Coffee Will Make You Black

by April Sinclair

  “Girl, I was trapping rats before you was born.”

  “Did y’all have them when you were growing up?”

  “Sho did.” Daddy sipped his beer.

  “The first rat that I can remember showed his behind on a cold winter night. It was almost Christmas. It was going to be another hard-candy Christmas.”

  “What’s a hard-candy Christmas, Daddy?”

  “A Christmas when you ain’t getting nothing but hard candy, ’cause that’s all your people can afford.”

  “Oh. Must’ve been a dumb rat to pick you all’s house, huh?”

  “Well, times was hard. Anyway we set a trap that night and it went off while we was asleep. The next morning, my father told my mother that I had to take the rat off the trap before I went to school.”

  “How old were you, Daddy?”

  “Younger than Kevin. I couldn’t have been more than seven.”

  “Weren’t you scared?”

  “Course I was scared. I told my mama that I didn’t want to take no rat off no trap. I had tears running down my face and everything.”

  It was hard to imagine my big, strong father as a scared little boy with tears running down his face.

  “So what did your mother say?”

  “She said, Just run on to school, boy. See to it later.”

  “Couldn’t you just tell your father that you were scared?”

  Daddy pretended to choke on his beer. “Girl, please! You must be kidding! My father believed that a boy should be tough as nails. He’d buy my sisters ice-cream cones and wouldn’t buy me nan.”

  “How come?”

  “My mama asked him the same thing.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He said, ‘Let him go out and hustle. Nobody’s gonna give a man nothing.’ My mama reminded him that I was just a child. But that didn’t make him no never mind.”

  My grandfather had died of a heart attack when I was seven. I’d met him when I was a baby, but I didn’t remember him.

  Daddy drank some beer, and stared out the window into the dark night. “And it didn’t make me no never mind when he died, either,” he whispered.

  I swallowed, I remembered my father saying he was only going to his father’s funeral for his mother’s sake. Now I understood why.

  “Daddy, did you end up having to take the rat off the trap?”

  “My stomach was in knots all day long. When I come home from school that afternoon, Mama told me to run quick to the hardware store to buy a new trap. She’d thrown the rat, trap and all, into the furnace.”

  “Did your father ever find out?”

  “No, and over the years, we bought a number of traps too. Some mamas used to have pin money. My mama had trap money.”

  I laughed.

  “Jean, I wished you could’ve known my mother. She was really special,” Daddy said, wiping his eye with the sleeve of his work shirt.

  He always got teary-eyed when he talked about his mother. The only time I’d seen my father cry was when I was nine. His sister called and told him that their mother had died from TB. He was sobbing by the time he hung up the phone.

  “Daddy, were your mother and father close?”

  “What do you mean, close? They had five kids.” Daddy said, finishing his beer. “Mainly, my mother and father just stayed out of each other’s way. They were on their own separate missions.”

  Sort of like you and Mama, I thought.

  “You think your parents were happy?”

  “They didn’t have time to worry about being happy. Besides, happiness isn’t what’s important in life.”

  “It’s not? Well, what is important in life, Daddy?”

  “Raising a family, making a living, that’s what’s important. Any fool can be happy.”

  I didn’t argue with Daddy but I thought that there was a lot to be said for just being happy.

  “Daddy, are you gonna make Kevin take the rat off the trap?”

  “Nope, we’ve got a furnace.”

  chapter 9

  I was sitting at my desk Monday morning. Mr. Cox was giving us a history review. My eyes were glued to Yusef Brown out in the hallway, jumping up and down pretending to make baskets. Mr. Cox had sent him out there, counta he had his hat on in the class and plus he’d been chewing gum.

  “Jean, do you know when that took place?”

  I jumped and looked up at Mr. Cox’s balding white head and beady blue eyes. I stared down at my history book.

  “Eighteen sixty-five,” I heard Willie Jean whisper from behind me.

  “Yes, Mr. Cox, in eighteen sixty-five,” I said just as cool as you please.

  The class snickered.

  “Eighteen sixty-six?” I asked shyly. The class broke out into hoots and hollers.

  “I asked you if you knew when the last fire drill took place.” Mr. Cox shook his head.

  I swallowed. “Oh, it was around Valentine’s Day,” I said, as the recess bell rang.

  I huffed and puffed as I made my way out into the hallway. Who did that heifer think she was? What was she trying to pull, I thought to myself. I had never done anything to her.

  “Wait till I catch up with her,” I mumbled on my way down the stairs.

  “Say,” Carla came up from behind me. “Don’t let that bitch get away with that. There she is, jack her up, Stevie.”

  “Willie Jean, that was really cold-blooded!” I shouted. Me and Carla followed Willie Jean onto the playground and so did a bunch of other kids. I didn’t want a crowd around us, because I knew a crowd meant a fight.

  Willie Jean turned around. “It was just a joke, Stevie.”

  “Ha, ha, well, it was so funny I forgot to laugh.”

  “You don’t know her that well.” Carla cut her eyes and put her hands on her hips.

  “Oooh, doon, baby!” Tanya shouted. “She say you don’t even know her that well!”

  “This is between us, Willie Jean, let’s talk over there.” I pointed to a far corner of the playground. Willie Jean nodded. “We don’t need no crowd,” I explained.

  Me, Carla, and Willie Jean walked away from the others.

  “Willie Jean, why did you try to make me look like a fool?”

  “You look like a bigger fool, trailing behind a no-good boy the likes of Yusef Brown!”

  I raised my eyebrows. “What business is it of yours?”

  “Yeah, what business is it of yours?” Carla sounded like an echo. “Don’t tell me you wanna get next to him, ’cause I know he ain’t thinking about you.” Carla sucked her teeth. “Shoot, your chances are slim and impossible and, honey, slim just left!” Carla laughed.

  “I don’t want none of Yusef Brown. He don’t move me and he don’t groove me. I just think Stevie can do better for herself, that’s all.”

  “What do you care?” I asked. Me and this girl weren’t even tight or nothing.

  “When Stevie’s holding up the walls at the graduation tea, what can you do for her but hold up the walls with her?” Carla added.

  “There ain’t no law saying that two girls can’t dance together,” Willie Jean answered all calm.

  “Yeah, but everybody feels sorry for them. They know they dancing together ’cause they can’t get no man.” Carla folded her arms.

  “Sometimes a boy will cut in if two girls are dancing together. He’ll say something like, Y’all two ladies ain’t got to be dancing together. I saw that happen at my Aunt Sheila’s birthday party,” I explained.

  “Yeah, it be’s that way sometimes, if you happen to luck out,” Carla agreed.

  “I don’t know if I’d call that lucking out myself.” Willie Jean turned and walked across the playground toward the volleyball game.

  “She don’t know if she’d call that lucking out.” Carla shook her head. “Is she fully clothed and in her right mind?”

  “What is she trying to say?” I asked.

  “Stevie, I think she’s trying to say she funny.”

  “Carla, you think she�
�s really that way?”

  “I ain’t wanna say nothing before, cause you know how I hate to talk about people. But the girl told on her own self. I could tell she had some boy in her, from jumpstreet. Nine outta ten of them P.E. types do. Her sister’s probably all crossed up too.”

  “Here comes Roland.” I hunched my shoulders.

  “From the pitiful to the pathetic. I’m gonna go and see if I can find Tyrone.”

  “Hey, Roland.”

  “Hi, Stevie.” Roland stood there grinning, looking even goofier than usual.

  “Stevie … uh … I was thinking … maybe … you know ah, would you mind if I kind of walked you home from school today?”

  “I guess.” I forced myself to smile. “Well, Roland, I gotta go play volleyball. You need to wipe your glasses off, they’re all steamed up.”

  “Oh, okay. Well, see you after school.” He grinned.

  During lunchtime, me and Carla sat in the swings on the playground and ate our fried-bologna sandwiches. A few minutes ago, Tyrone had come by and dragged Carla away, laughing and screaming.

  Now I just sat in the swing and let it rock me gently back and forth. The sun was in my face and I just let my feet drag through the wood chips that they always put on the playground.

  I felt somebody’s hands pushing up against my back. I started moving forward and I grabbed onto the swing’s chains. I turned around. I couldn’t believe it: Yusef Brown was pushing me!

  I liked the way his hands felt against my back. And the rubber swing felt good up under my butt.

  Yusef grabbed the swing and brought it to a halt.

  “I heard about you.” Yusef bit back his bottom lip. He had what Grandma called laughing eyes.

  “Heard about me, what did you hear about me?” I asked, surprised. I wasn’t the kind of girl that boys usually heard about.

  “In class this morning, eighteen sixty-five.” Yusef burst out laughing.

  “Oh, that,” I said, not sure whether I now thought it was funny.

  “You cracked everybody up! ‘Eighteen sixty-six.’” Yusef laughed some more.

  I still wasn’t crazy about Yusef laughing at me, but I figured it beat being invisible.

  “Stop making fun of me.” I punched at his arm playfully.

  “Okay, okay.” He smiled, holding his arm. “Look, I wasn’t making fun of you. I just thought you was so cool counta the way you took it, didn’t get bent outta shape or nothing behind it. They said you was cool to the end, just said, ‘Around Valentine’s Day, Mr. Cox.’”

  “I have to really hand it to Willie Jean, though; she’s the one who whispered eighteen sixty-five.” I decided to go along with Yusef.

  “Yeah, that was really slick.”

  The afternoon bell rang and I picked up my stuff. I hoped that Yusef would walk me back to class. I wanted everybody to see us.

  “Oh, Stevie, they told me the reason you got into trouble in the first place was counta you was checking me out making jump shots in the hallway.” Yusef winked as we walked toward the building.

  “I suppose maybe I glanced out there once or twice. Who is ‘they’?”

  “That’s for me to know and for you to find out.” Yusef had the nerve to reach over and poke my nose. I felt so dizzy I could barely stand up. The halls were crowded with everybody rushing, but I hoped somebody had seen that. Yusef Brown had talked to me. Yusef Brown had pushed me in the swing. Yusef Brown had played with my nose! Yusef Brown was walking me to the classroom door, and all on accounta Willie Jean. Carla was never gonna believe this.

  I would always sit in that middle swing and I would only eat fried-bologna sandwiches in it. I smiled goodbye to Yusef and took my seat.

  It was afternoon recess and we were out on the playground. It was the first chance I’d had to talk to Carla about Yusef.

  “It was right here, he came up right behind me. You couldn’t have been gone more than five minutes. Just started pushing me.”

  “I can’t believe it, after all this time. Yusef talked to you and all on accounta her. Tell it to me again, I swear I can’t believe it.”

  “Carla, that’s what you said the first two times I told you.”

  Recess was over and I was back at my desk. I tried to sneak a peek at Yusef without being too obvious. I didn’t want to get into trouble with Mr. Cox again. I wondered if Yusef would start giving me the time of day from now on. Things could never go back to the way they were before, I told myself. I knew that my life would never be the same. I had half a mind to write a poem.

  “Stevie, Stevie!” It was Carla. “Girl, everybody done gone. Ain’t you heard the bell? School’s out.”

  “Oh.” I started grabbing my stuff. The afternoon had flown by or else I must’ve been in another world. I followed Carla out of the room.

  “Stevie.”

  I turned around, surprised to see Yusef standing in the hall, with his hands stuffed in his khaki pants.

  “Yeah, Yusef?”

  “Can I walk you home?”

  “Oh …”

  “Sure,” Carla finished my sentence. I guess she could see I was practically in a daze. “Stevie, y’all two go head on, I can catch up with some peoples.” She winked at me.

  I stumbled down the steps with Yusef walking on the outside. I had to grab hold of the banister on account of my weak condition. I felt like I’d died and gone to heaven, or at least like those women who used to be on Queen for a Day. I can’t believe it, I said to myself as we walked out into the sunshine. I just can’t believe it.

  Then I saw Roland coming toward me, like he’d come to wake me out of my dream. Oh, brother, I thought, I’d forgotten that I’d told him he could walk me home from school today. No way, there’s no way I’m gonna give up this heaven, I told myself. Maybe he’ll get the message; even he couldn’t be that stupid.

  “Hi, Stevie … Hi, Yusef.”

  “Hey, Roland.”

  “What’s happenin’, man,” Yusef said automatically.

  “Well, bye, Yusef, come on, Stevie, let’s go,” Roland had the nerve to say.

  I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it. He didn’t have the sense he was born with. If he messed this up he was gonna be sorry. I would hate him forever!

  “Oh, y’all got some sort of plans?” Yusef asked.

  “Yeah, Stevie and I are …”

  “Going to discuss a math problem later, on the telephone.” I grabbed Yusef’s arm and steered him away. “Bye, Roland, I’ll talk to you tonight on the phone.”

  I left Roland standing there with his mouth open. Surely even he had sense enough not to push things any further.

  “Slow down, Stevie, why you walking so fast?”

  “I always walk fast, it’s good exercise.”

  “Hold up, let me carry your books.”

  “Okay.” I slowed down; we were far enough away from Roland now.

  I felt so special walking with Yusef, I was waving to practically everybody. It seemed to me that all kinds of people were looking at me differently because I was with him. Yusef, who was wearing khaki pants and Converse All-Stars gym shoes, Yusef who’d rather walk home with me today than pitch pennies. Yusef who was now lighting a Kool cigarette and smoking it. I couldn’t believe I was walking down the street with a boy who had nerve enough to smoke a cigarette less than two blocks from the school. I just hoped we didn’t run into my mother or father.

  We were standing in front of my house. Yusef had put his cigarette out a block ago, thank goodness.

  “Well, I better be getting in. Thanks for walking me home.”

  “Sho,” Yusef handed me my books. “Well, see you later, alligator.”

  “In a while, crocodile.”

  I skipped up the stairs three at a time, I was so excited.

  I was watching TV with my brothers in the living room. Mama stood in the doorway. “Jean, telephone!”

  “Who is it?”

  “It’s Roland Anderson. Now get up and go to the phone.”


  “Mama, tell him I’m watching Andy Griffith.”

  “The show is over, Opie and Andy are carrying their fish home. Jean Eloise, if you don’t go to that phone, you better.”

  “All right,” I groaned. When Mama called me Jean Eloise she meant business. I wondered if mothers gave their children awful middle names just so they could torture them.

  I picked up the phone and sat down in an avocado high-backed kitchen chair.

  “Hi, Roland.”

  “What’s the meaning of what you did this afternoon?” I felt kind of taken aback: I wasn’t used to Roland coming on like gangbusters. I didn’t know he had it in him, to be honest.

  “Stevie, I really think that was rotten!” Roland continued.

  “Okay, okay, look I forgot that I said you could walk me home. I’m sorry. It just slipped my mind.”

  “Okay, let’s say you forgot, seeing how forgettable I am. When I reminded you, you could’ve at least had the decency to tell Yusef you’d made a mistake.” Roland’s voice was shaking.

  I felt bad, but at the same time I felt as if whatever way I went Roland was going to be hurt, sooner or later. I decided to get it over with.

  “Roland, I’m sorry, I mean you’re one of the nicest boys in our school. I know what I did was wrong in a way.”

  “In a way?” Roland cut in.

  “Yes, in a way, because you see, Roland, I did what I wanted to do. It might sound cold and maybe you can’t understand it, but I couldn’t pass up the chance to walk home with Yusef Brown just to walk home with you.”

  I bit my bottom lip, I hadn’t meant it to come out that way. I couldn’t hear anything on the other end. I wished Roland would say something, cuss me out, anything.

  “Roland, are you there? Roland, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I’m sorry.”

  “Stevie, I have homework to do. Goodbye.” I had never heard Roland sound so mad.

  “But, but,” I said as I heard the receiver click.

  I sat there with my mouth open. I didn’t know if I was happy or sad. I felt like they were both mixed in together. At least now maybe I could concentrate on Yusef. Nothing was in my way.

  It was the fourth day in a row that Yusef had waited to walk me home. Every time I’d seen him leaning up against the building, I had needed to convince myself that he was waiting for me. Carla was going crazy. She couldn’t believe that Yusef was up in my face every day either, but she was happy for me.