Remember to Forget, Revised and Expanded

by Ashley Royer

“You’ve met him before?” I ask.

  “Yeah. At therapy. He’s cool.”

  “He says cool a lot.”

  He looks down at my hand and slowly reaches for it, entwining his fingers with mine. I get butterflies in my stomach, not expecting that at all.

  “Is this okay?” he asks again.

  “Yes, Levi, it’s okay,” I tell him. It’s cute how he’s so nervous and unsure.

  “Your hands are cold,” he says, pulling my hand into his jacket pocket. He’s still holding onto my hand once it’s inside, like he doesn’t want to let go.

  I notice that there’s not a lighter or a pack of cigarettes. They’re always in this pocket.

  “No cigarettes?” I ask.

  “No. I stopped a month ago.”

  “You did?”

  “Yeah,” he says, smiling a little. “I didn’t need them anymore.”

  “Levi, that’s great!”

  He smiles and looks down at his feet.

  “So that means the anxiety is getting better?” I ask.

  He shrugs. “I figured smoking took a little off my life with each cigarette. I don’t want that anymore.”

  I don’t respond. I’m not sure what to say.

  We walk the rest of the way to my car in silence. As I start driving us home, Levi turns down the radio.

  “Why do you always turn it down?” I ask him.

  “I don’t like music,” he says, looking out the window.

  “Why?”

  “Certain songs remind me of the things I want to forget the most.”

  “Levi . . .”

  “Don’t ‘Levi’ me,” he says, turning toward me. He smirks and rolls his eyes.

  “Someone’s sassy when they talk.”

  “Australians are naturally sarcastic.”

  We drive the rest of the way home in a comfortable silence. Levi doesn’t like to talk for long periods of time, which I totally understand. I don’t want to force him into doing something he’s not comfortable with.

  I pull up in front of Levi’s house, but neither of us get out of the car.

  He looks over at me and sighs.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask him

  “How long can you stay?”

  “About an hour.”

  “Please stay for dinner. Please,” he says, sticking out his bottom lip.

  I put my hand in front of his face. “Don’t look at me like that.”

  “Pleeeease,” he whines, his voice muffled.

  “Fine. But you have to help me with my homework.”

  “I’m a dropout!” he says, getting out of the car.

  “That doesn’t mean you can’t do algebra.”

  “I failed it twice. I’m pretty sure that means I can’t.”

  I laugh, waiting outside the front door for Levi.

  “Have you talked to your dad yet?” I ask him.

  He shakes his head.

  “Okay. Then I’ll act like you haven’t talked to me yet.”

  He nods, already going back to silence.

  I open the door, already hearing Anthony upstairs.

  “It’s Delilah and Levi!” I yell.

  “Hi!” Anthony yells, coming to see us. “You guys look cold!”

  “Because we are. It’s freezing out.”

  Anthony laughs. “Want me to turn the heat up?”

  Levi nods quickly, causing his dad to laugh.

  “Your wish is my command,” Anthony says, heading back down the hall.

  We go to Levi’s basement, since that’s probably where we’ll be able to actually talk without Anthony hearing us.

  “Wanna watch a movie?” Levi asks, talking quieter than usual so his dad won’t hear him.

  “If you want to.”

  “Okay. You pick it out, I’ll go get food,” he tells me, already running up the stairs.

  “Don’t put chocolate on the popcorn like you did last time!” I yell.

  He leans over the stairs. “It was good!”

  “No, it was disgusting.”

  “Fine. I’ll make a separate batch for you. You’re welcome.”

  “Thanks, Levi!” I yell, laughing.

  He rolls his eyes and heads upstairs, leaving me to pick out a movie.

  I go through his Netflix account until I find a movie that looks slightly interesting. It only has two and a half stars. At least we can make fun of it if it’s really stupid.

  “I’m back,” Levi whispers after a few minutes. He plops down on the couch beside me, tossing me my bag of popcorn. “Wait, I’ll be right back,” he says.

  He runs back upstairs and returns with a bunch of sheets, pillows, and blankets.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, laughing.

  “We’re gonna make a fort, duh. My dad questioned me, though, and I’m not sure he believes that’s what we’ll be using this for.”

  I laugh. “Lucy is rubbing off on you.”

  “Is not.”

  “Is too.”

  “Is not!”

  “You’re like a child.”

  “Am not,” he says quietly. He looks over at me from the corner of his eyes, holding in his laughter.

  I grab a pillow and toss it at his head.

  It’s nice to finally be able to talk to Levi. I feel like, now that he’s talking, he seems a lot happier. Or maybe his pills are working, or therapy is helping.

  Or maybe everything all together is making him less sad. Whatever it is, I like it.

  “That was not nice,” he pouts.

  “You’re so much more annoying now,” I say jokingly.

  “It’s my specialty. Now just eat your popcorn with extra butter while I make this fort, and don’t bother me.”

  I almost choke on my popcorn because of Levi’s response, and I can’t stop laughing. “You’re a lot funnier too.”

  Today must be a really good day for Levi, because I’ve never seen him this happy. Seeing him so happy is making me happy too.

  I watch Levi as he sets up the fort. He sticks his tongue out a little and bites his lip as he concentrates on keeping the sheets in place. He has to stand on his toes to put one of the sheet corners on the bookshelf.

  Levi’s dad comes downstairs, most likely to see if we really are making a fort. He laughs when he sees the basement with all the sheets.

  Levi must have made a lot of forts in his seventeen years of life, because he makes ours extremely fast. I barely help, as every time I try, I mess up. Instead, I eat my popcorn like he told me, not bothering him. When he’s done, he crawls through the opening and sits beside me on the couch. He somehow managed to make the fort above the couch and connect it over the TV. It’s pretty impressive.

  He snuggles up beside me and throws a piece of popcorn at me.

 
“What was that for?” I ask him.

  “Press play.”

  “Oh.”

  He throws a piece of popcorn into his mouth and leans his head on my shoulder.

  “Actually, don’t press play yet,” he tells me.

  “Why not?”

  “I haven’t said thank you. So thanks.”

  “For what?”

  He moves slightly, lifting his head back up. “Without you, I wouldn’t be talking right now.”

  That makes me blush and sends chills up my spine. “Why me?”

  “You helped,” he says. “You made me feel like it was okay to talk again.”

  “I’m happy you’re talking.”

  “I’m happy that you’re happy,” he says, chewing on his bottom lip and avoiding eye contact. “You can press play now.”

  So I do, and the movie starts. It’s kind of boring. His dad brings us some pizza and Levi keeps throwing his chocolate-covered popcorn at me. He doesn’t talk at all during the movie; I don’t think he’s even watching it. Most of the time he’s eating or looking over at me.

  Halfway through the movie, I see one of the sheets start to fall and then the whole fort collapses. We’re stuck in a pile of sheets, and all I can hear is Levi laughing.

  “Oops,” he whispers.

  I push all the sheets off me and pull them off of Levi too.

  “That wasn’t supposed to happen,” he says.

  “You’re such a dork,” I tell him.

  “But I’m your dork.” His cheeks turn red the second after he says this.

  “That was even dorkier!”

  We don’t bother remaking the fort, and instead just sit on the couch. The movie ends at some point, but neither of us was really interested in it anyway. We’ve been lying down for the past hour, acting like we were watching the movie, but we really weren’t. I know I was thinking about Levi, I just don’t know if he was thinking about me too.

  Levi’s arms are around me, and his head is resting in the crook of my neck. I’m pretty sure he’s going to fall asleep soon. His breaths are slowing down, and his heart is beating gently.

  “Delilah,” he whispers.

  “Yeah?”

  “Today was the best day ever,” he says, yawning.

  “We barely did anything and I never did my homework.”

  “I could do nothing with you and still have fun.”

  I smile and squeeze Levi’s hand. I hadn’t even realized how close we had actually gotten.

  “We should do this again,” I tell him.

  “Tomorrow. And the day after. And every day after that.”

  I laugh, and Levi moves slightly to get more comfortable.

  “I’m tired. All this talking has worn me out,” he says, yawning.

  “Goodnight, Levi,” I say as I get up to leave.

  “Goodnight, Delilah.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  LEVI

  The next few days go by quickly. Delilah goes to school, and then afterward we hang out for a little. Yesterday, while we were talking, I realized Christmas is a little over a week away, and I’m not prepared at all.

  Dad and I don’t even have a Christmas tree yet. I bet my mum put hers up weeks ago. It’s our first time not decorating the tree together. It feels weird not being with her for Christmas, like Christmas can’t happen without her.

  I’ve been trying to get closer to my dad, but things are still not how they once were. It’s getting better, however. It’s definitely better than it was when I first got here. So, I thought I’d surprise him by getting a Christmas tree.

  I call Delilah, even though it’s nine o’clock in the morning on a Saturday. Hopefully she’s awake. She picks up after a few rings.

  “Levi, do you know what time it is?” she mumbles.

  “Yes, I’m aware,” I whisper, making sure it’s quiet enough that my dad won’t hear. I still haven’t spoken to him.

  “Why are you calling so early?”

  “I just—I need a Christmas tree,” I tell her, suddenly embarrassed that I woke her up to talk about this.

  “Christmas is, like, a week away, and you still don’t have one?”

  “My dad’s been super busy. I want to surprise him. He’s leaving in an hour, and he’ll be gone all day.”

  “That’s so cute!” Delilah says loudly. She’s much more enthusiastic now. I feel my cheeks blush.

  “I need someone to drive me and help me get a tree.”

  “You’re seriously only using me for a chauffeur?”

  “No, no! I didn’t mean it that way. I wanted you to come with me,” I splutter.

  “I don’t know, Levi. I’m really busy and I—”

  "Please.”

  “I’m just kidding. Of course I’ll come,” Delilah says, giggling.

  “Really? Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

  “You’re welcome. Oh, and Levi?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Your voice sounds cute over the phone,” she says quickly.

  “Thanks?” It’s a good thing Delilah can’t see me right now, because I’m smiling widely and blushing a deep red.

  “It’s a compliment, accept it. I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes.”

  I hear the doorbell ring a few minutes later. I’m getting dressed and only have on a shirt and boxers. I run to the door, even though I know Delilah has let herself in. I tug my shirt down as far as it can go.

  “You said fifteen minutes!” I whisper-yell, so my dad won’t hear from his room.

  Delilah tries to hold in her laughter, but ends up laughing hysterically. “Are those pizzas?” she asks, referring to my boxers.

  “I was getting dressed!”

  “That doesn’t answer my question!”

  “Yes, it’s pizza,” I say, blushing.

  “You’re unbelievable. Go change—I’ll wait out here,” she tells me, still laughing.

  “I hate you,” I mumble as I head to my room. I quickly get dressed, still slightly mortified. I walk out of my room and find Delilah eating a bowl of cereal on the couch.

  “I’m starving, and all you have is plain Cheerios. Not even honey nut. What kind of life do you and your dad live?” Delilah says with her mouth full.

  I shrug and sit beside her, almost causing some of the milk to spill out of her cereal bowl.

  “Can we go?” I whisper.

  “Let me finish my cereal! You literally woke me up ten minutes ago, and I’m hungry!”

  I put my hands up. “Whoa. Someone’s not a morning person.”

  She quickly finishes her breakfast, while I anxiously wait. We lie to my dad—Delilah tells him that we’re going to Aiden’s for the day. He believes it, thankfully.

  “So, where are we getting the tree?” Delilah asks once we start driving.

  “I dunno. You’re the one who’s lived here all your life.”

/>   “You’re so sarcastic now,” she says, sighing heavily.

  “Not speaking for months has given me time to think of great sarcastic responses.”

  “They’re not that great, but whatever makes you happy.”

  “Hey!”

  Delilah turns down multiple roads until I see acres of Christmas trees. She pulls into the parking lot, and I get out of the car quickly.

  “Look at all the trees to pick from!” I say excitedly. I grab Delilah’s hand and run toward the trees. She laughs and follows, although she has no choice since I’m tugging her behind me.

  We walk through many trees, and I can’t find any I like. I’m looking for a medium-sized one, but they’re all either too big or too small.

  “What about that one?” Delilah asks, pointing to a tree.

  “Nope.”

  She sighs, and we continue walking. Half the time I forget to look at the trees because I’m too busy watching Delilah.

  “Is that my beanie?” I ask.

  “Yep,” she says, blushing.

  I smile widely. “It looks cute.”

  She pulls the hat farther past her ears and smiles.

  Sometimes I wonder how Delilah and I have come to where we are now. When I first saw her, I didn’t want anything to do with her. I never wanted to see her again. And now, I don’t want to go a day without her. I hate feeling this way, but I like it too. I’m trying to be happier, not just for Delilah, but for everyone. For me too. But even when I’m happy, like right now, I still feel sad. I still feel incomplete, like something is missing, but I’m not sure what. I’m just trying not to show it as much.

  “Everything okay?” Delilah asks, probably noticing that I’ve zoned out.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s keep looking.”

  Delilah links her arm through mine as we walk through the trees. After what feels like hours, I think I’ve found the perfect one.

  “That’s it!” I say excitedly.

  “You sure?”

  “It’s perfect! We have to get it!”