“I got most everything done. You want to go for a ride?” I asked. I had been going on a lot of rides with Cherokee lately. We’d ride out to the creek that bordered our land and Cherokee would walk through it like a champ. Nothing fazed him, and he didn’t flinch at the wet rocks and rushing water. From there, we’d climb up the hill that lead to our property boundary, and then we’d enter the lush forested land of old man LaCroix.
Olly LaCroix was a cranky eighty year-old man who had been born and raised here in Sugar Hill, Texas. He owned a hundred and fifty acres of forested land with a big, white farmhouse smack dab in the middle of it, that he claimed to have been born in. The farmhouse was once the fanciest house in town, but now it stood empty and crumbling to the ground as LaCroix spent his last remaining days at the old folk’s home up the street. His wife had died twenty years ago and he had even outlived his only son, Clyde.
With no other heirs, and nobody to take care of it, the land and house were left vacant.
Cherokee and I spent many hours roaming his land, winding in and out of the trees. I loved getting lost in the maze of swaying pine trees. The muffled quiet of the forest was soothing, especially now, when I spent most of my time trying to keep my head from spinning. I couldn’t wait to escape today, and although I wanted to go alone, I felt like I should invite Finn, since he was standing right there.
He had been so nice. It wasn’t his fault he looked like his asshole brother.
“Sure, that sounds good. I’ll get Moses saddled and be right back,” he said.
“Okay, cool. I’ll get Cherokee ready and meet you at the fence in half an hour,” I replied, just as my stomach began growling. “I’ll make some sandwiches, too.”
“Sounds good, but —,”
“— I know, no pickles,” I interrupted. Finn laughed, gave me a thumbs up and walked out of the barn. Finn was known for his hatred of pickles ever since he ate a whole jar of them and threw up all over his mother when he was a toddler.
I picked up the wooden handles of the overflowing wheelbarrow of horseshit, wheeled it outside and dumped it in the pile behind the barn. It never ceased to amaze me that people paid good money for this stuff. But it was true that you could get the best tasting vegetables out of a pile of shit.
I went back in the house, showered and packed a few lunches for me and Finn. Cherokee was grazing lazily in the lower pasture and picked his head up when he saw me coming, swishing his tail in greeting as I approached. The welcome peacefulness fell over me as I slid my hand down his neck and inhaled the warm, Earthy scent of him. He always smelled the same. And it always comforted me.
“Wanna go for a ride, boy?” I whispered, slipping a red halter over his head. He shook his head and nudged me with his nose as I fastened the buckle near his temple. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
I threw his lead rope over my shoulder and walked back to the barn. He followed along at my side, keeping a steady stride without me having to do anything but lead.
By the time I had him saddled up and I rode up to Finn, I was five minutes late. Finn was waiting patiently astride Moses at the gate of the fence that connected our families properties.
“Sorry I’m late,” I muttered, as he turned Moses and led him through the gate. I followed through, jumped off Cherokee, closed the gate, and pulled myself back in the saddle before catching up to Finn.
We walked silently side-by-side for a moment, before I turned my head and looked at him.
Finn was definitely maturing and growing into himself. He had been thin and boyish for so long, it was a surprise to see that he was beginning to grow muscles. Toned biceps stretched under the t-shirt he was wearing, and his thighs were more defined in his Wranglers than I remembered. Looking at him now, and seeing that even his usually short hair was starting to grow long, with little curls peeking out under his straw cowboy hat, I realized I hadn’t really looked at him in a while.
He caught me staring at him.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing. Just looking at you. You growing your hair out?” I asked.
“Yeah, I guess. Why not?” he said, turning away from me. I could have sworn I saw him blush, but it was probably just the heat.
“It looks good,” I said.
“Thanks,” he muttered, the flush deepening.
We walked in silence to the creek, and after a little squirmish episode with Moses as we coaxed him across the water, we went up the hill and entered LaCroix’s forest.
After winding through the trees quietly for an hour, we made it back to the creek for lunch. We let the horses loose to get a drink, and sat on a log to eat.
“Did you hear about LaCroix?” Finn asked.
“No, what?” I hadn’t been keeping up on the town gossip so much.
“He took a turn for the worse. He’s in hospice now. Guess he’s gonna die all alone in there.”
“Oh,” I replied, immediately thinking about my parents. Were they lucky they had died the way they did? Quickly, without some long drawn out illness or just old age? Or was it worse because they were deprived of their old age? Deprived of the opportunity to draw their last breath surrounded by loved ones?
Tears filled my eyes, and I looked away.
“Shit, George. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking,” Finn said.
“No, no, it’s okay, Finn, I’m alright,” I said, wiping my tears away. “I guess everything’s still just a little raw.”
“Of course,” he whispered.
“How are things with you?” I asked, hoping to turn the conversation a different direction. I was so tired of thinking about my own misery.
“Okay, I guess. The usual,” he replied.
“How’s your family?” I asked. “You’ve all been so nice to us.”
Except Lee, I thought to myself, feeling a sharp stab in my gut as his face flashed in my mind, the feel of his hand sliding down the front of my pants coming back to me.
“It’s the least we can do, George,” Finn replied, turning to look at me. “We’re okay. Haven’t seen much of Lee lately, but everyone else is okay.”
Finn’s eyes met mine, and suddenly all I could see was Lee, I could almost smell him. I swallowed hard as the feel of his mouth on my skin felt almost real, as if it were happening again. I shuddered at the memory. My eyes filled with tears again and I turned away quickly.
“Aw, fuck. George, what did I say this time? I’m so sorry,” he kicked at the dirt beneath his feet.
“No, no, it’s not you. That’s not it, I mean,” I muttered, hanging my head.
“Then what?” he asked. I looked back at him and his eyes were full of kindness. “Talk to me. I’m your friend.”
“I know, Finn.”
“Well?”
“Well. Look, it’s nothing. A little something happened with Lee…that night…but it’s nothing.”
“What?” he asked, confusion clouding his clear green eyes. “What do you mean?”
If I could have taken back the words I would have. I don’t even know how they tumbled out, considering I had sworn myself to secrecy.
“Nothing, nevermind, Finn, really…” I said.
“No, George! Tell me. Lee’s a jerk, and I’ve seen the way he treats women and if he laid a hand on you, I swear I’ll kill him!” Finn was furious all of a sudden.
“Finn, calm down!” I wasn’t sure why he was so upset, and I wasn’t. I mean I was, but seeing the look on his face now just confused me. I was pissed, but he was violently angry.
“Just tell me what happened, George.” His teeth were clenched.
“Look, he just had too much to drink,” I started.
Shit, why was I making excuses for him?
“I mean,” I started again, “he was drunk. He was in the cabin when I came out of the bathroom, and he made a pass at me.”
“What does that mean exactly?” he said, his eyes squinting suspiciously, as if he could see right through me.
“He kissed me. He…did some othe
r things. I told him to stop.”
“And did he?” he asked.
“No. Not at first. But he did when I made him.”
“Fucker. So he forced himself on you?”
“I guess so, yeah. I mean, at first I was down with kissing him, but then everything just turned…ugly. I guess it was my fault,” I replied, feeling a wave of shame wash over me.
“No!” Finn yelled. I jumped away from him. “I’m sorry,” he said, putting his hand on mine. “I mean, no, it wasn’t your fault. It’s Lee’s fault. It’s not the booze’s fault, Lee is the only one to blame here.”
“I guess so,” I said, feeling a little comfort at his words, and his anger, too.
“I’ll take care of this, George, I promise,” he said, his jaw set determinedly.
“No, you won’t, Finn! You can’t tell anyone, you have to promise me that!” I exclaimed, alarm rising in my voice.
“What the hell, George? Why should Lee get away with this?”
“What do you mean? Nothing happened, not really. And I kneed him in the balls as payback.”
“In my book, that’s not enough. He at least needs to apologize. And for fuck’s sake, this happened the night of your parent’s accident? It’s just unforgivable, even if he did apologize.”
“Finn, promise me you won’t tell anyone. I’m dealing with enough right now, I don’t want this getting out! Promise!”
“Goddammit, George,” he replied, shaking his head. “Fine, but I don’t like it one fucking bit.”
I sighed in relief. My life was already turned upside down, the last thing I needed to deal with was a shit-show of Lee drama.
“Thank you. You’re a good friend,” I said, putting my head on Finn’s shoulder. He was shaking in anger, and I put my hand on his to calm him.
“I’m not so sure about that,” he replied.
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
“Lee did what?” I yelled.
“Look, Beau, you can’t say anything to our folks,” Finn replied. “I promised George I wouldn’t say anything, but I just can’t keep it to myself. I don’t know what to do.”
“I know what to do! Kick Lee’s idiotic ass!” I roared in anger. How could Lee have done that to George? For fuck’s sake, she’s an innocent girl. Yeah, so maybe she had grown up a little. Maybe she had filled out over the years and turned into a breathtakingly beautiful woman, but that didn’t matter. Not to mention she had just lost her parents. And on the same fucking night?
“No, way, Beau! Look, can we just keep it a secret for a little while? George has been through enough, I don’t want to make things worse for her, and she’ll be so pissed off that I told you.”
“Well, what did she expect you to do?”
“I don’t know,” he said, hanging his head. “Just listen, I guess. Like Mom says, you know?”
He was right. Mom was always telling us that most women just wanted a man to listen if they were talking, not try to fix things.
“Alright, shit. I’ll keep it to myself. But if I see Lee, you can bet I’m going to light his ass up.”
“Not if I see him first,” Finn replied.
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
I was crying at the kitchen table when Crit came home. The fact that I opened my mouth, to Finn of all people, was unbelievable, even to myself. Finn was a nice guy, but he had a terrible reputation when it came to keeping secrets.
If he knew what you were getting for your birthday before you did, he was sure to give you so many hints you couldn’t help but guess. Once, when Lee was afraid he may have gotten a girl pregnant, the only person he confided in was Finn, and within three days, the rumors were flying around school.
Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Crit already knew before he came home. But, if not, he took one look at me, and sat down and demanded to know what was going on.
“I don’t know why, but something tells me this isn’t about Mom and Dad,” he began. “What’s going on, George? Let me help.”
I was already a blubbering mess, there was no way I could deny it. The whole story came spilling out of me before I could stop it. When I was done, I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“George,” he said, so quietly, so sternly, that I couldn’t help but look up.
“I’m sorry, Crit,” I began. “I only told you because I told Finn, and I know he won’t keep his big mouth shut.”
“Don’t you dare apologize!” He was attempting to remain calm, but the anger radiated off of his huge frame. “It’s not your fault.”
“Look, Crit, you can’t do anything, okay? I only told you so you heard it from me first, so you heard the truth…nothing happened. Well, I mean, you know.”
“No, I don’t know. It sure as hell sounds like something happened. It sounds to me like my little sister was assaulted by a drunken fucking prick. Those fucking Haggard boys are nothing but trouble!”
“I stopped him before he went too far. It’s my fault because I let him kiss me.”
“Did you fucking ask him to kiss you?”
“Well, no —,”
“— my point exactly!” he finally exploded out of his chair and started pacing around the kitchen.
“Look. In comparison to everything else, this is nothing. I want to just let it go, and it’s my choice, okay?” I pleaded. “This is already bad enough. And we don’t need another death on our hands.”
“Yeah, well, at this point I’m wondering if Lee fuckin’ Haggard even deserves to be alive.”
“Please, Crit? I’m begging you, please don’t do anything?”
“Fine!” he spat out the word. “But if that fucker comes near you again, I’m gonna knock his head into Houston, I tell you! I don’t give a damn what family he’s from, you hear?”
“Yes, Crit, thank you.” I sat at the table and quietly hung my head.
“Ah, hell, George…” he whispered, walking over to me and pulling me into his arms. “I love you, sis. I’m sorry that fuckin’ happened to you.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, as the tears fell down my cheeks.
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
I found Seth in the barn grooming Shiloh.
This was one problem I wasn’t prepared to handle alone. Up till now, I had everything covered, but Ma and Pa had never given me any advice about what to do in this situation.
My first instinct, of course, was to find Lee and whoop his ass like he deserved. But seeing Georgie there, looking so fuckin’ sad and beggin’ me to do the exact opposite, to do nothin’, hell, I couldn’t fuckin’ take it.
She’d already gone through so much, already. Hell, we all had. But to know that she had endured Lee’s bullshit that same night, well come hell or high water, there wasn’t any way I was going to just let that sorry-ass prick get off scot-free.
No fuckin’ way.
“We gotta talk,” I said to Seth.
“What’s up?” Seth asked, running his hands along Shiloh’s rump and down her leg. She picked it up and he reached for the hoof pick in his back pocket. I watched as he cleaned the mud from her hoof, waiting till he had put her leg back down before I continued.
“It’s about George.”
“What about her?” he asked, picking up Shiloh’s front hoof and repeating the process. Shiloh stood obediently, occasionally shifting her weight as Seth maneuvered around her.
“Look, stop for a second.”
“Okay,” he said, straightening up and facing me. Seth was just an inch shorter than me, but he was leaner and stronger, not that I would ever admit that to him. “What?”
“Something happened. With Lee. The night…the night of the party.”
“What do you mean something happened with Lee?” he asked, his jaw twitching as he narrowed his blue eyes.
“I guess he tried something with George. He was drunk, and it got so bad that George had to knee him in the balls to get him to stop. Apparently the fucker doesn’t know how to take no for an answer.”
“Are you fuckin’ kiddin
’ me?” he asked, a red flush of anger crawling up his face.
“I wish I was.”
“That motherfucker!” he roared.
“Look, man. George told me because I guess she finally told Finn today. But she made me promise not to do anything about it.”
“Do anything? I think we need to do something…like ring his fuckin’ neck!”
“Well you aren’t any help,” I said, shaking my head.
“Why do you say that?” “Because I didn’t know how to handle this, and kickin’ his ass was my first idea. I came to you to see if you had a better idea, goddammit.”
“Well, first thought best thought, Crit! Let’s fuckin’ go,” he said, anger bubbling up in his voice.
“No, brother. I promised George I wouldn’t do anything…right now,” I replied.
“Well, I didn’t promise George a goddamned thing.”
“No, maybe not, but we both have to respect her wishes.”
“Fuck that. How can we just let him get away with it?”
“He didn’t. George took care of it herself, which I’m happy to hear,” I said.
“Well, look, I’ll respect George’s wishes, but that fucking prick better not cross my path or he’s gonna have a pitchfork stuck up his ass.”
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
I found Lee at his favorite tavern across town. It was only noon, but I knew that he would be there. There’s only one way Lee knows to numb his pain and ward off the demons I knew he was fighting.
I took one look at him, sitting at the bar, a glass of whiskey in front of him, and a sullen look on his face, and shook my head. By a stroke of dumb luck, or perhaps time just hadn’t caught up to him yet, but you’d never know by looking at him that he was so fucked-up. He was the handsomest of all three of us Haggard boys, as much as I hated to admit it.
Hope Against Hope: The Hope Brothers Series Page 4