“Okay I get it,” I say, stopping her.
“I don’t think you do otherwise you wouldn’t have said it. Alannah isn’t my child and never will be, nor is she yours.”
She bursts out in another round of sobs and collapses against me for support.
“I love you Kitty and you are more than enough for me with or without a baby,” I tell her, as soothing as I can.
She doesn’t talk, only cries and grips me for dear life.
I scoop her up in my arms and carry her through to our bedroom. Laying her on the bed, I drape the blankets over her and stroke her hair until she falls asleep.
It doesn’t take long and when I’m happy she’s out for the count, I roll of the bed and close the door behind me quietly.
I braced myself a long time ago we wouldn’t have children and to be honest it doesn’t bother me. When I think about the danger the child could be in on a regular basis, it makes it easier to deal with. It is hard enough making sure Lana is safe constantly.
Alannah is still in her room and jumps up when I open her door.
“Aunt Kitty is asleep, c’mon, let’s go down and see the guys, we’ll find Flo,” I say, holding out my hand to her.
“Is she okay? She wouldn’t let me come and get you.”
For a ten year old kid she sounds much older than she looks, so much like her father.
Her looks are her mother’s but her stubbornness and pride comes from us Blakes.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
KITTY
I haven’t left my room since yesterday when Michael put me to bed. Flo had Alannah for the night and Michael came home early and laid with me when I woke.
Every time the negative sign flashes up my heart cracks a little more but yesterday it completely broke. I genuinely thought I was pregnant this time and when I saw I wasn’t I lost it.
Everywhere I go women are pregnant, showing off their baby bumps and glowing like a fucking glow fish with happiness.
“Hey Prospect, the floor’s need sweepin’,” I hear Michael yelling outside.
Hauling myself out of bed, I look out of the window across the compound I’ve called home for years and wonder where my life has gone.
Michael had plans of buying our own home for us when were married and ready to start our own family but time and life got in the way and we ended up making our home here in her house.
Nothing really changes around here, life is always the same. The only thing that changes is the level of violence between rival clubs.
Alannah is sat talking with Micky as he works on his bike and I can see from here her little mouth working overtime asking her million questions as she does.
It doesn’t matter who she goes to or that she’s just a child they all wrap her up in bubble wrap and listen to her every word.
It’s like Rayna is still around, that’s how everyone used to be with her too. There is no escaping her. She’s everywhere, people keeping her memory alive every fucking day, her daughter under my guardianship and my husband chasing down revenge on a constant basis.
Rayna is with Mark again, with her love. She is resting in peace but left none behind for the people who are still breathing.
A part of me can’t wait for Alannah to turn eighteen so I’m not responsible of her child, especially when I can’t have my own. It feels like a kick to the gut.
Self-consciously I find myself rubbing my stomach and quickly pull away knowing it is empty.
I look forward to the day when my life won’t be wrapped around Rayna, dead or alive. I feel like screaming, I don’t know what to think anymore. All I do know is that until Michael has taken care of Micky and has no one left to chase for the crime of withholding time in Rayna’s death, my life won’t move forward. No one’s will.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
MICHAEL
Watching the Raging Riders clubhouse for a different purpose other than to kill one of them is something I thought I would never do.
It’s been a month since Chase’s body was found and we haven’t heard anything from Hunter. I would’ve thought we would have got word by now and the fact we haven’t takes away the satisfaction of bleeding him dry.
Hunter comes and goes without a care in the world, not like someone who’s just lost his brother in a brutal manner. It’s beginning to piss me off.
“Does it hurt?”
“How should I know? I haven’t got any.”
“Of course, I should have known.”
“You don’t look like the other guys, they’re colourful and have loads of pictures on them and you have nothing.”
I turn around to listen to Sparky talking to Alannah and smile when I figure out what they’re talking about, then frown when I realize she shouldn’t be here.
Sparky is adamant he wants a tattoo and the guys have been ribbing him about the pain.
“Why does Uncle Michael call you Sparky?” she asks him.
Christ, he better not tell her.
“Why does everyone call you Barbie?” he retorts.
Her little chuckle vibrates through the room and she replies, “No one calls me that.”
“They will do now, Barbie.”
“Why?”
He shrugs and gives her a huge smile.
“You’ve always got one in your hand and you look like a mini Barbie,” he tells her.
“I don’t like that name,” she says distastefully, shaking her head.
“I’m definitely gonna call you it now,” he laughs.
Throwing my pen down I get up and wonder over to where they’re sitting.
“What is she doing in here?” I ask Sparky.
“Kitty asked me to watch her for a while.”
I bet she did, I thought she was over this.
“Where is she?”
“In the house.”
With a heavy step I head for the house to see why she’s palmed the kid off again.
I open the door with so much gust it slams into the wall and makes a hole.
“Kit, where are you?” I yell.
“In here.”
I follow her voice through to the living room and find her with her feet up and slices of cucumber on her eyes, fucking cucumber.
“What’re you playing at, woman?” I bellow.
“Absolutely nothing,” she smiles, not moving and not having a care in the world.
“So you had a prospect look after your niece so you could put food on your face?”
“I want five minutes peace, is that too much to ask for?”
“You make out like she’s a constant handful, you hardly know she’s here most of the time.”
I can’t believe we’re having this conversation again, it’s getting old and tedious.
“If you want time to yourself then ask Flo, she’s always happy to have her.”
Kitty does nothing but lay there relaxing. I leave the room before I really do start a fucking war with my wife.
Shoving a glass under the tap, I fill it with water wishing it was whiskey. She knows how much I have going on these days. Surely a wife should try and make things easier for her husband when she knows he’s stressed. Nope, not my wife, she likes to stick it in even deeper and add to it.
Giving everything I have, I throw the glass at the wall and watch as the glass shatters and falls to the floor. Stomping back in to the living room, she’s still where I left her.
“You know what, I’m not gonna keep doing this. You don’t need to worry about Lana anymore.”
This gets her attention and she peels the cucumber slices off her eyes.
“What are you going on about?” she asks, sitting up.
“What I said, you don’t want to help me raise her and I finally get it. You hate having her around and bringing her up is dragging you down. Well, you don’t have to anymore. You are now Alannah free. Pack your shit and go.”
Her stunned silence only lasts for so long until it sinks in what I’ve said and she flies off the couch.
&nb
sp; “Are you kicking me out?” she shrieks.
“No, I’m asking you to go, there’s a difference. This isn’t what we had planned for our future and I am well aware of that but it’s what we got dealt and while I’m dealing, you ain’t. I don’t expect you to carry on with this anymore. I love you enough to let you go and be happy because you sure as shit aren’t happy at the moment, are ya.”
Her shoulders slouch and the fight leaves her eyes. I stand tall and keep myself braced for the return of her claws.
“I love you too, Michael, but this is hard. I need more help,” she whines.
“No, you don’t. Flo has her half the time and then there’s Micky and Oak. Fuck me, even Pope has her from time to time. You are the wife of the President of this club and the aunt of his niece, it is your job to show everyone how it’s done. All you’re doing is showing us up,” I yell at her.
She flops back down on the couch and puts her head in her hands. She doesn’t cry but it’s plain as day she has had enough as much as I have.
“I can’t leave you, Michael. I’ll do better and this won’t happen again,” she promises.
“I want to believe you, babe. We’re meant to be in this together but I’m not getting anything from you but shit I don’t have time for.”
“No more shit, I promise you. You, me and Alannah, in this together, just the three of us.”
She walks towards me and I pull her into my arms.
“I love you so much crazy woman but I’m serious, I promised my brother I would protect his kid and it’s the only thing I can do for him after everything he did for me. I won’t let him down.”
I hate saying the words and watching her cry but I haven’t got the time to pander to her insecurities anymore.
Leaning down, I kiss the top of her head and squeeze her tight.
“I’ll finish early tonight and we’ll spend some together, okay?”
“Okay,” she smiles up at me warmly.
“Kitty Blake, you are all I need, I just need you to feel the same about Alannah and me.”
She nods and wipes her eyes on her sleeve.
“Go and get cleaned up, I need to go to the office for a while but I’ll be back tonight, yeah.”
Another fight done and dusted, and by tonight made up for. I had no intention of letting her go, she promised me long ago she was with me in this and I need to feel that one hundred per cent at the moment, otherwise I truly will be alone.
OAK
There’s too many domestics going on today, I have to get out of here. A long fucking ride out on the open road will do me the world of good.
I hardly half way across to my bike when a kid gets my attention. What the fuck? Is this shit for real?
Steadying my hand on my gun, I quietly and with a light tread, I back up and weave through the cars until I come up on the kid attempting to steal our property.
Drawing my gun, I raise it and point it directly to the back of his head.
“If I were you, I’d turn around real fuckin’ slow.”
He drops a crowbar and holds his hands up, doing as I say and turning around real slow. Christ, he can’t be any older than seventeen. He looks at the gun pointed before him and not a bead of sweat falls from him in fear. All I see in his eyes is nothing. Vast voids of nothingness.
“What’s ya name?” I ask.
“You like to know all the names of the people you’re gonna shoot?”
Humph, the kids got balls.
“Who said I was gonna fuckin’ shoot ya?” I grunt, throwing him off guard.
“It’s pretty evident when you point that thing at me, you can either tickle me with it or shoot me, whatever, just get it over with.”
“One more time, what’s your name?”
He sighs heavily and relaxes his arms.
“Cas.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s all I’m giving you, old man.”
“Where you from?”
His face never changes and gives nothing away.
“Everywhere.”
“You’re in the system?”
“Not anymore, no one tells me what to do.”
“Is that right, huh,” I smile, “Move,” I instruct him, pointing the gun in the clubhouse direction.
“What’s around there?” he asks.
“Your future if you play your cards right, tell the guy inside the truth about ya and you’ll have anything you want.”
Mark always saw who was lost and needed somewhere to call home. Michael doesn’t have that quality so I made it my mission to carry on my old friend’s ways. This kid is lost but he also has the balls and attitude Michael is looking for in new blood these days.
“Through the door, kid.”
Brothers stand in haste when they see me walking this kid in at gun point.
“Is Michael in his office still?” I ask anyone and everyone.
“Yeah.”
The kid takes in his surroundings as we walk through to the back hall and doesn’t look like he’s going to run so I put my gun away.
Michael’s door is open, pushing the kid through Michael looks up and frowns at Cas.
“Who’s this Oak?”
“This is Cas, he wants in. I’ll vouch for him as a prospect,” I say, boldly.
“He looks a little young, how old are you and do not fuckin’ lie to me, boy.”
“Seventeen.”
“When do you turn eighteen?”
“At the end of next month.”
“He’s a foster care kid, found him outside trying to help himself to one of our rides,” I say.
“A bike?” Michael jumps straight in, his anger building rapidly.
“No, one of the old cars.”
“And you want to bring him into the fold, a fuckin’ thief?” Michael snaps.
“Look at him, Michael. Young, fierce and lost. All he needs is a little guidance.”
Michael studies him and thumbs his chin while he thinks things over.
“Take a seat kid, I want to know everything about you, from the second you were born to the second you walked through my door.”
Cas sits and Michael gets comfortable behind his desk.
“Thanks Oak, you can go now,” he tells me.
“Good luck, Cas. Hope you make the right decision.”
Leaving them to it, I go back to my original plan and head for the open road. Only, every time I plan to ride the road I always end up at the cemetery.
I’m not a religious man but I always end up questioning God’s big plan too. Stupid I know, like I said, I don’t believe in him but it’s him who I vent my anger at.
I miss them every day of every year that has passed. They were good people and was taken from this world far too early and from a family who would’ve died in their place. There’s a little girl who never got the chance to know how beautifully pure her mother was and probably won’t remember how fierce her father was.
Living our life, a life Mark made possible for us all should’ve been the reason they got taken from us but it wasn’t. Natural causes. Natural fucking causes took them and there wasn’t anything we could do to save them.
“I miss you old friends,” I murmur’ bending down one knee in front of their graves.
Talking to grass and headstones is all I have of them now.
“I found a kid trying to steal a car from us today. There’s only one other time I’ve seen eyes full of nothing and that was just before we formed the club, Mark. You were losing hope of your future, not being able to see anything can make a guy desperate. Somehow you made everything possible and for everyone else too. I hope I made the right decision vouching for this kid. I can’t explain it, but he has something inside him you did all those years ago. You would’ve seen it too, Mark, I know you would have.”
Brushing the leaves off the headstones, I place a recent photo of Alannah on Rayna’s grave.
“She’s getting’ big, guys. Doin’ real good too, she’s everything you both
wanted. We’ve got a prospect called Jason, we all call him Sparky on account he likes to blow shit up. You’d think he was her big brother. I’ve been watching them, she has him wrapped around her little finger. I already see he will do anything to protect her.”
Drops of rain begin to fall making it time to leave.
“I’ll be back soon, brother.”
By the time I get back the kid will either be with us or gone. I hope for the future of the Lost Souls he is with us.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
MICHAEL
Kitty’s side of the bed is empty when I wake the next morning. I’m not surprised after the conversation we had yesterday. She promised to keep a better eye on Alannah and move on from the resentment she holds.
When she wants to be and isn’t living in the past, she is really good with her. Sliding into my jeans I prepare for another day and I have a good feeling it is going to be great.
Downstairs Kitty is at the sink and elbow deep in suds and the rest of the house is quiet.
“Where’s Alannah?” I ask, nabbing a piece of toast from the table.
“Oak took her for a couple of hours to give me time to get through the laundry,” she smiles, carrying on with the dishes.
Wrapping my arms around her from behind as not to disrupt her, I kiss her neck and squeeze her tightly.
“You feelin’ okay this morning?”
“Yeah, I’ve decided I’m not going to dwell on the impossible. I’m going to move on and do what I have to do.”
“That’s sounds healthier, I don’t want you unhappy, babe.”
She turns in my arms and covers my face in her wet, soapy hands. Narrowing my eyes at her she gives me her most wicked smile.
“Why don’t you get gone, I have a million and one things to do and I don’t need you getting in my way,” she says, pushing me back.
“Alright, alright,” I laugh, holding my hands up in surrender.
“See you tonight.”
“Sure,” I grin.
The sun is blazing down on us and only proves me right that this is going to be great day.
Biker Born: The Lost Souls MC Series (The Lost Souls Series Book 4) Page 23