by Rhonda James
"You are a vision of beauty." I smiled, leaning down to kiss her non-tattooed cheek. I raised to give Rachel a quick hug and in doing so our cheeks brushed together, ever so slightly. I felt her shiver, and I hugged her abruptly, feeling slightly uncomfortable at being this close to another woman.
"I'm so glad that you're here." I stepped back, needing to put some distance between us. Dek was right. I needed to be careful. I'd missed Brooke so much that the touch of another woman felt too good. I realized how lonely I'd truly been. "Sarah's going to make sure that you get settled and have everything you need." I motioned for the intern to come over. "I mean it, if you need anything, just let her know." I offered a smile to Rachel before kneeling in front of Savannah. "I'll sing one for you okay kiddo? What's your favorite?" She thought for a moment before smiling and answering.
"Rain on Me." She grinned broadly, and for the first time I noticed that her front teeth had filled in.
"Hey, you've gotten your teeth back! Now you're officially grown up." I ruffled her hair. "Have fun. I'll see you after the show." I jogged off to find the guys. The movement made my shoulders ache. Yesterday Dek and I had gone a few rounds in the ring, working off some female-related frustrations. He'd really given me a workout. I rotated my arms a few more times, trying to work out the kinks. I needed to be fully mobile tonight. We always put on one hell of a show. I knew I would be sore tomorrow.
"There you are." Chris exclaimed as I made my way to where they were gathered. We had a ritual of gathering together for a pep talk before every show. "We were getting ready to start without you." He shook his head at my forgetfulness.
"Sorry. I was just helping Rachel and Savannah get settled in for the show. By the way, she made a special request for "Rain on Me" so we need to knock that one out of the park." I looked to Dek, whose guitar solo in that song had gotten the attention of some higher ups in the industry. Yeah. He was that good.
"You got it." He winked, knowingly.
"Okay guys, are we ready for this?" I began, just as we did at every gathering. We huddled together and got ourselves pumped and ready for another great show.
An hour into the show I addressed the audience.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have some very special guests in the audience tonight." The camera panned over the crowd, settling on Savannah and her mom, and their faces were instantly projected up on the big screen. When she realized that she was on the screen Savannah, being her outgoing self, gave a little wave to the crowd. The audience cheered loudly.
"I'd like you to help me welcome Savannah and Rachel! I met these two on a plane one afternoon, and as you can imagine, that sweet little face won me over. This is their first Paradox concert so help me make it one that they'll never forget, okay?" I implored. The crowd roared and screamed out words of welcome to the two of them. They both beamed at the support. "Savannah tells me that her favorite song is "Rain on Me." Is that anyone else's favorite?" Screams of "hell yea" filled the temporary silence. "I've got a little secret, it's one of our favorites too." The guys offered nods of affirmation. "This one's for you, my sweet Savannah." Dek plucked out the first few beats and the crowd went silent.
After the show there was the usual crowd of reporters and photographers. Tonight there was even a crowd from one of the major entertainment television shows. Their reporter had cornered Davis and requested a two-minute segment with the band and Savannah. They took a bunch of photos of me with Savannah, me with Rachel and Savannah, and the whole band surrounding them. The interviewer wanted a quick re-cap on how we'd met and what was next for the band. Everything happened so fast and then it was over.
Soon, we were saying our goodbyes and I promised to keep in touch. Before getting in the limo, Rachel turned and threw her arms around me, pressing her warm lips to mine. I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel nice, but it also didn't feel right. My heart staled on contact. I’d never intended for anything like this to happen. I wrapped an arm around her waist, hugging her back, and wished her the best. I told her if she ever needed anything, anything at all, to call me. I knew she wouldn't, but I wanted her to know that I would be there for Savannah.
They both waved goodbye and I was alone once again, but for the first time in nearly a month I felt happy.
That happiness ended when I saw the headlines of the entertainment section of the newspaper the next morning. I checked online and saw that the photos dominated most of the celebrity news pages. One in particular stood out among the rest.
One of Rachel in my arms and us kissing.
How would I ever explain that? I hadn't even kissed her back. I suddenly began to understand the meaning of the word karma.
And yes, it really was a bitch.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Brooke~
The drive to my mother’s house had taken less than an hour. She'd texted me directions last night, while at the same time informing me that she couldn't wait to see me and that she had so much to tell me. I pulled into the drive and followed the long, tree-lined stretch until I reached a large house tucked away beneath a large expanse of mature maple and oak trees. I stepped out of the car, taking in my surroundings, and retrieved my bag from the back seat. As I closed the door, I heard the front door open and my mother's voice trilled through the open air.
"Sweetheart. It's so good to see you. Come here and let me have a good look at you." She grabbed my hands in hers and held me at a distance. "My goodness, you are a vision. Look at you. You're so grown up." Tears filled her eyes and she awkwardly made a move to hug me. I took a deep breath and stepped forward, bridging the distance. Her arms wrapped around me, squeezing tightly, and before long I felt my own go up around her, and holding on for dear life. This is what I had longed for. All that I had wanted when I was growing up. I'd always been an affectionate child, and growing up in a household with parents that were workaholics hadn't done anything to fill my emotional tank. I remembered when I'd first met Sebastian's parents and how they had held me, and showered me with the love and affection I had been starving for throughout most of my life. I missed all of them, terribly, but right now I needed to be in the moment and enjoy the affection that I'd craved for so long. Now that I was getting it, I didn't want to let go.
After a few minutes, we both stepped back, reluctantly.
"Come in. Come in." Mom sniffed, wiping frantically at the tears on her cheeks. I followed her up the stairs and into the house.
I was immediately surrounded by warmth and a coziness I couldn't quite begin to describe. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt growing up. It seemed as if giving up her law practice had allowed her to finally be free to tap into who she truly was. I turned and took in all the décor. The walls were lined with photos and artwork. Rich, dark colors adorned the walls behind the them. I stepped further into the house and peered into the den. Large leather sofas filled the space, and a stone fireplace sat in the corner, the stonework ran all the way up the vaulted ceiling, creating quite a focal point for the room.
"You can look around. I want you to feel at home." She assured me with a warm smile. This was not the mother I had known growing up. At least, not the one I remembered her being.
I stepped down into the room and walked over to the closest sofa, running my hand over the cool leather. My heart clenched tightly, tears soon followed, pooling in the corners of my eyes. Mom watched me closely.
"What is it dear? Is it too much, too soon?" She asked, not knowing what had brought on my reaction.
"No Mom. It has nothing to do with being here. I was just reminded of someone very special. Someone I miss very much." I whispered.
"The young man you've been dating?" She tilted her head, giving me a questioning smile.
"You knew about that?"
"Of course I did, dear. It was all over the news there for awhile. What? Don't look at me like that. I follow the entertainment gossip." She quipped.
"Well, we're not together anymore. The media hasn't gotten ahold of that tidbit just yet
." I gripped the back of the sofa, my knuckles turning white.
"Here, come sit down. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Actually, that's one of the reasons I called you. That, and a few other things." I took a deep breath, holding it in for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. "Wow, this isn't as easy as I thought it would be."
"I know. There have been so many times I wanted to pick up the phone and try to reach you. I even dined in your restaurant once, just last year, but I chickened out before I found the nerve to confront you. There's something I need to tell you. It's not going to be easy to hear. Your father…" At that moment she was interrupted by the front door opening and a man calling her name.
I knew that voice.
But what was he doing here?
"Richard. You're home early." She swallowed, hard. Home? "I was just about to tell Brooke everything."
"Hello darling. It's good to see you again." He stood there staring at me. I didn't understand what was happening. These two hated one another when I was a teenager. My mother wouldn't even allow me to speak his name in her presence. Now they were living together? I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience.
"What's going on here?" I stood, looking between the two of them. "I don't understand."
"Brooke, sweetheart, please sit back down. I'm sure that this comes as a complete surprise to you. It even surprised us. Let us try to explain. Please." Mom pleaded. Part of me wanted to make a run for the door and drive away as fast as my car would take me. Another part of me longed to hear how it was that two people that had given up on one another could somehow find their way back to each other and find love again.
The latter part won out. I tentatively sat on the edge of the sofa, not fully committing to staying put. Not yet, anyhow.
"I know that this may come as quite a shock to you." Dad began. "This is what I wanted to tell you in London."
"What? After all this time you were just going to pop into my office and tell me that the parents who deserted me as a child were suddenly back in love and living happily ever after? I'm sorry, but I don't understand how this could even happen. You two hated each other."
"That's not entirely true." Dad countered.
"What do you mean?"
"I screwed up." Mom interjected. "It was my fault."
"Rebecca, you weren't the only one to blame." Dad admonished. I looked frantically between the two of them. My head was spinning.
"Brooke, please try to see it from our perspective. We were both young and very driven by our careers. I was especially determined to make a name for myself. When your dad and I first got married we never intended to start a family. We knew that we were both too selfish to offer you the kind of love and attention that you deserved. Never for one minute do we regret having you. If anything, you were the best thing to come out of that first union. But, when we were both forced to choose between family and career, we made the wrong choice."
I stood and began pacing. My mind racing with questions and angry feelings. I wandered aimlessly, back and forth across the wood floor, muttering to myself.
"We understand if you are angry." Dad stated.
"Do you?" I turned on him. "Do you really? Because I'm not sure you can even begin to comprehend what I'm feeling right now, Richard." I choked up. Dad reached for me but I pulled back. "Don't. I'm not ready for that. What happened between you two nearly destroyed me. I felt abandoned and confused. One day you left for work and never came home. Do you have any idea what that's like? How it felt like to be eleven years old and not know what happened to my daddy? For years I wasn't allowed to speak your name in the house. It was as if you'd died. For years I've wondered what I may have done to make you leave. And Mom," I turned my attention on her. "You left me to fend for myself." I huffed.
"I was there everyday. I took care of your basic needs." She stated, firmly.
"Yes, but I needed so much more than that. I needed my Mom. I needed someone there for me when I went through my first break-up, someone to help me plan for college. I needed love and affection. You offered none of that. Work was always the most important thing. It was that way for both of you. And you want to know the worst part of this? You've made it so that I'm the same way. It's all I knew growing up. Working hard to achieve your dreams. Never giving up on your goals. I had someone that loved me, more than anything else in this world, and I walked away because I made the wrong choice. Because growing up I never had a choice." I fell to the floor, bursting into tears. My body shook as the sobs rocked me. Mom and Dad joined me on the floor, holding me firmly between them. Before long, they were both crying with me. We remained that way for the longest time. It was the first time I could ever remember when nothing else mattered to them.
For the first time in my life, I was their first choice.
A few hours later, I woke in a dark room. After the crying had stopped, Dad carried me up to a bedroom where I had fallen asleep. The weight of the past few months had finally taken their toll on me. I padded my way to the bathroom to freshen up. Afterward, I made my way down to the kitchen, where I found them making dinner. I leaned quietly against the doorframe and observed as they went about the menial task of cutting vegetables. Music played softly in the background and Mom sweetly admonished Dad for slicing the onions when she had asked him to chop them. A country music tune came on and Dad silenced her by taking her in his arms and slowly swaying her across the floor. Her laughter filled the room and I was immediately taken back to a happier time, when I had been eight years old and I used to watch them dancing in the living room. I wiped a tear away and stepped into the room.
"Hey." I waved, shyly, taking a seat at the counter.
"Oh, hey sweetie. Are you feeling better?" Mom asked, coming over to my side.
"Yes, I do. I have a few more questions, if that's okay."
"Yes, of course. Anything." Dad offered.
"What made you get back together? After all this time?"
"Well, we actually started talking again about a year ago." My jaw dropped. I'd spoken to Mom last year and she hadn't offered any of this. "I know. I should have told you a long time ago. I just didn't know how to tell you. I wasn't even sure things would work out. We tried dating but things remained tense between us. It wasn't until I closed my practice that we decided to give it another try and get re-married."
"So, you walked away from something that you'd poured yourself into just so you could make your relationship work?" I asked, slightly confused. "I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound like the mother I remember. What made you feel that closing your practice was the answer?"
"It wasn't like that, Brooke. I didn't feel that I gave anything up. I just decided that I had placed my dreams before my happiness. At one time I thought they could go hand in hand, but I was wrong. I could never find a balance. Sometimes you change your path. I didn't walk away from anything. I just walked towards something better. And I'm happier now than I've even been." She moved into Dad's arms, looking up at him with loving eyes. "I knew that closing my practice was the right choice because it no longer made me happy. I stopped trying to seek affirmation from my job and my peers, and instead found it with your father. I only wish it hadn't taken me twenty-three years to figure that out."
I watched them, absorbing what she'd just said. Sebastian had written that he would walk away from his dream if I ever asked him to do so. I would never expect that of him. But he had never asked me to do that either. All this time I thought he wanted me to choose. I finally understood that all he ever wanted was for me to be willing to put him first. The willingness, not the action, was what told him that I wanted a life with him. And right then and there I realized that was exactly what I wanted.
I wanted my future to be spent with him, not a bunch of sweaty men in a hot kitchen. I would always have a connection with food, but my connection with Sebastian meant so much more. I needed to tell him that. I just didn't know how to convince him that I finally meant it.
"Dad, why
did you leave?"
"I'm afraid my answer isn't pretty. I was selfish. When I knew your mother wasn't willing to make me a priority I made the choice to walk away. I wasted twelve years of my life just to keep my pride. Re-connecting with your mother was the best decision I've ever made. Well, that, and coming to see you in London. Even though you wouldn't talk to me, just seeing you warmed my heart. I'm so sorry for the pain we've caused you. I know that we can never make up for lost time, but I hope that you can find a way to let us back into your life now. Maybe we can start over again." His eyes pleaded with me.
"It won't be easy, but I'd like to give it a try. I miss my family. The man I told you about, Sebastian, his family is wonderful and they are so close. They've welcomed me with open arms. I'm going to miss that…"
"Don’t say that sweetie." Dad came over and opened his arms to me. I stepped forward and lined my cheek up against his chest. He smelled nice. I remembered how I used to love snuggling with him as a child. He still smelled like the Ralph Lauren cologne he'd always worn.
I walked outside and sat on the porch swing, using the toe of my shoe to rock back and forth. I closed my eyes, listening to the sound of the birds chirping and the squirrels scampering about in the trees. It was very peaceful here. I found my mind drifting. Drifting to Sebastian, and how much I missed him. I found myself wondering what he may be doing right now, and if he was thinking of me.
Mom came out and joined me on the swing, patting my knee as she sat down.
“It’s so good to have you here. You father and I were just talking about all the time we've wasted. I still can’t believe how this day has turned out.”
“Yes, it has turned out a lot different that I’d expected.” I chortled. “It’s been good though.”
“It has been great to catch up. I’m just sorry that it took us so long to realize our mistakes. We’ve really missed out on a great deal of your life.” Mom placed her hand tentatively over mine. “I see a lot of myself in you. You’re strong and determined, and fiercely loyal. Those are all wonderful qualities to possess, but you need to be careful and know when to say enough is enough.”