyelids drop
in a slow blink. That’s a yes.

  “I’m not used to feeling this”—he digs his fingertips into the space between his pecs—“deep. It’s fucking scary.” His molten-gray stare meets mine. “I don’t get scared.”

  I wish like hell his explanation could erase the memory and take away the heartache of what he did. “You’ll never trust me enough to love me.”

  He takes a step forward but must see something in my expression that makes him stop. “That’s not true. I trust you. I do. I can’t bear to lose you, that’s all. We can’t live without you and that’s…” He blows out a long breath. “How can I prove it to you?”

  I swallow hard, hoping what I’m about to say doesn’t take us two steps back in the progress we’ve made. But I have to know he trusts me, and it’s the only way. “Tell me what happened the night your family died.”

  His face blanches. “You’ll hate me when you hear.”

  I move closer until we’re almost touching but I refuse to make the first move. He’ll reach for me when he’s ready. “I could never hate you, Gage.”

  “Thought I ruined everything.”

  “You almost did, but lucky for you I don’t give up easily.”

  “You should let us go, find the life you deserve, Shy.” His eyes shine and he dips his chin. “I can’t promise I won’t hurt you again.”

  “Of course you can.”

  “I can’t. This is all so new and I’m so fucking afraid of messing it up.”

  “Take a chance, Gage. Trust me. Let me carry some of this weight for you. Tell me what happened the night your family died.”

  His arms wrap around me and he buries his face in my neck, the skin of his cheeks cold and clammy against my heated throat. His big body sags against me in what feels like welcomed defeat. “Why are you intent on destroying me, Shy?” He’s dropping his walls and my chest floods with warmth as his trust envelopes me like a warm blanket. His lips dance across my skin. “Why?”

  “I don’t want to destroy you.” My pulse pounds in my ears at the shakiness in his voice. I’ve never heard him so undone. I wrap my arms around him, holding him to me. “I want you to let me love you.”

  He pulls back, his eyes flickering, and I don’t know how I know, but I feel Lucas trying to get through. I cup his jaw with both hands. “I love you, Gage. I do.”

  His face twists like he’s in pain. “I hurt you.” His voice takes on a childlike tone.

  “You should’ve talked to me. I would’ve explained.”

  His features turn cold, distant. “No man puts his lips on you.”

  “Gage, please. Listen to me. Dustin made a mistake, all right. He apologized. He knows where I belong and it’s not with him.” I search his eyes, imploring him to see the truth in mine. “I don’t want anyone but you.”

  A small smile curves his lips. “And Luke.”

  “Of course, and Lucas.” I run my thumb along his lower lip and he drops his eyes closed.

  “I didn’t kill them,” he whispers.

  Relief washes over me like the warmest caress. I knew in my heart Lucas and Gage weren’t capable of murdering children, but hearing it directly from the only person who survived that night squashed the trickle of doubt. He didn’t kill them.

  “The night they died…” He stares at his hands. “Mom, she…had a way with punishment. It was always a mental game with her. I don’t even know what we did that day to piss her off so badly.” He laughs, but it’s far from funny. “Not that she ever needed a reason to fuck with us.” His expression turns dark, like a switch has been flipped. “She called us all in the room and handed Mikey a knife.”

  I roll my lips into my mouth, holding back my words, my sobs, and my breath.

  “She put a gun to Mikey’s head. I remember it was silver.” He blinks, then scowls as if it’s all playing out before him. “She told him if he didn’t stab our sister, she’d put a bullet in his brain.”

  I want to beg him to stop, to save me from the nightmare of his past, but I know he needs to tell it just as badly as I need to hear it.

  “Mikey cried; he begged not to be killed.” His head lolls to the side, his cold, haunted eyes on mine. “You ever heard a ten-year-old boy beg for his life, Shy?”

  I shake my head, incapable of words, all while my soul is screaming for his pain.

  “He couldn’t do it. Every time he brought that knife to her little neck, she’d scream that she didn’t want to die, beg for her life.” He thumps his temple with his fist. “I can still hear it!”

  Tears build in my eyes and threaten to spill. “I’m so sorry…” I whisper.

  “Mom told him to open his mouth. He listened.” His eyes drift away to focus on nothing. “He always listened to her. He was a good kid.” Snapping out of whatever memory he was in, his gaze shifts to mine. “She slid his shaking fingers onto the trigger, took the knife, and held it to our sister’s throat. Gave him a second option. Kill himself or she’d kill Alexis.”

  “Oh, Gage—” I cover my mouth as a sob rips from my chest.

  “He blew his own brains out to protect her.” His hands fist into his hair so hard I’d swear he was pulling it from his scalp. “So much blood. And crying. God, the fear in their cries was the worst.”

  A few seconds of silence pass before he regains the control to continue. “I thought that might be it, that my brother’s suicide would be enough for her to scare us into submission.” His eyes meet mine. “I was wrong. She gave that gun, splattered in our brother’s blood, to David. Alexis was hyperventilating. He didn’t even hesitate, probably looking forward to dying because it had to be better than living. Then it was my turn. She knew I’d shoot myself before I let her touch my sister, so with me she got creative. She made me choose.” He holds out shaking hands, palms up. “Slow death by knife or a quick shot to the head.” His eyes shine with tears. “My baby sister…I had to choose.”

  “Oh God…”

  “By then she’d gone quiet. Maybe it was shock, but I knew she was gone somewhere deep inside her head. One by one, she watched with sick satisfaction as all three of my siblings took a bullet to the head. But it was me…it was my job to keep them safe. I didn’t pull the trigger, but I was responsible for their deaths.”

  “Gage, no. You had no choice; you were a child and she was an animal.”

  A slow, twisted smile crawls across his face. “Then it was my turn.”

  “What happened?” I swallow, not sure I want or can handle the answer.

  “She put that gun in my mouth, but she held the trigger. Everyone was dead; she had no one to threaten me with. ‘You’re the worst of them. You won’t be missed. You’re no one,’ she said. Her eyes were almost black. I remember that. It was like…like she was high on the anticipation of spilling my blood. I knew I was gonna die. Hell, after what I’d seen, I was ready. Welcomed it. She pulled the trigger. It knocked me back and as I was lying in a pool of my brother’s and sister’s brains and blood and then…” His gaze comes to mine, bringing him back from the nightmare. “I realized I was still breathing. Luke learned later at the hospital that it was the angle that saved us. Shot under my tongue, and here.” He points to the scar under his jaw. “She dropped the gun on my chest, and I remember her laughing.” He coughs out a chuckle but his face twists in pain. “Surrounded by the gruesome mess of her children’s dead bodies, and she was laughing. I lost it then; I couldn’t help it. I joined in. I was choking on my own blood, but I was happy. I picked up the gun, excited about what I knew I was going to do next.”

  “Gage…” Fear rolls through me and as desperate as I am for the next words to roll from his lips, to hear what I already know, I’m shaking.

  He cups my jaw with both hands and holds my head tight so I can’t look away. “I was spared to accomplish this one thing, to get revenge. I pushed myself up”—a languid grin pulls at his lips—“and shot the bitch between the eyes.”

  I suck in a breath, and strangely there are no tears. “You didn’t murder y
our family.” No fear. Not even revulsion. Only relief. Respect. And the feeling of justice. “But…you killed your mom.”

  “She killed me first.” His hands release me and he takes a step back, putting distance between us. “And, Shy?”

  “Yeah?”

  The sound of voices yelling outside is followed by boots stomping across the porch. Oh no, the sheriff. Our time is up.

  He turns to me and smiles softly as a single tear falls from his eye. “I love you too.”

  The door bursts open and deputies with guns drawn pour into the living room.

  “No!” I move on instinct to protect Gage, to cover him with my body. “What is this? What are you doing?” I’m snagged from behind by a deputy and pulled to the far end of the room.

  Deputies surround Gage, but he doesn’t run or take his eyes off me. They jerk his arms behind his back. “Lucas Menzano, you’re under arrest for—”

  “Arrest?” I kick to free myself from the deputy’s hold. “For what? He didn’t do anything!”

  He blinks and confusion tightens his expression. “What happened?”

  Sorrow drags me to my knees. “Lucas! Oh God, Lucas!” Finally, the tears come.

  “I don’t understand,” he says to one of the deputies. “What’s going on?” His gaze searches mine and he takes a second to study my face, most likely seeing the leftover emotion and tears from Gage’s confession. “What did you do to her? Why are you holding her?” He fights in their hold, the muscles of his upper body straining beneath his bare skin.

  “Lucas…”

  Lucas

  Pain I can take. The burn in my shoulders as I struggle to get free, the ache in my legs as I push to get to Shyann, all of it is a party compared to the slicing agony at seeing her cry.

  Her eyes are puffy, bloodshot, and tear-soaked.

  What happened?

  Confusion makes everything sluggish. As if my thoughts can’t catch up to real time. But nothing matters except soothing Shy.

  “Stop fighting, son.” I ignore the deputy and try to wrench my arms free when I’m shoved between my shoulder blades to move. “Calm down and we’ll get this straightened out.”