Between Him and Us

by Nicole Richard

  “I’m a widow.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Maybe I should leave.” I stepped away, but Easton grabbed my hand, silently asking me to stay. I wanted to stay. I wanted to feel his lips on mine again, to be desired by a man. That was, until the revolving guilt swooped in. There I was moving on, and Tyler was dead.

  But he wants this for you.

  “Stay. Talk to me, please.”

  In the short time I had known Easton, I’d been feeling emotions I didn’t want to feel, that I didn’t think I was ready to feel. Yet, my mind begged my heart to listen. To give this a chance and stop fighting every possible good thing that might come my way.

  I forced myself to look at him, deciding that if I even saw a hint of pity in his eyes, I would turn around and leave. There was nothing but concern, which was laced with a bit of curiosity.

  “Okay.” I sat on the other end of the couch with my hands tucked between my thighs. Scared out of my mind about how to put something I wasn’t quite ready to explain into plain English.

  “Come here.” Easton reached over and gently pulled my hands into his. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

  Every good feeling since the moment I had arrived at Easton’s had been replaced with an emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I closed my eyes, hoping a deep breath would aid in calming me. I’ve never spoken about Tyler with anyone I didn’t know, and I never even considered talking about him with another man who just kissed me.

  “Is he who you were visiting in the cemetery?”

  I nodded. “Yes,” slipped through my lips.

  “Tell me about him.”

  “I don’t know how to do this,” I whispered, looking away, not wanting to be lured by his captivating eyes.

  “You look too young to be a wife, let alone a widow. Do you mind if I ask how old you are?” He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, and my lungs released a heavy breath.

  “Twenty-six, and you?”

  “I’ll be thirty-one in October.”

  I knew he was trying to ease the tension by changing the direction of our conversation, and I was grateful. I took a chance and peered into his eyes. My muscles relaxed and a peaceful calm washed over me. Weirdly, I sensed Tyler giving me the go ahead. Or I hoped that was what I was feeling.

  “Come here.” He let go of my hands and then held his arms open, and I didn’t fight it. I knew how good it felt to be wrapped up in him. How safe and protected they made me feel. It had been way too long, and I wasn’t sure if I was slowly realizing that being alone wasn’t something I did very well.

  “See, that isn’t so bad, is it?” Easton pressed his lips to the top of my head. “Do you want to talk about him?”

  Was it normal to discuss your deceased husband with another man you just shared an incredible kiss with? Maybe. Maybe not. But if I had any hope of moving forward, of pulling myself out of this deep dark hole I’d been living in, I had to try. If Easton couldn’t handle it, then this . . . whatever it was or could be, would never work.

  “We were high school sweethearts, after we graduated, I went off to college, and he joined the Air Force.”

  “What did he do?”

  “He was a pilot.” I smiled at the thought of Tyler living out his dream. Not too many people could check that off their list.

  “Impressive.”

  “He was. It was always a dream of his to fly. He and his best friend RJ, the guy from the bar the other night?” He nodded, letting me know he remembered him. “They were supposed to enlist together, but unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, RJ didn’t get accepted.” I shook my head. “So, Tyler went in alone.” I closed my eyes and stopped for a second. This was where I would have a hard time. “A year and a half ago . . .” I choked and buried my face in his chest. With a gentle hand, he brushed his fingers through my hair, soothing me with his touch until I could finally talk again.

  “All they told me was that he was on a mission and something went wrong.”

  “Shit, Lilly. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  “Easton.” I wouldn’t be able to handle any more pity, especially from him. Besides, I didn’t want him to see me as pathetic. “Please do not pity me.”

  “No. Not pity. Empathy maybe, you’re still grieving. It takes time, and I want to be here to help you.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Anything you need.” And I knew he meant it.

  I laid my head on his chest, listening to the steady drum of his heart, the even inhales and exhales of his breathing. Within minutes, I had completely relaxed under his touch.

  “How long were the two of you married?”

  “Barely two months, but we had been together since I was fifteen.”

  “That’s a long time. I can barely begin to imagine what you’re feeling.”

  I found solace in Easton’s arms, feeding off his calm, but then asked myself, how he did it. How he held a woman while asking about the man she was married to? Or maybe I was overreacting again. He could very well be a nice guy comforting a grieving woman.

  Still, a tiny thought started to take root. Tyler’s letter told me I needed to move on, and it could have been a coincidence that I read the letter the day I saw Easton for the first time. Something about the timing felt . . . orchestrated. As if Tyler was pulling strings behind the scenes. Just like he had done with the second letter. That had a knife slicing through my heart, and all thoughts of a happy ending with Easton vanished.

  What if I said I could make your dreams come true?

  A baby.

  A part of me and a part of you.

  I pulled back, slowly untangling myself from his hold. I couldn’t look at him; if I looked into his eyes again, I would lose it.

  “Easton, thank you, but I really should be going.” I grabbed my purse and hesitated in making my way to the door. I didn’t want to leave, but I also didn’t want to have an emotional breakdown in front of him either.

  “Lilly . . .” My heart kicked up a beat. “I really enjoy your company and would love to get to know you better. Do you think you could give me a chance here? See where this goes? We don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for, but it’s nice to have someone to talk to and hang out with.”

  He was right. Possibly having him as my shoulder to lean on and it wouldn’t hurt to have someone to hang out with who didn’t constantly remind me of my past and everything I no longer had.

  “I agree. It is nice to have someone to hang out with.” I sighed. “Thank you for dinner, it was delicious.”

  “You’re welcome. Let me walk you out.”

  This time, I followed Easton down the stairs to the front of the flower shop. His steps were slow and heavy, and I knew he didn’t want this night to end so soon, neither did I. But with the way the conversation turned and that incredible kiss, mixed with how vulnerable I felt, I found it necessary to call it a night.

  He gripped the handle with one hand and brushed a lock of hair behind my ear with the other. He barely touched me and already my resolve was slipping, weighing the pros and cons of continuing the evening.

  I didn’t want to leave, I just felt like I had to.

  “Will you call me, or can I call you?” he asked softly and took a step closer.

  My breath hitched as he glided the back of his knuckle along the length of my shoulder. His touch and the warmth radiating from his body to mine started to make my mind fog over, and before I said something I would regret, I answered, “Sure.”

  “Thank you again for tonight.”

  I’d been sitting in front of my laptop for the last two hours researching gamete freezing and Doctor Farrah Hardy, and my eyes were starting to burn. I understood the gist of it, but the process and procedures were not something to take lightly. There was also no guarantee it would work, not that any pregnancy came with a guarantee.

  Without Tyler’s love and reassurance, fear had wedged its way in.

  I stared at his letter I had sitting on the table next
to my computer, becoming more and more irritated by the second. My mind rationalized every pro and con. Then my heart said I owed it to us to at least give the doctor a chance to explain.

  “Good afternoon, Dr. Hardy’s office,” the receptionist answered.

  “Hi, I’m calling to see if I could get a consult appointment with Doctor Hardy, please.” I repeatedly spun the doctor’s business card between my fingers as I spoke, nervous that I was even making this call.

  “Of course, what day would work best for you?”

  “Any day is fine.”

  “All right, give me one moment to check our schedule. I do have to tell you, there is a bit of a wait.” There was a short pause, and my nerves kicked up a notch. I rested my forehead in my palm and fought against the little voice in my head that said to hang up.

  “Well, it looks like our first available appointment isn’t for another six weeks.”

  I sighed quietly. “Okay, that should be fine.”

  “Perfect, could I get your name, please?”

  “It’s Lilly Crenshaw-Gibson.”

  “Thank you. Could I also get your address, please? There’s a packet of information that we’ll need to mail to you. If you could complete the required forms and mail that back to us that would really help.”

  “Of course.”

  I gave the receptionist all the necessary information, and she proceeded to give me the appointment date and time and that I would receive a reminder text a few days prior to the appointment. I jotted the info down on the brochure, thanked her for her time, and hung up.

  Now what?

  I had a little over a month to sit around and mull over a decision I had no idea how I was going to make. Was I strong enough to bring a baby—Tyler’s baby—into a one-parent family? Would that child grow up to hate me, thinking I had fulfilled a selfish dream and not take his or her well-being into account? Every child deserved a shot at a normal and happy home, one where both parents were present.

  The fact that it had been three days since Easton and I had spoken broke through my thoughts. In a short matter of time, he stirred up feelings I wasn’t quite sure what to do with. Or maybe I did but was too afraid to acknowledge. One thing was for sure, he was quickly growing on me.

  Sitting there absorbed in the inability to see where my future was headed, I let my hand drift to my phone and wished Easton would call. Hearing his voice would definitely soothe my nerves. Maybe he was waiting for me to take the lead, to make sure this was a two-way street.

  Pressing my other hand to my lips, I thought about the kiss, the way he caressed my neck, and leaned in close. His tongue and the smooth strokes, the rumbling sound moving up through his chest . . .

  Could I really be with another man? Tyler was the only one I’d ever been with, and when we weren’t together those few years, I couldn’t bring myself to be with anyone else. Sure, I’d been on a few dates, but none of them went any further than a peck on the cheek goodnight. That was how much Tyler had meant to me, or maybe how much I was hung up on him. I never wanted anyone else and always held out hope that he would somehow come back to me.

  I’d assumed he’d been with other women, so when he told me differently, I’d laughed and called him a liar. All it took was one look at the anger in his eyes over my not believing him and the conviction in his continued declarations of faithfulness to change my tune.

  I got up and went to the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge, which was pathetically empty. I knew if my mother were to see it, she would be horrified. She would also be horrified by just how much weight I’d lost.

  With my hip pressed against the counter, I looked around the room. The quiet was deafening. Maybe I should’ve taken my parents’ offer and stayed in my old bedroom, at least I wouldn’t have been alone. I would have had someone to talk to, but then I came up with a better idea.

  I grabbed my phone and pulled up Addie’s number. Just as I was about to hit the call button, Easton’s name flashed on the screen.

  “Hey,” I answered with an automatic smile.

  “Hi, Sunshine.”

  “Now, it’s Sunshine, huh? What happened to sunflower?” I teased the ridiculous pet name.

  “I think Sunshine sounds a lot better, don’t you?”

  “I do, so what have you been up to?” I moved to the living room, sat in the corner of the couch, and tucked one leg under the other, interested in hearing what had been keeping him busy these last few days.

  “Not a whole lot. Been trying to find the part I need. Do you know I have called practically every store in the southern half of Georgia before finally finding it?” He laughed a little out of breath. “Do you have any plans today?”

  “Not yet, why?”

  “Well, if you aren’t busy and wouldn’t mind going for a drive, I’d love your company.”

  “Okay, what time should I meet you?”

  “What if I came by and picked you up?” I froze. Was I ready to have Easton know where I lived or in my space? He lowered his voice, and I appreciated how he just knew. “Hey, if it’s too much, we can meet here. Whatever works for you, is good with me.”

  I gave it another quick thought.

  “Here or there, whichever is easiest for you is fine with me.”

  “It’s settled then, I’ll be there in an hour.”

  “All right, I’ll be ready.”

  “Great! I’ll see ya.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

  “See ya.” He hung up.

  Barely two seconds ticked by before he called me back.

  “Miss me already?” I joked.

  “Honestly?”

  I knew if I said yes, he would have said something I might not have been ready to hear. “You have no idea where I live and need directions?” I pressed my lips together, trying to hold back my giggle.

  “Yeah, I was so excited when you agreed, I forgot to ask.”

  “I’ll text you my address.”

  “All right, that’s a good idea. I’ll see you in an hour.”

  “See ya.”

  I hung up, texted Easton my address, and tossed the phone on the couch. I rushed to the bathroom for a quick shower and was ready with fifteen minutes to spare. I locked up and sat out on the front step. As much as I enjoyed Easton’s company, I needed a little more time before I allowed him into my space.

  An old truck with the flower shop’s name on the door pulled up, and I stood and waited for him to stop.

  “Hi,” I greeted as he pushed the door open and I climbed in. The second I closed the door, I became preoccupied by his warm smile and masculine scent. On any given day, Easton was a looker, but today, my eyes saw him in a different light. He was such a positive force pulling me to him, and he did it effortlessly.

  “Hi.” He leaned over, kissed my cheek, and then settled back into his own space. “This is a nice place. Secluded and green, I like it.”

  “Thank you. My dad had the cottage built for my mother as an anniversary present. A place for them to run away together when time was limited.”

  He nodded.

  “So, how have you been?” I buckled my seat belt and turned to face him.

  “Good and you?”

  “Okay, I guess.” I shrugged, but it was the truth. I wasn’t good or bad, so somewhere in between sounded about right.

  “I passed what looked like a dock; do you swim out here at all?”

  “Not anymore.”

  The dock was the one place I had steered clear of since Tyler had died. The memories it held would just be too much to revisit. Thank goodness, Easton left it alone as we drove by.

  We pulled onto the highway, and after putting a few miles of asphalt behind us, I relaxed into the hum of the tires. Basking in the comfort of his presence, knowing I wasn’t alone. It also didn’t bother me one bit that I had no idea where we were headed.

  “So what have you been up to these last couple of days?” He reached over and changed the radio station to a light rock station; I sank
into my seat and relaxed.

  “Not a whole lot really. I’ve just hung out at home. I really don’t have much to do.”

  “Do you work at all?” he asked.

  “Not at the moment, but I’m thinking I should start looking for something soon. I’m kind of going stir crazy.” I laughed softly. I hoped he didn’t think I was lazy or worse, took advantage of the system, but I really didn’t need to work. Not that I would depend on the money I had sitting in the bank forever, but I probably could if I wanted to, which I didn’t. It was just that I wasn’t ready to put myself back into the work force. Not many employers would tolerate my mood swings.

  “You’re more than welcome to come and hang out at the shop whenever you’d like. I’m usually there. I don’t get out much, either.” His eyes found mine, and heat pooled low in my belly.

  “Thanks. I appreciate that. Tell me more about your brother and sisters.”

  “You’re doing it again.”

  “What?” I answered coyly. I couldn’t help it. If I started to ask questions, he’d return with a question of his own. And I wasn’t ready for that. This was my way of playing it safe.

  “Only wanting to hear about me and not share anything about you. You don’t play fair.”

  “Never said I did.” I bit my tongue to avoid bursting out in a fit of laughter.

  “Oh, I’ll get you to play fair,” he mumbled.

  “This is how this is going to work.” I rolled my eyes toward the top of the cab, pretending I wasn’t the least bit interested. “We’ll have a tradeoff. I’ll tell you something and then it’ll be your turn. Deal?”

  I pondered the thought. ”Deal.”

  “Good. Let’s see . . . Sophia is eighteen, Margo is sixteen, and Fiona is almost fifteen. Then there’s my brother, Kipp—he’s twelve. Your turn.” He smirked.

  “Let’s see. Max is the oldest and recently divorced, Nick is . . . I have no idea what Nick is up to these days, and Dane is the youngest of the boys. I’m the closest to him, but he’s been gone, doing God only knows what for a few years and only recently moved back. And then there’s my only sister, Leeza, she owns the salon not too far from the flower shop.” I tossed him a smile. “Your turn.”