Between Him and Us

by Nicole Richard

  I lifted my shoulders in an indecisive shrug, and she gasped softly.

  “It is, isn’t it? It has to be. You’re not the one-night stand kind of girl—never were.” She paused, examining me. “Humph. I’m surprised you aren’t planning a wedding and talking babies.” I felt the heat in my cheeks, which were most likely a deep shade of pink, confirming what she suspected. “Shit. Wait. I’m sorry,” she sighed apologetically. “Have you told him?”

  My lips pursed, and I started to fidget, cracking my knuckles. I shook my head as I peered at her through my lashes then eyed the door to our left.

  “No,” I whispered, wanting to skirt around the question, hoping to shut it down completely. “The thought honestly slipped my mind until a few minutes ago when I received a reminder text.”

  “Shit, Lilly. You have to tell him—if you’re really serious about him, you just have to. Are you still thinking that you’re going to go through with it?”

  I sucked in a deep breath through my nose and shrugged again. I had no idea how or if I should tell any of this to Easton or if I should even continue pondering it. Was it fair to consider something this life changing while he and I were dating? It most definitely would alter the course of our relationship, and although he claimed he was a realist, I wasn’t entirely positive this subject wouldn’t be excluded.

  “Lilly, you have got to tell him, if not, the only other decent choice would be to hold off, which in my opinion might not be such a bad idea. Either way, you can’t string him along. It’s just not fair—”

  “I know it isn’t fair, Leeza,” I barked defensively, allowing my irritation to push through. “Geez, what kind of person do you think I am?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Did she think I didn’t already know this? If Easton and I continued seeing each other, it would eventually come down to me having to make a choice—one or the other, because having the best of both worlds didn’t seem realistic at this point.

  “If it helps at all, you two look really good together. I actually caught a glimpse of your smile from your profile. You looked genuinely happy. And if I didn’t know any better, I would have to say that man is head over heels in love with you.” She gave me a gentle smile, and I wasn’t sure if I should admit to her that he has already confessed his love for me. Each and every time we were together, I could feel the force of his affection. From each glance down to every last touch—I felt him.

  Sitting there, mentally dissecting my life and the fork in the road I had stumbled upon, I hated that no matter what I decided, I couldn’t have both. Then I berated myself for even thinking I still had options when the weight of Easton’s words hit me like a ton of bricks.

  “You’re my only option.”

  The parade had ended with a bang—literally. Twenty-four shots were fired, exploding in successive red, white, and blue bursts as they called out each name, honoring a fallen serviceman. Surprisingly, no women were among the list.

  Waiting in nervous anticipation, Tyler’s name was number twenty-one on the list. And although bittersweet, I couldn’t help the soft smile on my lips and the few tears that fell in admiration. It didn’t matter that Tyler was no longer in the physical world, I was proud of him for following his dreams and the man he had become.

  My phone vibrated against my palm, and when I checked, it showed Addie had sent a text.

  “Addie just sent me a text. Said they’re waiting in the cotton candy line. Did you want to head that way?”

  “Sure.”

  Easton fell into step behind me, his hand protectively holding on at the nape of my neck. At first, I wondered how I would react if people saw me out with him. Having to get used to all the prying eyes and whispers, I asked myself over and over again, if I would be scrutinized for getting involved with another man so soon. It wasn’t so much that I cared what people thought. My concern was more about whether they would keep their judgments to themselves.

  We barely took two steps before Easton wrapped his arm around the front of my chest, roughly pulling me back into him just in time to miss being bulldozed by a trio of cheerleaders on a mission.

  “Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!” all three girls chimed in unison, smiling their apologies while keeping their speed, zipping past us.

  I dismissed them with a wave, and when I felt I could breathe normal again, I broke out in a fit of giggles.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Twenty bucks says those girls are racing to get to their boyfriends. They don’t want to miss a single minute of make-out time.”

  “Why?” he teased. “Is that what you used to do?” His warm breath tickled the shell of my ear and the smooth huskiness of his voice made the resident butterflies in my tummy take flight.

  “Pretty much.”

  Easton took my hand in his and held on tight as we made our way into the throngs of people, most likely afraid he might lose me to the crowd. As I looked around, the more it reminded me of a carnival minus the over-priced games and rides.

  White tents were lined with various food booths and the smells were amazing. I snuck a glance up at Easton to find him smiling and taking in whiffs of all the delicious aromas. He was definitely in his element.

  “Are you hungry at all?” I asked.

  “A little, but we can find your friends first if you’d like.”

  That was another thing amongst many that I adored about this man. His ability to always put the needs of others first was nothing short of amazing.

  “Okay. Looks like the cotton candy booth is just up ahead.” I pointed.

  We strolled past the row of food booths, and when we approached the cotton candy line, my eyes found Addie and RJ. I slacked, giggling to myself with how annoyed she looked in that moment.

  “Babe, don’t you think that’s a bit much? You already ate two bags like thirty minutes ago.”

  She gave him the eye. “If I want to eat cotton candy—I will eat cotton candy,” she scolded in her thick Southern drawl. It was her one giveaway whenever she got irritated. “Are you trying to tell me I’m fat?”

  “What? No. Of course I don’t think you’re fat.”

  “Well, I feel fat. And cotton candy makes me feel better, always has.” She popped a piece of pink fluff in her mouth. “So, please do not tell me what I can and cannot eat.” She huffed and at that point, I knew RJ needed saving.

  I tapped Addie on the shoulder and smirked.

  “Lils!” Her face lit up, and she all but screamed my name. “I was beginning to wonder if you were going to show.” She pulled me in for a tight hug. “God, I’ve missed you,” she whispered.

  “I missed you, too.”

  We rocked side to side, holding on tight, and I told myself I would never, under no circumstance, ever let time and distance interfere with our friendship again.

  Addie finally pulled back, holding my shoulders at arm’s length, smiling. “It really is good to see you.”

  “All right. That’s enough hogging our girl,” RJ joked. “It’s my turn.” He gave us both a lopsided grin. Addie stepped to the side, and I walked into RJ’s arms as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He was my husband’s best friend, and I considered him the same. I knew if anything, Tyler would hope RJ would always look after me, and at one time, I hoped for that, too. “Glad to see you, Lils,” he said softly. I nodded against his chest, too emotional to form any kind of words.

  It had always been the four of us. No matter where we went, what we did, we were always together. In that moment, I felt the weight of the one person that was missing—who would always be missing.

  “Hey. No tears, okay.” RJ ran his hand along the back of my head in a caring, brotherly fashion, and that was when I remembered that Easton was standing behind me.

  I pulled away, wiped the few tears from under my eyes, and turned to find Easton standing there, patiently waiting until our reunion had a break. But something about the look on his face and the distance he stood from the three of us had me qu
estioning where his thoughts were.

  His jaw was tight, and I couldn’t quite figure why. There was a long pause before he accepted my outstretched hand. I smiled, and his tension dissolved back into that friendly face I had grown accustomed to.

  “Hey, guys. I’d like for you to meet Easton. Well, RJ, you two have already met. Addie, this is Easton.” I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to add a label or go into further detail as to what he meant to me, so I left it at that. When I glanced up and noticed something that resembled pained confusion, I was forced to look away. Introducing him to my best friends shouldn’t be that difficult, yet I was left there debating my words.

  Easton held his hand out toward Addie first. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, too.” She smiled and RJ pulled her in to his side.

  It took everything in me to not burst out in laughter. No matter who the man might be, I don’t think RJ will ever lose his caveman like tendencies.

  “Nice seeing you again.” Easton held his hand out, and after narrowing his eyes for a split second, RJ returned the gesture.

  “Yeah, good to see you, too.” RJ forced his words out around a tight smile.

  Not wanting to make a scene, I brushed off RJ’s not-so-welcoming attitude and let Easton pull me into his side, mimicking the move RJ had used on Addie. I was just about to ask if they had dinner already when Addie’s phone rang.

  “Excuse me for one second?”

  “You mind if I borrow him for a sec?” RJ asked Lilly as his eyes cut my way.

  “Sure. I’ll just wait right here for Addie to finish her call,” Lilly replied and looked at me. I nodded and squeezed her hand, letting her know it was okay.

  I actually wondered when we would have this conversation.

  RJ moved to the side, just out of earshot. He rubbed the back of his neck and said, “Hey, look, man.” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry for acting like an ass. Our girl there”—he snuck a glance over at Lilly and his wife—“she tell you her story?”

  “She has.” I remained indifferent.

  “So, you know the hell she’s been through?”

  “I do.” I nodded once.

  He tilted his face to the side and blew out a slow breath. I had a really good hunch at what he was trying to get at, but I knew better than to interrupt.

  “Lilly means a lot to us—Addie and me. Tyler . . .” He swallowed hard. “Ty was my best friend.” I nodded, hoping he would just say what he needed to say. This conversation was growing uncomfortable and quick.

  I snuck a quick glance over at Lilly and I could see the worry in her eyes. I smiled, reassuring her before turning back to look at RJ.

  “No disrespect—I’m just going to say it—don’t fucking hurt her.” He held his eyes fixed on mine. His choice of words didn’t even faze me. In fact, I expected it.

  “I have no intention of hurting her. She means a great deal to me, so much that . . .” I stopped myself. I didn’t owe him anymore of an explanation. My word should be good enough.

  “It’s just . . . I promised Ty I would always look after her. Make sure she was okay. Before he left, he told me to make sure she found someone. After she grieved, to make sure she wasn’t alone. This is fucking awkward—”

  “Just say it.”

  He nodded. “I see the way you look at her, the light in her eyes and the smile on her face when she looks back at you. What I’m trying to get at is . . . please just make sure that whatever you do, you think of her. If whatever the two of you have gets serious and then goes south, she might not survive it a second time around.”

  “First off, I respect you for having Lilly’s back. I appreciate it, actually. And there is nothing I would do to intentionally hurt that woman. I love—”

  He held his hand up, signaling he was satisfied, and I didn’t have to say more. Addie walked back to Lilly’s side, and he clapped my back before we both turned to head back to the girls.

  Addie smiled and turned to her husband. “Babe. That was my mom on the phone. Ethan is running a fever and Mason is throwing up. I think we should head home.”

  “Of course,” he replied.

  “Everything okay with you two?” Lilly asked, and both RJ and I nodded.

  RJ shook my hand and thanked me for allowing him the chance to say his peace, and I was glad he did.

  “Hey, man, appreciate you listening.”

  “Don’t even sweat it. I totally understand.”

  “Cool.” He fist bumped me, gave Lilly one last hug, and wrapped his wife in his arms.

  My eyes remained glued on RJ’s retreating back as he walked off with his wife in his arms. My mind shifted back to minutes ago, seeing Lilly, together with them and how they welcomed one another. Their exchange left a dull ache in my chest and me missing my little brother, my mom, and the few friends I had back in New York.

  The hugs and the hushed words were a little hard to deal with from where I stood. I wanted to be included in every part of Lilly’s life, and it seemed as though I wasn’t. Not yet, at least.

  What really made me feel like an outsider was RJ. The way he pulled her in and how she walked so easily into his arms. The same way he comforted her the night in the sports bar rekindled my spark of jealously.

  Deep down, I knew I shouldn’t be worried, but the man in me refused to shake it.

  That was until I caught the look in his eyes when he looked at his wife. The look that said there would never be another woman for him. He was a devoted husband who adored the woman standing next to him. I knew this only because that was the way I saw Lilly each and every time she stepped into a room.

  “So, what was that all about?” Lilly asked, gazing up at me.

  I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her into my side. “He just wanted to make sure I understood that if I hurt you I would probably get punched.”

  “You mean, he was being a caveman, but the two of you hashed it out?” She laughed.

  “Yeah, something like that. Did you want to grab something to eat?”

  “Sure.”

  “Is there anything in particular you’re hungry for?”

  She shrugged and made that cute little face where her nose scrunched and her lips twisted to the side, telling me she was undecided.

  “Sunshine.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “Are you spending the night?” Dragging the tip of my nose across her cheek and down to her lips, I hovered, waiting for her answer.

  “What if . . . you spent the night at my place?”

  I leaned back just enough to get a good look, searching her eyes for any signs of hesitation. When I didn’t find any, I continued, “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure,” she whispered, and I settled my lips against hers, overjoyed that we just made progress. This would be the first time Lilly had invited me to her place, and I wasn’t about to give her another chance to change her mind.

  I took her hand and kissed the back, leading her deeper into the food area. There were so many choices and I had no idea where to start. There was something to savor every palate, including Lilly’s picky one.

  “Ooh, look. They have tacos. I wonder if they’re as good as yours or maybe even better,” she teased, poking her finger into my side.

  “I didn’t hear you complaining that night while you stuffed your face.”

  “I was not stuffing my face.” She exaggerated her defense.

  “Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that, Sunshine. I had a front-row seat to that hot and spicy mess.”

  She raised an eyebrow and twisted her lips, and I couldn’t help turning away for a brief second, chuckling.

  “What are you talking about, hot mess?” She pouted and popped her hip. “I was there and would have to strongly disagree.”

  “You’re too cute when you’re pouting, come on.”

  We continued through the masses, passing each booth and oddly, nothing stood out or seemed all that appetizing.

  “What do
you think about getting some frozen yogurt first? I’m not all that hungry and it’s hot as hell out here.” She pulled the hair tie from her wrist and tied her hair back in a tiny ponytail.

  With her entire neck on view, my eyes appraised the delicate skin and temptation almost knocked me on my ass. A sudden, and strong urge to bite and suck—to taste her, barreled into me and I found it interesting how I seemed to always be easily aroused by this woman.

  “Dessert first. I like how you think.” I winked.

  She laughed, blatantly shaking her head, although she was partially to blame for making me feel like I was constantly walking through a thick layer of fog and lust. I winced quietly, hoping my jeans wouldn’t get any more uncomfortable.

  “There’s an even better dessert, but that’s for a little later,” she whispered, sealing her promise with a wink.

  Why didn’t we just stay in tonight?

  “Did you want to keep looking around?” Easton asked.

  “Sure.”

  We shared a few more spoonfuls of frozen yogurt before Easton took my cup and tossed both in the trash. His protective hand came to settle at the small of my back, leading us along the path where numerous military organizations were selling memorabilia.

  I offered a smile to each person as we passed, not really wanting to stop. I didn’t think I had it in me to browse through the items as if I was actually interested—I couldn’t. My sole reason and focus for being here was to honor the memory of the men who selflessly sacrificed their lives to defend our nation’s freedom—my husband included.

  Had Tyler still been alive, things might be different. But in my current position, and meaning no disrespect, I didn’t want anything tangible associated with the military. No more souvenirs or keepsakes to remind me of all that I had lost—God only knows I had enough to spare me a lifetime. I was working on moving forward—for him.

  Moving along, I was drawn toward a booth where six or seven women and a hand full of children, all dressed in red had congregated. They were smiling and chit-chatting and a weak blend of emotions I refused to put a label on stirred within me. It was then I envied what those women had—support, friendship, each other.