by Becky Due
Their month-long vacation consisted of a few days in London, Istanbul and Dubai before going to Kenya and Tanzania for a twelve-day safari. After their safari, they went to Cairo for a couple days to see the Pyramids, then back to London for two nights before flying home.
Rebecca thought about the prostitute’s business cards she saw in various places throughout London—a simple postcard with a naked woman in a seductive or even raunchy pose. She thought about Istanbul where she saw millions of people clogging the streets, but not one woman driving a car or out by herself walking around downtown.
In Dubai, Rebecca saw the pendulum swing too far in the opposite direction of the U.S. and she didn’t know which was better women completely covered in black and nobody allowed to take pictures of them without their permission, or men continually photographing, exploiting and making money off of young women’s bodies. A relaxing day at the beach in the U.S. could land a woman on the Internet without her knowledge.
In Africa, Rebecca learned about girls’ circumcision, removal of the clitoris, and how it used to be performed at age seventeen but now it was age eight. International organizations were trying to teach the tribes to stop circumcising girls altogether.
In Egypt, Rebecca was relieved that they had a female guide. The energy was different; it was good. Rebecca had always been aware of energy shifts when she was around testosterone versus estrogen. She usually preferred the estrogen unless she was with Jack or her dad.
On the trip, Rebecca learned a little about other cultures and a lot about herself. She knew how lucky she was to have been born free and raised in the United States.
2:00 PM
As Rebecca stepped outside with Lily, she didn’t see any coyotes or anything out of the ordinary, so they took off on their walk down the driveway. Thinking about that month long vacation, Rebecca was amazed at how well she and Jack got along during the trip. They had never been together so much without the distraction of television and friends. It was clear that they depended on each other and enjoyed each other’s company—they were a good match. She missed him.
She followed the driveway along the hilly wooded area. On the other side of the house was a flat field full of tall grass and weeds. Rebecca wanted to plant lavender throughout the field to see if it would grow. She loved the color purple and adored the smell of lavender, not to mention its soothing, relaxing effect of relieving stress.
A jackrabbit jumped out from behind a tree, surprising both Rebecca and Lily. Lily started barking and wanted to chase it. Rebecca squatted down and held onto Lily as they watched the rabbit hopping around in no hurry. It was Fred, the jackrabbit that lived by them. She and Jack loved him so much they named him and started thinking of Fred as their own pet jackrabbit. They saw him often, big and beautiful and fun to watch. Fred hopped out of sight, and Rebecca and Lily continued on their walk.
Lily did her business and Rebecca picked it up with a plastic bag. She and Jack liked walking around the property holding hands and didn’t want to have to worry about stepping in Lily’s poop.
At the edge of the trees, Rebecca noticed a beer can lying on the ground. She stepped closer and saw a cigarette butt beside it. “That’s strange.” It almost appeared that somebody had been sitting there, drinking and smoking, but it was only one cigarette and one can of beer. So whoever it was wasn’t there long.
Lily peed so Rebecca decided to head back toward the house and get back to work. Rebecca knew that Angie’s work was making her mind race, worrying too much, thinking too much. And deep down, she didn’t want to admit it to herself, but she was frightened that Roy might try to find her. When her mind was in overdrive, Rebecca knew one of the best things to do was go downstairs to the gym and work out.
Back inside, the message light was blinking on the phone. She hit play.
“Oh, hi, Rebecca. This is Harland, your neighbor. It seems the break-in might have had something to do with their kids. Seems one of them is a little troubled and has some friends who are mixed up in drugs. And they didn’t have their alarm on. The sheriff thinks it’s nothing to worry about, but I’m going to keep my alarm on just in case. I hope they get to the bottom of it. If I find out more, I’ll let you know.”
Rebecca was relieved. That was one less thing to worry about. She changed her clothes, slipped into her running shoes and went downstairs with her iPod. She set her iPod in the dock, turned up the hip-hop music, and started to work out. First things first, she thought as she started the treadmill, ready to sort through her worries so she could focus on her work and office cleanup. She took a few deep breaths and recognized that, yes, there was something wrong—her emotions were in turmoil.
Rebecca had learned a trick several years ago, and it had helped her create the life that she had and loved. Whenever something didn’t feel right, she had to find its cause. Once she figured out what was bothering her, she would confront the issue or the person as quickly as possible so the problem wouldn’t linger and distract her from living her life to the fullest. If the concern was out of her control or hadn’t happened yet, Rebecca either let it go or made plans so she was ready for anything.
While walking on the treadmill, she started to check in with herself, probing to get to the real issue. “Am I upset that Jack is out of town?” she asked herself. “No, I’m not.” Next she asked herself, “Am I hungry or tired?” and answered, “No, I don’t think so.” Rebecca increased the incline on the treadmill. “Okay. Am I feeling overwhelmed by Angie’s work?” She didn’t hesitate. “Yes, but that’s my job.” She thought about what she needed to do to feel better about her work. “Number one, I need to become more detached, not take things personally. Second, I need to get through her information so I can get to the fun part, the three Ps: point, purpose and pitch.” Rebecca smiled thinking about the Ps. It was her favorite part of every new client. “Okay, done.”
Next, she went onto Roy. “How do I feel about Roy?” Rebecca lowered the incline and slightly increased the speed. “I don’t like to acknowledge my true feelings and nervousness about the possibility of Roy finding me, and wanting to hurt me. I especially hate the feeling of not knowing.” Rebecca increased the speed and started a slow jog. She thought about how she could get more information about Roy. She could find out who his parole officer was and give him a call. She could call Victim Services to find out what they knew. She didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but she would rather be safe than sorry. She would rather ask the questions now than wish she had asked later. “Okay, I got it.”
Rebecca made plans for what she couldn’t control: burglar, coyotes and the weather. She increased the speed again and thought to herself. I’ll take Lily out more frequently during the day when I can see what is going on around me. We will stay close to the house at night. If a coyote does come toward us, I’ll pick up Lily and I will scream and flap my other arm like a crazy person. I will not turn my back on the coyote. I will make myself look bigger so the coyote will be more afraid of me. “Okay, done. I refuse to be afraid on my own property.”
“What’s next?” Rebecca said out loud. She decided that the storm moving in was related to her other fears, especially if the house lost power. She wondered if the alarm system would still work. She would call and find out when she finished working out. Rebecca knew that during almost every storm they lost power, but she didn’t remember ever having the system set during those outages. Rebecca knew where the flashlights and extra batteries were. Her computer would run for a few hours so she could keep working. Also, her office phone was corded and didn’t need power like most of their other phones, so her office would be a safe place to be if the power went out. She could make it fun and work by flashlight and candles. And the power wouldn’t be out for long, a few hours max.
The burglar was no longer a big issue. She and Jack didn’t have troubled kids, and they had an alarm system with stickers saying so in all the windows. She would arm the system at all times, especially while Jack was out of t
own, and she would keep all the windows and doors locked. Rebecca would stay alert. If for some reason the alarm would go off and Rebecca needed to act, she needed a plan. She decided to have a safe room, so if anything happened, she would know what to do and where to go. After much thought, she decided that her safe room would be the master bedroom. It beat out hiding in her office or trying to escape in her car because if the power went out or was cut, the garage doors wouldn’t open.
She would take her cell and charger up to the bedroom in case the phone lines were tampered with. That way, she would still have a phone to call 9-1-1. If the alarm went off, she would grab Lily, head straight for their bedroom, lock the door and push the chair in front of it. “Done.”
Rebecca looked around the gym for a moment and was alarmed by her own reflection. The gym had one wall of windows and three walls of mirrors. Just thinking about somebody breaking in made her nervous.
She decreased the speed on the treadmill and thought about what she should do if Roy showed up. She knew burglars would want money and valuables. But what would Roy want? Would he want to hurt her, kill her? Try to get her back? Her stomach ached. She knew he would want to hurt her. Roy had been in prison, and people say that you learn more about crime in prison than anywhere else. That thought frightened her. What if he knew how to break in or disarm the alarm without detection? Rebecca decided that wasn’t possible with today’s technology.
“Okay,” she said and increased the speed and incline of the treadmill again. “Everything is good.” She spent the next fifteen minutes at a slow jog. Her mind cleared, and she felt strong and powerful. She didn’t need to be afraid.
When Rebecca started her cool down, Lily jumped on the treadmill and walked between Rebecca’s legs. This was the routine they had started when Lily was a puppy. Lily was always proud walking with Rebecca. Whether they were outside or on the treadmill, she held her head high while her little ears bounced. Lily could always make Rebecca giggle.
Finished with her cardio cool down, she hit the switch for the steam room and glanced inside to make sure it was working. The steam room hadn’t been used for a while. She went back to the bench to do a few sets of abs: crunches and leg lifts.
Rebecca was feeling good. She danced around to her music while she lifted weights. She did a few dumbbell curls and started thinking about Roy and the part he had played in her life. It was he who made her fix her life. Roy was the worst in the mix of her failed relationships, but he forced her to face the fact that she had been the common denominator in the lives of the men she dated. She couldn’t keep blaming the guys. She had to take a look at herself and her choices in men. She wondered if Roy had helped her more or hurt her more. As much as it sucked to be afraid, she knew everything happened for a reason. Maybe Roy was a lesson she needed to learn. She never would have found love like she had with Jack if Roy hadn’t come along.
She finished working her back, biceps and abs, before heading to the steam room. She took off her clothing, stepped inside and closed the door behind her. The moist heat felt amazing and she smiled as the thick steam enveloped her. She thought about the weekend she met Jack.
She had taken Friday and Monday off work, personal days, and headed to Denver for a getaway, Thursday through Sunday night. Her long weekend of shopping, nice restaurants and spa treatments filled Rebecca with excitement, and she knew the change of scenery would be good for her. She had never done anything so spectacular for herself before, but one of the books she was reading encouraged her to love and treat herself like she was important. This trip was also a reward for getting back on track with her finances; over the last few weeks, Rebecca had been working overtime to get out of debt.
From the women’s group, counseling and reading self-help books, Rebecca decided that she wanted to celebrate her freedom from men for a year. She knew that by freeing up her time, she could spend more time with family and friends, find her dream career, and learn more about herself and why she settled for unhealthy men. When she was ready to start dating again, she would do the picking and he would have to be perfect for her.
Getting to the hotel later than anticipated, Rebecca ordered room service. After she ate, she hung her morning breakfast order on her door, and snuggled into bed to watch TV. She was excited about the next morning’s spa experience. She woke to her morning order being delivered, fruit, yogurt and a crescent roll. She felt like she was being served breakfast in bed.
At seven, she jumped in the shower to get ready for a little shopping before her spa appointment. The water pressure was awesome and she didn’t want to get out from under the hot water. She dried off and lay back down on the bed, the white sheets feeling so fresh and new. She could smell her perfume from the night before and hugged a pillow to her body. Rebecca was happy. She was alone and happy.
After successfully shopping at one of the hotel boutiques, Rebecca was relaxing and getting a pedicure when a peculiarly attractive man came in. He nodded to her and sat down next to her for a pedicure. Rebecca was paging through some of her notes and ideas she had about starting her own PR firm. This, she had discovered, was her ultimate goal. She woke up that morning knowing that PR was her mission, her dream and her purpose. She also knew that she wanted to focus on women.
Rebecca chose a deep, dark red for her toenails to match her freshly painted fingernails. She figured she needed some fire and passion in her life—not with a man, but with herself and her future.
The man sitting next to her began talking loudly on his cell phone as if he wanted everybody to hear his conversation and she was sure everybody did, even the people getting massages and facials in different rooms. She thought somebody should tell him to be quiet. Wasn’t this supposed to be a place to relax? Nobody wanted to hear about his latest business deals. Were cell phones even allowed in spas? She started to get the feeling that he was a regular at the spa and nobody seemed to want to tell him to keep it down. So she decided she would.
Once he was off the phone, Rebecca commented, “You’re a loud talker.”
The two women giving the pedicures tried to hide their shock and laughter.
He immediately started laughing and turned toward her, interested in what she had to say. “Is that right?”
She continued to focus on her work and didn’t look up. “Yes.”
“Have you ever known one of us loud talkers?”
“No.”
“Well, then, my name is Jack.” He reached out his hand to shake hers.
“Rebecca.” She looked at her nails, gave them a quick blow and lightly shook his hand, showing little interest in continuing the conversation. Rebecca’s pedicure was finished, and it was time for her facial. As she was helped out of the chair, she heard Jack say, “It was nice to meet you, Rebecca.”
Rebecca turned and smiled back at Jack, flattered but not interested. This trip was for her and about her. A man would just get in the way.
After her day of being pampered, she showered and put on the new cashmere lounge suit she bought that morning. She wasn’t sure what she would do with the rest of her evening, but she was eager to get back to her hotel room. She went to the front counter of the spa to pay for her treatments. She stood waiting while the man working the desk finished his phone call. She could tell he was getting her bill together for her, so she reached for her wallet and waited.
“Okay, we’ll see you on Tuesday at eleven o’clock. Thank you,” he said before hanging up the phone. “Okay. Let’s see. You had a manicure, pedicure, facial and massage.”
“That’s right. And it was wonderful.”
“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. Would you like to bill this to your room? Oh, wait a minute, it has been taken care of.”
“Um, no. I… I haven’t paid yet.”
“Yes, a gentleman named Jack took care of your bill.”
“You’re kidding me?” Rebecca was shocked. “Is he still here?”
“No, he left after his pedicure.”
�
��Well then…” Rebecca stared at the wall fountain behind the desk. She shook her head in disbelief and started to put her wallet away. “Oh, I’d like to tip…”
He interrupted, “It’s been taken care of.”
Rebecca put her wallet in her bag, said thanks and went back to her hotel room. Feeling a little uneasy, she tried not to think about it, but her curiosity about this man kept growing. She didn’t know anything about him, just that he was a loud talker named Jack. She wondered if he knew her last name or if he got it when he paid her bill. Would she ever see or hear from him or was it just a random act of kindness? She shook her head, hoping to clear her thoughts of him. This trip was about her alone.
4:05 PM
When Rebecca got out of the shower, she wanted to wear the same cashmere outfit she bought the weekend she met Jack. It wasn’t in the changing room so she threw her towel in the dirty clothes basket and started up the stairs naked. As she walked quickly up the stairs, she became acutely conscious of her nakedness. She felt powerless and like she was being watched. But she always felt more vulnerable when she was naked. She wondered what it felt like for strippers and women in pornography.
About halfway up the stairs, she heard a loud crack and bang. She stood still. Lily started barking. The thunder rumbled loudly outside. She looked up the stairs, then continued walking. She glanced toward the windows and saw the sky changing. Dark clouds surrounded the house. “Oh, God, please don’t let the power go out.” Just as she said that, there was another loud crack and Lily barked again. The lights flickered.
“Honey, it’s okay. It’s just thunder.”
Rebecca rushed up the next set of stairs to the third floor and into the master bedroom closet. She pulled out the camel-colored cashmere lounge suit, held it up to her face and smelled it. She smiled and quickly got into it. It seemed a little tighter than it used to. “Oh, well.” She hugged herself as she headed back downstairs. She glanced at the clock. It was just after four in the afternoon but almost dark outside because of the heavy clouds.