Remember to Forget, Revised and Expanded

by Ashley Royer

  I have to admit that I still do like being out in the rain. For some reason, it relaxes me. I like feeling the water cool my skin. The steady sound of raindrops is calming. It’s something familiar that I’ve always known.

  “I’m cold!” she tells me.

  “Told ya.”

  I reach my arms out and catch some rain in my hands. I splash some of the water at Delilah.

  “See, I brought you out here and you’re already happier.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You were tense when you got here. Now you’re not.”

  I shake my head. Even though she’s right.

  “Levi?” she whispers, walking close to me. We’re both beneath the tree now.

  “Yeah?”

  “Why do you like the rain so much?”

  “It reminds me that I’m still alive.”

  She smiles and runs a hand through her wet hair.

  “If you would’ve asked me what my favorite thing is now, I would’ve had a different answer.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What would it be?”

  I feel my cheeks blush again. “Being with you.”

  I realize that I stopped searching for the end of the rainbow a long time ago, but I think I found one in Delilah.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  LEVI

  H-Hi, L-Levi,” Mitchell says. He’s sitting across from me in Candace’s office. We’re doing our weekly session together.

  He’s gotten a little more talkative lately.

  I wave. I haven’t spoken to Candace or Mitchell yet. I clear my throat and write on my whiteboard. I have something to say.

  “Go ahead, Levi. Say whatever you want,” Candace says.

  I nervously rub my nose and clear my throat again. I wipe away some of the words on the whiteboard with my finger before I gain the courage to speak. “Hi, Mitchell. Hi, Candace.” I smile. Candace stares at me, shocked.

  “Is that the first time you’ve spoken?” Candace whispers, which is strange because she’s always loud.

  I shake my head. “No. I’ve been talking for a few weeks now.”

  “I’m so proud of you, Levi,” Candace says. She gets out of her chair and hugs me tightly. Which is also really weird.

  This whole time, everyone’s been trying to get me to talk. Candace probably feels like I’ve experienced some psychiatric breakthrough, which I guess I have. She smiles widely at me, not saying anything.

  “Y-You have a cool accent,” Mitchell says, smiling widely. He plays with a loose string on the hem of his shirt.

  “Thanks,” I laugh.

  We talk for awhile longer, until it’s been an hour, which means it’s time to go. Candace asks me more questions than usual because she knows that I can talk now to answer them. It still feels a little strange to actually be talking to people, but I’m getting more used to it. Sometimes I stop because I get tired or I just don’t feel like talking anymore. Living almost a year in complete silence, not speaking became comfortable and easy for me. But now, I’m talking and I’m out of my comfort zone. It’s not as bad as I thought it’d be, though.

  “I-I did-didn’t understand h-half the st-stuff you said,” Mitchell tells me, laughing as we head outside.

  “Because of my accent?” I ask him.

  He nods. “W-What’s a-a ch-cheese toastie?” It takes him awhile to say the words cheese toastie, like they’re stuck on his tongue. That happens a lot. He has to think hard about what he’s saying.

  I laugh. Mitchell had been talking about some pizza place he went to, and I had said all I had for lunch was a cheese toastie. “It’s what you call a grilled cheese.”

  “O-Oh. I like those.”

  We walk in silence for a little. Mitchell always seems sad; I wish I could see him a little happier. I know what it’s like to be sad, and I don’t want anyone else to go through that. I wonder if that’s how people feel when they’re around me. Or used to anyway, now that I’m getting better.

  “Do you wanna come over to my house tonight? I’m hanging out with Aiden and Delilah—you know them, right?” I ask him.

  He looks over at me with wide eyes and nods.

  “So is that a yes?” I ask.

  He takes a few seconds to think and then shrugs. “I-I’m not really g-good with new p-people.”

  “That’s okay, they’re nice. If you don’t want to, I understand. I just thought I’d ask.”

  “I-I don’t w-wanna intrude.”

  “You won’t. We’re probably just gonna have pizza and watch a movie or something. Even though you had pizza for lunch.”

  “I-I like p-pizza.”

  I wait for Mitchell to say whether or not he wants to come, because it looks like he’s thinking.

  “I-I guess I’ll come. A-Are you sure th-they won’t mind?”

  “I’m positive.”

  “I-I’ll come.” He runs his hands through his now red hair and pulls a little at the ends.

  “Great!”

  My dad drives Mitchell and me home. He tries to talk to Mitchell, but I’m not sure my dad could understand a lot of what he said. It took me awhile to understand Mitchell, but now I don’t even notice his stutter most of the time.

  When we get home, Aiden and Delilah tell me they’ll be a few minutes late. Mitchell and I sit on the couch and wait for them.

  “I-I like the Ch-Christmas tree,” Mitchell says, poking one of the ornaments.

  “Thanks! Delilah and I decorated it a few days ago. I can’t believe Christmas is in five days!”

  “I kn-know. D-Do you h-have plans?”

  I shrug. “I guess my dad and I will do something. What about you?”

  Mitchell shrugs. “We don’t do m-much on Christmas.”

  “Oh.”

  We talk for a little longer, until Delilah and Aiden show up.

  “Hey! We’re here!” Aiden yells, running up the stairs. “We have the pizzas!”

  Aiden throws the pizza boxes onto the table and opens one up instantly. He takes out a slice and shoves it into his mouth.

  “Did you know that— Hey, who’s this?” Aiden says, talking with his mouth full.

  “That’s Mitchell. Remember him from school?” Delilah says, sitting down beside me.

  Aiden shrugs. “I don’t pay attention to school. I’m Aiden. You have cool hair, dude.”

  “Th-Thanks.”

  “Did you invite him here?” Delilah whispers to me.

  I nod.

  Her face lights up. “That was really nice of you!” She twines her fingers in mine and leans her head on my shoulder. I smile and feel instantly happier.

  Aiden raises his eyebrows at me, and I roll my eyes.

  “Watch this,” I whisper to Delilah. “Aiden’s gonna freak.”

  Delilah squeezes my hand and moves slightly on the couch.


  “Aiden, wanna bring me over a slice of pizza?” I ask.

  I haven’t seen Aiden for a while, so this is the first thing I’ve said to him.

  “What do I look like— Wait, what? Who just said that? Levi, that wasn’t you, was it?”

  “It was me,” I say, laughing. Delilah and Mitchell laugh too.

  “Since when do you talk?! Why has no one told me this? No one ever tells me anything! This is the greatest news I’ve heard in forever! It’s a Christmas miracle!”

  “Oh, shut up,” Delilah says. “We tell you everything—you just don’t pay attention.”

  “Don’t say that,” I whisper to Delilah.

  “Say what?”

  “You know . . .” I say, not wanting to actually say it.

  “Shut up?”

  I nod. “You wouldn’t want him to actually stop talking.”

  She sobers. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.”

  “It’s fine.”

  After some more ranting on why no one told him I’m talking, Aiden finally brings us all some pizza. We chat about random stuff, but Mitchell stays pretty quiet. Aiden then goes on and on again about how he can’t believe I’m finally talking and how my voice sounds. Delilah gets Mitchell into the conversation every once and awhile, but I can tell he’s nervous. His stutter is a little worse than usual.

  Last week, Mitchell explained to me why he stutters. He said it’s genetic, which is pretty rare. Doctors think one of his relatives in an earlier generation probably stuttered. He said his nerves make it worse, but his stutter makes him nervous, so it’s a vicious cycle for him. His brain doesn’t process words the same way other people’s do, which is what causes him to stutter. He’s recently started speech therapy to help him. There’s a small chance it will ever fully disappear, but he can work on making it better.

  I feel bad for Mitchell, but he’s a really nice guy. I want to help him as much as I can.

  Delilah ends up laying her head down in my lap while we all talk, and I can see Aiden continuously staring down at her.

  “Levi, can I talk to you?” he asks. I nod and Delilah sits back up, allowing me to stand. Aiden and I head into the kitchen.

  “So, is there a thing going on between you guys now?” Aiden asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

  “Not that I know of. We’re just friends.”

  “But you told me you thought you liked her.”

  I shrug.

  “Levi . . .”

  “Okay, fine. I do like Delilah. But there’s nothing going on between us.”

  Aiden rolls his eyes. “It’s obvious that you both like each other. I just think you should start to like yourself more before you get into a relationship.”

  I did not expect Aiden to say something like that. I think for a few seconds before speaking.

  “Delilah helps me like myself more,” I whisper.

  Chapter Forty

  LEVI

  Tomorrow’s your last day of school before break,” I tell Delilah as she sits at her kitchen table, focusing on her homework. “I’ll get to annoy you every day for two weeks!”

  “I can’t wait,” she mumbles, erasing something on her paper. She’s been struggling for the past few minutes. It’s cute the way she sticks out her tongue when she concentrates. I move from the couch and sit down in one of the chairs beside her.

  “Need help?” I ask, leaning my head on top of her shoulder so I can see her worksheet.

  “No,” she says, trying to nudge me off her shoulder.

  “C’mon. Take a break—you’re working too hard.”

  “I don’t understand it.”

  “Well, the answer to the problem is seventy-two,” I say, pointing to the maths problem that’s been erased multiple times.

  “How’d you know that?” she whispers, finally looking up from her homework.

  I shrug. “My mum’s a maths teacher.”

  “Math.”

  “No, maths. You Americans say weird things. It’s plural. Mathsssss,” I say, trying not to laugh.

  “Says the person who was yelling Australian slang at their phone the other day.”

  “Okay, Siri wasn’t understanding me.”

  Delilah laughs and scribbles down the answer after I explain how I figured it out.

  “You said you failed math,” she tells me.

  “I lied. I just didn’t want you to do your homework that day.” I feel my cheeks heat up.

  She slaps my arm. “Seriously, Levi?”

  I rub my arm, pretending like it hurt.

  Delilah’s phone starts to ring, and it’s a call from Aiden. She sighs and picks it up, tapping her pencil against the table while she talks.

  “Yes, Aiden?” she says. “No, I’m not . . . Because I don’t want to . . . No, he doesn’t know . . . It’s tomorrow, it’s too late anyway . . .”

  She rolls her eyes while she continues to talk, then finally hangs up.

  “What was that about?” I ask.

  “Snow Ball.”

  “Oh, cool . . . What’s that?” I ask.

  “A winter dance tomorrow night. It’s no big deal.”

  “Why aren’t you going?” I ask, scrunching my eyebrows in confusion.

  She shrugs.

  “You should go.”

  “But I have no one to go with.”

  “Oh.”

  I look down at my hands and awkwardly twiddle my thumbs.

  “I mean, I wanna go with you, obviously. But you don’t like that kind of stuff,” Delilah whispers. “I didn’t ask you because you don’t like parties or crowded spaces. I thought you wouldn’t wanna go,” she says, twirling her pencil between her fingers.

  She’s right, I don’t like that kind of stuff. But if Delilah’s with me, I might not get as nervous.

  “I’d go with you,” I tell her, nudging her shoulder.

  “You would?”

  “Of course.”

  I nervously bite on my lip ring just thinking about it. I push the anxiety out of my mind, though.

  “Are you serious?” she asks.

  “Completely serious.”

  “I need a dress. You need something to wear!” she says, standing up from her chair. “It’s too late. It’s tomorrow. We don’t have time.”

  “We can go right now,” I tell her, grabbing her hand.

  “But what about Lucy? My parents aren’t home.”

  “She can come too. I’ll go get her.”

  I run to Lucy’s room, where she’s playing with some dolls and talking quietly.

  “We’re going shopping,” I tell her.

  “For what?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

  “Delilah needs a dress.”

  “I don’t wanna go,” she pouts.

  “You can bring Barbie.”

  “This is Kelly.”
/>   “All right, you can bring Kelly.”

  “I don’t wanna bring Kelly.”

  “Then I’ll buy you a cookie. How’s that sound?”

  She smiles widely and jumps up. “A cookie sounds good! Can it be a rainbow M&M one?”

  “Whatever you want.”

  I help Lucy get on her shoes and jacket, which as usual takes a very long time. Delilah drives us all to the mall, which is extremely crowded because of Christmas shoppers. I cringe just thinking about the tightly packed stores and young kids running around everywhere.

  “You sure you want to go?” Delilah asks before opening her door.

  I nod. I slowly get out of the car and unbuckle Lucy from the backseat. Of course, she asks me to carry her, so I do. She continuously pokes the pom-pom on my beanie as we walk, almost causing it to fall off my head.

  I follow Delilah to wherever the store is that we’re going to, carefully weaving through all the people. Lucy points to things she sees in the store windows, like snowmen or giant nutcrackers.

  We walk into the store, and I’m astounded by the multiple aisles of dresses. There are long ones and short ones and tight ones and puffy ones. There are way too many to choose from. I’m overwhelmed, and we just got here. I worry we’ll be here for hours.

  I walk over to the men’s section while Delilah goes through all the dresses. I find a pair of pants and shirt that fit nicely. They aren’t too fancy; they’re just right.

  “You like this one, Lucy?” I ask, standing in front of the giant mirrors.

  Lucy nods quickly. She said she’d rather help me than Delilah, so she’s sitting on the tiny chair while I stand in front of the mirror.

  I see Delilah across the store and give her a thumbs-up to see if she likes any of the dresses in her hand. She smiles widely and gives a thumbs-up back to me, approving of my outfit choice