Misjudged

by Sarah Elizabeth

  Still nothing.

  I say my goodbyes to James and exit into the fresh air, stopping in my tracks when I see Brandon sitting underneath an oak tree in the center of the grounds.

  He stands when he sees me cautiously approaching him, and solemnly walks in my direction with a frown so deep over his features that it sends dread throughout my body. He stills when he’s a couple feet away from me and turns his face to the side, so I can’t see into his eyes.

  “Congratulations, I knew you’d get put through,” he says in a low voice that’s filled with sadness. He places his hands in his pockets, before stepping to the side and walking straight by me.

  “Is that it?” My jaw drops slightly and I feel my mouth drying up. I really don’t want that to be it. I need to apologize and I know that I accused him when he didn’t do anything wrong, but, I need him to forgive me. “Brandon, please!”

  He pauses and turns back around to face me. “Just … It’s better this way,” he doesn’t even seem to believe the words that have just come out of his mouth. His eyes are filled with sorrow and his smile in no way reaches them. “The guilt’s too much. I should never have told you what I was feeling yesterday.”

  12.

  Proud of You.

  It’s Friday, and although my second audition on Wednesday went okay, it certainly wasn’t one of my better performances.

  I’ve only seen Brandon in passing since he walked away from me the other day, and that has only been on campus, or when he’s dropped by to see Neil and Ryan. It was awkward, really awkward. I could see in his eyes that he was lying when he said it’s better this way. He was putting on a front about how he really feels, although I’m not sure whether it was for my benefit, or for his. As far as I’m aware, he’s spent most of his time in his room and writing songs for their upcoming show. I want to tell him that it’s okay to move on from Holly, but I guess that’s a hypocritical thing to say considering I’m still reluctant to go to the theatre show my dad gifted me tickets to.

  The tickets were sitting on the coffee table, waiting for me, when I got back from my second audition on Wednesday afternoon. Neil, Ryan, Alyssa, and Brandon were all there when I opened the envelope containing them. I sat myself down at the breakfast bar and stared at them for a little while, before taking a deep breath and finding somewhere to put them. That somewhere happened to be in the trash.

  They all saw me, I know they did, but they didn’t say anything. What could they say? I’m not ready to go without my mom so there was no use in keeping hold of them.

  “On a scale of one to ten, how nervous are you feeling at this particular moment in time?” Neil nudges my arm with his as we wait to see who has been cast for the show. He offered to come and sit with me while I awaited my fate. I think he could tell how tense I was over breakfast this morning.

  “I don’t know, maybe around one hundred?” I reply with a smirk, and then turn my attention back to scanning the room. “I’m guessing the party over at Corey’s place tonight can either be like a party of celebration, or one of commiseration, huh?”

  Corey is throwing a party over at his place to celebrate his parents leaving for a three week vacation in Italy. Apparently he does this whenever they go away, and they kick his ass to the moon and back when they come home and find a broken, well, everything.

  Professor Hardy is standing on the stage, with his glasses almost falling off of the end of his nose as he gazes around the room and holds a piece of paper in his left hand. This is it. This is it. Deep breaths. I feel sick. Please give me something, anything. I would love to be able to visit my mom’s grave and tell her that I got a part in the show.

  Neil taps my right arm to show me that he has his fingers crossed on both hands, as the professor begins reeling off a list of names of the students who’ve been cast to represent the college in a few weeks’ time.

  “The final five are …” He clears his throat and during his pause, I glance to Neil and see him smiling and mouthing something like ‘you’ve got this’ at me. The students sitting around us all have their eyes firmly glued to the front of the stage, while they wait for him to reveal which females got the coveted roles. “Teri, Lea, Julie, Amy, and … Elle!”

  Huh.

  “There must be some kinda mistake,” Neil is shaking his head, and throwing me a sympathetic gaze as I sit back in my seat.

  The tears are brimming and I feel like I might actually throw up. So much for making my mom proud. “Let me go and see what the hell’s going on here!” He sounds pretty angry, and as he stands, I place my arm out in front of him and shake my head. There’s no mistake. I just didn’t do well enough.

  “Neil, please just … I’m gonna go for a walk,” I grab my purse and head towards the exit as fast as my legs can literally carry me.

  Air. I need air. This week has definitely turned out to be something else. First Brandon and I can’t even make light conversation with each other without it being awkward, and now I’ve screwed this up.

  After slamming my way through the exit doors and making my way out into the courtyard, I head down the pathway and towards the lake. As far as I know, not many people go there and it’ll give me some time to myself. Failure is most probably the best word I’d use to describe myself right now.

  Brushing the tears away from my eyes, I hear Neil calling my name in the distance, but I ignore him. It’s bad enough I’d gotten myself all hyped up over the part, now I’ll have to tolerate everybody’s sympathy for the foreseeable future too.

  Walking through the small clearing, I head straight over to the chest high wall and look out over the water. The weather today is cold but sunny, and the nauseous feeling seems to be getting milder with each breath that I take.

  “Alexis?” My body freezes when Brandon’s questioning voice sounds out from somewhere behind me. My heart was already hammering away but hearing him causes it to speed up and feel heavy in my chest, and it’s almost becoming uncomfortable.

  “I didn’t get a part,” I tell him. My voice is uneven and the tears are threatening to make an appearance again. “I wasn’t good enough.” Placing my face into my hands, a few whimpers escape from my throat no matter how hard I try to keep them inside.

  A loud sob rips out of me, and that’s when I feel warm hands wrapping around my waist. His breaths linger over my neck, and his lips lightly brushing over my ear. “Don’t cry, beautiful,” he whispers, but those words are exactly what I don’t need to hear when I’m already upset, and now the cries are starting to gain strength. I feel my whole body beginning to shake uncontrollably, from either the disappointment, or from his tender touch. I’m thinking it’s a little of both.

  He spins me around and pulls me into him, wrapping one of his arms around my waist again, as he gently cradles my head against his warm chest with his other hand. I grip my arms around his lower back and inhale his warm scent. We stay like this for a while, at least until I’ve finally gotten my emotions under control. “I just wanted to make her proud of me,” I speak the words in a whisper against his chest, and feel his fingers gripping my hair tighter.

  “Alexis, she’s already proud of you,” his voice is raspy as he answers me. “Beautiful, how could she not be?” He begins rocking me gently from side to side in his arms, and when my mind becomes a little clearer, I look up to face him.

  “I miss this,” I whisper hoarsely as I stare into his eyes. He gazes at me sympathetically before pulling me back up against him, only harder this time. “What are you doing down here anyway? Don’t you have class?”

  From the way he has my head cradled into his chest, I can hear his heart beating hard and it sounds like it’s racing just as fast as my own, “I just came here to think, that’s all.” I’m finding his heavy breathing soothing, and close my eyes as I hold on to him for as long as he’ll let me.

  My cell phone interrupts our quiet moment and I hear Brandon exhale a deep sigh as he takes a step back. It’s a text from Neil. I send a quick reply and
tell him I’ll be back in a little while and not to worry. I gave it my best shot but it just obviously wasn’t good enough this time around. For some reason, being in Brandon’s arms has not only made me feel a lot happier, but has also help to restore a little faith in myself.

  Placing my cell phone in to my jacket pocket, I glance over and see Brandon looking out over the water, seemingly deep in thought. “I like boats,” he says dreamily. “Do you like boats?” He turns and eyes me quizzically, and I can’t help but laugh at the randomness of his question.

  “Boats are good,” I shake my head and join him, as he turns his gaze back onto the view that’s in front of us. “Have you ever been on a boat?” I ask as I take in the lovely vista.

  “Yeah… I’m on them all the time.” He smirks as he turns to face me briefly, before looking back over to the lake. “No, never.” I find myself slapping him on the arm for being such a dork. He lets out a small laugh as he turns until his whole body is facing me.

  We stand in silence for a little longer, both lost in our own thoughts until the sky above us begins to darken. “It’s gonna rain,” pushing himself off of the wall, he places his hand on the small of my back and ushers me back towards the campus grounds.

  Once we reach my building, he places his hands on my shoulders and gazes deep into my eyes. “Remember, Alexis, your mom’s will always be proud of you, no matter what,” he assures me, and then winks as he brushes his fingers lightly across my cheek. “I gotta go.” He gives me an apologetic smile, lets out a deep breath, and then turns and heads towards his own building.

  ***

  After sitting down with Neil, Ryan, and Alyssa for a couple of hours, drinking wine and trying to put the world to rights, I took a quick shower and then headed into Alyssa’s room to get ready for the party.

  She suggested that I was in need of some pampering time, so while she performed her amazingly wonderful skills and gave me a manicure, my feet soaked in her highly relaxing foot spa. She’d also given me a full facial, and even chose how I’d be wearing my hair and makeup tonight.

  I think she understood how uncomfortable I felt wearing the whore boots and miniskirt on the last occasion she decided to play dress up. I’m thankful the clothes and shoes she picked this time are a little more respectable, but at the same time, still sexy.

  We spent a couple of hours primping and prepping before finally being ready to join Neil and Ryan, who have been waiting impatiently for the last thirty minutes as we applied the finishing touches.

  “Ta-da!” Alyssa announces as she moves her mirror from her door, and over to where I’m standing by her bed.

  Wow. She’s done an amazing job. She’s styled my hair into what she likes to call a ‘romantic chignon’, where she’s twisted and braided my hair back, but left a few tendrils hanging in loose waves down at the front. Although my makeup is subtle, my eyes are a smoky black, to match the cowl neck, backless mini dress Alyssa chose especially for me. Thankfully, I’m a little shorter than she is so the hem hangs just above mid-thigh, and not around the bottom of my ass. That’s definitely a good thing.

  “Ladies, the taxi’s waiting! Will you girls just—” Ryan’s voice cuts when he sees us approaching them both over by the door. “I think I just died, Neil … Neil …” Ryan’s mouth is hanging open and he’s tapping Neil on the chest with the back of his hand rather rapidly.

  “Yeah, I see it. You both look just … wow,” Neil answers while linking his arm with Alyssa’s. “Let’s get going.” He adds as we make our way out of the dorm.

  Personally I think both Alyssa and I are a little overdressed for a house party. Neil and Ryan are looking pretty hot themselves in their black slacks and button down shirts, so I suppose we’ll find out when we get there.

  I haven’t had a chance to even think about the day, although I think this was their overall intention. They wanted to distract me, and luckily for both them and me, it seems to have worked.

  ***

  We arrive at a little past eight o’clock and the party already appears to be in full swing, so the four of us make our way down the hallway and towards the back of the house.

  There are people everywhere I look and it seems the college’s entire student population was invited tonight. Neil told us that it was just going to be a few people hanging out, but as I scan my eyes around the place, I think I see around fifty people already. Most have paper cups in their hands, and the music is pumping out really loud from what I assume to be the living room. On our way to the kitchen we pass by a few people mingling at the bottom of the stairs, and I notice a table in the corner where a few guys are seated playing a card game, with a few girls standing around and watching them.

  “What do you want to drink?” Ryan asks, while grabbing my hand to steer me over towards the large wooden table, with God only knows how many different bottles of alcohol sprawled out on the top.

  “Diet Coke,” I tell him, and notice the incredulous look he throws me. “Honestly, after the other night, I’m sticking to that!” I insist as he shakes his head at me, before pouring a cup of soda.

  Thanking him, I gaze around the room and spot Seth over in the far corner, and see his eyes transfixed on Alyssa as she mingles with the crowd.

  “What are the odds that she and Seth make up tonight?” I nudge Ryan’s arm and tilt my head over in Alyssa’s direction, where I see that she’s already downing her first shot of the night, while chatting with Jen and Kelly.

  He shrugs while taking a sip of his beer, “I’m not so sure, she seemed pretty adamant that she’s not so into him anymore.” He smirks his reply.

  She’s always adamant she’s not into him, but she always ends up back in his arms at the end of the night, especially at these types of events.

  Great. I should have known he would be here. Matt the asshole. Sorry, complete fucking asshole. He’s standing over by the patio doors that are wide open, and they reveal even more people socializing out in Corey’s backyard. I can only imagine the look on his parents faces when they arrive home in a few weeks, and I’m glad I won’t be a witness to their reactions.

  I find myself searching for Brandon, and when I don’t see him, I feel a disappointment running through me. I think I’ve done pretty well to not think of him since he walked me back to my building earlier. Who am I kidding? He’s always in the back of my mind, and he most likely will be for a very long time to come.

  I see Neil taking a seat over on the table that’s playing host to the card games. I make my way over, with Ryan following, so I can cheer him on because by the looks of it they’re playing for cash.

  Ryan and I stand behind Neil and try to weigh up the competition around the table, although there’s really no use. The other three people playing against him play like professionals. The one sitting across from us is a senior at our college, and can most likely bluff his way out of anything. I thought card games were supposed to be fun, so why all the long and serious faces?

  “Alex, come and dance with me, chica!” I hear Alyssa say. I’ve been watching Neil play cards for the last half hour or so, but the poor guy seems to be running short of luck this evening. I’m hoping he gives in and comes to join us in a little while.

  Alyssa drags me into the living room, where at least twenty people are dancing in between the furniture. Wow. I hadn’t realized the place had its own disco lighting. Maybe Corey’s parties are pretty cool after all.

  We start dancing together, and then a few guys from Alyssa’s class make their way over to join us. Before I know it, Alyssa and I are both sandwiched in between Corey and Dylan as we dance to ‘Feel this Moment’ by ‘Christina Aguilera and Pitbull’.

  I find that I don’t need any alcohol to loosen myself up, it’s just great company. In no time the four of us are pretty much taking up the main dancing area as people gather around the sides, either watching everyone dancing or chatting amongst themselves.

  Feeling hands on my shoulders, I turn, and immediately shrug them away w
hen I see who it is. “Alex, come outside,” I shake my head at Matt, who for once, looks to be feeling sorry for himself. Moving over to the other side of our group and away from him, I watch as he stalks out of the room while wearing a huge scowl over his face.

  “What the hell did he want?” Alyssa shouts over from in front of me, but I just shake my head and roll my eyes in response. I notice a small grin appearing as she widens her eyes at me and winks.

  Looking over my shoulder, I catch sight of Brandon leaning against the back wall. He’s standing with a couple of people who I recognize from the bar. He’s holding a bottle of beer in his left hand, with his eyes focused directly over on me.

  Giving him a small smile, I quickly turn myself back around and feel my cheeks flush from the way he was looking me. I noticed that he’s wearing a pair of faded blue, baggy pants with a V-neck shirt, and a black leather jacket over the top. Christ, he looks hot in leather.

  I lean over to Alyssa and tell her that I’m going for a refill, before making my way out of the room and back into the kitchen. I feel his eyes still on me as I go. Damn, he looks delicious. I want him. I really want him. I think I need to go and get some air.

  After spending roughly ten minutes out in the backyard, I grabbed myself a shot of tequila from the countertop and another soda, before going back in to join Alyssa. I decide to sit out of this dance because she’s now getting down and dirty with… Seth. I smile at Seth’s smile. Bless him, I think he’s in love with her and I just hope she has the sense to hold onto him this time.

  Glancing over to where Brandon was standing just a little while ago, I see he’s no longer there, and instead, he’s chatting to a blonde over in the far corner of the room. I guess I should have been expecting to see him with someone else at some point.

  I hadn’t realized I’d been gripping the cup in my hand so tightly, until I see that I’ve squeezed most of the contents out and onto the floor. I think I should go and see if Neil and Ryan need any help with their card game, it beats sticking around and watching the blonde getting her claws into Brandon for the rest of night.