Libera Me (Requiem Series)

by Fonseca, Christine

  “So you say. But what if you’re wrong?”

  I rock with her, trying to soothe her fears. She trembles as the sobs begin to wrack her body.

  “I should go,” she finally says as she inhales her fears and stows her emotions behind a familiar mask. “My aunt will wonder what happened to me.”

  “Are you sure?” I don’t want her to leave, not when she’s so close to remembering everything. “Come over. Just for a little while.”

  “No. She’ll kill me if I’m late again. I’ve been in enough trouble after Friday. I can’t risk messing up again.”

  Reluctantly, I take her home. The drive feels silent and cold as we wind up the road to her house. The clouds continue to darken around us.

  “Call me later,” I say, my voice tense with worry.

  She nods and climbs off of my bike.

  I grab her hand and pull her to me. “Don’t be afraid of who you are.”

  She trembles and looks down. “I’m not that girl. A fighter. Trust me, I know I’m not.”

  I slide my hand behind her neck, threading my fingers through her hair. “It doesn’t matter,” I say as I taste her lips in a brief kiss.

  “And I know it does.” She kisses me again, her lips trembling.

  Part of me wants to grab her and take more than just a kiss—a part of me that’s supposed to be dead. A part I refuse to acknowledge now.

  A part that grows stronger every day.

  Nessa pulls away and walks to the door. “I’ll call you later,” she says as she walks into the house.

  I leave, fighting back the urgings of the monster threatening to consume me.

  Chapter 10 – Visions

  Zane

  It’s been two days since Caim’s orders; two days and nothing. Not one word. I knew I couldn’t trust him.

  I leave my chamber, unable to stand the confines of the room any longer. The sun streams through the buildings of the city, casting shimmers of light across the streets. I walk past the towers and toward the practice fields. A cool breeze ruffles my wings as I walk. My mind races, unfocused.

  I stop at the edge of the city. I can’t sense Caimael anywhere. Closing my eyes, I draw a stilted breath. I still miss the vanilla that used to linger in the air whenever Nesy was home. Miss the flutter that scent used to cause.

  Now all I feel is anguish.

  “Looking for me, Zanethios?” Caim’s voice filters through my thoughts.

  I open my eyes. Caim leans on a tree just outside the gates, a sardonic grin plastered on his face.

  “Why haven’t you checked in?” I have no time for his games this morning. I need to know about Nesy.

  “What makes you think I’ve started that assignment yet?”

  My back stiffens and my wings tuck behind me.

  Caim laughs, his voice without joy. “Don’t worry, I’m leaving this morning. You really should trust me; I know what I’m doing. Sariel trained me himself.”

  “Did you know what you were doing with Lorelei?” I square my shoulders, my jaw set.

  “I owe you no explanations about the Seer.”

  “Oh, I think you do, actually.”

  “Alright then, out with it. What’s your problem with me?”

  Anxiety tightens every cell. There are so many things I want to yell, so many accusations I could make. Anger wells up from the depths of my soul.

  I release a deep breath. And another, desperate to refocus my thoughts before my emotions get away from me.

  “What? Nothing to say now?”

  I surround myself with silence as I force myself to focus. “Just guard Nesy,” I finally say.

  “My mission is to investigate Vanessa and determine who, what, she is. Nothing more.”

  An awkward pause grows in the space between us. My emotions swirl back into a tempest. Too many words weave through me.

  Traitor.

  Can’t trust you.

  Won’t leave this, her, to you.

  I choke on the foreign feelings too strong to deny and push the words past my mouth. “I’m going with you.”

  “The heck you are!” Caim rises to his full height and steps to within inches of me. “I won’t endanger the lives I’m charged to protect because I’m stuck babysitting you.”

  His words steal the air from my lungs.

  “Oh,” Caim says. “You didn’t realize I knew about your injury, did you?”

  I have nothing to say.

  “Cass filled me in, since we are a team and all. You remember what it is to be a team, right?”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” Every word is measured, deliberate.

  The air stiffens as Caim taps the top of his sword. “It means, Mediator, that you don’t trust me. You blame me for Nesy’s death.”

  “Of course I blame you! If you had done your job, Nesy would have—”

  “Killed Aydan? Not fallen in love with him? Maybe.” Caim wraps his hand around the hilt. “Maybe not.”

  “Regardless, I have no reason to trust you now.” My hand reaches for my sword. “And the last time I checked, you are accountable to me. Not the other way around. I owe you neither an account of my thoughts, nor my trust.”

  “I am accountable only to Sariel.” Caim draws his sword and begins to circle me.

  I will not be challenged by him. Not ever.

  “And to me.” I draw my sword. “I head this team. Not you.”

  Caim swings, his blade narrowly missing my neck. I parry, weakened by the emotions surging through me.

  “I’m sick of you looking down on me.”

  “What?” I ask as I block another blow. “No one looks down on you.”

  “Everyone does. One mistake and none of you can forget it.”

  “Angels died because of that mistake.” I parry again, lightly tagging his shoulder.

  Caim releases a growl.

  “What’s wrong? Can’t handle the truth?” Anger coats my words.

  “Don’t lecture me about what happened,” Caim snarls. “They were my brethren. Mine! I am well aware of my shortcomings that day.” Caim lunges at me again. “And it’s between me and Sariel. Period.”

  Caim strikes faster. Harder. I counter each one, my anguish fueling every blow.

  “We are supposed to be a team, Caimael. Your difficulties are between all of us now.” I swing, my blade scraping across Caim’s back.

  “Azryel’s Wings,” he snarls under his breath. “You’re supposed to trust me, be loyal to me. Not that human girl.”

  I lunge forward, stripping Caim’s sword from him.

  “Zanethios!” Cass materializes between us. “What in the realms is going on with you two? We are angels, not some group of mindless, demonic idiots.” She raises her hand and sends my sword flying. “What would Gabriel say?” She shoots a glance at Caim. “Or Sariel. You’re both pathetic.”

  “But—”

  “Save it for someone who cares, Caim. Now get your sword and get out of here.”

  “This isn’t finished,” he says as he takes a step back.

  I step forward before Cass lays her hand on me.

  “Not one word,” she says.

  When did she get so tough?

  Caim storms away.

  “This is your fault, you know.”

  “What? I didn’t do anything. Besides, that idiot needs a little humbling.”

  “As do you from time to time.”

  I look down and release a strangled sigh.

  “What’s going on between you guys anyway? I thought you wanted him on our team.”

  “It isn’t that.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “He’s just so, I don’t know…”

  “Cocky? Just like Nesy.”

  “He’s nothing like her.” I walk away, refusing to accept any comparison between them.

  “Whatever it is, you need to figure out a way to work together. The Council expects nothing less.”

  “I need to get out of here,” I mumble as I push pas
t Cass.

  I walk to the outer fields that surround the towers of Celestium, away from my brethren and the questions I can’t yet face.

  Why don’t I trust Caim?

  Does my blindness make me weak?

  Can I let go of Nesy?

  The questions come in quick succession. I shake my head, focusing only on one thing—getting back to Earth. And Nesy.

  Taking a deep breath, I open a portal to Aydan’s house. Pain and anguish rip through me as the scene splits open and his room comes into view. Waves of nausea pass over me and I suck in a sharp breath to avoid being washed away in the tide of emotions. Something has changed.

  Something major.

  “You’re not going there again, Zane. I won’t let you.”

  “Go away, Cass.” I’m tired of her interference. “I won’t let something happen to Nesy. We talked about this already.”

  “I’ll turn you in myself, Zane. If you do this, I won’t protect you.”

  I don’t care about her threats. “Do what you must.”

  Before she can respond, I step through the portal. Aydan’s energy is frantic. In his thoughts, a picture of Nesy fighting him, rage painted in her expression—the same rage she held during the attack. I search his thoughts to find Nesy.

  Home.

  Without thinking, I follow his thoughts to Nesy’s home. The house looks quiet when I climb from the vortex in the space between her house and the thick forests that surround it. I center my thoughts and search.

  But there is nothing to feel, nothing to sense. Only my own apprehension.

  Something crunches behind me. It’s faint at first, followed by three more similar crunching sounds, each one a little softer.

  I spin, my heart pounding too hard against my ribs. My world has become scarier in the months since Nesy was taken; the months since I lost the ability to see the angels and demons, the UnHoly. Azza.

  Scarier and harder.

  Maybe Cass is right, maybe I am nothing more than a liability now.

  A silhouette climbs through the dense woodlands ahead of me. I follow, begging the figure to be her. The air is filled with a desperation that ripples my wings. I speed up my pace, soon walking along side of her.

  Her features are so different from the Nesy I know. Her skin no longer shimmers with gold. Her hair no longer looks kissed by the sun. And her eyes…her eyes no longer reach into the depths of my soul, connecting us.

  She has changed.

  It’s still you though, isn’t it?

  Nesy throws a glance in my direction before changing her pace and orientation. She quickly meanders away from me, almost as though she can sense my presence. I close the distance, anticipating her moves. I refuse to lose her in the woods, especially with night descending and no ability to know if something hunts her, hunts us both.

  Again she risks a quick look toward me.

  And again she changes her path.

  Can you see me?

  I stay in pursuit, allowing the distance between us to grow. I don’t want to scare her, not after everything she’s endured.

  She tosses another look in my direction before making her ascent through the forest. She mumbles, the words impossible to make out.

  But not the anguish. Or the pain.

  They bleed into her voice, coating the air. She is so afraid. So confused. I want to calm her thoughts as I used to, help her remember how to focus her mind.

  I continue to follow as she changes direction twice more before turning fast, startling me.

  “Stop following me,” she yells. Her voice is so much like Nesy’s—bossy, strong, defiant.

  I collapse the distance, now curious.

  “I said stop following me!”

  Her eyes widen, moving from my face to my wings to my feet.

  The air grows still as she swallows hard. “You aren’t real.” Her hand reaches to the winged charm and twirls it. Tears spring forth in her eyes. “I’m imagining this. All of it.”

  My mind screams to remain silent, to step away from her and let her believe that I’m nothing more than a dream. But my needs outweigh my thoughts.

  “What if you’re not dreaming?” I can’t keep myself from speaking with her. “What if I’m real?”

  She bristles with my words, the tears spilling onto her cheeks. “This isn’t real. This isn’t real.” Her words repeat over and over.

  I step closer, brushing the tears away with my hand. “It’s me, Nesy. Zane.”

  “My name is Vanessa.”

  “Technically it’s Nesayiel. But you’ve never liked that name.”

  She clenches her jaw, biting back the fear I see lodged in her eyes. “I’m Vanessa,” she says through gritted teeth. “And you are not real.” She grabs her arm between her two fingers and pinches herself, turning her skin an angry red. “Wake up,” she mumbles. “Wakeupwakeupwakeup!”

  “You are awake and I am real.” I know I’m pushing too hard. But I can’t stop. Not now.

  I reach out and touch her cheek again, sending a shudder through her. She furrows her brow and takes a step back. The color drains from her face as panic seeps into every pore.

  “You don’t have to be afraid. We’re friends. Or at least, we were.”

  She shakes her head, still stepping away from me.

  “Before you came into this life. Try to remember.” I close the space between us again, ignoring the turmoil spreading through us.

  What if it isn’t her? Cass’s voice radiates through me.

  I stare at Nesy, noting every detail of her eyes. They hold an unfamiliar fear, now. Panic. Inhaling a deep breath, I close my eyes, focusing on my senses that no longer work. Vanilla and smoke fill my nose. So much like Nesy.

  And yet, so different.

  Is it you?

  “Nothing but a trickster.” That’s what Mikayel called the demonic smoke. A trickster.

  Are you here to trick me now? Trick Aydan?

  “No!” Nesy’s voice pulls me from my doubts. “No! You aren’t real. I won’t accept this.”

  “I can prove it to you.” The words pour out too fast. My pulse quickens as I step even closer. “Let me heal your mind, just like I used to whenever you were overwhelmed. Please.”

  She edges back, trembling. “You’re not real,” she whispers. “Not. Real.”

  Tears fill her eyes again as she turns from me. I need to calm her mind, show her who she really is; I need to prove to myself that my fantasies are true.

  Without waiting for permission I seep into her thoughts. Everything is muddled, confused. There are no memories of Celestium and the Council, nothing of me or Cass. Just like before, she has nothing of that life.

  But there are holes in her current memories too; unexplained missing pieces. Nothing of the ways she fought off the attackers, nothing of the dreams and nightmares I saw the other night. Only the scared ramblings of a little girl, weak and afraid.

  This is wrong, so very wrong.

  Nesy screams as I leave her thoughts, her confusion mirroring my own. I have no explanation for her thoughts save one; the demonic smoke took far more than my memories when it revived Nesy. It took her—everything that made her Nesy, everything that made her a Sentinal, my friend, an angel—all gone.

  She’s no more than a mortal shell now, an empty vessel waiting to be shaped by the world. Or worse, shaped by the demonic smoke.

  Maybe even Azzaziel himself.

  Was that the plan all along?

  Nesy steps back, turns and runs through the forest toward her house. I watch her silhouette shrink from me, growing smaller and smaller until the night swallows her.

  My mind erupts in a frantic chaos and I drop to my knees. Images form from the confusion, splattering across my vision.

  Fire and ash.

  The fall of Celestium and the enslavement of humanity.

  My brethren set aflame.

  It is a future set into motion because of me. My vision blurs as the pictures overwhelm my senses. My puls
e roars too loud in my ears and I begin to shake. Mea culpa, I say over and over. Mea culpa. Mea Culpa.

  Nesy is in danger now. Aydan—in danger.

  Maybe all of us.

  Because of me.

  Only me.

  Chapter 11 – PROMISE

  Aydan

  The walls shake as the pounding on my door continues. “Coming,” I yell. “Coming.” I open the door, startled. Nessa stands in front of me, her eyes half crazed. She looks like she did at the gym—lost in some distant memory.

  “Nessa?”

  She throws her arms around my neck and pulls me to her. Our lips meet as she melts into me. I inhale her anguish, her pain, her fear. For a moment I feel the familiar craving I refuse to acknowledge. I push against her, forcing her to stop.

  “Nessa,” I growl, barely able to control myself. “What happened?”

  “Nothing,” she whispers through a ragged breath. “I need you.” Her lips meet mine again, riddled with desperation. I want to lose myself in her, lose myself in this moment.

  “No.” The words scrape along my throat. I pull myself away from her. “We can’t. Not like this.”

  She stares at me, blinking. Her eyes cloud over and she turns, heading back out of the door.

  “Nessa, wait.” I grab her arm. “I didn’t say you had to leave. Stay.” She stops moving. The air crackles between us.

  I feel her take a heavy breath.

  And another.

  Everything seems to move in slow motion as she turns and looks at me. In that brief moment, I see Nesy in her eyes, the blue oceans pushing deep into my soul. My body quivers. She collapses any space between us. Her eyes close and our lips softly brush. A moan escapes me before I can stop it. Again she teases my lips with hers.

  It feels so familiar. Images spring to life against my eyelids. Another time with Nesy, another place.

  A church and courtyard.

  A fountain and statue.

  Promises of a life together, admission of a love that should never have been.

  I can’t hold myself back any longer. I need her touch, her kiss.

  I always have.

  I press my lips hard against hers, tasting her desire and confusion. Her love. At once I’m in two places, two worlds, two lives.