As Long As You Love Me (Love Me Series Book 4)

by Jaime Russell

  “Max, I’m lonely. I see Cash and Abby with the baby and you, Reagan with Jonathan. Here I am six months pregnant without a father for this baby. Abby means well and I think she wants me to be happy. I don’t want to cramp your style.” I smile at him as he’s lying on his side facing me. Since moving in with him, I get to see the old Max when we first moved in together when Abby and I were 18. He has this carefree, always smiling, and the weight of the world is off his shoulders. I used to love these talks that we had when I had a bad date or difficult day at work. Abby would hide herself in that game of hers.

  I remember this one time where we were laying in Max’s bed on my back after this disastrous date.

  “Jimmy was awful to me.” I cry.

  “I don’t know why you date that douchebag. You are too good for him. Date someone worth your time.” Max chews on his gum while texting on his flip phone.

  “Maybe it’s the other way around; he is too good for me.”

  “Now that is stupid.” Max gets up on his left side to look at me. He uses his hand to make me look at him. “Sarah, you are beautiful, sweet, and have a heart of gold. You deserve more than just a wimpy ass man who doesn’t appreciate the queen in front of him.” I weakly smile at him.

  “I think you are just saying that.” I push on his chest but he holds my hand to his chest a little longer. Max leans to me and kisses me. Max tastes like whiskey. He is so tender as our lips are connecting and never in my wildest imagination did I think that he would be my first kiss. Max’s tongue runs over my lips and I slightly open my mouth giving permission. Max starts to move on top of me as I moan into his lips and he stops to roll off me.

  “Sarah, I’m so sorry. I shouldn't have done that.” Max sits on the edge of the bed.

  “Max, thank you.” I hug him from behind and kiss his cheek.

  “Why are you thanking me?”

  “Max, you are my first kiss and my best friend. You took all my insecurities and fears away. I can’t really tell if I am a good kisser because my teddy bear doesn’t really talk back.” I wink at him and leave his room. He yells something about practice to call him and I laugh.

  “You were lost in thought, where did you go?” Max pokes my nose.

  “I was going back to that night of my first kiss and how you always make me feel better.”

  “Ah, I remember that night.” Max blushes. “I’m happy to help you and this baby is never going to know what it is like to not have a father figure in his life.” I’m crying like a baby now.

  “How can you be so sure?” I hyperventilate in between sobs. Max pulls me into his chest.

  “Because,” Max kisses my head, “I’ve always had your back and nothing will stop me from doing it, plus Jonathan can’t wait to be a big brother.” I laugh and squeeze him tight. “What the fuck was that?” The baby decided right then to kick her Uncle Max.

  “That’s the baby kicking.”

  “Are you serious?” I take his hand to the last spot that she was kicking and I tell him to talk to her. “Hello little baby. I’m your Uncle Max. Woah that feels so weird but I like it.” Max takes his hand off my belly like he just burned his hand on a pan.

  “It’s wonderful and painful all at the same time. Motherhood is scary. What if I fail?”

  “You will fail but you will also be great.”

  “You sound like Reagan.” Max laughs and tells me about how she has doubts about failing Jonathan all the time. I couldn’t believe my ears, Reagan is an amazing mom to Jonathan and if she questions herself all the time in all decisions. It makes me feel slightly better. “Thank you.” I mumble as I start to fall asleep and Max covers me up with my Sons of Anarchy blanket. I dream of my baby tonight. The real world can wait another day.

  Middle of January

  Christmas and New Year’s came and went without any problems. I’m sitting in my grandmother’s new doctor’s office waiting for her appointment. Sarah and I have been talking more and more lately but I’ve been too chicken to ask her out.

  “You okay Jensen?” My grandmother places her hand on my hand that is resting on my bouncing knee.

  “Gram Gram; how do you know when you love someone?”

  “You just know.”

  “But how do you just know?”

  “What was it like for you and Michelle?”

  I look up to the ceiling as I think about that time that I told Michelle that I loved her.

  We had just had sex in my parents’ basement which was the family room.

  “Jensen, hurry up and hand me my bra!” Michelle barks at me. She was always afraid when we would have sex at our houses during the day because someone could come home and find out that we skipped school. I look around the floor for it. I find the condom wrapper and dispose of my condom and wrapper into the garbage can in the bathroom. My parents know that I am having sex, who do you think buys my condoms? I tried to tell Michelle to relax but she won’t do it.

  “Seriously Shell, relax. My parents are away at gram gram’s house for the whole weekend. They left today.” I find her bra and she snatches it from my hand. I decide to lay down on the 80s-style burnt orange, green and yellow color pull out couch that moved to the basement when we got modern furniture for the upstairs living room.

  “I don’t know how you can be so calm about this! If my parents find out that I lost my virginity before I graduated high school, they will kill me and you!” Michelle flops onto the couch. “Can you please get some clothes on?” I look up at her and smirk.

  “What don’t like what you see?”

  “Not right now. My nerves are shot.” I roll off the floor to my hands and knees to stalk over to Michelle who is trying not to smile and laugh. I slither up to between her legs. My hands find her stomach as I slowly make my way to her bra. I lift so I can play and tweak her nipples as her head falls back and moans. I take that as a yes and my teeth grab a hold of the puckered nipple in my mouth. Michelle doesn't even scream out in pain anymore because she enjoys it. It really gets her off. So, I help move her skirt up around her waist to find that she didn’t put her underwear back on, “Oh Me likey.” I find her neck to sink my teeth in as I whisper in ear, “I love you,” as I enter her already sore and drenched pussy.

  I put my head down and shake my head, “Gram Gram, I don’t think I ever truly loved her like you loved papa or mom loves dad. I think it was more comfort and familiarity.”

  “I remember when I knew about my love for papa. He kissed me on a dare from his buddies.” She laughs remembering that day, “His kiss left my lips sore and wanting more. He was all I could think about for the next two months. I made him wait two months before I would talk to him. You want to know what won me over?” I nod. “He showed up at my house and knocked on the door. I answered it and your papa grabbed my hand, pulled me outside and kissed me. He looked me in eyes and told me, “You are mine.” We were eleven years old and never spent a day apart until the war. We were married the day before and I spent every day writing him a letter to tell him what I was doing, how I was doing and that I was pregnant with your uncle. When he came back to me, we were never apart until the day he died. That man knew the worst of me and the best of me but never gave up on me.”

  “I’m sorry Gram Gram, I know talking about papa makes you sad.”

  “I love talking about him. I miss him. I don’t feel complete without him. I wake up in the middle night thinking I hear him talking to me so I get on my side of the bed and pray that he is there with me.” I tear up listening to the love in my grandmother’s voice. I want that. I never wanted to fall in love again or open myself up to love because of Michelle.

  “Do you miss papa?” I nod. “I wish I could talk to him about things like this dad doesn’t understand.”

  “Your father is a good man but he has been with my daughter since they were thirteen years old. Their love is like mine with your papa, so rare. When you find a love like that, you hold onto it and never let it go.”

  “Does tha
t love exist anymore?”

  “Edith Allen.” The nurse calls my grandmother back and I help her up. She grabs her walker and I stay behind her. The nurse does her standard of tests, blood pressure, heart rate, oxygen level, weight and height. I gave her the list of her meds for them to keep on record for her. “How are you feeling today?”

  “I look,” I shake my head before she could finish, “I feel alright.” My grandmother flips me off behind the nurses back and I cover my laugh with a cough.

  “The doctor will be in soon.” We thank her and she closes the door.

  “You are a spoilsport, you know, that, right?”

  “Gram Gram, you can’t keep telling people you feel like a $2 whore.” I laugh as I say it.

  “I’m old. You will be surprised what I can and cannot get away with.” Gram Gram, laughs. She loves catching people off guard with her mouth.

  “Please be completely honest with the doctor okay?” She nods and sits there with her purse in her lap. My grandmother has lived a long life and for being an 85-year-old woman she is healthy.

  “Hello, I’m sorry to keep you waiting.” Dr. Harris says as she walks in. The good doctor is a leggy, small waisted, big boob, long haired blonde. I look into her eyes as I nod at her. Before Sarah came into my life, I would have bent her over right here after the appointment and now I can only look at the clock to get out of here. “So, Mrs. Allen, what brings you in today?”

  “Well I just moved here and my grandson here wants me to find a doctor.” The doctor looks me up and down.

  “I got your records from your old doctor and I’m confused about them. Why are you on four distinct types of pain medicine and a couple of several types of anti-depressants?”

  “What?” I ask and she hands me the records. “Gram Gram, why are you on these meds?”

  “I don’t know. My doctor gave them to me since I asked for them.”

  “She isn’t even taking these meds. I’m staying with her and my parents right now while my house is being redecorated and under construction. Since I am a doctor, I was put in charge of her meds but none of these are here. Wait, she also isn’t 55 years old but my aunt is.” My grandmother looks away.

  “What I am going to do is a complete blood work panel and go off this list here. Now Mr. Allen,” the doctor asks.

  “Causer but you can call me Jensen.”

  “Jensen, the meds that she is on, does it seem right for her behaviors and health?”

  “I can talk for myself you know.” My grandmother snaps. “The only issue I am having is my memory. I can’t remember some things.”

  “Is this ongoing or just coming on?”

  “It’s been awhile now. It’s one of the reasons I moved here to be with my daughter and son in law. My son has been taking advantage of me because I get so disorientated and confused.”

  “Okay I will order some X-rays, CT Scans, and MRIs so I can get the bigger picture. Jensen, let your family know to keep a record of things like her appetite and confusion for her next appointment. Once I get these tests done then we will schedule your appointment.” Dr. Harris makes a few notes and gets up to do the ears, nose, throat look as she checks her heart beat, neck and stomach. Dr. Harris tells us to call her if anything changes and leaves the office. My grandmother looks like someone just beat her puppy.

  “Are you okay?” I stand up to sit next to her on the

  “I’m a damn fool.” My grandmother starts to quietly cry.

  “Why do you say that?”

  “I lost all of your grandfather’s hard-earned money.”

  “We will figure it out. I promise you. Don’t fret because you are here with us.” She nods her head and I help her down. “Let’s go get lunch. I’m starving.” We head to my grandmother’s favorite restaurant, the Olive Garden. We order lunch and she looks at me all serious.

  “Jensen, here is the key to my safe deposit box. It has my will and all my papers in it. My friend Wilma’s son, Jared is a private investigator and he did some digging. There is proof about what Charlie was doing to me.”

  “Why me?”

  “Your mother and father, god love them, can still be wrapped around Charlie’s finger. He knows how to say the right words. They tried to take the kids’ college funds that we set up before papa died.”

  “If you need that money, take it.” She waves me off, “My kids are well protected and college will not be a problem.”

  “Papa made sure that no one can touch those and no one will until they are eighteen and in school or twenty-five years old if they don’t go to college.”

  “Okay Gram Gram. You know what, let’s eat and talk about those crazy great grandchildren of yours.” We spend the next two hours eating and talking. She laughs at the stories from the kids. I forgot what it was like to spend time with my grandmother and one day she won’t be here anymore so that makes me cherish these moments a lot more now.

  When we get back to the house, she tells me that she is tired and heads to lay down. I walk into the kitchen to see my mom sitting at the table working on some paperwork. The Allen Design School is still located in Miami so she handles the day to day operations.

  “Hey honey. How was the doctor?”

  “Bad. They were having her get pills, pain pills and antidepressants. She admitted that they were taking advantage of her. The doctor is going to be calling when she has the tests that she ordered set up. She wants to do a full work up which is normal for a new patient in her 80s. She wants us to make a journal of her activities and forgetfulness.”

  “Should I be worried?”

  “Mom, Gram Gram, is 85 years old and if I have to diagnose her, I bet she is getting dementia or Alzheimer's.”

  “I figured something like that but was afraid to admit it. Oh your friend Max was over today to take some measurements. It shouldn't be too long to do since he is done with your house.”

  “Yeah the construction is done but the designer is pregnant and on bedrest until March. I figured you wouldn’t mind having us for a little bit longer.”

  “It will be good to have you here to help with mom. I don’t understand all the medical stuff anyway.” I smile at her and kiss the top of her head as I head upstairs to rest a little bit.

  Me:

  How are you feeling today?

  Sarah:

  Wonderful, on cloud nine, ecstatic

  How is your grandmother?

  Me:

  Good. What has you in a good mood?

  Sarah:

  I get to leave the apartment.

  I have a doctor’s appointment.

  Me:

  Yay!

  Need a doctor to escort you?

  I groan, “What a lame ass way to ask to meet her, Jensen.”

  Sarah:

  Well since I am going with my bodyguards Max and Reagan, I think I am good.

  Me:

  Okay maybe some other time.

  Let me know what May says.

  I lay my phone down and pace my bedroom trying to decide on if I should meet her at the doctor’s appointment or not, but I decide not to do it. I take a nap instead.

  I walk out of my room with a smile on my face. I know that Dr. May can tell me that I won’t be off bedrest until she comes but I get to leave the house and feel the sun on my face. Max is sitting at the kitchen with his sketches.

  “Someone is excited to be going out.” I am wearing a red maternity sundress that I ordered online.

  “You bet your ass I am. What are you working on?”

  “Jensen needed me to add a bathroom in the office so his grandmother can be more comfortable.”

  “Yeah, he told me about that and wanted my opinion on it. I emailed you and him about my ideas and choices on everything.”

  “I got it thanks.” I look over his shoulder to see the schematics of everything.

  “Don’t forget that she is 85 years old so maybe make the tub a walk in or contact the people who can make it. I’ve missed working with you in the
office.” We do some more work on the new accounts that we have gotten and I start to make my notes to contact them. “I don’t understand why when they do a remodel that they can’t add everything they want.”

  “Sarah, you have to remember not everyone is like you. They see an empty room and don’t know what they like until someone like you who sees an empty room with potential, cover and most importantly the beauty of the room. You need to ask questions and get to know them.”

  “I know. I think I’m whining because I want to get back to work.”

  “Oh I got an idea!” Max jumps up from the kitchen table to head into his room for something. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before.” I keep watching him move from room to room picking up some papers. “Why can’t we move some things around in your room, bring your table from upstairs to work on that?”

  “I didn’t think about that either. Would you do that for me?”

  “Yes, and I am sure that it will save you from boredom. We need to figure out how to get materials to you so we can keep moving forward on projects.”

  “I could see about contacting someone from a design school looking for an internship to learn more outside of the classroom.”

  “That would be good. What about paying them?” Max asks as we gather up the papers on the table so we can head to my appointment.

  “What if we offer tuition reimbursement for the time they are with us? I can use the money from grams to do it. We might even be able to do this all year round.” I say as I walk over to the black fridge to grab a bottle of water and the fruit salad, watermelon, honey dew, grapes, cantaloupe, blueberries, kiwi all my favorites, that Reagan had Joan make for me as my mid-morning snack.

  “Why can’t we use the money from the company and not your personal money? I don’t want to be taking advantage of your money.”

  “Max, it’s more for me especially with me being on bedrest. I can teach them things that a classroom can’t. I can donate the money to the business in my gram’s name for the scholarship.” I know from Max’s scowl I got him and he can’t say no to me.