Living the Dream

by Lyla Payne

  “When is Sebastian not included in conversations about weird shite on this campus?” I pick at my bottom lip, trying to decide if the conversation at the SEA house had actually happened or if someone roofied me at the coffee shop this morning. Blair’s watching, waiting for answers, and Sebastian didn’t say I couldn’t tell anyone.

  Besides, she already knows I went there.

  “He’s going to take down the site and make sure all of the archives are expunged. Totally get rid of it.”

  “That’s great. And not weird, by the way.”

  “The weird part is what he wants from me in return. As payment or compensation or whatever.”

  Blair sits up, crossing her legs. “It had better not be anything perverse or I swear to Jesus I’m going over there right now to punch him in his smug piehole.”

  “No, it’s nothing like that. He wants me to pretend to be his girlfriend until graduation.”

  That shocks her. A wrinkle appears between her well-groomed eyebrows, chocolate eyes blank canvases of confusion. It takes quite a bit of surprise to force Blair Paddington into silence, but I know how she feels.

  “Why?” she finally manages.

  “He said not to worry about it, that all I needed to do was make sure people believed it.” I raise an eyebrow at her. “So you can’t say anything, obviously.”

  The request twists her lips. I can almost hear the word no, but after several seconds, she nods. “I mean, I don’t see how anyone’s going to buy that, but they won’t hear the truth from me.”

  “I’m not opposed to a little brainstorming on his reasons. I feel pretty powerless here, especially since now he has all the ammo he needs to blackmail me for the rest of my life.”

  “Which is totally his MO.” A text buzzes, a giddy smile parting her lips at the content. “That psycho doesn’t have a little black book full of girls’ phone numbers. He has one full of favors he can call in.”

  “Answer Sam’s text and stop trying to make me think there’s another option.”

  “If you insist.”

  Her smile widens, cheeks flushed and real, true happiness sparkling in her dark eyes. Sam’s supposed to be coming here for our spring formal in a couple of months, and I’m curious to meet him in person, the man who changed my cynical, dismissive roommate into this bubbly girl who blushes with the buzz of a phone.

  I give her some privacy, deciding that a shower is in order. There are two community bathrooms on our floor and the one closest to our room is empty, thank goodness. The hot water combines with the steam to relax my sore muscles, but none of it massages answers into my brain.

  By the time I get back to the room, wrapped in a thick robe and as clean and pink as a baby, I’ve decided not to overthink things. Nothing is more important than getting rid of those videos. It would ruin my life here, embarrass my brothers, and kill my parents, not to mention be a pretty serious issue for their life’s work. The university might even have policies against this kind of thing. I could be expelled.

  It’s four months of a pretend relationship—no sex, minimal physical affection. Blair’s glued to her phone, speaking to Sam now in soft murmurs and the occasional peal of laughter, so I pull up the horrible, offensive website, prepared to cringe.

  But it’s gone. Like it was never there.

  I check the archived site, which is as far as my computer expertise extends, but find no evidence of my little unintentional indiscretion there, either.

  “Why are you staring at an internet error message like it’s Chris Evans about to go down on you?”

  Blair’s leaning over my shoulder, her presence startling me. I motion to the screen. “Because it’s gone. The site, the videos … everything.”

  “What? Already? Did you check the archive?”

  I nod, still in disbelief. “He did it.”

  The wrinkle is back on Blair’s forehead. “Audra, I know this is good news, so don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m going to have some people double-check this. Because I don’t see how he got this done so fast.”

  “Honestly, I don’t care. He held up his end of the bargain, now I’ve got to hold up mine.”

  She snorts, still focused on the blank screen. “Have fun with that.”

  By the time I step inside the front door of Castro’s, a funny little Cuban restaurant that Ruby Cotton loves, nerves jam my guts. Sebastian already did what he promised—he’s going to expect me to do the same. But dropping that kind of bomb during dinner with my brother Cole and his girlfriend isn’t my idea of a good time. They are going to freak out. Cole’s going to call Law and Nox and the three of them are probably going to form a posse, maybe kidnap Sebastian and make him disappear.

  Which might not be a bad plan, as long as they don’t give him a laptop. Or access to a phone.

  Ruby’s pretty face lights up when she catches sight of me but my brother leaps to his feet and drags me into a hug before she can slide back her chair. Cole’s strong swimmer arms threaten to expunge all the oxygen from my lungs before he lets me go, the scent of chlorine and Ruby’s perfume clinging to my thin gray sweater. Ruby’s next, her hug lighter and more awkward, remnants of the hesitant girl she’d been before realizing my idiot brother isn’t the type to make her feel inferior because of her past.

  “We’re so glad you’re back,” Ruby gushes, smiling at me from across the table. Candlelight catches in her bright blue eyes, highlighting the light freckles on her cheeks. She’s gorgeous in a pink-and-white dress that hugs her curves, and I think again how there’s no doubt she’s going to be the next big thing in New York.

  Cole’s arm stays close to her, always shifting to stay near her heat but never interfering with her movements. It’s been about a year since they officially became a couple, but the two of them are a well-oiled machine. If machines had trouble keeping their hands off each other. Or hands.

  “We’ve been worried,” my brother starts after we order drinks. His gruff tone chastises me for putting everyone in a position where they have to be concerned about me, which is silly since all my brothers consider that their full-time job anyway.

  “I’m sorry.” My eyes scan the menu but don’t see a word. I force myself to read slower, absorb descriptions and specials until something appears that can be stomached, but the nerves haven’t stopped.

  I’m going to date Sebastian Blair. Even if it’s not real, people are going to think it’s real. Until last semester I would never have seen myself as the girl concerned with her reputation, but now that it’s been threatened, now that it’s clear that it has value, I can’t help but wonder whether this little ruse will do as much damage as the videos, were they to leak.

  I mean, everyone has a sex scandal these days. Every celebrity has nude photos on the internet. They manage to bounce back.

  I don’t know if I can recover from voluntarily spending time with a sociopath.

  “Audra?” There’s a questioning look in my brother’s eyes, a lighter shade of green than mine.

  He must have asked me something. Shit. This is already going poorly and we haven’t even gotten to the bad part yet. “What?”

  “I asked where you’ve been?”

  Ruby slams an elbow into his rib cage, making Cole yelp. Her sisterly gaze stays on me. “You don’t have to tell us where you’ve been, Audra. It’s your business. We’re glad you’re back and we just want to know if you’re okay. If you need anything.”

  Cole starts to roll his eyes but aborts when Ruby cuts a glare in his direction. Instead he smiles, fiddling with his mineral water. “She’s right, even though I really want to know where you’ve been. I’ll settle for asking if you need anything from me. From us.”

  A lump lodges in my throat, wet and throbbing over the unexpected kindness. That Ruby convinced my brother not to pry, to give me my privacy, touches my heart. Maybe one day my other three brothers will find levelheaded, understanding women and my whole life will be different.

  “I’m fine. Things got a
little out of hand after my breakup with Logan, but I didn’t want to worry anyone. That’s why I kept checking in with Mum and Dad. But I’m better. Okay.” I swallow hard, then do it again, managing to ease the burning tightness and clear my eyes enough to read some more of the menu. “I think I’m going to get the salmon. What about you guys?”

  “I think the risotto,” Ruby comments, smiling up at Cole before leaning in for a kiss. Whatever argument they had over how to handle my return obviously hasn’t done any lasting damage.

  We order from a perky, middle-aged waitress and turn over our menus, left with nothing to focus on but conversation. Cole’s muscles tense with his struggle to not pepper me with a million questions and demand answers in the process, but Ruby sips her wine, as relaxed as ever. As though she doesn’t have a single doubt in the world that everything is exactly as it should be.

  “Ruby, the winter play must be opening soon. What are you doing?”

  Her face lights up, like literal sunshine. “We just finished The Glass Menagerie at the community theater, and Whitman’s doing Hamlet.” She makes a face. “Not my favorite Shakespeare.”

  “I thought it was pretty much widely regarded as one of his best,” I say, just to say something. Anything to keep from blurting out my deal with Sebastian.

  “Oh, I’ll give you that—story-and character-wise. It’s just so dark, and also the women’s parts are for shit. Which, as much as I adore old William, is a recurring issue with his work.”

  “My favorite is The Tempest.”

  “Cole’s is As You Like It, which doesn’t surprise anyone who knows him, I’m sure. Total cliché, but I’m partial to Romeo and Juliet.” She gives my brother a sweet glance and runs her hand over his close-cropped hair. “Because I have to get my tragic-love fix somewhere these days.”

  “Well, I want to come.” I take a few sips of my Coke. “When does it open?”

  “In a couple of months. I’ll leave you a ticket.”

  The waiter returns and sets down our plates of food, offering cheese and cracked pepper before scurrying off. I breathe through my nose the whole time knowing this is it—the perfect moment to drop my bombshell.

  “Can you leave two tickets?” Talking proves difficult with breath stalling in my lungs, and it comes out as a breathless squeak, quiet enough that they squint in unison, struggling to hear.

  Ruby’s eyebrows go up, but my brother just squints harder. Suspicious. Already preparing his big-brother inquisition for whoever the guy might be. All my brothers had liked Logan, at least as much as they approved of anyone I dated, so their judgment doesn’t mean much anymore.

  They’re looking for guys from good families with solid grades and decent plans after graduation. Their subversive-pervert radar seems to be off.

  “Sure. Can I ask who you’re bringing?”

  “Sebastian Blair?”

  Their joint reaction of shock is almost comical. Giggles lodge under my rib cage like bubbles of helium, threatening to lift into my lungs and straight out of my mouth, but laughing won’t go a long way toward convincing them that I’m serious. Instead I fold my arms over my chest, trying for an annoyed posture but also holding my chest tight enough to trap my laughter.

  Cole gets hold of his expression first, folding his arms in a copy of my pose. He doesn’t look like he’s on the verge of laughter. On the verge of looking around for Candid Camera, maybe. “You’re not serious.”

  Deep breath. This is just the first test of many. “I am serious, actually. In fact, we’re going to need to wrap this dinner up in the next ten minutes, because we have a date later tonight.”

  “A date,” Ruby says, taking care to enunciate each word. As though she’s auditioning for the part of concerned friend to a girl who is dangerously close to falling straight off her rocker. “With Sebastian Blair.”

  “That’s what I said.” I shove a giant bite of salmon past my lips, really trying not to smile now. Glee sputters through me, unexpected but euphoric.

  I think I didn’t expect it to feel so good, finally having an excuse to do something that will make my brothers completely livid.

  “No. That guy is a freak, Audra. He’s psychotic and misogynistic and a lot of other words that leave a terrible taste in my mouth.” Cole’s face wrinkles up as though he’s soiled just speaking about Sebastian.

  Ruby puts a hand on my brother’s arm, cutting off what sounds like a lengthy speech. “Cole, I’m sure Audra can decide for herself who she wants to date.”

  “Obviously she can’t, not if she thinks being in a room alone with that guy for more than five minutes is a good idea.” His face turns red, a trademark sign of a rising Scottish temper.

  It’s hardly ever—never, really—been directed at me because I’m the good girl. The sweet, docile little sister whose opinions are encouraged on every subject except proper suitors, who always defers to her parents and older brothers as far as the best thing for everyone. My chin juts out, ready to take whatever he’s going to dish out because this just feels so damn good.

  Shock at my own rebelliousness zips through me, delicious and electric. It’s never bothered me before, toeing the line. Not that I’ve noticed. They’re looking out for me, and my brothers all have huge, beautiful hearts. But there’s something lovely, luxurious, about not being able to give in this time.

  “Sebastian’s been changing,” Ruby soothes, the doubt in her eyes betraying her real thoughts on the subject. “I mean, he helped Toby last year when Kennedy was missing, and got them out of trouble with the cops, too. And he apologized to Emilie.”

  That pulls me out of my own head, my ears perking up. “He apologized to Emilie?”

  She nods, finishing up her risotto. “Yes, a while ago. Said he didn’t have a problem with her relationship with Quinn and apologized for all of the ugly racist shit he said. Promised he doesn’t feel that way, that he was just trying to get a rise out of her.”

  “It worked,” Cole muttered. “Tell me she didn’t buy it.”

  Ruby shrugs, dropping her folded napkin onto her half-empty plate. “I don’t know. She’s still wary of him but he’s been one hundred percent polite every time they’ve been forced to do family or business stuff together. She likes him better than Teddy.”

  “That’s not saying a whole lot.” Cole’s watching me, the look on his face making it clear we’re both thinking the same thing—that I’m hardly recognizable.

  I am not his innocent baby sister, and I haven’t been that for quite a long time. Junior year in high school, to be exact. I am the girl who has raunchy sex tapes leaked online, the girl who makes a deal with the devil to set things right.

  The girl who apparently gets off on the havoc said deal wreaks on her friends and family.

  The last bit heats my face with shame. It’s wrong to feel good about angering my brother when he’s looking out for me, when ten hours ago I would have laughed myself silly or crossed myself at the idea of going on a date with Sebastian Blair.

  But the truth remains that I don’t have a choice.

  “See? He apologized to Emilie. He helped Toby and Kennedy. He’s changing, and I think everyone deserves a second chance. So, he asked me out and I said yes. That was a few days ago.” I wipe my mouth, refusing to meet either of their eyes. Scared they’ll see the truth in mine. The lie.

  Cole takes a deep breath in, blows it out. I can almost see the thoughts circulating in his head—that he should respect me because he respects women—he does. He’s all for empowerment and healthy sexuality and girls who are stronger than their counterparts. Those are all reasons he fell in love with the woman sitting next to him and a big part of why she fell in love with him.

  But I’m not any woman, I’m his baby sister.

  “Audra, I love you. I want you to be safe. And this? Worries me more than you disappearing without a word.” He closes his eyes, breathes in and out again. And again. “I guess you know what you’re doing. Just … be careful.”

 
Chapter Four

  Audra

  I shoot Sebastian a text on my way out to the parking lot so he’ll be in the loop in case anyone asks questions or he needs to alter his plans for the evening.

  Hey, we’re supposed to be on a date tonight so lay low

  The three little dots appear right away, as though he was waiting to hear from me like a dutiful little boyfriend. Which isn’t true. I suspect his phone stays in his hand, maybe even when he’s in bed. You never know when a good scheme is going to go bad.

  Why are you now imagining Sebastian in bed?

  I smack my forehead on my padded steering wheel before putting the car into gear. Sebastian is, by anyone’s standards, attractive. He’s got a handsome, clean-cut look—dark blond locks with a slight curl at the tips of his ears and the nape of his neck, deep brown eyes that make you want to climb in and snuggle up for a chat. A lanky frame with just the right amount of muscle tone across his chest and down his arms.

  It’s as though God made him the same way he gives carnivorous flowers beautiful blooms or the way Stephenie Meyer imagined vampires were engineered—sexy, attractive, electric exteriors crafted to draw in unsuspecting prey.

  And now I’m wondering whether Sebastian might sparkle in the sunshine.

  My phone vibrates again but I manage to wait until I pull up at a stop sign to check it, because I am a goody two-shoes rule follower like that, and also I don’t want to die and have my family shaking their heads at my funeral because they found a half-finished text on my mangled phone.

  Same reason I never, ever leave the parking spot without my seat belt secured.

  Not good enough. I guess we’re going to a party.

  My fingers are crossed all the way up the back stairs at the Kappa house, hoping Blair will have decided to stay in tonight. The semester hasn’t really picked up steam yet, which means she has a ton of homework or not much at all, depending on the kind of professors she’s drawn. I push aside the thought of schoolwork, nauseous over the amount of work I’m going to have to do to catch up on more than two weeks of missed classes.