What Doesn't Destroy Us

by M. N. Forgy

  “I love you, Shadow,” I whisper as my fingers trace the wound my father gave him. It brands Shadow as mine; a reminder of the price he paid in claiming me

  I wake to the sound of waves crashing and my stomach growling. I sit up, resting on my elbows, and look out the double doors at the setting sun. We must have slept for a few hours, at least. The bed is bare of any blankets or sheets and only a few pillows are left after Shadow made love to me. He was so caring and showed so much emotion. I rub my fingers over his cheeks, the stubble scratching against the pads. He looks so relaxed and carefree when he’s sleeping; so lovable and far from anything beastly in this moment.

  “Are you going to keep staring at me, because it’s kind of creepy,” Shadow slurs with a deep, sleepy voice.

  “Sorry, you look so cute when you’re sleeping.” I smile, earning a scoff from him.

  “Yeah, well, this bed is really fucking comfortable.” Shadow sits up with sleepy eyes and looks out the double doors. His body is still naked and as delicious as ever. I can’t help but sweep my eyes over it. I look back at Shadow and he has the sexiest smirk on his face. Caught in my eye-fucking, I smile and turn my gaze out to the sunset.

  “Yeah, it is very comfortable. This whole place is really nice.” I'm still unsure how Shadow can afford it. Where did the stacks of money he gave Mr. White come from?

  “But what?” Shadow asks, sensing my tension.

  “How can you afford it?” I look over at Shadow who is rubbing his hands over his face in irritation.

  “I saw you hand that cash over to Mr. White outside,” I admit. Shadow drops his hands and looks at me with shock and confusion.

  He looks out at the ocean again. His body, once relaxed and carefree, is now as stiff as a board. I sense that he doesn’t want to tell me. He may love me, but he doesn’t trust me.

  “Ah, you still don’t trust me.”

  “It’s not because I don’t want to, Dani.” He looks at me, brushing a hair behind my ear. “If it means anything, I trust you more today than I did yesterday. It’s just going to take time.” He cups my face and brings me close.

  “You have to let me in to trust me, Shadow,” I release with a heavy breath.

  “I promise I will tell you everything before we leave. I just... I just want to enjoy this week with you, in case the truth does make you leave.” His face grows with sorrow and uncertainty. Why does he think I’m going to leave him, is it that bad? The thought that it’s something dangerous, or even enough to put myself in danger, scares me because I know no matter what that I won’t leave Shadow. I’m too in love with him. I would rather fall into the flames of hell with him, than be without him.

  I grab the back of Shadow's head and bring his lips a hair's breadth away from mine. “I’m not going anywhere, Shadow,” I whisper, my lips brushing his.

  “That fire the lives so deep within you, that fire that makes you my Firefly, I’m afraid my darkness will snuff it out; take you under and make you someone different.” His lips brush against mine in confession, his eyes digging deep into mine.

  “Fireflies can’t live without the dark,” I respond.

  Shadow crashes his lips with mine; both of us on our knees and naked. The sea breeze wisps in and surrounds us, making us whole.

  “Oh, shit, so sorry!” Rudy’s voice sounds from the double doors. I jump out of Shadow's embrace and scurry to the floor for sheets. Shadow chuckles at my embarrassment, so confident he doesn’t even cover himself.

  “What do you want?” Shadow asks Rudy.

  “I’m here to make dinner.” Rudy looks out to the patio, trying to avoid Shadow's naked ass.

  “Come back in the morning; my girl’s making me some of that spaghetti of hers.”

  I look up at Shadow from the floor, a smile wide across his face. I could get used to this.

  -------------------------------------

  The night went just as beautifully as the day. We stayed naked all night, even while I cooked spaghetti. Dinner was delicious and Shadow admitted my sauce was the best.

  “Goddamn, this is so good,” he said between bites.

  “I thought you didn’t like it?” I tease, taking a small bite.

  “Oh, I loved it that night just as much as tonight,” he confesses, taking another man-sized bite.

  -------------------------------------

  After Rudy came and made breakfast, I decide to go for a quick shower. Between the heat and the sex with Shadow, I need it. The bathroom is big and beautiful. The counter is a shade of green marble that matches the house, and the garden tub is big enough for a family. Although a soak in the tub calls to me, I climb into the separate stall for a quick shower.

  I leave the bathroom and look for Shadow. “Shadow?” I yell into the beach house.

  I hear a curse come from out front and make my way up the path toward the car.

  I hear the hood of the car slam and watch a greasy Shadow turn.

  He’s wearing torn jeans that hang low on his hips and that’s it; no socks or shoes, no shirt. He has grease on his chest and all over his hands. His body is glistening with sweat and his muscles are flexed. My mouth instantly parts; his dirty state playing havoc on my senses.

  Shadow wipes the sweat off his forehead with his arm and causes a streak of grease to spread. Dear God, give me strength.

  “Hey, I was just messing with the car. The timing seems off to me.” He walks toward me, his muscles dancing with sweat and grease. As soon as he’s in reach, I jump on him, wrapping my legs and arms around him tightly. His grease spreads across me. I claim his lips with mine, begging him to take me right here on the hood of his car.

  “Shit, sorry!” Shadow turns us to confront a red-faced Rudy on the pathway. This guy is really starting to get annoying.

  “What?” Shadow yells at him.

  “I was just wondering if you guys had any preference for lunch today.” He says, eyeing me.

  “No.” Shadow declares, turning his back on Rudy and dismissing him.

  “Is it just me, or does it seem like he is purposely interrupting us”? I ask as Shadow slides me down his body to my feet.

  “No, it's not just you.” Shadow looks back over his shoulder to where Rudy was standing a moment ago, his face dripping anger.

  “I think I’m going to jump in the shower, babe.” He brushes past me, his anger vibrating off him. Thanks, Rudy; thanks a lot.

  In the bedroom, I dig into my bag and find the green swim suit. The top is barely enough to hold the girls in place and the bottom is tight and snug. Maybe this will get his mind off of Rudy and onto me.

  -------------------------------------

  I wrap the towel around my waist and shuffle out of the bathroom to find Dani. The weather is warm and humid as it blows through the double doors; it smells like rain. Since Dani and I arrived everything has been peaceful; no club, no junkie mother, nothing annoying except for this Rudy fucker. He clearly has a thing for Dani as every time he’s around he just stares at her. It’s not lost on me that a guy like Rudy is probably more of Dani’s type, even closer in age. The mere fact of it pisses me off.

  I want to make this trip meaningful for Dani; show her I can care for her at least. Trusting is a little more complicated, but even if it kills me, I'll show her I can trust her, too.

  I find Dani sprawled out on a sun lounger; her body glistening with beads of sweat and the smell of coconut fills the air. She’s wearing a small bikini and fuck me if I’m not hard as a rock. Her breasts are playing peek-a-boo with little green triangles, and the bottom is so tight I’m dying to see her ass in it.

  “Fuck me,” I breathe out in admiration.

  Dani’s eyes shoot open and she smiles devilishly.

  “Why me, Dani?” I ask, the insecurities playing with my mind. Fuck Rudy.

  She looks stunned by my question.

  She looks out at the view then back at me, “Why not you, Shadow?” Her words make me feel like I’m just as good a person as a
ny.

  “Because of my lifestyle; because of who I am.” I sit in the sun lounger next to her.

  “You haven't told me everything, but what I do know of you, I love.” She smiles. ”But most of all, it’s how you make me feel. You knocked down my walls of suffering, showed me how to live, helped me figure out who I really am inside and out.”

  I fake a smile for her. Her confession is endearing, truly, but it doesn’t mean shit. Not until I tell her everything, then we'll see if she’s singing the same tune.

  “The things I have done and felt since I have been here are all new to me, yet feel so familiar.” She looks back out at the horizon, the clouds of dark gray fighting with the sky of light blue.

  “Shadow, since we're being honest, why did you push me away?” Her question knocks the wind from my lungs. I know why I pushed her away, but my explanation makes me sound like a pussy. What do I say; because it hurts more to be without you; that I was trying to prove I didn’t need you to live freely, to feel; that I was trying to protect you from the fucking beast that pounds at my chest when it needs a fix?

  “And why did you change your mind and bring me here?” she asks deeply.

  “Because I’m selfish.” Her eyes go wide, then scowl. It’s the truth, though.

  “If I cared at all about you, I would have pushed you away in the beginning. I wouldn’t have let you get involved with a guy like me, but I’m selfish. I want you to myself; I want to make you mine.” I bite my bottom lip in frustration. “Your innocence attracted me, your defiance tempted me,” I confess.

  Dani straddles my lap, cups my face and kisses me passionately. “I love you and I’m not going anywhere.”

  -------------------------------------

  After laying out in the sun for a few hours, thunder roars from above and dark clouds threaten to pour rain.

  “Let’s get inside,” I tell Dani.

  “Hey guys, looks like a storm is coming in,” Rudy says, stepping onto the patio. “Sorry about lunch. I forgot and figured you guys could make do.” He winks at Dani as he eyes her body in her barely-there bikini.

  On top of him looking at my girl, his ignorance and shitty service have finally hit my last nerve. I want him nowhere near Dani. “Go home, Rudy, we don’t need your services anymore.” I throw my hand out at him, dismissing him, as we make our way into the beach house. Thunder roars above, the light around us dim from the dark clouds.

  “Excuse me?” he asks, stunned.

  I stop in my tracks and turn to glare at him. “I said fuck off!” I say with force.

  “You think you scare me?” he quips. Apparently this fucker has a death wish. If he knew what I was capable of, he would be smart to be scared of me.

  He puffs his chest out, “I saw the bruises on her ribs.” He points at Dani. “She deserves better than you.”

  Reaching my limit, I stride over to him. The shithead trembles under my stare. I know I will never be good enough for Dani, but what really pisses me off is that this Momma’s boy thinks he is. He thinks he has the right to judge me.

  “You're just-“ before he finishes his sentence, I slam my fist into the side of his mouth. The force drops him to the ground in one steady motion.

  “Shadow!” Dani yells from behind me.

  “Go inside, Dani.” I point toward the doors; she has to learn when to keep her mouth shut. If this was a situation within the club and she spoke out of turn, it could get her killed.

  I flex my fist; the sting from the impact radiates through my bones.

  Rudy looks up at me through teary eyes, cupping his jaw.

  “You’ll live if you stay the fuck down!”

  I grab Dani’s hand and take her inside. I throw her on the bed as the darkness consumes the room. I lower my body over hers, our passions as fierce as the storm.

  She grabs me by the shoulders and rolls us over to where she's on top. Her action to take charge makes my dick so hard it hurts. I untie the dainty strings holding her bikini top together. The room is so dark, I feel it fall rather than see it. I find her hips and untie those as well.

  Her hand trails down my stomach to my shorts. She shoves her hand in them and forcefully fists my dick. She leans down and starts pecking my stomach with those sweet lips; her nipples gliding across my abdomen. My dick can't get any harder than it already is.

  I start to shuffle out of my shorts, the urgency to be inside of her taking over. Lightning strikes and lights up the room briefly; enough for me to see the lustful state Dani is in. Her long hair is pulled to the left side of her shoulders; her bottom lip is sucked in beneath her teeth; her tits are perky and ready for my rough hands. I grab her breasts, greedy for contact, making her head fall back. I grab her by the hips, lift her and impale her with my throbbing erection.

  “Oh, Shadow,” she moans loudly, her sweet voice making me groan. Her pussy is wet and warm, hugging my dick tightly.

  She starts to rock her hips, but I can’t take the painfully slow rhythm she’s taking. I have to have her now; all of her. I grab her hips and lift and lower her body into my thrusts. She plants a hand down on my chest to steady herself as the other grabs one of her nipples. The image of her playing with herself makes me about to bust a nut. I dig my fingers into her hips and throw her under me. Taking charge, I piston my hips in and out of her trying to find that sweet release she brings.

  Her nails dig deep into my shoulders as her pussy clenches with pleasure, her body’s warning that she’s on the brink of orgasm.

  I grab her thighs to pull her closer, wanting to be deeper inside. She lifts her leg from my hip and puts it on my shoulder, letting my dick slide deep inside and hitting the back of her. She sighs loudly with every blow. I feel my balls squeeze as my release begins to stack within. My thrusts become harder; my breathing harsher. My energy makes it hard for Dani to hold on and she takes her leg down to wrap them both around my waist. Lightning strikes again, giving me a glimpse of Dani’s beautiful face; her face nothing but an image of pleasure. The prickling sensation enters the head of my dick; the warm vibration radiating through my balls. I moan as my orgasm hits its peak. She moans with me as her pussy clenches hard. I feel a sudden sting on my shoulder as Dani bites down, making my release heighten. The sensation is almost too much to take. I bite down on her shoulder to return the favor.

  I watch Dani sleep; confused at how this girl has me feeling things I have never wanted to feel for another. It would kill me if she left. It’s in this moment I realize I need to make Dani mine permanently. If I own her, she can never leave, even if she wants to, thanks to the laws of the club.

  -------------------------------------

  I wake in the middle of the night to an empty bed. Sitting up, I see Shadow standing at the double doors as the storm continues.

  “Shadow?”

  He turns and smiles as he brings his naked self back to the bed. His blue eyes meet my green eyes with a flare of intensity.

  “What?” I ask, sensing something is off.

  “Be my Ol' Lady,” he asks, throwing me for a loop. I hesitate.

  “I want to give you the opportunity to say yes, but it’s not needed.” His tone is serious and somber as he says the words. What does that mean?

  What does being his Ol’ Lady entail exactly? I have seen the things Babs goes through, but I know she is treated different than others. I haven’t really seen any other Ol' Ladies around the club, yet, to get a feel of what they do exactly.

  “I’m not sure what an Ol’ Lady does. I don’t know if I would be a good one,” I confess.

  “It means I protect you; that the club protects you. You’re my family, as well as the club's. You’ll wear a cut that says you're my property and as long as you follow the club laws, you’ll be fine,” he says, kissing my forehead.

  “Laws?” I whisper. I have heard of these laws here and there. I've even broken one and didn’t know it.

  “Yes, laws.” He runs his hands over his jaw pausing at his mouth and r
unning his thumb over his bottom lip.

  “As a motorcycle club, we have our own laws, our own way of life. We make and follow our own rules. Those who break the rules deal with our way of justice. The laws for Ol' Ladies: a brother decides who his Ol’ Lady is; the woman doesn’t get a say. Some women become property against their wills. The woman is not allowed out of her role as an Ol' Lady until a brother says he’s done with her.” He stares at me, trying to read my expression. He chants the words as if he is reading a bible ingrained in his brain.

  “You’ll learn them as you go; it’s common sense really.”

  I sit on the bed taking in everything he says; laws, property, against their wills. It is all reeling through my head, making me second guess the excitement of being an Ol' Lady. Is this why Babs puts up with Locks; because she can’t leave?

  I’m suddenly ripped from my thoughts when Shadow crawls up my body like a sleek snake. He bites, nips, sucks, and kisses his way up my torso until we are face to face.

  “You're mine, Dani. You knew that already, don’t over think it.” Before I can say otherwise, he smashes his lips onto mine, his sinful mouth claiming his property. What would arguing do anyway? He's made it clear the woman gets no say. I know Shadow is different, though; when Locks went on his woman-hating rant at the garage, Shadow assured me he was different.

  The next two days are erotically, sinfully sweet. Shadow and I don't leave the house in two days. More like, Shadow won't let me leave the house. In-between fuck sessions is eating, sleeping, or showering. It is animalistic, sexy, and beyond the most pleasurable thing I have ever experienced.

  Shadow confirming I am his Ol' Lady set a fire in his eyes I haven’t seen before. Finally sealing the deal of me being his property seems to make him more at ease; he is playful and less dark, yet more sexual.

  I don't let myself think too deeply on becoming his property and the laws of it. I knew I was owned by Shadow when I fell in love with him. I feel the walls surrounding our trust breaking down. I give my body in every way he wants it in these two days; not asking why, not caring why. I am his, he is mine.