by Ruff, K. S.
“I don’t know how to heal from this,” he confessed brokenly.
I kissed his hands. “We just need time, mon chérie. We will heal in time,” I replied encouragingly.
“I don’t think any amount of time will heal these wounds,” Michael responded as he walked away.
My shoulders fell. A chill swept over me, then settled deep inside my bones. Michael had always been so confident and determined. I had never seen him look so hopeless. It struck me then that Genevieve wasn’t the only one I had lost that day. I lost Michael too. I turned numbly toward the windows. The base of the fountain was still there. The broken pieces of the sculpture that was meant to reflect us were gone.
* * * * * *
The days that followed were some of the most difficult days I had ever known. I needed Michael. I didn’t know how to heal without him, but each time I reached for him, he was gone. He locked himself in his office most days. I tried to respect the fact that he might need space to heal, but the distance between us only made things more difficult for me. I ate dinner alone most evenings. No amount of pleading or cajoling could convince Michael to join me.
I was beginning to loathe sleep. I went to bed alone every night. I was having nightmares from the attack; and every once in a while, I woke to the haunting sound of a baby crying as I mourned what could have been. I would reach for Michael, but he was hardly ever in our bed. There were a few nights he would climb into bed when he thought I had already fallen sleep, but I was too afraid to move closer or hold him, because I feared it would make him want to leave.
Whenever I tried to kiss Michael or show him some affection during the day, he would respond numbly. Then he’d walk away. We didn’t talk about babies, or nurseries, or even the wedding. In fact, we hardly talked at all.
One day I mustered up the courage to ask Rafael where Michael was sleeping. He told me that Michael was sleeping in the nursery, next to our room.
Rafael hovered over me. He seemed frustrated with Michael’s behavior and my growing isolation. He kept nudging me toward the garden terrace and would distract me with gossip about the other staff when Theron wasn’t around. Twice, he took me to coffee at the café on the Champs Elysees. My addiction to the stuff was the one thing that had returned to normal.
It was Rafael, not Michael, who rescued me from my nightmares. He said he could hear me screaming in my sleep. On those nights, he would pull one of the chairs from the window close to the bed and sit there until I fell back to sleep. I wondered if the man ever slept. He was the consummate protector, day and night.
One morning, I discovered a new sculpture standing in the center of the fountain. It was a sculpture of a little girl carved into a patch of flowers. She was watering the flowers with a small watering can as she admired a butterfly perched on her other hand. Her hair was blowing gently in the wind, and there was a peaceful smile on her face.
I fell to my knees when I saw her. I wept for hours on that balcony. That was the only time Michael came to me. He sat on the floor and rocked me in his arms until my tears subsided. I fell asleep in his arms, completely exhausted from all the crying. He was gone before I woke.
We lived in this state of limbo… existing but not really existing… for two weeks. I was growing increasingly concerned by Michael’s efforts to avoid me. My cousin was flying into Paris in three days, and I didn’t even know if the wedding was still on. Finally, I mustered the courage to confront him.
I announced my decision to Rafael as I brushed past him in the hall. “I am going downstairs to talk to Michael. Do you know if he’s still in his office?”
“Madame Stone, this isn’t a good time,” Rafael exclaimed as he caught up with me.
I huffed out a small breath. “Rafael, please stop calling me that. We’re friends, practically related. I’ve told you before to call me Kristine.”
Rafael grabbed my shoulders. “Kristine, please don’t push him. You don’t want to hear what he has to say.”
My eyes widened, then narrowed. “What is it, Rafael? What is it he’s planning to say?”
Rafael shook his head. “Nothing good. He still blames himself, and he’s worried he can’t keep you safe.”
I gently removed his hands from my shoulders. “I’m losing him, Rafael. I can feel him slipping away more each day. I have to talk to him… to tell him I love him. He needs to know that I don’t blame him. We need to work through this together, not apart.”
Rafael peered deep into my eyes, then slowly nodded. He didn’t say another word as he followed me downstairs. He stopped just outside the door when I entered Michael’s office.
My heart pounded as I approached the desk. Rafael’s warning was still ringing in my ears. “Michael, we really need to talk.”
He continued sifting through his paperwork. “Not now, Kristine,” he replied dismissively. He refused to look at me.
I studied him while quietly standing my ground. Michael had lost weight. Dark shadows filled the hollows under his eyes. His mouth was set in a thin line, and pain still marred his handsome face. “Then when, Michael?” I asked softly.
He set the paperwork aside. “You should leave,” he noted quietly. His eyes captured and held mine.
My eyes filled with tears. There were so many things I wanted to say, but Michael’s message was clear. I turned and walked away.
“I mean for good,” Michael clarified.
My eyes met Rafael’s as he stepped inside the door. He reached for my arm.
I turned around to face Michael. “What did you say?” I whispered fearfully.
His eyes were two bottomless pools of pain. “You should go back home, Kristine. You aren’t safe here.”
I took a step toward him as he rose from the chair. “This is my home, Michael. This is our home. I belong here with you.”
He walked to the front of the desk. He shook his head sadly as he sat on the edge of the desk. “No, you don’t. I never should have brought you here. You aren’t safe, Kristine. I can’t keep you safe.”
I closed the distance between us, grasped his face in my hands, and waited for his eyes to meet mine. The second they did, I spoke. “I don’t care, Michael. I don’t care that I’m not safe. I have never been safe. Do you hear me? Never! I love you, Michael… seulement toi. I want to be with you. If they kill me tomorrow, I won’t care… as long as I’m with you!”
“No!” Michael roared. He wrenched my hands from his face. “I won’t allow it. I don’t want you to be in any more danger. I love you too much to lose you too. The fear of it is already killing me.”
“We can work through this, Michael, but we have to do it together. Our love is strong enough to endure even this,” I pleaded. My entire body trembled as I began to cry.
Tears streamed down his cheeks. He grabbed my face and kissed me roughly on the lips. “Go,” he rasped.
I took a single step back and fell to my knees. I tried desperately to rein in the tears as I reached for his shin. “No, Michael, please don’t make me go. I love you. My arms ache because you aren’t in them. I can’t breathe without you. I need you, Michael. Please, Michael, I am begging you to let me stay.”
“Go. Now!” he yelled more forcefully. “Leave me!” he screamed.
I curled in on myself as I began sobbing. There wasn’t a part of my body that wasn’t broken in that moment.
Strong arms wrapped around me as Rafael drew me to my feet and crushed me to his chest. “You are a fool, Michael. You will regret this day. Mark my words, brother. This will prove to be the biggest mistake of your life.”
I sobbed hysterically as Rafael walked me back to my room. Twice I tried to break his grasp so I could return to Michael. Each time he stopped and held me. He whispered soothingly in my ear as he encouraged me toward the bedroom. The pain in my chest worsened with each step that increased the distance between Michael and me.
Rafael sat me on the couch by the fireplace before disappearing inside the bathroom. He returned with a glass of
water and a small pill. “Please take this, Kristine. It will help.”
I didn’t bother asking what the pill was. I didn’t care. I would have let him shoot heroin in my arm as long as it would have numbed the pain. I was still weeping when I fell asleep.
Rafael rubbed my shoulder. “The jet is ready, Kristine. You need only decide where you want to go.”
My eyes flew open. I wondered how much time had passed, then realized I didn’t care. “I want to stay here. Please don’t make me go,” I whimpered.
He held my hand in his as he gently shook his head. “We need to leave, Kristine. Do you want to go back to DC?”
My heart clenched at the thought. “No,” I said weakly. I sluggishly turned the possibilities in my head. “Take me to Great Falls. I want to see my cousin, Lexie, in Great Falls.”
“That’s in Montana?” Rafael clarified. He tucked his arm under my knees and lifted me to his chest.
“Yes,” I mumbled as the sleeping pill dragged me back under. “Montana.” It was the last word I spoke in Paris.
Chapter 26 - Somebody that I used to know
The sleeping pill wore off just before the wheels touched down in New York. We walked through customs. Then Rafael nudged me toward a Starbucks so we could grab coffee, a couple of sandwiches, and some pastries for the second leg of the flight. I had no interest in eating, but I gladly nursed the coffee. I took another sleeping pill when we re-boarded the plane. I wondered if the two would just cancel each other out, but the sleeping pill won out in the end.
By the time the jet landed in Great Falls, I was awake but still feeling the blissful detachment from my body that sleeping pills tend to induce. I stared out the window at the snow and wondered if the maid had packed any clothes that would be appropriate for Montana.
Rafael must have read my thoughts. “He had a million dollars transferred into your checking account. You can purchase anything you need.”
I was too exhausted to be offended. “I don’t want his money,” I choked on a sob. “I want him.”
“I know,” Rafael whispered, “but he wanted to make sure you were provided for, that you would have everything you need.”
“I need him,” I persisted in a small voice.
“I know,” Rafael repeated as he wrapped his arms around me. “He needs you too. He just doesn’t know it yet.”
Cold air rushed over me as the door to the jet opened. I shook miserably. “I don’t want to go.”
Rafael ran his hands down my arms as he tried to warm me. “I’ll come with you. You aren’t in any shape to drive, and I want to make sure you get to your cousin’s house.”
I peered out the window again. The sky was growing dark. “I don’t even know if she’s home, Rafael. What time is it?”
He glanced at his watch. “Just after five o’clock.” He stood and helped me up. “Your cell phone won’t work here, do you remember her phone number?”
“Not her work number, but she should be home soon,” I responded softly. I squeezed the pilot’s hand when we reached the front of the plane.
Rafael led me down the cold metal stairs and onto the tarmac. His breath formed clouds in the freezing air. “I’ll get a rental car. That way we can wait in the car until she gets home from work.” He nudged me toward the airport as he gathered my luggage.
Warm air blasted us as we entered the tiny airport. I ducked inside the bathroom while Rafael paid for the rental car. I splashed water on my face and tried smoothing my hair before joining Rafael at the rental counter.
He wrapped his arm around me as we walked outside to the car. “I’m sorry I didn’t think to purchase coats when we were at the airport in New York.” Rafael tucked me into the passenger seat before shoving the luggage in the trunk. He cranked up the heater as soon as he joined me in the car.
My teeth were still chattering when he pulled in front of Lexie’s house. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw her kitchen light on. “She’s home.”
Rafael slid the car into neutral and set the emergency brake. “I’ll get your bags,” he replied as he stepped from the car. He left the engine running.
I yanked the keys from the ignition and ran to the back of the car. I reached for his arm. “Aren’t you coming in?” I asked worriedly.
His eyebrows knit together. “I don’t know if that is such a good idea. Wouldn’t you prefer to be alone with her?”
“Rafael, don’t make me say goodbye to you too. Not today. Please stay. She has two guest rooms,” I pleaded as tears slid down my face.
His eyes softened as he grasped my face and wiped my tears with his thumbs.
The gesture reminded me so much of Michael, I burst into tears.
“Okay, Kristine. I’ll stay, if your cousin approves, but only for one night,” he relented.
“Thank you,” I whispered hoarsely. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight. “For everything.”
He pulled the luggage from the trunk. The floodlights turned on just as we reached the driveway.
Lexie flung the door open. Her long dark hair streamed behind her as she ran through the snow in her bare feet. “Oh my God, Kri! I thought it was you, but I didn’t know how it could be. Oh my God, you’re here. You’re really here!” She threw her arms around me, knocking me down in the snow.
Lexie and I would have stayed that way for hours, blond hair tangled in brown, holding each other and crying in the snow, but Rafael intervened. “Kristine, please. You need to go inside where it’s warm. You are shaking terribly. You’ll get sick if you stay out here.”
I saw the storm in Lexie’s eyes when she heard him speak. I could see her draw on more than two decades of Karate training when her eyes went black.
I grasped her shoulders. “Lexie, he’s not Michael. This is Rafael, Michael’s brother. He’s my bodyguard. He’s just here to help me get settled. Please, I want him to stay.” I glanced up at Rafael as he lifted me from the snow. “Just one night, Lexie. Please?” I pleaded as I turned back around.
Rafael tucked me against his side before offering his hand to Lexie.
Her eyes narrowed when she took his hand. “I don’t know what is going on here, but you better not have any ill intentions toward my cousin. I’ll kick your ass if you do.”
Rafael smiled at her fierce protectiveness. “I assure you, I don’t.” He tugged gently as he pulled her from the snow.
Lexie brushed the snow from her scrubs. “Then you can stay.”
Lexie’s husband, Nate, pulled into the driveway. He strode determinedly around the monster size truck. He hugged me long and hard before Lexie introduced him to Rafael. Nate’s jaw clenched when he learned Rafael was Michael’s brother, but he didn’t hit him. I admired the restraint, especially coming from Nate.
Lexie’s eyes followed Rafael from across the living room as he wrapped me in a blanket and sat me on the couch. She was on the phone ordering pizza from Dominos.
Rafael left the house briefly to retrieve the luggage. Lexie showed him to the guest rooms.
Nate built a fire in the fireplace before opening a bottle of red wine for Lexie and me. He handed Rafael a beer.
Rafael looked longingly at the wine, but he accepted the beer. “Thank you,” he responded politely.
For some reason that made me laugh.
Everyone looked at me. Their expressions betrayed their concern that I might finally be losing it.
I smiled weakly. “It’s nothing. I just… I didn’t realize Rafael drank beer. I thought he preferred wine.”
Rafael smiled. It was the first full-on smile I had seen in weeks. “I don’t mind beer, but you’re right, Kristine. I prefer wine.”
“Like Michael,” I mused.
He nodded. His smile faded as his eyes met mine. “It is not the only area where our tastes align.”
I ignored the warning that thrummed through my veins. I was too exhausted and overwhelmed to respond.
Rafael sank into the chair next to me. My cousin joined me on th
e couch. Nate exchanged Rafael’s beer for a glass of wine before taking their dog, Annie, out to the backyard.
“Why are you here, Kri? I was going to fly out to see you in two days,” Lexie noted softly.
I sighed as tears welled in my eyes. I wondered if tears ever ran dry. “Michael insisted I leave. He didn’t think he could keep me safe.”
Lexie took a sip of wine, but her brilliant blue eyes never left my face. “Why?”
I peered into the deep red wine. “Michael turned some investors and a terrorist organization over to the Portuguese government when he discovered the firm he was working for was laundering and investing their money. They lost billions, and Michael fears they are out for revenge. Two general partners escaped prosecution and one of them tried to drown me a few weeks ago.”
The wine glass fell from Lexie’s hand. A strangled sound escaped her chest as she pulled me into a fierce hug. Nate kneeled in front of us with a wet cloth as he began cleaning the carpet. Somehow, I lost myself in that simple act. I sat completely engrossed while I watched him clean. Lexie shook my shoulders until my eyes found hers again. “Are you okay, Kristine?”
Tears stole down my face. As I diverted my gaze, my eyes met Rafael’s. “No,” I whispered brokenly. “I lost the baby, and Michael sent me away.”
Rafael rose from his chair. He knelt in front of me as he reached for my hand. “He loves you, Kristine, and he wants you safe. He needs you alive more than he needs you in his life. He believes it’s only a matter of time before the other partner comes for him, and he doesn’t want you there when he does. Don’t you see, Kristine? He loves you enough to let you go.”
I nodded numbly as I tried to rein in my tears.
Lexie jumped up from the couch and immediately began pacing. “You were pregnant?”
Rafael slid next to me on the couch. He wrapped his arm around me protectively.
I watched Lexie pace back and forth. Finally, I responded. “Yes.”
She stopped pacing. “How long?”