Lawfully His (A Dirty Business Novel Book 1)

by Michelle Betham

  “Jesus, Evan, it was careless, that’s what it was. What if anyone else had seen that, huh?” She backs away from my desk and folds her arms again, shaking her head as she looks at me. “It was careless, you were careless.”

  I lean back against the window ledge and turn my head to look outside. There’s nothing I can say to that, I can’t disagree with her.

  “I’d better go make sure nobody else did see.”

  I look back at Dana, and her expression is verging on disappointed now. “Dana, I’m sorry, okay? But she – she got to me.”

  “You let her get to you.”

  “I’m tired of being alone.”

  Her expression softens, and she walks over to me, and she reaches out and cups my cheek and she smiles, and for a second or two I remember the good times we had together. Two brilliant young lawyers taking on the world, we were fucking invincible. Until we realized that we couldn’t do both – we couldn’t be brilliant lawyers and be together, in that way. It was never going to work. We loved each other once, we really did. At least, I think we did. But we had to make a choice – us, or our careers. We chose work. We ended us. But we eventually got this – Cavendish King. Our dream. But at what expense?

  “I know. Evan, I know. But you’ve really got to stop making such shitty choices.”

  I cover her hand with mine and I return her smile.

  “It’s making me crazy, Dana. Seeing her, with him, knowing I can’t… Yeah, I still want her, you’re right. You’re right. Being with her, it made me feel – I felt alive, outside of this place, y’know? Jesus, this is such a mess.”

  Dana steps back from me and I pull myself away from the ledge, and it’s my turn to pace the floor.

  “You need to step away from this, Evan. I’m serious. Don’t do this, don’t go there.”

  “I can’t…”

  “She’s engaged, to one of our junior partners. She isn’t yours to take…” She trails off and bows her head, sighing quietly. And then she looks back up at me, and her eyes are both serious yet understanding. “Look, maybe it’s best Lola works for somebody else now. Another senior partner, maybe. Or even Mike…”

  “No! Dana, no, please. I’m not letting her go.”

  “Jesus, Evan, you’re not some loved-up, obsessed kid. You’re a grown man – a successful, talented, respected lawyer, the best closer this city has seen in a long time, and you’re willing to put all that in jeopardy because you think you’re in love with your secretary?”

  “She’s good at her job. She’s the best, at what she does, and I need the best…”

  “Right now she’s a distraction. To you.”

  I sit down on the couch, drop my head into my hands and I take a long, deep breath. It really is time to get my shit together, to become the Evan King I need to be because Dana’s right. I’m not losing everything I’ve worked damn hard for; everything I’ve sacrificed, that isn’t going to be for nothing. But I’m not willing to lose Lola, either.

  I gave up everything I had with Dana; I gave up a life because I wanted this. I wanted Cavendish King.

  I got my success.

  We got our firm.

  I got my career.

  Now I want that life.

  Twenty-Six

  Lola

  I feel him come up behind me; feel him rest his hand lightly on my hip and I close my eyes as his mouth brushes my neck.

  “You and Evan. I know, Lola.”

  I stop breathing. I literally hold my breath, and I keep my eyes closed as he pulls away from me. “Mike…”

  “Do you know where Dana’s private office is?”

  “Yes…”

  “Meet me there. Five minutes.”

  I wait until he’s gone before I breathe out, dropping the spoon I was holding onto the countertop, watching as it clatters against the mug of coffee I’d been stirring.

  “Lola? Everything okay?”

  I turn around and force a smile as Jess walks in. “I’m fine. Just a bit tired.”

  “Evan working you hard, huh?”

  “One too many late nights, that’s all.”

  My stomach’s in knots, and I feel sick, but I have to face this now.

  “And talking of work, I’ve got a ton of it to do, so, I’ll see you later, Jess.”

  I try to stay composed as I head for the elevator, and I’m grateful I’m the only one in there, it gives me a few precious moments to try and gather my thoughts. And I still feel sick. I don’t know what’s going to happen now, I don’t know how Mike found out, who else might know; what this could mean for my future here at Cavendish King.

  Stepping out of the elevator I head for Dana’s private office. I’ve only been here once, when Dana asked me if I could take some files down for a meeting she was having with a potential client. And then the sudden, obvious realization that she must know about me and Evan too, for her to have given the key to Mike; it hits me like a slam to my gut. She knows this place is extremely private, the perfect place to have a conversation nobody else needs to hear.

  I stop just outside the door, resting my forehead against it as I take a long deep breath, and then I open it. I go inside and he’s there, leaning back against Dana’s opaque glass desk, his arms folded, his expression a mixture of concealed anger, sadness, and disappointment.

  “When, Lola? When the hell did you start sleeping with your fucking boss?”

  I close the door and move further inside. I’m numb. I mean, I literally can’t feel anything, because I’m trying to pretend this isn’t happening; that Mike hasn’t found out there was ever anything between me and Evan but it’s pointless, pretending this situation isn’t real. It’s real. And I’ve got to deal with it now.

  “It ended, Mike, the second I got back with you…”

  “Yeah. That’s what he said… Jesus, Lola… I can’t get my head around this.”

  “It was a stupid mistake, okay? A one-night stand that just spiraled…”

  “A one-night stand? This began before you even started working here?”

  I tell him what happened. How I met Evan that night, in the bar. How it was never meant to be anything more than that one night. How it carried on once I started working for him; how I couldn’t stop it. Because I didn’t want to, until I realized I still loved him. That I didn’t want to be without him.

  “It went too far, Mike.”

  “Because you let it, Lola. You could’ve walked away, when you saw who you were gonna be working for, you could’ve killed it dead before anything started…”

  “I thought I could handle it.”

  “And how did that work out for you, huh?”

  “Mike…”

  “No, Lola, just… not yet, okay?”

  He flinches when I touch him and I pull my hand away, like I’ve just been burned.

  “Look, I… I know this was going on before we were back together, I know that, but… it doesn’t make it any easier to get my head around because… because all I can see right now is you and him, together… All I can see is him, touching you, fucking you, and that’s killing me, Lola. It’s fucking killing me. I mean… why, huh? Why the hell did you even go there?”

  “Because of you, Mike. I went there because of you.”

  He looks at me, and I wish I hadn’t said that out loud but it’s true. As much as I hate that it is, it’s true.

  “So this is my fault, huh? It’s my fault you thought screwing your boss was a good idea…”

  “It was never a good idea, Mike, but I went there, okay? I crossed that line because I was trying to forget you.”

  “And you’re still blaming me.”

  “Jesus! What do you want me to do, huh? Lie to you? Tell you the only reason I thought sleeping with Evan King was even remotely a good idea was because, y’know, I just crave a bit of danger? Some excitement?”

  “And he gave you that in spades, right? This rich, successful man screwing his secretary, I mean, come on, are we gonna get any more clichéd here?”
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  “I’m not doing this, not if this is how it’s going to be.”

  “How do you expect it to be, Lola?”

  “I didn’t cheat on you, Mike. Can you please remember that? Whatever happened with Evan, it was before me and you got back together.”

  “But it was going on while I was working here.”

  “Yes. It was. But we weren’t together. Your reasons for coming back here, back to New York, I didn’t even factor in that, did I? As far as I was concerned we were done. Over. Finished. So what happened with Evan, it happened before me and you…”

  “And like I said, Lola, none of that makes it any easier to take in. What the hell were you thinking?”

  “I was thinking about you. Okay, you want to do it this way, let’s do it this way. I only went near Evan King in the first place as a way of forgetting you; of trying to forget you. Because every day since the day you left me I missed you. I was broken, Mike. I didn’t know if it was something I’d done, something I hadn’t done. Was it the age gap? Was it something I said? Something I didn’t say? Was I just not what you wanted anymore? You left me and you didn’t tell me why and I was a fucking mess. So, to know that another man found me attractive enough to want to be with me – I know it makes me sound like some vain, needy, pathetic woman but I needed to know, Mike. That I wasn’t done. And meeting Evan that night – he made me feel good about myself again. And I needed whatever the hell it was he gave me, I needed it. I needed him. But when I found out who he was…”

  I trail off, because I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. I should have walked away. Mike knows that. I know that. And it’s what Dana’s going to tell me I should have done when she speaks to me, because she’ll want to. And I have no idea what’s going to happen to me now. What’s going to happen to my job here at Cavendish King, but Evan – he won’t be going anywhere. It’s me who stands to lose everything.

  “Why should I walk away?” My voice is little more than a whisper because I’m tired now, of talking about this. “I wanted this job. I worked hard for this job. I beat dozens of others to land this job, so why the hell should I have walked away?”

  “You didn’t have to fuck him again, Lola.”

  “Don’t make it sound cheap, Mike.”

  He raises an eyebrow, and I feel sick to my stomach. “What else could it possibly be, huh?”

  I sit down on an over-stuffed dark-brown suede couch, and I clasp my hands between my knees and drop my gaze; I feel defeated. I don’t even know what I’m fighting for anymore, I’m that confused.

  He sits down beside me, but I don’t look at him, I can’t. But when he reaches for my hand I let him take it, and I wrap my fingers around his and I squeeze his hand tight, and I close my eyes to try and stop the tears from falling, because they’re threatening to. And then I feel his fingers lightly touch my neck, coaxing my head back around to face him, and when he leans in to kiss me I close my eyes again, and I fall against him. I slide my fingers into his hair and I kiss him like it’s the last kiss we’re ever going to share. And then he pushes me back onto the couch, nudges my skirt up over my thighs, and as his fingers hook into the sides of my panties I raise my hips slightly and bite down on my lip as he slides them down, spreading my legs and lying between them. I throw my arms above my head and grip the arm of the couch as I feel him touch me, feel him push inside me, his hand in the small of my back raising me up, pressing me against him as he thrusts into me. He opens my shirt, unclips my bra and bends his head to suck on my nipples, his hand cupping my breasts, first one, then the other as his tongue flicks and teases and I moan quietly. It’s slow and it’s beautiful and he’s everything I want, he is. So I keep my eyes closed and I bank every touch of his fingers, every move his lips make against mine; I swallow down his breath, I breathe him in; I take it all. And we come together in a quiet, understated climax that rocks both our bodies gently and slowly and he holds me; I hold him. We cling onto each other until every tingle has finished, every spasm has stopped. And when it’s over he pulls me up into his arms and I straddle him, and he kisses me again, my fingers sliding back into his hair as we just hold each other and kiss – long, deep kisses.

  But when the kisses stop, that cold, hard reality smacks into me once again.

  “We can get through this, Mike,” I whisper, resting my forehead against his.

  He doesn’t say anything. But I feel his fingers dig into my flesh, gripping me that little bit tighter. “I have to work with him, Lola. I’m a junior partner…”

  “And this is your dream, Mike. You’ve worked your arse off to get where you are, you can’t let this ruin everything.”

  “He’s seen you naked, Lola. He’s touched you like I’ve just touched you now and I… Jesus…”

  He lets go of me, and I climb off him and retrieve my panties, pulling them back on before I redo my shirt and adjust my skirt.

  “What else did he do, Lola?”

  I look at him. He’s sitting on the edge of the couch, his hands clasped between his knees, and when his eyes meet mine I feel like I’m being kicked repeatedly in the gut; hard, unforgiving kicks, and they hurt like hell.

  “Don’t do this, Mike…”

  “What kind of sex was it?”

  “Mike…”

  He stands up and comes over to me, cupping my cheek, making me look at him. “Is his cock as big as his ego, huh? Is that it?”

  “No…”

  “Was it more exciting? Did he fuck you harder, make you do things you’d never do with me…?”

  I take hold of his wrist and pull his hand away from my face, stepping back from him. “Stop this, Mike. Please. None of that matters…”

  “Doesn’t it? Do you still want him, Lola?”

  “Mike, I… No.”

  “You’re lying.”

  I shake my head, but that sick feeling in my stomach, it just won’t go away. “Mike, please, don’t do this.”

  “Do you still want him?”

  That one simple word. No. I said it, and if I could just make him believe that I mean it this could all be over. Except, it isn’t going to be over. It can’t be over, we both know that. And I don’t know how we get past this now. I don’t know what we’re supposed to do.

  “I love you, Lola, I really do, but this – I can’t do this, baby. I can’t.”

  And all I can do is watch as he picks up his jacket and leaves, closing the door quietly behind him.

  I watch, and I wish with every beat of my messed up heart that this wasn’t happening.

  Evan

  “When she gets back to her desk, tell her I want to see her,” Dana says, making her way toward the door just as Mike strides back through it. He’s still angry, that’s evident, but he seems a touch calmer than he was before.

  “I fought hard to become a junior partner here, okay? I fought damn hard, and I’m not walking away from something I’ve spent too many years working toward, not because of this…”

  “Nobody is walking away from anything, Mike.” Dana places a hand on his arm and he looks at her.

  “I can deal with this. I promise.”

  “Did you talk to Lola?”

  He nods, briefly dropping his gaze and raking a hand through his hair. “We aren’t…” He swallows hard, and I don’t know what to feel, I really don’t. “I guess there won’t be a wedding after all.” He raises his head and his eyes meet mine and I hate myself because I’m feeling something now – hope. Just a small spark, but it’s there. And I may be an arrogant man but I’m not someone who wishes heartbreak on anyone. I’ve been there. Both me and Dana know what that feels like, to make sacrifices. And I don’t wish that shit on anyone. “I still love her, y’know? But I just – I don’t know. I don’t know if I can get over what you and her…”

  Dana gives his arm a squeeze and she throws me a look that makes me drop my gaze and breathe in deep. This really wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted Lola, I can’t lie. I want Lola. I didn’t want this.

 
; “Mike? Are you all right, with Lola still working for Evan? Because, if that’s going to be a problem, we can find her another partner to work for. She could even come and work for you, if that’s what you’d prefer?”

  My head shoots up and I glance over at Dana, who just throws me a look and turns her attention back to Mike. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, no. No. I told her I didn’t want Lola moved, no matter what. She stays with me, and that isn’t going to change.

  Mike smiles faintly at Dana, and he shrugs. “I think enough boats have been rocked, don’t you?”

  And then Lola walks in, stopping briefly in the doorway before she comes further into the room. She looks tired. She looks like she’s been crying, and I don’t know what I was expecting but when she heads over to Mike; when they just stand there and look at each other for a couple of beats before he pulls her into his arms, it tears me apart. From what Mike was saying, I thought it was over. Is it over? Is that how people act now, just before a break-up?

  Dana glances back over at me, and I drop my head, my eyes focusing on a file on my desk, I can’t even remember what file it is, what case it is. At this very moment in time I’m not sure I even care.

  But when I raise my gaze Lola’s stepped out of Mike’s arms. She’s standing a few feet away from him and her arms are folded tightly against herself. She looks younger. Sad. And none of this was supposed to happen, it wasn’t.

  “Can you boys give us a minute? Please?” Dana asks, looking from me to Mike.

  I nod and I pick up that file from my desk and I look at Mike. His expression is one of resignation now, and I’m not sure how that makes me feel.

  “Can I trust you both to play nice?” Dana carries on. “And remember, none of this is anyone else’s business. Okay?”

  “I’ve got work to do,” Mike says, and I watch Lola as her gaze follows his exit, she doesn’t take her eyes off him until he’s out of sight.

  “You’ll have your office back in a few minutes, Evan. You can use mine, if you need to.”