Tell Me Who I Am

by Julia Navarro

  “Don’t you believe it, women are the same the whole world over.”

  “It’s done, sir!” the sergeant interrupted. “It wasn’t as bad a problem as it looked to begin with.”

  The captain mused to himself for a bit, thinking that it was a little odd to meet an American in Asturias, but then he remembered that Spain had nothing against the Americans, and so he decided to limit himself to wishing them a safe journey.

  “Drive carefully!”

  They reached Portugal three days later. Eguía told them to pass over the border through a little village where there were almost no controls.

  “It’s right on the border; they can see Portugal from their windows and cross the border trying to catch their chickens when they run away.”

  “Are you sure that there are no guards?” Amelia asked suspiciously.

  “Sure I’m sure, and I’ve got a friend who’ll help us too.”

  Eguía’s friend was called Mouriño, they had met in the army and had got on so well that they had joined up in smuggling goods across the border, one of them bringing things from France, the other from Portugal. When the war was over they had gone back to this trade.

  Mouriño invited them to bread and cheese and a glass of wine, while he and Eguía talked business. The Basque unloaded the scrap metal and Mouriño brought it to a shed where he took some packages out from under a tarpaulin and gave them to Eguía to take to San Sebastián.

  “It’s English tobacco,” he explained. “The French love it.”

  Nobody asked anything and they went into Portugal without being seen by a single guard.

  “This is incredible! I couldn’t believe that we’d get over the border so easily,” Albert said.

  “Don’t imagine that it’s easy, it’s just that this village is a ways away from the more widely used frontier posts and if you’re lucky then you won’t meet any guards and you can get across without any trouble. A lot of smuggling goes on here.”

  “I thought you sold scrap metal...”

  “And other things.”

  They found a pension close to the port in Lisbon that Eguía had recommended.

  “It’s not much, but the sheets are clean and the most important thing is that they don’t ask any questions.”

  That night, finally, they had a hot meal and slept in a real bed, even if it was much less clean than Eguía had intimated it would be.

  The next morning, Albert called his Uncle Paul.

  “Would you mind telling me where you are?”

  “I’m in Lisbon now, but I’ve crossed half France and half of Spain to get here.”

  “Goodness, I didn’t know you liked traveling so much,” his uncle replied ironically.

  “Neither did I. Look, Uncle Paul, I need your help.”

  “Right, I was wondering why you’d called. What’s going on?”

  “I have a friend, a very special person...”

  “Amelia Garayoa?”

  “No, not her, although she is with me. It’s a person I met in Berlin, her name is Rahel Weiss and she’s a Jew.”

  “Right. And what do you want?”

  “I want our embassy here to get her some document or pass that will allow her to travel to the United States.”

  “You mean to England.”

  “No, I mean the United States, she has family there.”

  “Well, I can’t do anything for you.”

  “Please, of course you can! I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important. Do you know what’s happening to the Jews in Germany?”

  “I know that Hitler doesn’t like the Jews, but we can’t give refuge and shelter to everyone who is trying to run away from Germany.”

  “I’m not asking you to do anything impossible, all I ask is that you provide a document of safe passage to get her out of here.”

  “I can’t make exceptions.”

  “Of course you can! All I want is for Rahel to get to the United States.”

  “And how do you know they’ll let her in there?”

  “If you’ll give me the safe passage, then I will deal with the New York border control.”

  “I would like to help you, but I cannot.”

  “Do you know what this means? We have crossed half Europe to get here. I’m telling you that it was not easy, if Amelia and Carla Alessandrini hadn’t helped us then we wouldn’t have managed to do anything.”

  “Carla Alessandrini? The opera singer?”

  “Yes, a very brave woman of decided opinions, Amelia’s great friend.”

  “Well, well, well! Your Amelia is full of surprises.”

  “Will you help me or not?”

  “I’ll see if I can do something, but take care, there are Nazi agents swarming all over Lisbon.”

  “And British agents as well, I’m sure.”

  “I’m so charmed by your faith in us. Give me a number where I can get in touch with you.”

  Paul James called his nephew twenty-four hours later, after a tense argument with his superiors as he tried to get Rahel Weiss her document of safe passage. If he managed to convince them it was only because he told them that he would get a favor in return from his nephew.

  Albert, along with Rahel and Amelia, went to the British Embassy. They asked for the man whose name Paul James had given them. It was clear to Albert that this must be an officer with British intelligence. He listened to Rahel’s story patiently and showed more interest in their flight from Berlin, especially in the details about Amelia’s contacts. Amelia started to feel uncomfortable in the face of this man’s questioning: It was as if she were being interrogated.

  “And if we can’t get you the guarantee of safe passage, what will you do then?” the man asked, looking for Amelia to reply.

  “Anything, rather than abandon Rahel. You are not our only option,” she said defiantly.

  The man took his leave, telling them they would have an answer in a few days, and also advising them not to call attention to themselves in Lisbon.

  “You’re a trio it’s difficult not to notice.”

  They stayed almost entirely at the pension. Albert paid the owner to make them food and the most they dared do was to take a stroll by the sea.

  Two days later, the man from the embassy called the pension and arranged to meet them in a nearby bar.

  “Well, here are the necessary documents for Miss Weiss, it will be up to you to make sure they let her in once she gets to New York.”

  “Thank you... ,” Albert said, holding his hand out to the embassy official.

  “Don’t thank me; thank your all-powerful uncle. Oh, by the way, he asked me to ask you to call him as soon as possible, I think he wants to see you in London.”

  Albert bought a ticket for Rahel on a ship that left for New York the next day. It was a merchant vessel that took passengers, so Rahel would not be too uncomfortable and her arrival in the United States would pass more or less unnoticed.

  He also paid the captain to take care of Rahel.

  Amelia took a tearful leave of Rahel. She had become very fond of this shy and silent woman. Rahel took off one of her rings before getting on board the ship.

  “This way you won’t forget me... ,” she said as she put the ring on Amelia’s finger.

  “Of course I won’t forget you! Keep the ring, it’s made of gold and with these stones... it must be very valuable, and you might need it if things go badly for you.”

  “No, I would never sell this ring, even if I were dying of hunger. It was from my grandmother, my father’s mother. He gave it to me when I was eighteen. I want you to have it.”

  “But I cannot accept it!”

  “If you do, then it will be as if we were still together. Please, don’t reject it!”

  They fell into each other’s arms, and Albert had to separate them so that Rahel could board the ship.

  “Don’t worry, people will be waiting for you when you get to New York, you won’t have any problem with the customs,” Albert promised.

>   When they saw the boat sailing out of the harbor, Amelia felt a shiver of loneliness. Albert put an arm around her shoulders to comfort her. He was desperately in love with Amelia and there was nothing he would not do to please her.

  “What shall we do now?” she asked him later, when they were back at the pension.

  “Go to London. I have to speak to my father and ask him to speak to some friends of his to help Rahel get into the United States. My father is a friend of the governor of New York, so if he decides to help Rahel then there shouldn’t be any problems. I also want to call a childhood friend of mine who works in the mayor’s office. The man from the embassy told us that Uncle Paul wants to see us when we get to London, and after all he’s done for us I can’t say no.”

  “What will your uncle want?”

  “Payment for the favor he’s done us.”

  “What kind of payment?”

  “I don’t know, but I’m sure his price will be high.”

  “I... I’m sorry to have put you in this fix.”

  “It wasn’t you, Amelia. It was a question of simple decency to save Rahel. It’s terrible that we can’t help everyone who needs our help. And it was Professor Schatzhauser and Max who asked us to help Rahel, and we could have done nothing without Carla.”

  “I would like to go to Madrid... We’re so close...”

  Albert hesitated, but in the end he held firm to his decision to go to London straight away.

  “I’m sorry, Amelia, but after all he’s done for us I can’t just ignore my uncle.”

  “You’re right, we’ll go to Madrid in the future.”

  “I promise.”

  6

  Amelia did not feel comfortable in London. She felt the hostility of the environment as a reflection of the hostility of Albert’s friends and family, who had all found out that he was living with a married woman, something that was scandalous to puritanical British high society.

  Albert found his parents about to return to New York, so he asked his father to talk to the state’s governor and ask him to help Rahel. Ernest James adored his son and was incapable of denying him anything; he was also a fervent anti-Nazi, so he agreed to assist Rahel.

  “Don’t worry, we’ll make sure that this woman gets into the country. Now that we’re alone... well... I’d like to talk to you... Your mother is very worried, you know that she thought that you and Lady Mary... well...”

  “I know, father, I know that you and mother would be very pleased for me to marry Mary Brian, and I am sorry not to be able to please you in this way.”

  “So your decision is final?”

  “I introduced you to Amelia, and you know that I am in love with her.”

  “She is a very beautiful and intelligent young woman, but she is married, and you must know that your relationship has no future.”

  “It will have the future we both want it to have. You are Irish and much more concerned with tradition and custom than I am.”

  “You are Irish too, even if you were born in New York.”

  “I was brought up as an American, and I feel American. I respect your traditions, I try to obey your customs, but they are not sacred for me. I am in love with Amelia and I live with her, so it’s best if mother stops trying to get me to marry Mary.”

  “You will not be able to have children.”

  “I hope that there will be a solution for our situation one day. But in the meantime I would like you to try to understand me, and if you cannot understand me, then at least try to respect my decision. I love Amelia, and I would like you to accept her into the family as if she were my wife.”

  “Your mother wants nothing to do with her!”

  “Then she will have nothing to do with me either.”

  “Please, please think again!”

  “Do you think I haven’t thought at all about what it means to live with Amelia? Of course I have, and I will not allow anyone to embarrass her or do her down. Not even Mama.”

  Lord Paul James organized a farewell supper for his brother Ernest and his wife Eugenie, to which Albert and Amelia were invited. Albert’s mother claimed that she was suffering from a severe migraine the night of the dinner, as well as saying that there was a great deal to organize before their departure to New York. For whatever reason, Eugenie was not there on the night of the dinner.

  Albert and Amelia arrived at Albert’s uncle’s house at six on the dot, just as their invitation had asked them to. Paul James had invited a dozen friends, and all of them were surprised by the deferential way in which he spoke to Amelia, whose position in the eyes of the puritanical guests was nothing more or less than his nephew’s lover. She also managed to cause a commotion by daring to say that Great Britain and all the European powers had washed their hands of Spain during the Civil War.

  After all the guests had left, Paul James asked his nephew and Amelia to stay behind and take a glass of port with him in the library.

  Albert whispered in Amelia’s ear, “Now he’s going to give us the bill for what he did for Rahel.”

  “I’m extremely impressed by the trouble you took to save that young Jewish woman, Rahel Weiss,” he said as he poured them a glass of the rich purple Portuguese wine.

  “Yes, it was complicated, but we were lucky,” Albert replied.

  “Lucky? I think that you were clever and good at improvisation. Congratulations.”

  Lord James cleared his throat before continuing, and looked at Amelia out of the corner of his eye. She seemed to be calm and sure of herself, her inner turmoil invisible.

  “Right, we’re at war, and people know how wars begin, but no one knows how or when they end. The enemy is strong, and it will be him or us. When I speak of ‘us’ I mean enlightened Europe, the Europe that holds within itself the values which we recognize and within which we were brought up. And there is no room in this war for neutrals. I feel sorry for you, Albert.”

  “I wanted to speak to you about some people we met in Berlin. I promised that I would try to help them prosecute their cause in England, so I am here before you to do so. Your friend Baron Max von Schumann belongs to a group of people opposed to Hitler.”

  “I know that already, what do you think he was doing here this summer? He asked us for help to get rid of Hitler, help which at that moment we were unable to give him.”

  “You were mistaken not to do so.”

  “Yes, there were those who were mistaken in thinking that the war would not break out, that Hitler would not dare invade Poland, would not dare to take the steps that he is now taking. I have always thought that he would take these steps, but my superiors thought the contrary. Even so, Baron von Schumann’s group is... well, made up of people from here and there, disorganized, I am not sure that it is actually an effective opposition group, capable of doing anything more than getting together to complain that Hitler is now the ruler of Germany.”

  “Uncle, you’re wrong. Look, apart from the Socialists and the Communists, I don’t think that there are many organized opposition groups set up against Hitler. And the Communists, for all that they are persecuted in Germany, have now got to face the fact that their supreme leader, Stalin, has entered into a pact with Hitler. The Socialists have no strength in themselves to topple the regime. What you have to do is convince all the opposition groups to work together. The leader of Max von Schumann’s group is Professor Karl Schatzhauser, who is a well-known doctor and a respected university professor. I think that you should bear him in mind.”

  “Have you promised anything?”

  “Only to pass on to you their plea for help and to give my opinion that they deserve it.”

  “Well, I will bear what you say in mind, even though all I can promise is that I will pass it on to my superiors. Now I want to talk about another matter... a delicate topic; let me say first of all that I trust I can count on your discretion.”

  Amelia and Albert both said that he could.

  “Wars are not only won on the fronts, we need informat
ion, and we need people to gather it from behind enemy lines, brave men and women. My department in the Admiralty is preparing a group of select men and women to carry out this activity, all of them civilians and all of them with certain special qualities, qualities such as you yourself have, Amelia.”

  “Uncle Paul, what are you trying to do?” Albert interrupted.

  “All I want to know is if you are ready to collaborate to help this war end as soon as possible.”

  “I am a journalist, and my only way of acting against the war is to tell people what is really happening.”

  “I have told you, Albert, you cannot be neutral in situations such as these. For all that Chamberlain’s policy is one of appeasement, we find ourselves now staring war straight in the eye. Poland will not be enough for Hitler, especially now that the Soviets have decided to keep Finland. I am afraid that none of us know the eventual scale of the conflict, but my job is to bring my superiors enough information for them to make the correct decisions. We had to leave Germany after the declaration of war, but we need to have eyes and ears there.”

  “And if I am not mistaken, then you would like us to be a part of one of these groups that you are putting together.”

  “That is right. You are an American, and you can go everywhere without arousing suspicion, and Miss Garayoa is Spanish. Your country is an ally of Hitler’s, and you can travel all over Germany without provoking suspicion. You spoke to me of the Baron von Schumann: His role as an opposition figure does not interest me as much as the fact that he is a high-ranking soldier of good standing in the army. He has access to information which could be of vital importance to us.”

  “Max von Schumann will never betray Germany, he only wants to get rid of Hitler,” Amelia said.

  “But that is an omelette, my dear Miss Garayoa, which cannot be made without breaking at least a few eggs. I am afraid that we all will have to do things we do not like doing.”

  “I am sorry, Uncle Paul, but I cannot help you,” Albert said.

  Paul James looked at his nephew with distaste. He had hoped that the war would have opened his eyes, but Albert still had a romantic view of the journalist’s role.