by Ashley Royer
“I don’t need you! I don’t need anyone! Just leave me alone!”
“Fine, Levi, I will. I’ll leave you alone. Sorry for trying to help,” I say, leaving his room and shutting the door.
I leave without saying good-bye to Mr. Harrison.
What happened with Levi keeps replaying through my mind. Every word, every movement. I wish Levi actually spoke so I wouldn’t have to interpret the robotic voice. It makes fighting more difficult because there’s no emotion in its voice.
For some reason, the robotic voice makes me even madder.
I don’t know why Levi suddenly went back to how he was before. It definitely has to do with his pills. I know he was taking them before, because he said they were making him sentimental.
Why would someone stop taking pills? If they help, why stop?
I know I will never understand how Levi’s mind works, nor do I truly want to. It’s his personal business. He’s putting himself in jeopardy by not taking his medication.
I’m worried about him.
Maybe he just forgot. That’s a possibility, right? Maybe his mind was somewhere else, and he didn’t remember to take them for a few days.
I hope that’s why. I hope he’s not intentionally stopping.
But something in the pit of my stomach tells me it’s intentional.
Levi doesn’t want to be happy.
Chapter Eleven
LEVI
I anxiously sit in front of my laptop, staring at Caleb’s icon on Skype.
C’mon, Levi. Just press call.
We’ve planned to video chat today, with my mum too. She doesn’t understand how the whole Skype thing works, so Caleb is helping her. I’ve kept my finger wavering above the button to call for a few minutes now. I don’t know why I’m so nervous to see them. It’s my mum and Caleb, the two most familiar people in my life. But for some reason, there are butterflies in my stomach.
I’m anxious to see them again; it feels like it’s been forever. I feel like I’m in a whole other world, not just a different continent. Nothing is the same here.
Caleb’s smiling icon pops up, saying he’s calling me. They probably think I’ve forgotten or that I don’t want to talk to them, but I do. I always mess things up, don’t I?
I press accept and wait for the call to connect. I can hear them, just not see them.
“Caleb, it says the webcam isn’t working. What’s that? Where’s the webcam?” I hear my mum say.
“Lilian, Lilian. Stop pressing random buttons! I got this!” Caleb says, laughing hysterically. He sounds happy. He’s making the hiccup noises he makes when he laughs too hard. I missed that.
It’s been twenty-one days without them. It’s nice to hear their voices, but I want to see them now. But just hearing them is making me happier already. I didn’t think it was possible to miss Caleb this much; I thought we would both stop being friends once I moved out here. But he hasn’t given up on me.
“Look, oh my goodness, I can see Levi!” I hear my mum say. “Caleb, hurry! I want him to see us too! Oh my gosh, I miss you so much, sweetie!” My mum babbles on and on about how much she misses me. It makes me miss her even more. I didn’t realize how homesick I really was.
“Levi, can you hear us?” Caleb asks. I nod.
“He nodded!” my mum says excitedly.
“Wait . . . Got it!” Caleb says. Shortly after, they pop up on my screen, smiling widely. They both cheer excitedly. I clap my hands to show that I’m excited too.
“Hi, honey!” my mum says happily. I wave, and she smiles even more. A few tears slip from her eyes. She wipes the tears away quickly, and she’s still smiling.
I blink a few times to stop myself from crying too. I type into the message part.
mum if u cry i’ll cry:-(
“Sorry, Levi, sorry!” she says, frantically waving her hands.
We talk for a while, with her asking questions, like how my dad is and how I’m feeling. It’s nice to talk to them again. They’re the only ones who really know how I feel.
Caleb tells me all about what’s happening back home. I guess people keep asking about me, which is weird. They didn’t seem to care when I was there, so why do they care now?
“I’ve been on the search for a new FIFA partner, but no one wants to play with me,” Caleb says, pouting. Typical Caleb.
ur such a loser!
Caleb laughs. “I am not! FIFA is fun!” he says, defending himself.
Now I wish I was playing that stupid football video game with Caleb. When I left, I couldn’t wait to leave. I wanted to be away from everyone. But now that I’ve been away, I want to go back home. I’d rather be there than here, that’s for sure. I have no one here. I thought I was lonely back home, but I really wasn’t. I had a caring mother and a great friend, and I treated them terribly.
I realize now how much I had. I just wish I could redo some things.
“Can we have a tour of your room?” Caleb asks.
it’s kinda boring but yah sureee
I get up from my bed, carefully balancing my laptop while I walk around my room. They make comments about how I need more decorations and things in my room. I don’t really care, though. What’s the point of decorating?
“You need to clean!” my mum says, laughing. I look around at all the clothes on my floor, slightly embarrassed. I didn’t think they’d want a tour of my room, so I didn’t see the reason for cleaning.
I start to head back to my bed when my mum says something.
“Wait, Levi, go back a little please.”
I take a few steps back, unsure of what she wants to see.
There’s a long silence, and I hear her sigh. I know I’ve done something wrong. Things were going so well too. What have I done now?
“Levi Elliot Harrison,” she says quietly.
Uh oh. The full name is never a good sign.
I look at Caleb, who looks as confused as I am. I chew on my bottom lip and head back to my bed, waiting for my mom to speak up.
“You stopped taking your pills.”
There it is. Of course she noticed. Out of all the things to see, she just had to see that.
Her voice gets quieter, and I can tell she’s trying not to cry. “Why did you stop?”
This isn’t really something I want to get into with her. It’s stupid why I stopped. She won’t understand. This isn’t the first time this has happened, either. I think she always blames herself when I stop taking them, like somehow she caused it. I feel bad for making her feel that way, but I can’t help it. I don’t like taking them. They always cause me more problems.
I quickly think of an excuse.
I forgot to take them, I was feeling better so I just forgot. I’m sorry. I promise to remember.:-)
I know she doesn’t believe me because she doesn’t say anything for a few seconds.
“Have you taken them today?” she asks. I shake my head no. “Please, take them right now. So I don’t have to worry.”
Now I have to take them. She’s on a total di
fferent continent, and she’ll be worrying about me. I can’t do that to her.
I get up and quickly take the pills. She smiles a little afterward, clearly still upset. The atmosphere has changed drastically.
I’m such a screwup.
I nervously scratch my nose and chew on my bottom lip.
“So, uh, have you made any new friends?” Caleb asks, trying to change the subject.
As if on cue, Aiden walks in.
Not that he’s a friend, but he’s someone.
“Who was that?” my mum asks.
Aiden plops on the bed beside me, bouncing the mattress a little. I glare at him, and he smiles.
“Hello there! I’m Aiden! You must be the lovely Mrs. Harrison!” he says cheerily.
What in the world?
My mum smiles. “Call me Lilian! Are you Levi’s friend?”
I wait anxiously for him to say no. My mum will be crushed. I hold my breath for a few seconds, ready for more tension to be added.
Aiden looks over at me and back to the laptop. “Yeah! We’re neighbors. I help Anthony with soccer stuff too! Levi’s great!” He puts his arm around my shoulders and smiles.
Well, I guess this is better than my mum thinking I have no friends. But I don’t appreciate his extreme closeness. I wriggle out of his arm and roll my eyes.
“That’s fantastic! Oh, I’m so happy to hear that!” my mum says.
Aiden talks to them for a few minutes, and he’s extremely nice. I never noticed how talkative he really could be. He always laughs at the right times, and he’s making my mum laugh too. It’s nice to see her happy. I’m so used to seeing her upset and sad, it’s rare to see her this happy.
Maybe Aiden isn’t as bad as I thought.
After a few minutes, Aiden leaves to go do something. I’m pretty sure he just wanted food, though.
“Aiden seems great! I’m so glad you met him!” my mum says once he’s gone.
uhhh yeah, he just kinda showed up one day
After a few more minutes of talking, my mum and Caleb decide to leave. We talked for over an hour, and it’s getting late over there. I hate the fact that the time zones are so different. I feel even more separated from home.
We say our good-byes, or they say theirs and I type mine, with a few more tears from my mum. She makes me promise to take my pills.
I hate making promises, because I always break them.
I click the end button and watch them fade away from the screen. I stare at the laptop for a few minutes after they’re gone, wishing they were still there.
I miss them already.
I can hear someone moving around the house, either my dad or Aiden. I head out of my room and find Aiden in the kitchen eating a banana.
“Hey, that kid Caleb is pretty cool. Your mom is nice too!” he says with his mouth full.
I shrug and sit in one of the chairs. I pull out my phone and type something. “Why were you so nice? You could’ve easily said we’re not friends. It’s not like we’ve actually hung out or that I like you.”
Aiden shrugs. “I dunno. It’s easier to be nice than to be mean. Plus, I didn’t want your mom worrying about her little boy,” he says, teasingly.
I roll my eyes at his remark.
“Whoa, whoa. I just did something kind for you, and that’s how you repay me?” he says, laughing.
I shrug and turn away from him.
“This whole tough guy act isn’t going to last long, I hope you know that,” Aiden says, gesturing toward me. “You can try to be all cool and mean, or whatever you’re trying to do, but it isn’t going to work with me.”
I look back at him and raise my eyebrows.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Don’t try to act all innocent and naive.”
And I do know. I know I come off as inconsiderate, but I can’t help it sometimes. At first I did it to keep people away, and now it’s a part of who I am. I keep everyone away.
I’m not sure I can do that with Aiden. He won’t stay away for some reason.
“You’re literally stuck with me,” Aiden says, laughing. “This is, like, my second home, whether you like it or not.” He takes another bite of his banana and chews it loudly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter Twelve
LEVI
Since video chatting, I’ve been missing something a lot.
FIFA.
I don’t even know why I miss it. I never really enjoyed playing it. I think it’s because it’s something Caleb and I did together, and I miss Caleb. I guess playing it might make me feel closer to home.
Is that stupid?
I’ve been pacing the hallway for the past few minutes, debating whether or not to leave the house. I figured that Aiden might have FIFA, or some other game that will keep me busy. I don’t want to play with Aiden, but he’s my only chance. The FIFA withdrawals are giving me anxiety, and I’m not really sure why. I think I’m just extremely bored and looking for something to do.
Is this what homesickness is? Or am I going insane?
I’m already insane, actually.
When I want to do something, it usually causes me to have to do it. I get jittery and anxious if I don’t, and get completely wrapped up in thinking about it, so I’m sort of forced to do whatever it is. Today, it’s FIFA. Something like this hasn’t happened for a while. It’s usually something that connects to Delia, but today it’s Caleb.
I can live without FIFA.
But I want to play it.
I don’t need to play it.
Yes, I need to play FIFA.
I’m a mess.
I finally run down the stairs and open the door. My hand stays on the knob a little bit before I walk outside. I take the first few steps down my driveway and stop.
This is weird. This is really weird. Is it weird?
I shake my head and continue walking to Aiden’s. Good thing my dad isn’t home, or he would’ve questioned me. He’s been trusting me a little more; he leaves to do quick errands, but he’s never gone too long. I understand why he’s afraid to leave me alone. I’m unpredictable.
When I get to Aiden’s, he isn’t outside like I hoped he would be. I hesitantly ring the doorbell and wait for him to answer. After a few seconds, an unfamiliar face opens the door. I’m guessing it’s his mum.
“Hi, can I help you?” she asks.
I open and shut my mouth, unsure of what to do. It’s not like I’ll speak to her, and she is expecting an answer. I bite on my lip ring and pull out my phone to type something. I pass it to her, as I don’t want the robotic voice to speak. That voice surprises some people, and I’m trying to make this less awkward than it has to be.
Is Aiden here?
“Aiden is at school. He should be home soon. Do you mind me asking who you are?” she says, raising an eyebrow suspiciously. She probably expects me to be at school too.
I forgot all about school. I should’ve realized that’s where Aiden would be.
Thankfully, Aiden pulls up in his car. He grabs his bag and gets out, drumming his fingers against the door. He notices me standing at his front door, and he looks surprised.
“Hey, Levi! What are you doing here?” he asks, walking over to us. “Mom, this is Levi. He’s Anthony’s son.”
“Oh, nice to meet you! Aiden told me about you moving in,” she says. I feel my cheeks heat up, slightly embarrassed. I wonder what Aiden said about me.
“So, uh, what are ya here for?” Aiden asks.
His mum heads back inside, leaving us alone in the yard.
I type in my phone, “I was wondering if you have the game FIFA.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure we have it! I’m, like, blind, so Hunter usually plays. Do you wanna borrow it? Here, come inside.”
“Actually, I was wondering if we could play it.”
Aiden stops walking and turns around, a big smile growing on his face.
Great, he’s going to laugh at me. This is so embarrassing.
I type in more. “I don’t have anything to play it with at my house, and I thought you’d have it. I’m sorry if that’s weird.”
I’m suddenly regretting coming over. This is really awkward. I basically just invited myself into Aiden’s home to play FIFA. If that isn’t strange, I don’t know what is.
“No, no, that’s not weird at all! Of course we can play! I kinda suck at it, but that’s all right,” Aiden says, leading me into his room. He rummages through a drawer, pulling out his glasses. “I’ll need these to see,” he says, laughing. “C’mon, let me show you around.”
He takes me on a brief tour of his house, which is almost exactly the same as my dad’s. I wonder if all the houses in the neighborhood are like this.
I’m surprised that Aiden is willing to let me come into his house and hang out with him. This is considered hanging out, right? I feel like I haven’t done something like this in forever. Aiden is so kind when all I’ve been to him is rude.