Dr. Fellatio

by Author Stella

  “Let go,” she hissed with a smile and pushed away.

  Steadman had nothing on me. She had to put on the act in front of the camera, but when this was over, I’d let her down easy. The restraining order that was threatened in Oprah’s office only solidified just how severe her attraction for me was—she needed to save face.

  With a final wave and award-winning smile to the fans, I sat exactly where Scott instructed and crossed my legs toward the leading lady…giving her all my attention. Letting her soak me in.

  “Welcome! We’re so glad you were able to fill in at the last minute for Lexi.”

  “Don’t worry, you got a better gig. I know all the secrets behind the pages.”

  “We’re going to join Lexi and her husband, Chris, live via satellite from her hospital room shortly. I hear they had a little boy this morning.”

  “I hate to be the one to break this to you, but I think she’s the one who actually had the baby. Anatomy and all that jazz.”

  She paused and stared at me like I’d just rocked her world or sprouted a second head. I just thought it was fifth-grade sex-education. I gave her a smile to settle her nerves.

  “You know, Oprah, I was instrumental in her having that baby. If it weren’t for me, she never would have gotten pregnant.”

  Her brow creased. “I wasn’t aware she’d used a sperm donor.”

  “Gross. No. Why would you think that? I mean she’s a great gal, but Chris has those things covered. I mean I guess he does. I don’t spend any time with them in the bedroom.”

  “How long have the two of you been friends?” Oprah folded her hands in her lap and leaned back in her plush chair to have a conversation. Her chair looked far more comfortable than mine now that I was close to it.

  “About seven years. I asked her out a few times, but she couldn’t handle all that I offered and held out for Chris. Once he moved back to town, I made sure to reunite the two of them in a well-orchestrated plan neither saw coming. It took a lot of holes on the course and time under the desk, but in the end, it was worth it for everyone.”

  It was clear now that I’d been given the lesser of the two accommodations on the stage—an oversight on the studio’s part. She definitely had linen upholstery and possibly down-filled cushions while the couch was polyester and foam. I bounced a little to test my theory, but when I caught Scott slitting his throat with his finger a few feet away, I stopped.

  “When you and Lexi met, you were both working at a marketing firm in Atlanta, correct?”

  “Can we switch seats?”

  She laughed and glanced at the audience and then quickly off stage. Scott waved his hands in a circular motion and spoke into his collar again.

  I loved that her team was trying to encourage her. I’d never seen her nervous, but maybe they edited those parts out before airing.

  “How was the secret of the infamous Dr. Fellatio brought to light?”

  So she wasn’t going to give up her chair. Interesting.

  “It all came out during a girls’ night over ice cream and pillow fights.”

  “And you were at the girls’ night?”

  I’d just said that. “Technically, I was hiding in Jasmine’s bedroom, but when I came out for pizza, I made the decision to make a go of this.”

  “Wait. You were in her best friend’s bedroom while they had a girls’ night?”

  Oprah came across so well put together. I didn’t understand why she was having such a hard time following the sequence of events.

  “Carl, why don’t you take us back to the beginning and give us the behind-the-scenes story.”

  “Hmm.” I tapped my finger on my chin. “My family immigrated here from Germany, so I stopped spelling Carl with a K—”

  “Maybe not quite that far back.” Oprah needed to make up her mind. Either she wanted the story, or she didn’t, but this flip-flopping was going to give the audience a migraine. “How about telling us what brought Lexi to leave her job and how you became involved in the organization.”

  “The one hundred and eighty-six thousand dollars I brought her in cash.”

  Oprah’s brow furrowed, her eyes got wide, and her lips parted just a hair.

  “In deposits. But that was just the first morning. Back then she was more of myth, and when word got out on the floor that I had access to booking Dr. Fellatio’s calendar, the contracts came rolling in. I’m quite the salesperson.”

  “You were booking clients for Dr. Fellatio at the marketing company you worked for?”

  “Well, I knew I wouldn’t get in trouble because Alex—sorry, Lexi—had something going with our boss. And she’d just landed the biggest account in Seneca history.”

  “I’m not following. I thought she was dating her husband when they left Seneca.”

  “Yeah. I got them together. That’s how she got pregnant. And married.” Maybe I should write this down for her. “I thought you read the book?”

  Oprah straightened her back and sat up in the chair she refused to share. “Has anyone ever told you it’s hard to follow your—” Her attention shifted over my shoulder and off the side of the stage. “Fantastic. We have Lexi and Chris on satellite.”

  The screen behind the couch and chair lit up with Oprah’s logo, and then Alex and Chris were suddenly there. I shook my head noting she hadn’t changed out of her hospital gown. I’d have to do damage control with the media. Her image would take a definite hit when this went live. I would have thought Chris would have insisted she put makeup on or at least brush her hair. I guess Alex looking like she was homeless helped him keep the competition away.

  “Hi, Oprah.” Alex and Chris almost sang their greeting. They were trying way too hard.

  “Hey. Thank you for joining us. You’ve had quite the eventful night and morning.”

  Jasmine slowly leaned her head into the view of the camera blocking the audience’s ability to see Alex and Chris.

  “Is this thing on?” She got really close to the lens exposing her pores to the world. No, wait. Those were her nostrils—and a bat in the cave.

  I was a marketing genius, but I’d have to work double time to fix the damage these two women were doing to the Professor Moore image. Jasmine must have left her hairbrush—and toothbrush, yikes—at the hotel. She had what looked like a poppy seed from an everything bagel lodged between her front teeth, and her hair wasn’t in any better shape. Candi hadn’t gotten the memo that her presence was needed.

  “You must be Jasmine.” Oprah appeared delighted. Her smile stretched from ear to ear, and she’d turned completely in her seat to face the screen.

  “Oh shit. Why didn’t you tell me Oprah could see me? I would have fixed my hair!” She scurried out of the image.

  “How about your teeth?” I questioned her.

  She’d die when she saw the footage of that black speck. Oprah stared at me appalled.

  I shrugged. “She’s my girlfriend.”

  “I’m not his girlfriend, Oprah. He’s a tad delusional.” She peeked back into the frame long enough to stick her tongue out.

  Chris just shook his head.

  “Chris, you seem to have your hands full with this crowd. How are you going to add being a daddy to the mix?”

  “Luckily, I just do the back-end work. Websites, software, technology stuff. That can be done anytime, so hopefully, it will allow my wife to sleep at night, and I can take care of the baby.”

  The audience all oohed and aahed over his declaration to be Mr. Mom in the wee hours of the morning. Or maybe it was the way he looked at Alex all googly-eyed. Women bought his act hook, line, and sinker everywhere we went. Suckers.

  “Your little family has been on quite the roller coaster ride for the last year and a half. You and your friends left your jobs to legitimize Dr. Fellatio into Professor Moore, turned that into a multimillion-dollar business you run out of your house, got engaged, got married, got pregnant, and had a baby. When was the last time you took a breath?”

  Alex gla
nced at Chris who sat next to her in the hospital bed with that same dopey grin he’d given her. At least she could blame pain medication; he had no excuse. My mind ran wild with ways to spin this PR nightmare.

  “It’s been busy, but I wouldn’t change a single minute of it for all the money in the world.”

  “Do you think it was just being in the right place at the right time? What do you attribute your success to?”

  “Divine intervention. Meeting Chris in college set this ball rolling. Neither of us knew then what my inexperience would morph into. But having the best teacher built the platform.”

  Gross. I hoped to God she wasn’t going to share her personal coaching experience with millions of viewers.

  “The two of you were apart for several years while you each pursued other goals, correct?” I didn’t know why she asked, she barely waited for Alex and Chris to nod before continuing. “Did you believe that fate would bring the two of you back together?”

  I tuned out the mushy crap. No one cared that they’d held out for each other. Or that she’d turned down every guy who ever asked her out. Seven times. And the sighs heard around the studio when Chris admitted he had never even kissed a girl while he was away from Alex were all just groans of pity.

  “I’m not sure which is more impressive: your business success or your love story. You’re both an inspiration to couples everywhere. Congratulations on the new book and the addition to your family.”

  “Thank you,” they said in unison.

  “Any chance we can see the baby before we let you guys go?”

  I cocked my head and stared at Oprah. She already knew the answer. They’d confirmed that before going on air. It seemed like Alex and Chris got all the canned and rehearsed questions while impromptu questions were thrown at me. The production team knew I was the go-to guy for on-the-spot information.

  The camera changed to the bassinet, and Oprah never stopped talking. With the kid’s big head taking up the majority of the screen, I continued to crane my neck. I would need a massage after this. I hadn’t seen him since I came to the studio this morning in Alex’s place. Alex insisted when her water broke last night at the hotel that there was no way she’d make it to the show. She wanted Jasmine and Chris with her, leaving me to save the day—as usual.

  “Robert Carl Moore. We’re going to call him Robbie.” Chris beamed with pride.

  When Oprah started coughing, I stood and prepared myself to do the Heimlich maneuver until I realized she was choking on surprise. “You named your son after your marketing director?”

  Alex looked directly into the camera. “He’s eccentric. A tad odd. And at times, downright irritating. But all in all, he’s a great friend and a huge part of our lives.” She glanced over to Jasmine who’d once again entered the shot. “And hopefully, one day, he’ll be a member of our family.” Jasmine’s face soured, and I wondered if the little tike ripped off a stinky one.

  That’s right, Oprah. They named him after me.

  Wait. What?

  We’d all known they were going to name him Robbie after that stupid pizza place that doesn’t have cow and only some hybrid animal to top their pies with, but Carl was never mentioned.

  “You hear that, O?” I asked. “Can I call you O?”

  “I’d prefer you didn’t.” She was keeping me at arm’s length, knowing I belonged to Jasmine. It was obvious Oprah didn’t want her heart hurt; I got it. “And yes, I heard. That’s…um…exciting.”

  “Heck, yeah. I’m sure I’ll get to be the godfather, too. You should have us all back for the christening. I hear you’re quite the spiritual priestess; maybe you could lead the ceremony.” I could tell the idea intrigued her by the gleam in her eye.

  “Lexi, Alex, and Jasmine, thank you for joining us via satellite and sharing your special day with our viewers.”

  “Thanks for having us, Oprah. I’m sorry we weren’t able to be there in person, but hopefully, Carl kept you entertained.” Alex winked, although I wasn’t sure at who. Maybe she had a twitch. She probably needed more fiber in her diet.

  “He’s definitely been one of our more…unique guests.”

  The music started to play around us, and the audience clapped as Oprah closed down the show. I followed her off set.

  “…complete waste of time…” Oprah muttered under her breath. I hated that she thought the time with Alex and Chris had been pointless. It wasn’t one of their better moments. “…that’s never going to air…”

  Scott stuck his arm out as I tried to pass, and Oprah got farther away when he stopped me. “End of the road, cowboy.”

  “It’s Carl.” I was starting to understand how Alex felt all those years with her tongue twister of a last name. “C-a-r-l. I used to spell it with a K—”

  “Great to meet you, Carl. There’s a cab through that door”—he pointed toward the exit sign—“waiting to take you back to your hotel.”

  “Thanks, man. It’s been real fun.” I clapped him on the shoulder in a show of brotherly bonding. We might be working together one day. I needed to be polite. We could work on his customer service skills later.

  “It’s been real something.” Scott pushed the bar on the door and sunlight flooded into the dark studio nearly blinding me.

  When I turned around to shake his hand, he was gone. With a shrug of the shoulders, I got into the back of the black Lincoln Town Car. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, fastened my seatbelt, and told the driver which hotel to take me to. Then I opened my favorites list and tapped the name at the top, anxious to tell her all about my television debut.

  She answered on the second ring as the driver pulled into traffic. Even her breathless hello made my heart beat faster and my cheeks flame.

  “Jazzy Fresh.”

  Acknowledgments

  You: Couldn’t have done this without you!

  Readers: Holy crap! Thank you for taking a chance on a “new” author! For the readers who’ve stuck with Leddy, the ones who’ve stuck with Stephie, and all the new ones…THANK YOU! This started out as something fun we decided to do to break away from the heaviness of our own books, something we began by saying “if it takes us a year to finish…” and not once did we anticipate anyone actually reading it. So again, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you so much for giving our co-written works a chance!

  Bloggers: You give your time to not only read a book, but to review and post and share…please know, it has not gone unnoticed. We appreciate and value every single second you’ve given, not only to us, but to this amazing book community! Thank you!

  About the Author

  Bestselling Authors, Leddy Harper and Stephie Walls, met on a street corner in Savannah, Georgia back in 2015. They quickly formed a bond over book boyfriends, cheap wine, and perfectly timed terms of endearment.

  After they became best friends and discovered they shared a brain, their alter ego Stella was born. When you put two romance authors together, you get something "Stella."

  Also by STELLA

  Third Base

  Home Run King

  A FEW OF OUR FAVORITES BY LEDDY HARPER

  I Do(n’t)

  Roommate (Dis)agreement

  Silenced

  Falling to Pieces

  Kiss My Ash (Coming August 2018)

  A FEW OF OUR FAVORITES BY STEPHIE WALLS

  Unexpected Arrivals

  Girl Crush

  Family Ties

  Fallen Woman

  Beauty Mark