by K Larsen
“Hey sleepyhead,” he grins. “Did you sleep well?”
“Holy crap did I ever. What the hell did you do to that bed to make it so amazing?” I gush and he laughs loudly at my enthusiasm while sliding me a mug of coffee.
“Glad it was up to your standards, Ms. Lord,” he playfully teases. “Come to Me” wafts through the invisible speakers throughout the house as we eat our breakfast, and our no-touching rule suddenly seems too hard to follow. Every time his fingers brush mine I feel like I’ve been set on fire. His eyes constantly find mine and the emotion behind them lets me know that he’s fighting all the same urges I am. Our day is spent languidly snuggling on the deck, soaking up the sun and talking quietly. Each bump of his shoulder, each time his leg grazes mine, each lustful look he shoots me sends me further towards the brink of breaking all our rules.
We’re lying side by side, thighs pressed against each other in our bathing suits. His leg shifts slightly, rubbing against mine and spreading heat through my body at the sensation. Nina Simone’s soulful voice filters through the air softly around us. I stifle the moan that threatens to escape me and shift in my lounge chair slightly. Chancing a glance at Dom, I take in his strong jaw, that thick, black hair, his amazing chiseled features and equally stunning chiseled physique and lose my breath for a moment. I want nothing more than to run my fingers over every ridge of his sculpted abs. I quickly divert my eyes and close them, letting the warm Virginia breeze blow over me. It does nothing to cool me down but there’s not much I can do at this point but breathe through the need I feel.
A warm hand slides between my hair and the lounge chair and curls around my neck,squeezing gently. I don’t dare open my eyes as I feel him shift in his seat. His other hand slides to my jaw, to my neck, and curls there with the other one. His thumbs sweep along my jaw as I let out a ragged breath. Then his lips hit mine and he murmurs, “Beautiful,” in a low timbre that sends a shocking current straight between my legs. My body, acting on its own accord, arches beneath him as his mouth explores mine. Trailing kisses down my jaw, neck, between my breasts, he teases my stomach with nips and licks. By the time he reaches down and hooks my bikini bottom with his fingers, the little gasping noises I’m making sound foreign to me. He tugs my bottoms off and slides back up my body, his erection pressing into me like a lead pipe. By the time his hands reach between my legs we’re a wild tangle of grasping and groping. I tug on his hair, lifting his mouth from me. His eyes are stormy dark with passion. “Foreplay’s great and all,” I rasp, “but if you don’t fuck me in the next second I’m going to die.” I watch his eyes turn black before he pushes himself up in a push-up, positioning himself at my entrance. I hitch my hips up and he slides in. He stills as I gasp at the feel of him. His lips twitch and he starts wildly thrusting. My hips buck uncontrollably and I swear I’m going to burn up and explode. My breathing gets choppy as I start violently trembling. When Dom growls like a feral dog I come apart around him with a cry. His pace picks up momentarily as I drag my nails down his back. When I grab onto his ass he thrusts deep and shatters with a grunt. He presses his face into the curve of my neck and sucks the skin between his teeth.
“So much for no touching,” I snort.
“You half-naked, glistening in the sun is enough to make any man break all the rules,” he murmurs into my ear.
“Oh?” I tease.
“You could be used as a form of torture, Clara.” At his words goose bumps break out along my arms. We stay tangled for a long time enjoying each other’s light caresses. A little after two we head inside to shower, change, and make a late lunch.
“Can I ask you something without you jumping down my throat?” he asks as I chew a bite of sandwich. I nod my head yes and wait.
“Why did Alexandria call you Jade?” He stares at me as I swallow the enormous lump that suddenly appeared in my throat.
“I don't know,” I say a little too quickly.
“Clara, please. Don’t lie to me.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I mumble, hoping he will drop it.
“Okay. Why did Daniel Hollingsworth scare the shit out of you?” he asks. I drag a hand through my hair and squeeze my eyes shut. “You can trust me, Clara.” His words sound sincere but I’m not convinced.
“Dom. Sawyer was the last person I shared with and it took him two years to drag it out of me. I’m just not ready to talk about that.” He looks disappointed in my choice.
“Clara, either we’re honest with each other and giving us a shot or we’re not.”
My brain screams to shut down and push him out like every other time, but my heart urges me to finally let someone else in. I’m at war with myself and I don’t know who to let win this time.
“Daniel Hollingsworth is Allie's father,” I blurt. Saying it out loud after so long momentarily feels like a relief until I look to Dom. I watch as shock rips through him then changes to disbelief. I continue. “I know you're capable of discretion so listen closely. Allie does not know who her father is and Daniel has no idea that he has a daughter. It needs to stay that way.”
He gapes at me.
“How can you possibly say that? I've known Daniel since we were in college. Something like that wouldn’t have stayed quiet.”
“Then I suppose you know he was engaged,” I quip, uninterested in playing the he-said-she-said game with him. Dom snorts.
“Yes and the little whore pawned the family ring and disappeared into the wind. It was the gossip of the year,” he recaps for me.
“I’d appreciate it if you didn't refer to me as a whore,” I mutter. My eyes blaze defiance as my gaze meets his.
I stick out my hand to him. “Hello, Dominic. It’s a pleasure to meet you. My friends call me Clara but my parents named me Jade,” I reply flippantly. I know I’m bordering on defensive but I can’t help it.
“Jesus Christ,” he breathes.
“I didn't pawn the ring for shits and giggles. It was necessary to my safety,” I explain. “I’m sure since you’re so close with Daniel that you’ve witnessed or heard how he treats his women,” I sneer, unable to control my emotions any longer. It only takes a moment for understanding to dawn on Dominic but when it hits it pleases me.
“He swept me off my feet. It really was a whirlwind romance. I was young, stupid, and a nobody. I’m sure you can understand the draw of someone like him to someone like me. It started out innocent enough; over the first year we dated he groomed me to be...socially acceptable. From there he let me know in no uncertain terms what my duties were to be for dating a man of his standing. I excelled and performed perfectly and was rewarded with the engagement ring. Once the date was set he started sleeping around. It broke my heart but I stayed. I thought I had to endure that to be with him. When I questioned it I was rewarded with a fat lip, so I learned to keep my mouth shut.” Dominic looks sick but I’m not going to leave out details to spare him, why should I? “He gave me syphilis for Christ’s sake. He wanted me to pursue work in graphic design as my degree dictated but I wanted to apprentice with Miller. I went behind his back to do it. When he found out what I was doing I ended up being treated for a broken rib. Tattoo artists have no place in high society you know,” I say flatly, remembering all the shit Daniel put me through. “I had been sick. Amanda came to take care of me and asked if I could be pregnant. She made me take a test and of course, it was positive. I couldn't bring a child into that world, into his world. I left a note and took off. I went to Marg’s and hid out for three days. We pawned the ring so I would have money, Dom. I needed money to get away and I had nothing. He broke down her door in the middle of the night and took me home where he locked me in my suite for two days so I’d learn my place. No one leaves Daniel Hollingsworth, especially someone like me. How would it look?” I give my best Daniel impersonation.
“The third day we had brunch with his parents at the country club. We were walking down the stairs when he noticed the ring wasn't on my finger. He asked me to put it on--fo
r appearances. When I told him I couldn't because I didn't have it, he lost it. He asked where it was and I screamed at him and told him I hocked it. He shook me so hard.” I shudder at the memory. “He just kept shaking me and screaming. When he let go it was so sudden that I lost my footing. I think I hit every goddamned marble stair on the way down. I could barely breathe, Dom. Everything hurt so much. He looked horrified for about ten seconds but do you know what he did?” I ask, knowing I won't get an answer. He sits unmoving waiting for me to finish. “He descended the stairs, stepped over me, told me he would just tell his parents I wasn’t feeling well, and left.” Tears flow freely down my cheeks again as I relive one of the worst moments of my life. “I picked myself up and somehow made it to Amanda’s. I took the money from the ring, changed my name and disappeared. That first month alone was the worst. I was so scared. I had no idea if the baby was all right and I couldn’t talk to Marg or Amanda because I knew Daniel would go to them to find me. Allie was born a month early, but healthy, and I never looked back. We moved at least twice a year until I met Sawyer. He fixed me, Dom. He saved us, and everything was great until you showed up.” I sniffle and wipe my eyes.
Dom’s hand is wrapped around mine. He tugs me into his chest and holds me tight while tears stream down my face. “If he knew...what if he took Allie?” I mumble into his chest as my own heaves with sobs.
“He won’t know,” Dom says sternly. “Why didn’t you tell me? It all makes sense now. I would have understood why you didn't want to publicly be seen with me.” He sounds remorseful at the little exposure we’ve had together.
“I’ve got more baggage than a 767. I didn't intend on developing feelings for you,” I say honestly. “I never wanted another man from Daniel's world, and you are. I know it’s stupid to think you’re all the same but I convinced myself of it to protect myself.” Dom groans and squeezes me tighter to him.
“Jesus, no wonder Sawyer hates me. Not only is he in love with you but he’s had all the facts.” Right then I wish I could agree with him but it’s not the truth. No one but me knows all the facts. I clamp my mouth shut and nod silent agreement into his chest.
“Dom, there are three people who know and I trust them with Allie’s life. If anything happens between us I need to know that you’ll keep your trap shut,” I say a little defensively and I instantly wish I could correct my tone.
“I’m not a monster, Clara. I wouldn't jeopardize a little girl's life just because you and I didn't work out,” he clips.
“I’m sorry. I just have to be sure,” I say gently.
“I guess I can understand that.”
The rest of our day is filled with lazy love making, snuggling, and quiet chatter. As the day comes to a close, we lie in the master suite together drifting in and out of sleep, his arms wrapped tightly around me. I’ve never felt so safe before and it makes me panic slightly. I can’t afford to really let my guard down completely...can I?
Heartbreak Hussy
The sky is overcast on Wednesday, which complements my mood. Dom loads my suitcase into the car and drives us away from the gorgeous lake house that I never want to leave. As it shrinks in the distance I turn to him.
“I totally forgot about my car, it’s at the airport parking lot.” I smack my forehead on the window.
“It’s been taken care of. My driver is meeting us at a rest stop with your car.”
“Oh. Thanks,” I say sullenly. “Dom.”
“Yes?”
“I need a couple weeks to sort everything out with Sawyer and make sure Allie adjusts. We can text or call but I don't think we should see each other until I’m sure Allie’s settled.”
“Whatever you think is best,” he returns, surprising me.
“You aren’t mad?”
“Why would I be mad? Clara, you have a daughter who comes first. I can wait a month if it means everything works out smoothly.” He smiles, taking my hand in his and squeezing it.
“Okay. I just wasn't sure you’d understand,” I admit.
“I’m capable of feelings. I thought after the last couple days I’d have proven that to you.”
“Yes. You have. I like the lake house, Dom, much better than the arrogant mogul one.” I laugh a little.
“Please, don’t hold back for my sake,” he quips.
“Honesty is the best policy?” I try. He chuckles at me and pulls into a rest stop.
“Here we are.”
“Oh, that was fast,” I mumble. Dom moves my bag from his car to mine and opens my door for me.
“I’m glad you stalked me,” he murmurs against my lips before kissing me tenderly.
“Me too.” Taking his face between my hands, I kiss him feverishly, wishing that I wasn't about to drive home into the mess that was waiting for me.
“Bye, Clara,” he says, pushing me away, gently. I dip into my car and start the engine as he closes the door and waves.
Putting the car in drive and actually making the drive home was torturous. Arriving at the house, it’s just after one. Allie will be home from school in two hours or so. Sawyer’s motorcycle is parked in the driveway. Ignoring my bag, I exit the car and head into the house. Sawyer sits on the couch, head in his hands and doubled over.
“Hi,” I call softly as I look around. The house is a disaster, dirty clothes are strewn all over the floor, take-out containers litter the coffee table, and the entryway is covered in shoes. His head snaps up. He looks pissed. More pissed than I’ve ever seen him.
“Were you with him?” he barks at me.
“Yes,” I mumble.
“Does he know?”
“Yes.”
“How could you Clara?” he shouts and stands.
“Sawyer, we both knew this was coming. I don’t love you like that.” I try to keep my voice steady and firm.
“Really, Clara? That’s the line you’re going to use?” he snorts. “I’ve given you five years of my life. I’ve raised Allie, loved her, loved you! Does he even know you? Does he know Allie hates tomatoes or how to braid her hair? Does he know you hate mushrooms or how you take your coffee? Does he?!” he booms. My bottom lip starts to tremble and I can feel my eyes welling with tears.
“That’s not fair. He deserves the chance to learn all those things,” I cry out. “I don’t love you like him.” He stumbles a step backwards as if my words physically slapped him. “Sawyer, please... let me go.” His crazy blue eyes darken and he stalks to where I am. He pounds his hands on the wall on either side of my head, trapping me.
“Let you go?” he snarls. “I’ve supported you. I’ve loved you, I’ve cared for you and been there for everything. I’ve given up so much to just to stand by your side,” he hisses.
“I never asked you to do that,” I snap.
“You never asked me?!” he shouts, offended. “Tell me, Clara, does he know you like it rough?” he growls and leans into my face. “Does he know how much you like to be dominated and thrown around?” His hands slide up my arms, hooking my jaw tightly. My breath hitches and I struggle for air. “Does he do it better than I do?” he seethes, a whisper from my mouth.
“Stop,” I cry.
“Stop?” he barks. “Why? You never stopped for a second to think about me. Or Allie for that matter! Who the fuck takes off for a week and leaves her kid?!” I recoil from him. Each word that leaves his mouth feels like a punch to the gut. “You’re a liar and a bitch.” He releases my face and punches a hole in the wall next to my head before storming upstairs to his room. The door slams shut with such force that pictures in the hallway clatter to the ground and shatter.
A sob rips through me as I slide down the wall into a heap on the floor. Everything he says is true. I’m a disaster and always have been. He’s been the only thing holding me together for so long that I’m not sure how to live without him. I’ve used him selfishly for years knowing that he wanted more, then I promise it to him and fuck it all up, hurting him more. I push up and dart up the stairs to his door. I hesitate bef
ore opening it, wondering if I should just let him cool off, but decide that this time we have to deal with this head on.
“Sawyer...” I call as I step into his room.
“You’re right,” he answers.
“Huh?”
“You never asked me. I just gave and gave, hoping that you’d return my feelings.”
I crawl onto the bed with him and lay next to him, staring up at the ceiling.
“I’m so sorry. I never expected this,” I murmur. His hand finds mine and grabs it, holding on tightly.
“What are we going to do?” he asks, still not looking me in the eye.
“I can move out...” I start.
“No!” he cuts me off. “You and Allie stay in the house. Please don’t uproot her because of me.”
“Where will you go?” I ask quietly.
“I’ll find a place to rent.”
“What about Bloodlines?” I hedge.
“We’ll figure out a way to work together all right? I just need some time,” he comforts me even though I don’t deserve it. Even though I should be comforting him.
“You and Allie will always be my girls,” he mumbles and another sob tears through me.
“Sawyer, I don't want you out of our lives...I just want to be friends and free to fall in love.”
“We’ll get there. Consider yourself free,” he mutters and rolls off the bed. “I’m going for a ride. We need to tell Allie tonight,” he clips, walking out and leaving me a bumbling idiot curled up on his bed.
Allie gets home and immediately knows there's something wrong. She badgers me for information but I tell her that everything's fine and that we need to have a family meeting tonight when Sawyer gets home. When Sawyer returns, all hell breaks loose. Allie breaks down sobbing and tells me she hates me and wants to live with Sawyer. When I try to run after her Sawyer grabs my wrist and tells me to let her go. The tension in the house is palpable for the rest of the evening. Sawyer and I talk a little about Allie and eventually decide that she can stay with him every other weekend. He doesn't have to do it. He doesn't owe us anything and he’s not her father, but this is feeling more and more like a divorce. I know it needs to happen. I can't string Sawyer along forever and the more time I spend with Dom, the more I think I’m falling in love with him. I’m just not good at the messy part of relationships. I avoid feelings like the plague and this is seriously throwing me.