But I wasn’t here to admire his looks, I was here to kick his ignorant ass.
He turned towards me as I approached.
“Hey, bro, what are you doing here?” he asked. But then, when he saw my eyes raging with anger, he puffed up. “What’s up man?”
“We need to talk. Now.”
“I just ordered this drink, can’t we talk here?”
“Fuck your drink. Meet me outside. Now.” I turned and walked back out of the bar, the bright sunlight blinding me. I blinked as I leaned against the brick exterior of the bar. A moment later, Lee walked out, shielding his eyes against the glaring sun.
“What’s so fuckin’ important?” he growled.
Lee towered over me, blocking out the sunlight with his large frame.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” I growled.
“Dude, I don’t know what you’re so angry about so just fuckin’ spill it,” he said, lighting up a cigarette.
“Georgia Hope."
“What about her?” He cocked his head to the side, his eyes squinting curiously, as he inhaled.
“She told Finn what happened, you asshole!” I yelled.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Beau?”
“She told Finn you assaulted her. The night of the party…the night of the accident.”
He took a step back and looked genuinely bewildered.
“Why would she say that?” he asked.
“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me? Because you fuckin’ did it, maybe?”
“No, I didn’t, Beau! I swear to you!” His eyes were filled with confusion as he threw his hands up in the air.
“You ever think, Lee, that maybe with all this fuckin’ drinkin’ and druggin’ you’re doing, you don’t remember doing it?”
“Dude, I fuckin’ didn’t do it! I got a whole fuckin’ gaggle of women that’ll open their legs at the drop of my hat, I don’t need to go fishin’ off the Hope’s porch! I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but this is bullshit! I didn’t lay a hand on her, I swear, Beau,” he said.
“Well, guess what? I don’t believe you.”
His entire body exploded in anger and any sense of staying calm was thrown out the door like a bucket of dirty water.
“Of course you fuckin’ don’t believe me! You’re gonna believe a Hope over your own fuckin’ brother, for fuck’s sake?”
“Yeah, I guess I am.”
“So, what then? You came here to kick my ass?”
“Something like that, yeah,” I said.
“Fuck you, Beau. Fuck you, fuck Finn, and fuck George! I didn’t fuckin’ touch her, you hear me?” he said, his voice seething.
“Yeah, like I said, I don’t believe you.”
“Well, take a shot, brother,” he said, throwing his arms out to his side. “Do your best.”
“I’m not going to fuckin’ hit you, Lee, as much as I want to,” I said, my anger boiling over. “But you go near George one more time, and you won’t live to do it again. You hear?” I was right in his face, the stench of whiskey assaulting my senses.
“Oh, I hear you loud and clear big brother. But listen, you won’t have to worry about that at all,” he replied, his eyes wild with anger.
“Hmm…” he stopped, looking me up and down, “maybe you have eyes for her yourself? Is that why you’re so pissed? You want a piece of her, Beau, now that she’s all grown up?”
My fist flew up before I could stop it, hitting him squarely in the jaw. He flew backwards, landing on his ass on the sidewalk.
“You motherfucker!” he roared, jumping to his feet and charging at me. I put a hand out in front of me.
“Don’t you fuckin’ touch me, Lee, I swear to God you don’t want to do this!”
He stopped in his tracks, his eyes clouded with alcohol and fury.
“You know what, Beau? I’m your fuckin’ brother. Your fuckin’ family! You’re supposed to stand behind me, no matter what. Even if I did fuckin’ do it, I’d expect you - my fuckin’ brother - to support me.”
“How could I support you, Lee?” I said, my eyes trailing up and down his body. “Look at you. You’re fuckin’ pathetic.”
“Fuck you!” he spat the words in my place. “I’ve never gotten support from you, from our folks, from anyone in this God-forsaken fucked-up town! Nothing but blame and pointing fingers. Well, fuck this shit!” His voice was echoing down the empty street as his voice rose to deafening levels. “You know what, Beau? I don’t give a shit! I don’t need anyone - not you, not our parents, not one fuckin’ soul in this town! You can all go fuck yourselves. I don’t care about any of you. I’ll burn this whole goddamned town to the fuckin’ ground, do you fuckin’ hear me, Beau?”
“Fuck you, Lee,” I said, getting in his face again, my voice lowered and filled with fury. “You stay the fuck away from George, you understand?”
“Yeah, big brother, I hear you loud and fuckin’ clear!”
He stomped away, and I watched him march down the street, his fists clenched, his head shaking. When he reached the convenience store at the end of the block, he grabbed a full metal trashcan that was on the corner out front and threw it, trash and all, back towards me.
With both hands in the air, he flipped me off before he rounded the corner.
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
The next morning, I was up at dawn. I couldn’t sleep at all, tossing and turning in my bed all night, as I continued to beat myself up about telling Finn about Lee.
Hell, it’s not like what happened with Lee was the end of the world. It’s not like I hadn’t been touched before. I wasn’t even a virgin, as all my brothers, and the Haggard’s, seem to want to think.
I probably would have gone even farther with Lee, if he hadn’t been so forceful and gone so fast. I didn’t even have time to think, and then when he didn’t listen when I said no, I wasn’t about to tolerate that from him, or anyone, for that matter. I wasn’t a naive girl. I had made it through high school and college. It was impossible to do that and have much innocence left.
I had had a few boyfriends, but they didn’t last very long. And sex had been pleasurable with them, if not awkward and quick. I had long ago learned to take care of myself in that department.
The thing with Lee, though, it just rubbed me the wrong way. He was Lee Haggard, for god’s sake.
After staring at the ceiling for an hour, I couldn’t stand listening to the thoughts spinning around my head any longer. I got up, showered, dressed and started my chores early.
When I walked in the barn, I was greeted by the usual welcome chorus of whinnies from the herd. Cherokee, always the loudest and most demanding, had me trained. I walked straight over to him, and kissed him between his clear, chestnut eyes, inhaling the comforting scent of him. He raised his head, and I ran my hand along his long, sleek neck. His tail swished around, and his ears moved forward as he leaned into me.
“Morning, boy,” I whispered. I set out, as I did every morning, performing the steps that I had methodically performed almost every morning for as long as I could remember. My parents had bestowed this lovely chore on me at a young age. In part, to instill a sense of responsibility. But at the time, I was sure it was just an easy way to get me out of bed in the morning.
They knew I’d never leave the horses unattended. Eventually, though, I was thankful for it. Sleeping in was an easy thing to give up in exchange for what I received from the horses, all alone with them, in the quiet, peaceful solitude of the early morning.
I had a special bond with the horses because of it. At this point, communication between us was silent most of the time. A move of my hand or body, and they were able to understand exactly where I wanted them to go or what I needed them to do.
It was truly the most special relationship I had in my life. Especially, now that my parents were gone.
So, even though I was distracted with the entire Lee situation, and worried about my over-protective brothers doing something stupid, I was tha
nkful for the warm wave of peacefulness that the horses provided.
I was in the barn sweeping when Beau walked in.
Beau Haggard had always been kind to me. He was gentle, funny, and my favorite of all the Haggard boys. He was solid. In a way, he reminded me of Crit. There was a rooted sense of self in both of them that I envied. They knew who they were, and they didn’t question it, and both of them moved through life like they were exactly where they were supposed to be.
Lately, I felt just the opposite. Sometimes, I feel like a boat at sea, totally lost, with no shore in sight and nothing to anchor to. Just floating around, mindless, restless, and empty.
Beau wasn’t always like that, though. Before the tragedy that he went through when he was a teenager, he had a wild streak. He’d been a whole different person since then.
While Beau was someone I saw often, he rarely just stopped by the barn. I knew right away that Finn had opened his big, fat mouth.
“Howdy, Georgie,” he said, giving me a little wave. His blue eyes crinkled with a soft smile, and he tipped his black felt hat my way.
“Morning, Beau,” I replied. “What brings you here so early?”
He didn’t reply at first. He avoided my gaze for a moment, walking over and sliding his big hands over Cherokee’s nose. He pressed his head into him, and he scratched between his ears. Cherokee could have walked out of the back of his stall and into his long run outside, but he had been inside watching me sweep instead. There were days I sure he had been a puppy in a past life or something, because he always preferred to be by my side, and now, seeing him swoosh his tail and rub as much of his body against Beau as he could, I almost expected him to turn over onto his stomach for a couple of belly rubs.
“He’s the puppy of the family,” I said.
“I’ve always liked Cherokee,” he said, nodding and smiling. “We’ve always had a special bond,” he said, winking at me, his blue eyes crashing into mine at last.
“I had no idea,” I replied, taking a deep breath.
Silence filled the air as I waited for him to speak. He looked away and his eyes swept around the barn.
“Everything’s looking good over here,” he said. “Y’all got everything under control?”
“Crit does. I guess we’re doin’ okay,” I replied.
“Glad to hear it,” he nodded. He took off his hat, and ran his hand over the short brown hair that was left after his latest cut. Beau was a no-nonsense kind of guy, he’d never kept his hair long. Not like his brother, Lee. My eyes trailed over his body, the pearl-button snaps of his black shirt straining to stay fastened over his muscular chest. He was the biggest of the Haggards and while he was more ruggedly handsome than Lee’s pretty-boy good looks, it was his gentle confidence that drew me to him.
“Congrats on making it to State,” I said, trying to delay the inevitable uncomfortable conversation that I knew was coming. The competition was only a few days away and I knew it was all that was really on his mind. Like I said, he was just like Crit, and if Crit hadn’t been forced to be spending all this extra time running the farm, it’s all he would have been thinking about, too.
Which only served to make me feel even worse that I had ever told Finn about Lee. Beau and Crit had other things they needed to be thinking about.
“Thanks, Georgie. Listen, can we talk?”
“We are talking, Beau,” I said, teasingly. Beau grinned at me again and I felt an low electric pulse begin to throb deep inside my gut.
“Yeah, we are, huh?” he winked. “Georgie, Finn told me about Lee. And I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I’m mortified, actually,” he said, his eyes flashing with anger, the gentleness fading quickly. “I can’t fucking believe him. I know it’s no excuse that he was drunk.”
“Beau…” I began.
“I mean, it’s really unforgivable, I know. But I want you to know that I believe you.”
“Beau…” I started again, trying to stop him as he rattled on.
“Georgie, seriously,” he said, his eyes peering into mine with something new, something I had never seen directed at me before. “I want you to know I talked to him, for what it’s worth. He won’t be coming near you again.”
“Beau, it’s okay,” I said.
“No! It’s not okay, it’s never going to be okay, not in my book,” he said. “And Lee’s…well, he’s gone now, and I don’t think he’ll be coming back for quite a while. I just wanted you to know.”
“Thank you, Beau, but it’s not necessary. I took care of it. I shouldn’t have said anything to Finn, I never meant to, but it just came spilling out of me. I suppose I needed to tell someone, but I never meant for Lee to leave town or anything.”
“It’s probably best for everyone that he’s gone. He never does anything but stir up shit.” His eyes darkened, and I reached out and laid my hand on his arm.
“It’s okay, Beau, really,” I said. He looked down at my hand like I’d shot him and I pulled away quickly.
He looked up at me, his blue eyes meeting mine again, peering into them curiously.
“You’re really something, aren’t you, Georgie?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You’re the one who was attacked, on the worst night of your life - and you’re comforting me?” He shook his head and his eyes softened. I swallowed hard, my heart quickening in my chest.
“I know you love Lee, Beau,” I said. “He was drunk, and yeah, it’s not an excuse, but it makes people do stupid shit.”
“Yeah, Lee likes to drink. Lee’s done a lot of stupid shit.”
I smiled and nodded.
“That’s true,” I replied, laughing softly.
“You okay, George? Really?” he asked, once again looking at me like he was trying to stare as deep into my soul as he could. Like he wanted to make sure I was really alright. “You’re going through so much, it’s just not fair…your folks…fuck, I can’t even imagine how you must feel.”
“Yes, Beau. I’m okay,” I whispered, as my eyes filled with tears. He pulled me into his arms, and I settled into his warmth, inhaling the leathery scent of him as the tears slid down my face.
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
My heart broke when Georgie started crying. Of course she wasn’t fuckin’ okay. She probably never would be again. I just didn’t know what to say, and I sure as hell didn’t know what to do. I wanted to help, and seeing her like that made me want to take all her pain away.
I had always been that way about women. The need to protect them was just bred into me. My dad was the same. So was Finn. I guess with Lee it skipped a generation or something.
But this was different. I’d watched George grow up. Had Christmas dinner with her every year. Went to every one of her birthday parties, and she was at mine. So seeing someone I knew so well hurting so badly and not being able to do anything to take it all away was torture.
I let her cry in my arms, awkwardly patting her back and stroking her hair until she stopped and pulled away.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what got into me.” She backed up, just slightly, and the absence of her body shot through me, making me highly aware of how much I had liked it.
“It’s alright, darlin’,” I replied. I wanted to pull her back in, but I didn’t dare.
I gazed down at her, and my heart skipped a beat. Her green eyes were shining up at me, full of trust. I reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek, and she gave me a half-smile.
I swallowed hard and time seemed to stop around us as we peered into each other’s eyes for what seemed like forever. Finally, Cherokee whinnied and stomped his hoof on the ground, jarring us from our trance.
What the hell was that, I thought, as my stomach flipped.
I grinned, grabbed George’s elbows, and took a deliberate step back.
“Call me if there’s anything I can do, okay George?” I said, trying to shake off whatever had come over me.
She blinked and nodded at me silently.
I tipped my hat and walked out of the barn, my gut all tied up in knots.
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
THREE DAYS LATER
Crit hit the railing twice with his hand and his coach’s assistant hurriedly pulled the gate open as Crit and the bull exploded from the stall. I always felt queasy during those eight seconds of the ride, holding my breath and saying a little prayer no matter who was on the back of the bull. I’d grown up watching first my dad, and then all my brothers, and the Haggard boys too, on the backs of bucking bulls, falling off, breaking limbs and collarbones and noses and whatever other body part fell victim to the bull’s wrath that day.
There weren’t too many days that went by where someone wasn’t shedding blood. You’d think I’d be used to it, but it never failed to make me shudder in fear every time I watched, even after all these years.
After eight seconds of Crit’s body being flung every direction as the enormous bull did its damnedest to get him off, the buzzer sounded and I exhaled as Crit let go of his grip on the rope and he flew off, landing on his ass, the dirt flying around him in the air, as the bull trotted to the end of the arena.
“You gotta stay focused, Crit,” Dustin Elliot, Crit and Beau’s coach, said as he gave Crit a hand up. “He almost lost you there at the end.”
“Yeah, my grip was a little loose,” Crit replied.
“Hey Crit, we’re going home now,” I yelled over to him. Ruby was sitting next to me and she had insisted on stopping by the arena to watch the boys practice before we headed home. “Gotta feed the herd.”
“Alrighty, sis, I reckon I’ll see ya back home,” he said. He tipped his hat at Ruby and I could have sworn I saw her blush. “Howdy, Ms. Ruby.”
Hope Against Hope: The Hope Brothers Series Page 5