Remember to Forget, Revised and Expanded

by Ashley Royer

  How am I supposed to celebrate some weird holiday with strangers and someone I told I never wanted to see again? I can already feel my anxiety coming.

  I can’t go. I won’t go. I’ll say I’m sick. This is so stressful, I hate this. Why did I ever have to move here in the first place? I wouldn’t have

  Suddenly, something falls off my bedside table and onto my lap.

  It’s Delilah’s project.

  I put it inside my drawer and leave my room.

  My dad is eating dinner without me, which is what usually happens. I’m often not hungry or I just have cereal. I don’t really like eating with my dad anyway. It’s extremely awkward because all I hear is our chewing.

  But today, I sit across from him. He looks up at me and grins.

  “What’s up, bud?” he says with his mouth full. He still calls me bud even though I’m seventeen, and I wish he’d stop.

  I shrug.

  “Something’s wrong, I can tell,” he says, putting his fork down.

  I type quickly in my phone. “I don’t feel well. I think I’m sick. I can’t go tomorrow.”

  He tilts his head to the side and squints at me. “You look okay . . . You sure you just don’t want to go?”

  I nod and hold my stomach as if I’m queasy.

  “I know about you and Delilah and Aiden. And I know you’re not sick. You think I don’t know why you punched the wall this morning? I wasn’t born yesterday.”

  Of course he knows.

  “You’re going to go tomorrow. It’ll be good for you. You need to get out of the house. You’ve been in here for months. You barely do anything, and it’s not healthy.”

  I glare at him and leave the table. I shove my chair in as I leave, causing it to crash into the table.

  “Levi!” my dad yells.

  I continue walking until I’m back in my room, and I slam the door shut, causing some things in my room to shake.

  I plop down on my bed and look up at the ceiling. I count to one hundred to try to relax myself, but it doesn’t work.

  I wish I could just disappear right now. No one would notice, or even care. I wouldn’t have to celebrate some stupid American holiday with stupid American people I don’t know. I wouldn’t be having anxiety over all of this if I could disappear.

  I could disappear, just like that.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  DELILAH

  Delilah, can you go check on the turkey?” my mom asks for the hundredth time. I exhale heavily and quickly look in the oven. The turkey looks the same as it did last time.

  I head into the living room and sit on the couch next to my brother, Noah. He’s home from college for the next few days.

  “Look at Elmo!” my younger sister, Lucy, screams as she points to the balloon on TV. She’s been watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade for a while, screaming every time a character she likes comes on.

  “Yeah, cool,” I mumble, seeing a car pull into the driveway. “Mom, the Harrisons are here!”

  I’ve been dreading seeing Levi again. I know it’s going to be weird to have to sit through a whole meal with him when I haven’t talked to him in a month.

  “Can you get the door?” my mom asks.

  “No!” I yell, not wanting to be the person to greet them.

  “So I finally get to meet your boyfriend?” Noah asks.

  “He’s not my boyfriend,” I mumble, rolling my eyes.

  “Not from what Mom’s told me.”

  “She doesn’t even know anything. We’re not even friends.”

  Noah talks in a girly voice and says, “Delilah met this new boy, Levi. Delilah’s been hanging out with Levi. Delilah did her English project on Levi, oh my goodness, it’s just so adorable!”

  “Shut up!” I say, nudging into his shoulder.

  Just then, the doorbell rings. I instantly become more nervous at the thought of seeing Levi again. I don’t know how I’m going to eat dinner with him. He’s willfully ignored me for a month, and I am sure he will ignore me today. I’m surprised he’s even coming.

  Noah doesn’t get up to get the door, and neither do I. I refuse.

  “You go,” Noah says.

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  “No.”

  “Lucy, go answer the door,” Noah says.

  “Noah, she’s three! She can’t even reach the doorknob,” I tell him. I reluctantly get off the couch and head toward the door. My hand stays on the knob for a few seconds before finally opening the door.

  “Hi, Delilah!” Mr. Harrison says, handing me a pie.

  “Happy Thanksgiving! Come on in!” I say with as much happiness as I can. I don’t want Levi to know how nervous I am.

  I look over to Levi, who is behind his dad. He’s looking at the ground, and his feet are turned in as he shifts his weight from side to side. He quickly looks up at me before looking back down, his cheeks turning slightly red.

  “Hi, Levi,” I say quietly as he walks past me and up the stairs, following his dad.

  He doesn’t even look up at me, but I swear I saw him flinch a little.

  “Who are you?” I hear Lucy ask when Levi gets into the living room.

  “That’s Levi,” I tell her. She’s has to tilt her head far back in order to look up at him. Levi waves a little to her, and she waves back.

  “I’m Lucy, I’m three, and I like to play Barbies. Do you like Barbies?” she asks Levi.

  He shakes his head and smiles a little.

  “Levi, that’s my brother, Noah,” I say quietly. I figure I should introduce them since Levi obviously isn’t going to introduce himself.

  Levi doesn’t even look at me when I talk. I feel like I’m invisible to him.

  Do I really cause him so much pain that he won’t even look at me?

  “Hey,” Noah says, reaching out to do that weird handshake boys do. Levi looks down awkwardly at Noah’s hand and raises his eyebrows. “Dude, it’s daps,” Noah mumbles.

  Levi makes a confused expression and shrugs.

  “Let’s just forget that happened,” Noah says. I can tell he’s trying not to laugh; I am too. This is already so awkward.

  Next, my mom and stepdad come out to introduce themselves to Levi. I already told my family about how Levi is, but I don’t think they actually realized what I meant, or understood how someone just doesn’t talk. My mom asks Levi a ton of questions. I think she thought he would give a response, but all he does is shrug or shake his head.

  We all sit down at the table a few minutes later. Of course, Levi is sitting across from me. He stares down at his empty plate and moves his fork side to side until the food is ready.

  It’s going to be a long day.

  Levi picks a small piece of turkey and piles a bunch of mashed potatoes onto his plate. He doesn’t take anything else but those two. I wonder if he doesn’t understand the point of Thanksgiving or if he just doesn’t like the food.

  “So, Levi, how do you like
it here so far?” my stepdad, Cory, asks.

  Levi shrugs and pushes his potatoes around his plate.

  “You’re quiet,” Lucy says.

  Levi nods, and I can tell he’s holding back a smile. At least he likes someone at the table.

  Everyone else continues like this is a normal family dinner. Levi continues to not acknowledge my existence, and I stay pretty quiet. I feel extremely awkward, and I don’t know what to say or do. I just listen to everyone else talk, and I sometimes add to the conversation, but not much. Every now and again, I catch Levi looking up at me, and he blushes every time.

  After dinner, Noah, Cory, and Mr. Harrison go watch the football game. I help my mom clean the dishes since I have nothing better to do. Lucy wanted to show Levi her room, which he surprisingly agreed to do.

  “Levi is interesting,” my mom says.

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “What happened with you guys?”

  I stop drying the plate and put it down on the counter. “What?”

  “Well, for a while you two hung out. And today you will barely look at each other. Is there something I should know about?”

  “No.”

  “Delilah, you don’t have to be embarrassed to tell me about your relationships.”

  I widen my eyes. “Mom! Do you think I dated Levi or something?”

  “Well, yes, I mean—”

  "Mom, no. We were friends, if even that. Whatever it was is over.”

  “If you say so. But I see the way you look at each other when you think the other isn’t watching.”

  “Mom, stop! I’m done with this conversation. Good-bye,” I say jokingly, leaving the kitchen. I can hear Lucy in the living room, and when I walk out into the hall, I see her sitting with Levi. They’re both cross-legged on the floor. Levi looks so large compared to Lucy, it’s cute. I stand there quietly and watch.

  “How old are you?” Lucy asks.

  Levi holds up one finger, and then seven.

  “You’re seven?”

  Levi shakes his head and does it again.

  “Seventeen?”

  Levi nods.

  “You’re old. I’m three. Did you know that?”

  It’s about the tenth time she’s told him how old she is.

  I like how Levi is acting with Lucy. It’s cute how he’s willing to sit with her, and she’s the only person he’s actually smiled at today.

  “Wanna hear a story?” Lucy asks, reaching out and grabbing Levi’s hands. “I can tell you’re a good listener because you don’t talk.” She puts her palms face down on Levi’s hands, and they’re barely big enough to cover half. Levi doesn’t pull away like I thought he would; he just looks at Lucy with a smile on his face. His expression is relaxed, and he looks happy.

  “Come on, lean close. It’s a secret story,” Lucy whispers, but it’s loud enough for me to hear. Levi leans closer to her, and she puts her hands around his ear. She whispers something that I can’t make out.

  Levi smiles widely, and he laughs.

  Levi laughs.

  He quickly puts his hand over his mouth, and it’s like everything is frozen. He stops moving, and his eyes widen. His eyebrows furrow together, and I can sense his panic.

  I can’t believe he actually laughed. I don’t think he believes it either.

  He finally notices me standing in the hallway, and he stares at me with wide, shocked eyes. I smile meekly and walk into the room.

  “Hi,” I whisper, sitting down beside him and Lucy.

  “I told Levi a secret,” Lucy says. She looks over at Levi and says, “Shhh.”

  He nods and looks over at me. Levi looks like he’s about to cry, but he starts to smile.

  Then, he laughs a little again. We both start to laugh, until we’re laughing for no reason at all.

  I like the sound of Levi’s laugh. It’s light and quick. It’s weird to hear him making an actual sound, but I like it. His dimples are deeper than they’ve ever been, and his eyes squeeze shut as he laughs.

  Levi wipes at the corners of his eyes once he’s done laughing. He shrugs like it was no big deal, but it was.

  He doesn’t stop smiling for a long time.

  He takes his phone out of his pocket and quickly types something. He passes his phone over to me, and I read what he’s written.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I look up at him. “It’s okay.”

  He smiles a little and tilts his head to the side. He reaches out to shake my hand.

  It’s like we’re starting all over.

  I feel like things between us are going to get better now. I wonder what Lucy said to him.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  DELILAH

  What are we gonna do today?” Lucy asks. She’s sitting on the windowsill, tapping her finger on the glass panes.

  “Noah wants to go see a movie. Do you wanna do that?”

  “Can it be Frozen?”

  “I already told you, it’s not at the movies anymore.”

  “But I wanna see Olaf!”

  “I’m sorry, Lucy, but he’s not at the movies right now.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because.”

  “Cause why?”

  “Because it’s summer?” I say more like a question. It’s fall, but hopefully she won’t realize it.

  “It’s not summer, silly,” she says, giggling.

  I sigh, knowing I’m not going to get anywhere with this. I pick Lucy up off the windowsill and set her down beside me on the couch.

  “What about going to the park?” I ask her.

  She tilts her head and thinks for a second. “Okay!” she says excitedly. “Let’s go to the park! Let’s go to the park!” she says, jumping up and down.

  After a few minutes of getting Lucy into her jacket (she just had to zipper it herself), we’re finally ready. It’s kind of cold out, so I’m hoping she won’t want to stay long. Noah decides to stay home.

  “Can we ask Lev-ee to come?” Lucy asks.

  “His name is Levi. And no, he’s busy,” I lie. She’s asked about Levi every day since Thanksgiving.

  She pouts and looks up at me. “No, it should be Lev-ee. It sounds like Lucy.”

  I laugh and decide not to correct her again. “What did you say to Levi the other day?” I ask, still wondering how she made him laugh.

  “When?”

  “Thanksgiving.”

  “When was that?”

  Lucy always forgets things, or at least she says she does. I don’t believe her half the time.

  “It was a few days ago,” I tell her.

  She shrugs, putting one hand in the air. “I dunno.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “It might’ve been about a green bean, I don’t really know. Was I eating a green bean when I said it?”

  “No,” I say, trying
not to laugh.

  “Oh . . .” she says, losing focus and looking around. As we walk, she holds tightly to my hand, swaying our arms back and forth.

  When we’re almost to the park, Lucy lets go of my hand and starts running down the sidewalk. I’m about to yell at her until I recognize what, or who, she’s running to.

  “Levi!” she shrieks, running toward Levi. He’s standing at his front door with his hands in his pockets. Lucy wraps her arms around him, or more so his legs, and hugs him tightly. He slowly puts his arm around her as best he can since she’s so much smaller.

  She looks up at him, still holding tightly to his knees. “Will you come to the park? Puh-leaseeeee?” she says, drawing the word into two long syllables.

  Levi smiles and looks down at Lucy, then up at me. I don’t say anything.

  He nods.

  “Yay! He said he’ll come!” Lucy reaches up to grab Levi’s hand, and she opens and closes her hand until Levi notices. He holds her small hand inside his and walks over to me.

  “Sorry about that,” I tell him quietly.

  He shrugs and smiles.

  We all walk down to the park, with Lucy in between us, holding both of our hands.

  Lucy runs over to the swing set, waiting for someone to help her up onto one. Levi surprisingly lifts her up onto the swing and starts pushing her lightly.

  It’s cute to see this side of Levi.

  “Do you have a younger sibling?” I ask Levi as he pushes Lucy.

  He shakes his head no.

  “Higher!” Lucy shrieks.

  She continues to giggle as she swings back and forth. Levi grins as Lucy shrieks every time she goes higher. She’s not going too high, but to her it probably feels like it.

  “Okay, I can stop now,” Lucy says abruptly. She gets bored easily with things.

  Levi quickly grabs the swing to stop her. She jumps off and stands between Levi and me.