Black Diamond (Obsidian Book 2)

by Victoria Quinn

  “I’m sorry, Calloway,” she said in a resigned voice. “You had ulterior motives throughout this entire relationship. I don’t exactly trust anything you say right now.”

  Fuck, that hurt.

  It hurt more because I deserved it.

  “I’ve never lied to you. I just didn’t tell you this one aspect of my life. I wanted to wait until I thought you were ready to hear it.”

  “No, you purposely kept me in the dark for six months. You misled me about the man you really are. You didn’t tell me about your sexual preferences, calling me Vanilla like it was cute. Maybe you never directly lied because I never questioned you about it, but this is worse. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not real.”

  This was going much worse than I’d ever imagined. I thought she wouldn’t agree to be my sub, but I didn’t think she would write off our entire relationship as meaningless. That wasn’t how I felt at all. “Sweetheart, it’s not like that… I’ve loved every moment with you. I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

  “Even if that’s true, it doesn’t change the fact that you hurt me—so much.” She stepped back, putting more space between us. “Because I was invested in this relationship and hoping it would last forever. But you already knew the end before the beginning.”

  “In my defense, I told you I wasn’t looking for marriage and a happily ever after.” Maybe she didn’t believe me at the time, but I meant it. “I said that right in the beginning so you wouldn’t get your hopes up.”

  She held my gaze, the memory on the surface of her eyes. “Christopher told me to ignore it…”

  “Why would he say such a thing?”

  “Because he said every guy says that exact same thing…until they find the woman they can’t live without.”

  A pain thudded in my chest, hot and cold at the same time. I didn’t understand the sensation or what it meant. All I knew was I felt it.

  “Obviously, he was wrong… I was wrong.”

  “Rome, you’re looking at this the wrong way. I do want this to last forever. I just want our relationship to be a little different. That’s all.”

  “You mean, you want to hurt me.” She broke eye contact because she couldn’t look at me anymore. “You want to tie me up and knock me around. Yeah, that sounds like a blast… I’ll pass.”

  “It’s not like that.” Not even close. “All the things we’ve already done are precursors to that. You would enjoy it. You would enjoy me. I promise you.”

  “No, I don’t enjoy being bossed around. Come on, Calloway.” She turned back to me, a sneer on her face. “Do you even know me?”

  The insult burned through my skin. “Yes, I do know you. I know how much it turned you on when you slapped me—both times. I know how much you liked my cock in your ass. I know how much you like it when I give commands when we’re in the bedroom. Stop looking at this in black and white. Give it a chance, Rome.”

  “No.” She shook her head, resistance in her eyes. “I’ve already been down this road before. I’m not going there again. You would have saved me a lot of time and heartbreak if you’d just had the balls to be honest with me.”

  I only focused on the first thing she said. “You’ve been down this road before?” How could she have been part of the lifestyle if she was a virgin? “What does that mean, Rome?”

  She sighed as if she wasn’t sure she wanted to explain the story.

  “Tell me.” I kept my tone polite so I wouldn’t push her further away. I would always be authoritative, but fortunately, I was able to control it around her—for the most part.

  “When I first graduated college, I moved to New York for work. I had mounds of student loans to pay without any way of paying them. I lived in a studio apartment with three other girls for a while. I couldn’t find a job that paid enough, and eventually, I wound up living on the street. Christopher was in the same position I was for a while because he didn’t have a dollar to his name while he was doing an internship.”

  Now I wished I’d never asked. Imagining her in a sleeping bag on the sidewalk made me hate myself for living in my mansion. I wanted to take care of her. I wished I could go back in time and take her home, lavishing her in warm clothes, food, and anything else she wanted.

  “One day, this nice man walked up to me and gave me a hundred bucks. I was so grateful I cried. He set me up in one of the apartment complexes he owned so I would have a place to stay with Christopher. Once things were settled, he asked me out. I thought he was cute and compassionate, so of course, I said yes. But then he asked me to do things I wasn’t ready for. I said no, and he accepted that—for a while. But then he became angry when he didn’t get his way, threatening to take away everything he’d given me. When I refused to sleep with him, he broke my arm and beat me senseless…”

  Tears sprang to my eyes, burning them because my ducts hadn’t produced liquid in so long. The idea of Rome suffering made me break inside. The fact that a man took advantage of her when she had nothing left in the world just sickened me.

  “He wanted me to submit to him. He wanted to control me. He enjoyed hurting me. The gleam in his eyes when he heard my bone crack in two…is something I’ll never forget.” She stared at the ground as she finished her story. “So, I’ll never be your sub, Calloway. I’ve been used and abused once before, and I won’t tolerate it ever again.”

  I had to walk away because the pain was too much. I couldn’t face her any longer, not when I felt my body slowly begin to crack. I turned away and approached the window in the living room, overlooking the traffic down below. My face was hidden, and my breathing was under control. But my momentary privacy allowed a tear to escape from the corner of my right eye, drip down my cheek, and fall to the floor.

  I took a moment to center myself, not giving in to the overwhelming grief flooding through my body. I hadn’t felt this way since I first admitted my mother to the nursing home. The idea of Rome being treated that way disgusted me—killed me.

  I wasn’t sure how long I stood there, but it seemed to be an eternity. I concentrated on breathing in and out, dispelling the agony and the rage within me. I needed to remain calm because going on a rampage wouldn’t fix my current situation. What happened to Rome was in the past, and no matter how powerful I was, I couldn’t change the past.

  I could only change the future.

  Once I put myself together enough to face her, I turned back around and walked to where she stood on the opposite side of the living room. She was exactly where I left her, her arms still crossed over her chest. Now she wore a defeated look, appearing hollow.

  “There are a few things I’d like to say,” I whispered. “I hope you’ll hear me out.”

  The only response I got was eye contact.

  “What he did to you…” I couldn’t finish the sentence because the rage started back up again. “Is completely different from the kind of relationship I want. I would never hurt you, Rome. I would never do anything that you didn’t explicitly want me to do. Our relationship would be about trust. I would give the commands, but you would have all the control. With just a single word, you can make me stop instantly. There would only be pleasure—I promise you.”

  She shook her head, the response I didn’t want to see. “Christopher told me about the stuff he saw inside Ruin. Women with chains around their necks while men held on to them like dogs on a leash. The way the men won’t even allow their women to speak in front of other men. The way they whip them in playrooms until their skin is bruised. As a feminist, I’m appalled that women participate in this world at all. I’m not ashamed to say I want true love. I want a man to love me with all his heart, to be gentle with me, to be satisfied when he makes love to me. I want a man who doesn’t get off on hurting his woman.” Her eyes burned as she looked at me. “Maybe you’re into that, but I’m certainly not.”

  She didn’t understand, and now I feared she never would. “You’re looking at it from an outside point of view. That’s not what it’s real
ly like.”

  “So you’re saying the stuff Christopher told me is untrue?”

  “Not at all.” It was definitely true. I’d had a chain around Isabella’s neck several times. “Yes, it happens every single day. But we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Rome. You aren’t listening to me.”

  “No,” she scoffed. “You aren’t listening to me. I want nothing to do with your underworld, and I’m not going to change my mind.”

  I was losing her. “I may have the control, but you have all the power, sweetheart. I would never do anything that you didn’t want me to do. Do you understand that? I would never put a chain around your neck unless you asked me to. I would never tell you to be silent in front of other Doms if you had something to say. You’re missing the fact that this is all consensual. As in, both parties want it. You and I can have any kind of relationship you want. We already do stuff that I enjoy. I loved tying you up to my headboard, and I know you loved it too. So don’t completely write this off because you don’t understand it.”

  She only shook her head.

  “Rome, please, just consider it.”

  “No,” she said coldly. “You and I want different things. I’m never going to be your sub, Calloway. Accept it, and move on.”

  I bowed my head in disappointment, struggling to accept the truth. I wasn’t getting my way with the one woman I truly wanted. “What if we took baby steps? What if we tried—”

  “No.” She turned her head away, no longer looking at me.

  Our relationship had already progressed beyond general lovemaking. I took her roughly in many ways. I asked her to do things for me, and she didn’t even realize it. Her prejudice against this world was unfair. What Hank did to her was just physical assault—a crime. But it didn’t seem like I could argue my point any further.

  “I’ll submit my resignation tomorrow morning.”

  I hadn’t even considered our work relationship. “Please don’t do that.”

  “I can’t work with you every day, Calloway. No matter how much I may love my job.”

  I’d go crazy if I didn’t have some kind of connection with her. If I never saw her again, I would lose my mind. “Rome, you’re perfect for the position. Think of all the things you’ve done in the past month. The people of New York City need you. Please don’t walk away because of me. It wouldn’t be fair to everyone else.”

  “But I can’t—”

  “I can be professional, Rome. You and I are both mature adults who can handle this. Whether we’re together or apart, we really do make a great team. Let’s not ruin that.”

  She shut her mouth, having nothing to say in response. She loved her job. It was obvious every time I saw her in her office, every time she talked about a new project she was working on. She had the kind of compassion that was a necessity for Humanitarians United. Frankly, she was the most qualified person in the building.

  At least I would get to see her every day—even if I didn’t see her every night.

  When she said nothing else, I assumed that meant she would stay on board. “I don’t understand you, Calloway. I thought I did, but I really don’t. How can you run a place like Ruin, and then go to work every day at a place like Humanitarians United? It’s like you’re two different people.”

  “Because I am two different people. I started Humanitarians United to balance out the terrible things my father did to innocent people who didn’t have any way to fight him. I run it every day to offset the dark things I’m into… To make up for them.”

  She watched my expression, her thoughts a mystery.

  Now there was nothing else for me to do besides walk away…but that seemed impossible. “I don’t want this to end…”

  “It has to. You and I want different things and neither one of us will change our minds.”

  No, I could never abandon who I really was. I could only fight it for short periods of time. And after Rome explained what had happened to her, I couldn’t blame her for being afraid. I’d lied to her for the past six months. It didn’t surprise me that her guard was up again.

  “I just wish you had told me the truth, Calloway. Finding out from Christopher…” She didn’t finish the sentence.

  Earlier that evening, I’d decided to sit down and talk to her about everything. But to say that now would just be empty words. Now I had to walk out of this apartment and not look back. I’d have to look at her at work every day and know she was no longer mine. I’d have to sleep in my large bed alone, wishing she were beside me. I’d have to find a sub that could please me, but the idea of any woman but Rome nearly repulsed me. “I know.”

  12

  Calloway

  The finality of the breakup didn’t hit me until I got home.

  Once I was inside my house and accepted that she wouldn’t be joining me, I realized I was truly alone. My enormous bed upstairs would feel twice as big without a person to share it with. I would only cook dinner for one each night. When I sat on the couch and watched TV, she wouldn’t lie on my chest, her hair brushing against my neck.

  Rome was really gone.

  My first instinct was to head to the liquor cabinet.

  And drink away my sorrow.

  I sat at the kitchen table and faced my backyard, placing the bottle of scotch and the glass on the table. I stared at the label before I poured myself a drink and swirled the ice cubes. Then I downed it in a single gulp, feeling the fire move down my throat all the way into my stomach.

  “Fuck.” I leaned over the table and rubbed my temple, realizing I hadn’t hit a low point like this for six months. One of the first times she slept over, I had a nightmare and tried to drink myself into a stupor. But that woman told me to shove my drinks up my ass and get over it.

  I already missed her.

  I thought about the course of our relationship and wondered what I could have done to save it. If I’d told her the truth sooner, would she still be in my life? If I had walked away from Ruin before Christopher appeared, could I have given her the life she wanted? So many different possibilities, but all of them led to the same destination.

  Losing her.

  I had been happy with Isabella until I spotted Rome in that bar. Once I broke it off with Isabella, I didn’t feel anything for her. There was no pain, no regret. Like it had never happened, it was hardly a memory.

  But with Rome, I felt like I’d died a million deaths.

  It was pure agony.

  I’d never felt this terrible—not once.

  I pulled out my phone, and without really thinking, I called Jackson.

  “So, what happened?” he barked the second he took the call. “Did Christopher rat you out?”

  “Of course he did.” I poured another glass, spilling drops of scotch onto the table. “Told Rome everything.”

  “And?”

  “She left me.” The words hurt to say out loud. It was far worse than saying it in my head. I closed my eyes and felt my temple thud with a migraine.

  Jackson picked up on my resigned tone. He didn’t gloat or even seem happy. It was one of the rare times he actually showed compassion. “Sorry, man…”

  I didn’t have any friends because I preferred solitude. Acquaintances were easier, much simpler. Friendships required expectations, and expectations always led to disappointments. And disappointments led to reevaluation of said friendships. So, Jackson was all I had. “She doesn’t want anything to do with our lifestyle. I have no choice but to accept it.”

  “It sucks right now, but you’ll get through it, Cal.”

  Would I? This feeling in my stomach was new. I felt sick.

  “Are you drinking?”

  “What else would I be doing?” I downed the shot and slammed the glass onto the surface of the wood.

  “Want me to come by?”

  “No.” I sat in the darkness and looked out the window, listening to the memory of Rome’s laugh in my ears.

  “You know…if this woman is different, maybe you shoul
d try the vanilla route. You wouldn’t be the first.” Jackson spent so much time giving me shit for turning my back on Ruin, and now he was encouraging me to do it.

  “We both know I couldn’t do it—at least not forever.” Something would give eventually. I would have to break it off and hurt her because she refused to allow me to tie her up. I’d have to find someone who would allow me to do it instead.

  “I’m sorry,” he said for the third time. “Is there anything I can do?”

  I eyed the scotch, seeing that it was half empty. “No. There’s nothing anyone can do for me.”

  I didn’t sleep that night.

  I stayed at the dining table, drunk out of my mind. When the sun rose the next morning and peeked through my blinds, I wasn’t entirely sober. But I wasn’t wasted either. I had a hot shower then threw on the first suit I could find.

  I looked forward to seeing Rome at the office. A stupid part of me hoped she would have reconsidered overnight and had decided to give us another chance. But the pragmatic man inside me knew there was no possibility of that ever happening.

  So now I dreaded it.

  I wouldn’t have to interact with her often, but there was always a possibility I would see her on a regular basis. Maybe we would pass each other in the hallway on the way to lunch. Maybe she would be in the conference room with her team as I walked by. There were endless scenarios in which my eyes could fall on her.

  I arrived at the office later than usual and grabbed my messages from my secretary. I didn’t spot Rome in the hallway, and I purposely didn’t walk past her office. Once I was behind my black doors and had plenty of privacy, I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers, releasing a sigh that carried my pain.

  I needed to snap out of this.