by K Larsen
Seven days later a moving truck sits in our--my--driveway, loading up Sawyer's things to move them a few miles down the road to his new apartment. He rented a two bedroom so that Allie would have her own room there, and when he told her he would take her out to buy whatever she wanted to decorate it, I had broken down in tears. How could I not have fallen in love with this man? Something in me must be very, very broken. Sawyer and I have worked out a schedule for the time being at the shop. He takes all afternoon appointments and I take the mornings. I’m home every afternoon for Allie.
Allie hates me. She barely talks to me lately. If I manage to get a smile from her I feel like it’s a good day. She’s too little to understand all the crazy things that come with being an adult and with love. She admits that she likes Dom but that she wants to hate him now because he hurt Sawyer. I tried explaining that I hurt Sawyer, not Dom, but it’s a lost cause at the moment. She’s loyal to Sawyer in the most insane way and I don't want that to change. She needs him and he needs her.
Dom, true to his word, makes no attempt to see me or guilt me. He patiently listens to all my ramblings and crying jags about Sawyer and Allie and offers advice or comfort where he can. He texts me every morning with a “wake up beautiful” text and every night I get a “sweet dreams” text regardless of whether or not we talked during the day. I want to see him, to feel his arms holding me, but I know that right now, I have to be on the back burner. Allie deserves all my attention and focus no matter how hard it is.
By the end of the month things have improved dramatically. Sawyer had a talk with Allie during one of his weekends, explaining that he loved her always and that I needed to have a chance to find love and be happy, but that it wouldn't ever take him away from her. He said that it was important that she still love her mom because she will only ever get one. Somehow his words hit home and she slowly started to morph back into the loving happy little girl we raised.
At the end of month two I finally let Dom start coming around on Allie’s weekends at Sawyer’s. We stay in mostly so that we don’t run into Sawyer or Allie. He doesn't seem to mind. It’s good. We end up learning a lot about each other just hanging out at home. He’s an amazing cook and has good taste in music. We’re slowly picking up on each other’s pet peeves. He’s into everything I say, always concentrating on me. It’s like every word that pours from my mouth was a puzzle piece that would somehow lead him to the full Clara picture, and he didn't want to miss one. Our time together is easy and fun and provides a good break from the tension that still exists daily between Sawyer, Allie, and me. I know that five years can't be erased and glossed over quickly, that the three of us will need to take every day as it comes and work out the kinks until we’re all healed and able to function in our new roles.
It helps that he can distract me like no other. He can do a lot of things with his hands, his mouth, and other parts of him that are mind blowing, but even if he only ever kissed me for the rest of time I’d live.
Settle In
As the months pass, Dom and I fold Allie into our world and she smiles more and more until she’s finally just my Allie again. I notice over time that Dom slowly has built my trust in him. He’s protective and thoughtful. He hates, ironically, that Allie and I are home alone at night. Whenever he visits he always checks the house and instructs us to lock the doors when he leaves. He never sleeps over when Allie’s home. His consideration for her surprises me. No matter if our days took us separate ways, when we could we slept together, and if we couldn't, he never missed a goodnight text or call. He's bossy and I’m a smartass but somehow we balance each other out. He sends two arrangements every week. One to the house for Allie and one to work for me. We’ve both become so accustomed to it that I race to work Tuesday mornings and Allie races home from school to see what he’s sent. He definitely knows how to woo two girls. Allie and I giggle at her card each week. He always writes a riddle that usually results in the two of us having to work together to solve it. It’s brought us closer and I’m thankful for it. To celebrate six months of dating, Dom treats Allie and me to a day of shopping, spa treatments, and then a wonderful fancy dinner out that really knocks Allie’s socks off. She still spends every other weekend with Sawyer but she’s really grown to like Dom and actually asks when we’ll see him next. Things couldn’t possibly be working out any better. It makes my heart swell to think that I might actually be able to have the life I’ve always wanted and that it will not only make me happy but that Allie is content, loved, and happy as well.
Sawyer and I are another story. We’ve been bickering lately over stupid shit, like Allie’s bedtime, her grades, and how the holidays will be spent. We still have split shifts at the shop so that we don’t have to run into each other, and his hands still ball into fists whenever I bring up Dominic. He keeps telling me he just needs time to get over me but it seems like he’s unwilling to let go. He hasn't even dated any of the usual girls that he used to see on and off. Sometimes I ask Allie about how he’s doing but she’s pretty tight-lipped on her time with him and I can’t push that. Wednesdays after school she’s started going to his apartment after her homework's done, to have dinner with him. Since he’s only a couple miles from the house I let her ride her bike over. Dom bought her a new bike with a headlight when he found out, worried that riding home in the dark was unsafe. Both of us had laughed at him, seeing as our neighborhood has virtually no traffic, great sidewalks and street lamps every forty feet. He holds me while we sleep, he’s an amazing kisser, even more amazing in bed, and can give me three orgasms in thirty minutes. It’s crazy but true.
I pick up a picture of us taken a few weeks back and feel a smile playing at my lips. It’s of me, Allie, and Dom at a neighbor's cookout just after I’d finished his tattoo, which is amazing. I’m sitting in Dom’s lap, arms around his shoulders, his arms at my waist. Allie stands in front of us, her hands animatedly waving in the air. My head’s tipped back because I was laughing at her story and Dom’s looking at the camera, laughing too. It’s a great picture. Dom sneaks up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. “Love that picture,” he says and kisses my neck. Things progress rather quickly from there and we’re suddenly on the bed. Adding his fingers to the workings of his mouth and tongue, my hips surge up.
“Dom!” I moan. My body shakes as orgasm number two rips through me. My knees are hauled up and he’s suddenly inside me. Driving deep, hard and fast, I wrap my limbs around him tight. His hand goes between us, finger back to that sensitive spot and my body jolts. ”Dom,” I cry out. His head comes up and he looks down at me. He’s so gorgeous but even more so pounding into me, touching me and pressing his weight into me. He thrusts, rolls his hips, and his mouth touches mine. My hips buck up, my limbs go tight, and my back arches as I come yet again. “I felt that,” he groans. I hold on as his lips slide down to my ear where he grunts, and moves his hands to my hips. He pulls up and thrusts deep before he finally plants himself inside me and stops. “Hot,” I breathe into his ear.
“You are capable of wicked things Clara...wicked things,” he pants, making me chuckle.
He rolls us, my back to his front, and slings an arm across my belly. Nuzzling into my neck he lets me know that he has a late meeting tomorrow and won't be able to come over. He’s been spending more and more time at his lake house to be near me and Allie, but a lot of his meetings need to happen on site at the clubs or in Boston.
“I’m flying out tomorrow but I should be back Wednesday,” he says softly.
“Sounds good. I’ll be here,” I can feel his smile on my neck.
“Sleep, baby,” he murmurs and for once, I do what I’m told.
Too Many Casualties
Dominic is in L.A. this week and Allie’s at Sawyer’s house for dinner so I’ve a Lean Cuisine for myself. I take the steaming pile of bland food to the living room, plop onto the couch, and click the TV on when a text lights up my phone.
Dom: How’s my g
irl today?
Missing you.
Dom: Allie at Sawyer's?
Yeah
Dom: Feeling lonely?
Yeah.
Dom: What are you wearing?
WHAT?!
Dom: Hahhaa... just trying to distract you.
Dirty...dirty boy.
Dom: Can't help myself
Well try for my sake while you’re surrounded by gorgeous women all week
Dom: you’re the only gorgeous woman I want
Best line ever.
Dom: I try.
As the six o’clock news ends my phone chirps. Sawyer’s text is brief like always.
“Allie just left.”
I push off the couch and head to the front porch. I like watching her ride her bike towards the house, blissfully unaware that I’m watching her. She always looks so happy. Sitting on the porch swing I watch her headlight appear around the corner. Smiling, I watch her skinny legs pedal and the headlight bob over the cracks in the sidewalk. A car comes around the bend a little too fast. It’s weaving all over the street. I stand instinctively, feeling that panic that moms do. I start down the steps knowing I’m being ridiculous as the car speeds along in Allie’s direction. She’s on the sidewalk, she’ll be fine. I’m just over protective.
Mr. Anderson’s cat darts into the street and the car swerves to avoid it. It jumps the curb and my heart jumps into my throat. Shit. The tires squeal against the pavement as the breaks try to slow the car down. I’m sprinting, screaming her name. Allie doesn't have time to get out of the way and the last thing I hear is her blood-curdling scream as the car hits her and she’s tossed in the air, bouncing on the hood of the car. Glass shatters and there’s more screaming.
It’s coming from me.
As I get to Allie’s body I can hear Sawyer screaming. He’s running towards me full throttle as neighbors creep closer to Allie and me. Someone must have called 911 because sirens ring out and lights strobe as they come down the street. I can’t move from where I am. Where Allie is. There’s so much blood. My baby is covered in so much blood. I’m violently shaking and can’t stop. I can't breathe or speak. I think I’m going to vomit. Sawyer pries me off Allie as the paramedics load her onto a gurney and into the ambulance. Nothing registers in my brain. I feel like I’m watching it all through a stranger's eyes. Everyone’s words sound garbled, like I’m underwater, before I collapse.
When I come to in Sawyer’s arms, we’re at the hospital. He looks ragged and tired. I have no idea what time it is or what’s happened but something is very, very wrong. A strangled cry rises from me and snaps Sawyer out of his thoughts.
“You’re awake,” he states. “She’s in surgery still. You passed out.” I can't yet form words so I just nod at him and scoot out of his arms and into the chair next to him.
“I saw it, Sawyer,” my voice cracks and tears roll down my cheeks.
“I know. Mr. Anderson told me. He’s the one who called 911.”
“She has to be okay,” I say determinedly. He rubs slow circles on my back as I break down sobbing. Scooping me into his arms again, he holds me tight.
“I called Dom for you,” he says, clutching me to his chest as I fall apart. “He should be on a plane by now.”
“Sawyer. She’s going to be all right, right?” I ask quietly.
“I don't know. She wasn't breathing on her own when they got here.” His voice cracks and it sends me into another fit of tears.
Two hours later the surgeon comes out and I practically jump him, demanding answers.
“Please, Ms. Lord, try to calm down.”
“Calm DOWN?! ARE YOU INSANE!” I screech. Sawyer physically restrains me so he can talk to us. “She has a few broken ribs and a concussion. It’s her kidneys that we’re worried about. One was damaged so badly we couldn't repair it. The other we managed to repair for now but it’s not a permanent solution.”
“What does that mean? She needs a kidney? You can’t live without a kidney. What the fuck are you saying?!” I scream. Two big arms wrap around me from behind. “Shh. Let the man talk,” Dom’s deep voice whispers calmly in my ear. When did he arrive? Thank God. His arms squeeze a little, calming me only slightly.
“We will need to get her on a donor list for a transplant. She can undergo dialysis for a while to keep the kidney working while we wait,” the doctor relays.
“I’ll give her mine,” I blurt. “Take mine!”
“Ms. Lord, we will most certainly test you for a match. Her father too.”
“Test me,” Sawyer says.
“Me too,” Dom adds.
“Okay, let’s go. NOW,” I all but scream frantically. Dominic’s arms tighten around my shoulders as I try to break free.
“We can start the process after you see her. She should wake up soon,” the doctor explains. The three of us follow a nurse to Allie’s bed and Sawyer and I rush through the doors. Beeps and whistles fill the silence of her room. She’s pale, too pale, and her body looks defeated and limp. I collapse at her bedside sobbing. Sawyer gently picks me up, wiping his own tears from his eyes and pulls a chair over to sit me in.
“Allie, baby, please wake up. Mommy’s here. Please. Wake up.” I hold her hand and brush her hair off her face before face planting on the bed next to where I hold her hand. Dom enters a few minutes later, giving Sawyer and me time to adjust. His face blanches when he sees Allie. His hand covers mine and squeezes gently.
Allie wakes but is in so much pain that they sedate her again, after only a few moments with her.
With kidney failure comes decreased appetite and food sensitivity. Allie’s appetite decreased drastically and she became increasingly inactive. She began to lose weight rapidly while in recovery. Dom cleared his schedule and never leaves my side. Sawyer and he seemed to reach some kind of momentary truce during all this which makes life much easier. I refuse to leave the hospital. I spend every day and night with Allie, sleeping in her room on a cot. For weeks I play endless board games and card games with her while she recovers from her injuries and undergoes dialysis. Dom and Sawyer both try to get me to take a night off to go home and rest but I just won't have it. My baby needs me and I will not leave her for anything other than to shower or use the bathroom or order some food.
Truths
Within a month I had gone through all of my tests to be an organ donor. Sawyer and Dominic, too.
“Ms. Lord,” Dr. Brandt greets and motions for me to take a seat next to him on the couch.
“Are we good to go?” I ask nervously.
“You aren’t a match,” he says sadly.
“What? I’m her mom, of course I’m a match,” I blurt.
“It’s possible, yes, but not always a guarantee. Her father could be a match. Can you contact him?” he asks.
“I’m on it,” Dom clips, pulling his phone from his pocket.
“NO!” I shout, stopping him in his tracks.
“What?” Sawyer barks. “Clara, this is Allie’s life!”
“I’m aware,” I say flatly. How can I possibly explain this? My life has never seemed more complicated than it is right now. Everything is unraveling.
“I’ll give you all some space,” Dr. Brandt interrupts and leaves. We move to the waiting room so we don't wake Allie from her nap.
“Don’t call Daniel. Please,” I beg. My whole world is spinning out of control. How can I not be a match? Why is this happening?
“What can we do? If she doesn’t want to ask him we can’t,” Dom defends me.
“I’ve already been tested and I’m not either,” Sawyer bites out. “This isn't funny anymore. If you or Clara won't call Daniel then I will. I will not let Allie suffer and possibly DIE because she doesn't want Allie to know. I will hunt him down with or without you,” Sawyer finishes in a deadly tone. Dom and Sawyer continue to go back and forth as my head spins at the impossibility of this moment ever happening. I can’t take their bickering anymore. This has nothing to do with Daniel and it’s time I tell
them.
“STOP!” I scream. Both men turn to me, jaws set, looking angry. “Daniel can’t help because he’s not her father.” My voice falters as both men's faces twist into disbelief.
“What the fuck are you talking about Clara?” Dom shouts.
“What?” Sawyer booms.
“Please. Stop. I’ll explain,” I say, sucking in a ragged breath. Both men sit arms crossed over their chests and wait patiently.
“Charlie is her father,” I breathe the one thing only I know.
“Daniel’s father? Senator Hollingsworth?” Dom’s voice is unusually high-pitched. Sawyer sits in silence trying to take it all in.
“Daniel and I attended a party with them, his parents. Charlie…he… raped me in the bathroom. He told me if I ever told a soul he would ‘end me.’ Daniel and I hadn't slept together for weeks at that point, and Daniel would have never believed me anyways…no one would have. I was a nobody…I… I was just cheap trash that Daniel picked up and groomed into something,” I relay, complete with air quotes. The air around us in unbearably quiet and I don't dare breathe. Sawyer’s jaw ticks with rage and his knuckles are white as he stands. His fist connects with the waiting room wall and plaster tumbles to the floor. Dom stares at me, gaping, before standing and striding out of the room without a word. I can’t control the trembling as the one secret I never thought would see the light of day lingers in the air around me. I pull my legs up under me and tuck my head between my knees. Sawyer’s arm wraps around me. “I’m so sorry, Clara,” he says softly. I let myself lean into his lean frame and, for what feels like the millionth time this month, I sob quietly.