Leather & Lace

by J. A. Fredericks

  Then it hits me out of nowhere like a bullet to the chest: I’m losing control of my life.

  In prison, I was able to control my environment. I was in charge of who I let hurt me and who I shut out. If someone had a problem with me or I started to feel a real connection with a bunkmate, I cut all ties. Now I’m letting an old man who I once thought of as a grandfather, a brother who always hated me and always will, and a hot man with nice eyes and a big dick mess with my heart.

  I’m so over this.

  Before Colt cuts the engine, I’ve thrown his helmet down to the sand and I’m hopping off the bike in search of the rumbling ocean. Where I’m going to run off to at this very moment, I don’t know. These raging emotions for Colt scare the crap out of me and I need to get the fuck away before I lose myself to him.

  I don’t make it two whole steps before his hand is around my wrist. “Hold on, darlin.’ We should talk.”

  “Let go of me!” I roar, hauling my arm back to hit him.

  While still straddling his bike, he’s able to grab my raised arm and jerk me around so I’m suddenly wrapped in his arms with my back against his chest. There’s no use fighting because his muscles contract around me like a boa constrictor.

  “I get why you’re angry,” he growls against my ear, hot breath through my hair and against my neck sending shivers down my spine. “The only family you know turned their back on you. You’ve been kept away from the rest of the world for too long, darlin,’ and you don’t seem ready to trust again. But not everyone in your life wants to see you hurt like this. Not all of us can turn away while you’re in pain.

  You’re somethin’ special and I don’t just mean in the way you fuck. I could have my pick of any woman, but I don’t want just anyone. I want you, Harley. In my bed, in my mouth, in my fuckin’ life. Wherever I can get ya. I realize there’s a lot we don’t know about each other, and I may not be the right man for you, but there’s all the time in the world to figure all that out. I’m offerin’ to help you through this, darlin.’ I know it’s not somethin’ you want to do alone and I’m willin’ to do whatever it takes to get you through.”

  His words settle in my brain like honey, warm and soothing. But having a man ride in on his black hog to save me isn’t a part of the plan. And I’ll be damned if I become someone’s old lady and ride bitch for the rest of my life. Though I still want to break free of him and run away, my body becomes alive with his promises, sparking the small glimmer of hope that was beginning to fade.

  I slowly twist in his arms, immediately regretting it when his moon-lit eyes lock with mine. He’s asking for so much more than my trust and I don’t know how much more I have to offer. But I’m far from immune to his charms and can’t resist bending in to taste his succulent lips once again.

  Strong arms hoist me all the way onto his lap and he dips me back, answering the kiss with a sudden fire that literally steals my breath. I’m ridden with guilt knowing he probably thinks this means I’m accepting his offer, but I’m burning for the chance to have his hands on me again and eagerly strip him from his jacket before he helps to remove mine.

  I lift my leg up into the air between us as far as I can, bringing it down on the other side so I can properly straddle him. A deep rumble vibrates against Colt’s throat when he reaches for my face and goes after my mouth again. His kisses are hard and bruising to the point it’s dizzying and I worry I’ll fall off the bike. As if he can sense it, an arm wraps around my waist to draw me in closer so I’m positioned directly above his hard cock.

  Colt’s short-sleeved shirt goes next, my greedy fingers popping the buttons until his glorious chest is fully exposed to the moonlight. I move away from his lips to lap at the golden skin, nipping his hardened nipples and running my tongue along his flag tattoo. His finger barges its way up my dress and past my underwear, sinking into my throbbing warmth. I release a quivering cry against his chest.

  “So fuckin’ wet,” he growls. A second later, he’s lifting the new dress over my head and releasing my bra to suck on one breast, rolling the nipple of the other between his fingers. I twist my fingers through his long hair and release a moan with my head titled back.

  How I can want him so badly after we were together mere hours ago is a big fucking mystery, but not one I’m about to stop to question.

  Then his lips are back on mine and we rock together amidst the sounds of the waves crashing onto shore. His hardness pushes against my slickness and I nearly lose my shit. “Take your jeans off,” I beg, running my fingers over the thickness. “I wanna fuck you so hard.”

  Colt draws away, panting. “No fuckin’ rubber.”

  I trace my fingers across his full lips. Nothing in this moment can stop me from having my way with him. “They gave me an IUD in prison and I’m clean. Swear to God.”

  “I’m clean too. Never gone inside anyone without somethin’ on.” His hands leave my body to wrestle with his belt buckle and I’m right behind him to work on his button and zipper. I back off a little as we both pull his jeans down just enough to set his enormous hard-on free. There’s a thrilling vibe between us that renders a quiet sigh inside my throat, and I’m unable to move when his intense gaze is back on mine.

  “You’re so damn beautiful,” he breathes, running a strand of hair through his fingers, brushing his thumb against my jaw in the process. “I’m going to take care of you, Harley. I’ll find a way to make it better, I swear to you.”

  Unable to take the seriousness of the moment, I interrupt it by hoisting myself around his shoulders with my underwear stretched to the side. I sink back down on top of him, groaning when his divine cock fills me without the annoying feel of latex separating us. I bend to capture his mouth, but he stops me with a thumb pressed to my chin. “As much as I love tasting that beautiful mouth, I want to watch your face when I make you come.”

  Christ. There’s no escaping the intensity of his feelings under the watch of those beautiful blue eyes and I have no idea how to deal with the warm tingles inside my stomach. Large hands grip my ass, guiding me, possibly leaving bruises. The thick muscles in his thighs strain beneath mine when he bucks as I rise again slowly then lower with a twist of my hips, drowning in the beauty of the pools of blue staring back at me.

  “Fuck, darlin,’ I ain’t gonna last long,” he mutters, resting his forehead against mine. “You feel too damn good, like nothin’ I’ve ever felt before.”

  The words tap a sudden determination in my gut and I speed my thrusts, wrapping my arms around his head as I bounce harder against him. Knuckles rubbing against my pounding clit, Colt coaxes a delightful orgasm from me at the same time he roars his own final release. His head tilts back as he fills me with his warm cum, clutching me tight against him. I sink against his hard chest, still reveling in the amazing sex and intense connection we shared as tingles shoot down my legs and settle in my toes.

  Pieces of my heart both soar and break with the return of the undeniable connection I felt the first time he was inside of me.

  It’s going to be almost impossible to let him go.

  8

  After falling asleep in Colt’s bed, safely wrapped inside his inked arms and breathing in his irresistible scent, I’m able to slip away and pack my gifted belongings into the messenger bag Kandi loaned me before the sun is up and before Colt realizes I’m no longer at his side.

  A big chunk of my night was spent lying awake, worrying I was making the wrong decision as the beautiful man’s chest rose and fell beneath my cheek. While I’m certain Colt wasn’t saying all those sweet things the night before to make me sleep with him again, the level of commitment he was offering was just too much to swallow. Even if I was ready to give myself to him in that way, I have nothing to offer him in return.

  My priority is getting my life back together. On my own. I won’t be able to put the pieces back together with Remmy and Axel smashing them apart. Nor will I tolerate becoming a tragic princess in need of saving.

  Thankfu
lly Colt arranged for my bike to be dropped off in the night. I push it down the block before bringing it to life and roaring out of the quiet neighborhood. As the distance between me and Colt grows, a gaping hole stretches through my chest. If things go the way I plan, I may never see him again.

  And damn it, the realization of letting Colt go stings like a motherfucker.

  My headlight cuts across the open freeway until it catches on the sign announcing the exit to the clubhouse. I can’t be sure what possesses me to do it, but I veer off and ride the remainder of the way with a knot forming inside my stomach. Maybe I’m an idiot for saying goodbye to a building, but there’s an aching need to cut the last of the strings to my old life before I can move forward.

  The parking lot is filled with Harleys, likely belonging to members too plastered to drive home. I set my feet on the pavement with my bike still idling, staring at the metal building. For a crippling moment, it become crystal clear that I’m making a huge mistake and there’s a real chance I could build a new life with Colt.

  But then I remember how the MC ripped my parents apart and I don’t know that it’s the kind of life I want to live. My father’s gone and so are the happy memories that drew me to this place.

  It’s time to move on.

  The roar of another engine startles me. When Remmy comes into view down the road behind me, looking badass on his hog despite his age, I nearly yelp. I’m lifting my feet off the ground when he pulls up next to me, arm extended. “We need to talk.”

  Shaking my head, I push on the throttle. “Don’t waste your breath. I’m leaving town.”

  “Won’t take no for an answer,” he growls in the same leathery voice that once sang funny songs to make me laugh.

  Jesus. I may be twenty-four years old, but it’s like I’m ten all over again as I crank my handlebars to follow him. We dismount together and I set Kandi’s bag on the seat, lagging behind when Remmy starts for the clubhouse. Whatever he could possibly have to say to me, I wish he’d just get it over with out here so I could get a move on. Spending more time in this place will increase the chances of Colt finding me.

  And if I have to look into his beautiful gaze again, I don’t know if I'll have the strength to walk away again from this man who is slowly capturing my heart.

  Dozens of bikers and half-naked women are spread around the clubhouse, their stench and snores so obnoxious I can’t hold back an eye roll. Ranger’s on the pool table by himself, mouth lagging in deep slumber. Remmy breezes past them to his office, but I halt in the doorway.

  Nuh-uh. Can’t go in here without releasing a floodgate of memories.

  “Sit down,” Remmy barks, pointing to the same worn-out arm chair I spent a quarter of my life sitting across from him as he took care of business. Growling under my breath, I comply.

  The small office has given way to modern changes: paneling replaced with sheetrock, outdated curtains replaced with blinds, ratty old secretary chair replaced with something out of an IKEA catalog. I nearly fall off the chair with the sight of a new laptop where a typewriter once sat and a flat screen mounted on the wall. Remmy swore up and down he’d never give in to technology.

  It smells the same as I remember though—a mysterious blend of coffee, cigarettes, leather and what must be mildew—and his desk is still buried beneath a mound of paperwork. Honestly the odor should make me ill, but it warms my heart instead.

  I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed this place or the man behind the desk.

  Remmy rifles through the paperwork to avoid eye contact. “It wasn’t right of me to slap you the other day.”

  “I’m over it,” I say dryly. “If you brought me here to apologize, you could’ve done it outside.”

  “You should’a been here, Harley.” His gray eyes draw up to meet mine, filled with hurt and unspeakable anger. “Wasn’t right for ya to skip your own pop’s funeral like that. It would’ve broken his heart had he known you wouldn’t come.”

  “Well he’s dead, so it doesn’t matter.”

  “Matters to me. Mattered to him.”

  “What the fuck is Axel doing here?” I blurt, suddenly shaking. “How could you let him in after everything he did to our father?”

  “Boy’s allowed to make mistakes, Harley. Just like you.”

  “So you welcome him with open arms after he shut me and my father out for most of his life, but you can’t forgive me for being too heartbroken to attend a funeral?” I bolt to my feet, fists cocked at my sides. “Jesus, Remmy! Do you even hear the hypocrisy in what you’re saying?”

  Worn leather boots cross on the desk top as he leans back with a long sigh. “You were like a daughter to me, Harley. I watched you go from a little punk-nosed snot into a determined, confident young woman. You did me proud when you went off to college and finally broke free of this place. Then you got your ass thrown in prison and came crawling back here, ready to slip back into the life you’ve become too good for.”

  Crinkled eyes glare up at me amidst a deep scowl. “You think I wanna see you give up a bright future for all this? Watch you get shit-faced every other night with a group of warn out veterans who put their lives on the line defendin’ what we believe in and earnin’ money in a less than honest way? You think I want you to come along with us when we bust the skulls of pedophiles and kiddy drug pushers? I can’t let you stick around and just wait for you get sent back to prison! You’re too good for this place! You deserve better!”

  “This is my home!” I scream. “I have nowhere else to go! You can’t shut me out and welcome Axel with open arms! It’s not right and it’s not fair! You can’t decide my future for me!”

  Remmy’s expression clouds over. “Sit yer ass down and stop yellin’ at me! I ain’t finished!”

  Lips held tight, I flop back into the chair. Cranky old asshole is like my fucking puppet master. Every time he tells me to jump, I’m willing to ask how high.

  “I didn’t completely shut you out, kid. Once I heard Colt offered a place for you to stay, I ordered him to do everything in his power to keep you around. I knew I made a mistake in turnin’ you away before you even left.”

  My stomach tightens painfully. Had Colt promised to take care of me only because he was ordered to? Is that why he told me all those things down on the beach? Is what we have...had...a big fat lie? Suddenly, I'm sick to my stomach at the thought of finally having something real being not so real at all. It certainly puts a new perspective on everything.

  “And your brother’s bein’ here wasn’t entirely my idea. Fug an’ Thunder convinced me it’s what your pop would want. I’m not too keen on the kid stickin’ around, but he’s proved his worth in this MC and deserves to stay. To be perfectly honest, the only reason I like him around is because he reminds me of you and your pop. The kid’s kinda shady if you ask me.”

  “You think Jawa would’ve wanted him here?” I ask quietly.

  “I do. Your pop was all about family. Nearly killed him when he an’ your mom drifted apart. He loved that boy every bit as much as he loved you. He would’ve been proud to know Axel enlisted in the Army despite his anger at your pop and this place.”

  I rub at my temples, trying to absorb everything he said. “What happened to his leg?”

  “Enemy grenade dropped down the hatch of an armored vehicle. He’s lucky a leg’s all he lost. The other guys with him all died.”

  “Explains the nickname ‘Lucky,’” I mumble to myself.

  “Look, Harley. I’ve said my peace. You’re a grown woman who needs to make her own decisions. If you want me to help you get back on your feet so you can get the hell outta here, I’ll do whatever it takes to get the job done. If you’re plannin’ to stick around after that, I’ll have no part of it. Your pop wouldn’t want you to throw your life away.”

  I shake my head, laughing bitterly. “Being a part of this club is not throwing my life away. I’m starting to think you’re reluctant only because I have a pair of tits instead of a fucking dick hang
ing between my legs.”

  “Watch your tone with me, young lady.” He leans over his desk, eyes narrowed. “This has nothin’ to do with you bein’ a woman and everythin’ to do with you bein’ Jawa’s daughter. He was my best friend and I feel I owe it to him to make sure you don’t fuck everythin’ up. I’ve told you what I had to say. Now it’s up to you. You’ll always be family. Whether or not you let me help so you can be on your way, that’s up for you to decide.”

  When he rises from behind the desk, I fear he’s coming around to knock sense into me. But he reaches out for my hand, helping me to stand, and wraps me in his smoke-smelling embrace. “I love ya, kid. Always have, always will.”

  I soften with the words, but remain lifeless in his arms. “I’ll have to think about it.”

  In reality, that’s bullshit. If he’s truly accepting me now, I’d love to have his support until I decide what to do next, but I can’t stay here without getting too attached to Colt and then I’ll want to stay.

  I still have to go.

  I pull back. “I’m going down to San Diego for a few days. It’s been too long since I’ve been to the ocean.” Another bold-faced lie, but not something I’m about to disclose to Remmy. “Kandi got me a phone, so if you give me your number I’ll give you call once I know where I’m settled.”

  “Already got your number.” A wide smile against his lips brings deep creases around his eyes and familiar flutter to my heart. “I’ll be in touch.”

  “Okay,” I say with a nod. “Thanks, Remmy.”

  “I’m sorry for actin’ the way I did. I hope you understand.”

  With another small nod, I exit the office. Apologies aren’t exactly something I know how to deal with, just like all the other emotions this place and the people in it have dredged up.

  Small pangs of my bladder remind me I didn’t use the bathroom at Colt’s, so I sneak down the hallway to find the women’s bathroom exactly where I remember it.