Libera Me (Requiem Series)

by Fonseca, Christine

  “Every difference.”

  “She will never be able to see you. Gabriel will never authorize you to be in form with her. So what then? You watch her from afar, torturing yourself? I went through this with you once before. I’m not doing it again.”

  “I’m not asking you too.”

  “No, you’re not. And that’s even worse.” Cass turns away. Her thick black hair falls in her face as she casts her gaze to the ground, shaking her head. Frustration ripples across her back, extending through her indigo wings. “You don’t even know if it’s her.”

  “It’s her,” I whisper. “It has to be.”

  Cass spins to face me, pinning me with her glare. “All you know, Zanethios, is that there is a girl that likes Aydan. That’s it.”

  “And he likes her. A lot. I can feel it in his thoughts. He thinks she’s Nesy. That’s enough for me.”

  “He could be wrong.”

  “But it gives me enough of a reason to visit her.”

  “Gabriel won’t allow it.”

  “I wasn’t planning on telling him.” I clench my jaw, shifting my weight from foot to foot.

  “What? No! This is how we lost Nesy in the first place, by allowing her to do things outside of the Council. You aren’t going to break your vows. You aren’t visiting that girl.”

  Cass’s mouth continues to move, but her voice fades away. My mind fills with thoughts of the girl, of Nesy. It’s her, I know it is. And I will prove it.

  “Why are you so certain it’s her?”

  Cass’s voice returns, thundering through me. It pulls my attention to her, breaking the spell cast by images of Nesy.

  “I just am,” I say through gritted teeth. “Why are you so certain that it isn’t?”

  “She’s been gone for six months and nothing—not a prayer, not a thought. Nothing. The real Nesy would find a way to tell us that she was alive, especially after the last time. The real Nesy would find her way back to us.”

  “She found her way back to Aydan. Maybe that’s enough.”

  “Not for Nesy, it isn’t. It’s not her.”

  I think about the words, wondering. A moment passes before I open my mouth to speak again. “I don’t care what you think, Cass. I know it’s her. With or without you, I’m going.”

  “What if it’s a trap, Zane? Did you think about that? What if she’s a demon sent by Azza?”

  “Then I guess I’m going to die.”

  In truth, I already have.

  The air crackles with energy as I step from the portal. A house stretches in front of me, yellow with white trim. I stand near a hedge that lines the driveway, cloaked in shadow and my angelic form. A girl sits on the steps, waiting. Her hair covers her face as she chews her lower lip.

  Nesy.

  She checks her phone over and over. Waiting. Always waiting.

  “Now what? Are you going to speak to her? Forage through her thoughts?”

  I knew Cass would follow, knew her lecture wasn’t finished.

  “No. I’m just going to watch. See if there is anything that reminds me of her.”

  “How did you even find her?”

  “I followed her here yesterday. After school.”

  “Zane! You’re taking too many risks.”

  I have nothing to say to her, no excuses I care to make. Of course I followed the girl, what else could I do?

  Cass releases an exasperated sigh. “So you’re going to just sit here and wait for what, a sign or something?”

  I nod, watching as the girl continues to check her phone, her apprehension growing.

  “Suit yourself,” she says. “But I refuse to watch you destroy yourself again.” Cass turns away and fades into the night sky.

  A low rumbling trembles the ground and Nesy stands. She’s dressed in a short white skirt, a white tank and a denim jacket. So different from the way I’m used to seeing her. A broad smile covers her face as Aydan pulls into the driveway, straddling a motorcycle. Nesy runs to him, her face aglow. It’s hard for me to watch, harder than it should be. He kisses her cheek as she climbs on the bike, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. He whispers something to her and she tilts her head back, laughing while part of me dies.

  Aydan pulls down on the throttle and the motorcycle roars to life. Nesy turns her head to where I stand. For a moment, our eyes meet. Everything stops and time is suspended. She searches my face with her eyes, reaching into the depths of my soul.

  Can you see me?

  In my mind I run to her, make certain she’s real. I enter her thoughts, finding my Nesy inside. She thanks me for saving her, tells me that she loves me. In my mind, all of this happens.

  But only in my mind.

  Aydan turns the bike onto the road as a slight smile tugs at Nesy’s lips. She turns away and tightens her embrace as they are swallowed up in the darkness.

  I close my eyes and inhale a sharp breath. “It is you,” I whisper to no one. “I knew it was you.”

  Chapter 3 – GIFT

  Aydan

  Her body burns against mine, throwing off my concentration. I want to pull over and wrap her in endless kisses. Remind her of what we are to each other. But I can’t. Not yet. She only sees me as someone she is supposed to know, not someone she’s risked more than just her life for, someone she loves.

  It’s a difference I need to fix. Tonight.

  I push the bike faster, enjoying the little tremors I feel from her as she grips my body. Every touch from her awakens a need from deep inside my soul. I’m not sure how much longer I can avoid kissing her.

  We follow the road that winds up the rocky coastline of the Sound. The restaurant is situated at the top of the ridge in the middle of a quaint, affluent town. Couples walk the shop-lined streets hand in hand and sit at cozy outdoor tables. It reminds me of some fairytale in some foreign land. Romantic and timeless.

  Perfect.

  “Wow,” she says when we arrive. “This is gorgeous. I don’t think I’ve ever been up here.”

  “I had a feeling you’d like it,” I say as I place my hand in the small of her back and guide her into the restaurant.

  “I do. A lot. But why? What’s the occasion?”

  I want to say it’s our 500 year anniversary of sorts; I want to tell her everything. “A month ago you came walking into Euro, and everything in my life changed for the better,” I say instead. “It seems like something we should celebrate.”

  She smiles and snuggles into me as we wait for our table. I inhale her scent. Vanilla and something else. Something different. Smoky almost. Sexy. It drives me crazy with need, want.

  I swallow hard and move away while I can.

  “I’m going to see what’s taking so long. They should’ve seated us already.” I walk to the hostess, desperate for a little distance so I can focus.

  I don’t want to scare Nesy. But being this close to her, being human—it’s more intense than I’d expected. And my control is not what it once was. I don’t know how humans ever survive these emotions. These urges.

  The night passes too fast as we eat and talk. Her eyes light up when I tell her about my life, the one made up by Gabriel. She tells me about hers, lies she’s been fed to fill in the dark holes. It’s strange. Surreal.

  And nothing like what I wanted for this night.

  I stare into her eyes, hoping to lose myself in their depth. But there is no recognition in them now, no way for me to tell if she’ll ever remember the truth of us.

  Maybe she doesn’t need to.

  —Can you love me as I am?

  Maybe it’s enough to simply start over.

  —Can we find our way back? Find our love?

  Or maybe there is no love for someone like me.

  The last thought lingers too long and I begin to choke on my fear. I have to make her remember, have to believe we have a chance.

  Still.

  “Nesy?” I drink in her gaze, wondering if this will work. “Are you happy?”

  She furrows he
r brow. “With you? Yes.”

  “With your life?”

  Her eyes darken.

  This is a mistake, I think.

  “I don’t know,” Nesy whispers. “I know I’m happy when I’m with you.”

  “But?”

  She swallows hard and her eyes begin to fill. “But…what if it’s not enough.”

  Her sadness sends a shard of pain through me. I can’t stand seeing the depth of her anguish. Feeling it. I silently curse myself for rushing things.

  I move my chair so I can comfort her, taking her hands in mine. A lone tear slides down her face and my insides break in two. Catching her tear with my thumb, I wipe it away and press my lips to her forehead. “You are more than enough, love,” I whisper into her hair.

  “But, when you talk, when you tell me that I’m strong and fearless, when you call me Nesy…” Her voice trembles, catching on every word. “I’m torn.”

  “Torn?” I can’t bear the thought that I am the cause of her pain.

  Again.

  “I’m not the girl you think I am. I’m not…Nesy.” Her voice cracks as she pulls her hands from mine and turns away so I can’t see the river of grief pouring from her eyes. “I’m not her.”

  I turn her chin to face me. “Vanessa, you are enough just as you are. You will remember us one day. Until then, I’ll wait.” I lean in, brushing her lips with mine.

  She trembles and I again have to force myself to hold back.

  “What if the memories never come back?” she whispers. “Or worse, what if they do and I still don’t remember you.”

  An awkward pause fills the air around us and I pull her into my arms.

  “What if I’m really not your Nesy?”

  “It’s okay. I’ll all be okay.”

  We sit for a moment, locked in our embrace. Scared to move forward. Scared of the truth. I think about the necklace burning a hole in my pocket. Maybe it will help her with a breakthrough.

  Or maybe it will drive her further away from us.

  What to do?

  What to do?

  My pulse rushes as we leave the restaurant. We walk to the bike, Nesy a step ahead of me, quiet.

  I catch her hand and pull be back to me. “Vanessa,” I whisper in her ear, unwilling to call her Nesy until she’s ready. “I have something for you.”

  She turns to face me, leaning against the bike. I pull the necklace from my pocket. The angel-wing charm dangles in front of her and I study her reaction, again searching for some sort of remembrance. Still nothing.

  No recognition in her eyes.

  No curiosity on her face.

  Just a smile as she meets my gaze.

  “It’s beautiful, Aydan. Thank you.”

  I reach around her, fitting the clasp around her neck. Again the scents of vanilla and smoke invade my senses, causing a shiver to run down my spine.

  “The minute I saw it I knew it could only belong to you.”

  Not exactly a lie.

  “I love it,” she breathes into my neck as she closes any distance between us. “Thank you.”

  Her lips are against mine for a moment before she realizes what she’s doing and pulls away.

  The distance is too much. I scoop her into an embrace, still resisting the urge to push things further. “Your memories will come back, Vanessa. I know they will.”

  I gently kiss her once more before I can stop. She stiffens in response. Kisses me in return.

  Our kiss deepens and I tremble. I want to lose myself to her. But I can’t. She isn’t ready. I know she isn’t.

  “Soon,” I say, my voice quivering. I pull away and my body objects. “When your memories return.”

  “You’re right.” Her voice is wispy, breathless. She looks away and takes a deep breath. “If they return,” she whispers to the night air.

  The words scream through me. I turn her face back to mine. “I love you. No matter what.”

  A storm gathers in her expression. She grabs for the charm, delicately fingering it. “I should get home.”

  “Okay.” I take a step back as she climbs on the bike.

  The scent of smoke and ash grows thick, filling my senses. Something stirs deep inside. Fear, and something else.

  Something more.

  Nessa’s eyes widen with fright.

  —What’s wrong?

  Angry screams split the night sky.

  —I need to fight.

  And I fall to my knees.

  —You will pay.

  “Run,” I yell to Nessa.

  My vision blurs as a fist connects with my jaw. I collide with the hard asphalt, my legs and arms scraping open. Two men drag me into the alley behind the restaurant and bind my hands behind me, nearly releasing my arms from their sockets. The pain streaks across my vision as my strangled scream dies in my throat.

  Nessa tries to run, but not before two more men grab her, yanking her into the alley as well. My insides ignite as they hit her, cracking her lip open.

  “Get off her,” I snarl. I pull against my captors’ hold. But it’s no use, I can’t get free. “You’re dead,” I growl to the man holding me. “You are dead.”

  The vengeance is bitter on my tongue. I mean every word I’ve said. I will kill these attackers if I ever get free.

  Nessa’s screams fuel my thoughts of revenge as I watch her squirm against the men. One grabs her hair, forcing her down.

  “No!” I yell, understanding their intent. A sharp thud collides with my head and my vision fades to black.

  Screams, Nesy’s and the attackers, fill my thoughts as my mind closes in on itself.

  Chapter 4 – Defend

  Zane

  Aydan’s anger clings to my thoughts. He’s in trouble. And so is Nesy. I forge a portal without thinking, my mind only focused on getting to her in time.

  “Wait,” Cass says, reappearing next to me. “What are you doing? You’re blind. You won’t be able to see what you’re fighting.”

  I ignore her words. I can’t let anyone hurt them. Hurt Nesy. Not now. Not after everything. The portal opens in front of me, a large tunnel through space and time.

  A path to her.

  “Zane! You can’t.”

  “I’m not letting anything happen to them.”

  “You mean her. And you’ll be more of a liability to her in your condition.” Cass grabs my arm, keeping me where I stand.

  “Only if the attackers are demonic.” Who am I kidding? Aydan’s rage can mean nothing less.

  “And if they’re human, you—”

  I cut her words off with my hand and yank my arms free. “Coming?” I ask as I step into the vortex.

  Cass steps in behind me as the tunnel swallows us whole. It takes too long to reach them; far too long.

  Images dance across my thoughts—Aydan’s soul stripped in a kiss, Nesy slaughtered, Azza’s laughter in the background. And the smoke, forever lingering just out of reach.

  My legs begin to wobble and Cass instinctively grabs my hand. Her presence calms me for only a moment before the movie replays.

  “You need to focus, Zane. Stop imagining the worst.”

  But how can I stop? I know it’s just a matter of time before these incessant visions come true.

  I will protect you Nesy. I promise.

  The portal opens to an alley next to a deserted parking lot. Aydan lies on the ground, blood pooling around his head. Nesy is pinned by two assailants. She fights against their hold, screaming into the night air. Her face is marred with bruises. Two more attackers watch, laughing with each of Nesy’s screams. I step from the portal, unable to move further.

  “Wait,” Cass demands. “Do you smell that?”

  Smoke and ash. Sulfur and decay.

  Azza.

  It can mean nothing less.

  “Do you see anything?” I cannot hold the panic from my voice. Nesy screams and I know we’re out of time. I have to help her. “Cass! What do you see?”

  “Nothing. Just the humans. There
’s nothing else here.”

  “Then let me go,” I grunt as I try to free myself from her grasp.

  “No. You can’t interfere. The Council—”

  “Well, I’m not going to stand here and watch her get hurt. Cass!”

  “No! It isn’t safe for you. I’ll deal with this.”

  A bright indigo light pours from Cass’s palms and coils around me, immobilizing me.

  “Azryel’s Wings, Cass. Let me go.”

  “No!” She steps from the portal, going to Aydan.

  “Sancti Mikayel.” The words float from Nesy’s mouth, more a thought than a phrase.

  The large assailant laughs. “I told you to shut up,” he says as he slaps her.

  Nesy growls. Spits in his face. He slaps her again and the sound echoes from the building. Blood trickles from her mouth.

  “Dangit Cassiel, let me go and help her. You can’t let them hurt her.”

  “We can’t interfere when it’s human to human, not without orders,” she yells over her shoulder.

  Aydan moans as Cass lays her hand on his heart. In a moment he settles.

  Nesy screams.

  And the scene erupts into a flurry of grunts and groans.

  Nesy’s assailant flies off of her, landing on the asphalt with a loud thud. Something shiny—a small knife perhaps—glints from Nesy’s hand. Her eyes are wild with rage, yet focused.

  The expression of a warrior, a Sentinal.

  “Cass?”

  “I see her,” she says, still tending to Aydan.

  Nesy pulls herself up, her jaw clenched and her hands fisted at her side. “Come on,” she taunts. “Come on!”

  The other attackers lunge forward. She ducks, spins, her moves as fluid as a well-choreographed dance.

  She fends off the men, slashing them as they come for her. Parries and jabs, lunges and dips. A dance to the death.

  The dance of a Sentinal.

  “Per virtutem Mikayel et Celestium.”

  “Cass, listen,” I say in shock. “She’s calling…”

  “I know, I know. But, how?”

  “I told you. It’s her. It’s Nesayiel.”

  There was no other explanation.