by Olivia Snow
My palms became clammy and my scalp prickled with anxiety. Shit. She didn’t know, no wonder she was so calm. She didn’t know I had crashed her dad’s last prized possession.
Chapter Three
Ava
Rose turned to me, and I could tell what she was about to say was killing her. Jesus, this family was one bit of bad news after the other.
“Ava, baby. In April, Vanessa was in—”
Vanessa cleared her throat, interrupting Rose. She looked up at me with confidence in her eyes, but it quickly disappeared as she opened her mouth.
“Ava, I, I…um, I’m sorry, I crashed your dad’s truck.” My mouth dried. I was having a hard time swallowing let alone talking. Then anger started boiling through my veins. I willed myself to calm down, remembering the breathing techniques I was taught in class. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Visualize my calm place.
But my calm place reminded me of my father, taking me directly back to the anger I was trying so hard to control. I wanted to scream in fury, stomp my feet, and pull out my hair, but I didn’t. I took in a deep breath and it came out jagged. I squeezed my eyes closed.
“What actually happened?” I spoke through my teeth. I didn’t see, but felt my family members looking back and forth amongst themselves, surprised by my reaction or lack thereof. I was expecting Uncle Bill or even Rose to speak. I was surprised when it was Vanessa’s voice I heard.
“Sleet had fallen that day and by nighttime the roads were frozen over. I had been drinking. I stole the keys to the truck and drove it out to the main road. I was speeding and lost control.” Vanessa hung her head. “I wrapped the truck around a tree.”
“She’s lucky to be alive, Ava.” Uncle Bill spoke in a pleading tone of voice. “By some miracle she only came out of the whole ordeal with a broken arm, some scrapes and bruises.”
“I’m so sorry, Ava. I was just so upset and torn up after what you did.”
She was sorry; well, I guess that made it all right. She only crashed one of my dad’s most valued belongings. One less thing I had of him. There was a handful of items he loved with all his heart, and the truck was one of them.
“So, because I slept with your boyfriend that gave you the right to drive my dad’s truck—while intoxicated—and speed, while the roads were wet? You were extremely lucky, and I thank God you didn’t get really hurt or die for fuck’s sake, but really Vanessa, you feel justified?” I gaped at my cousin. Vanessa had the decency to avoid my eyes.
“Ava,” Uncle Bill said softly. “The truck was totaled. There was no way of repairing it.”
I looked down at my chest to make sure there wasn’t an actual knife sticking out of my skin. That’s how pronounced the pain was. My first instinct was to look at Rose. Her bottom lip trembled, her eyes pooling with tears as she took my hand and squeezed.
One thing I learned in the program was to apologize to the people who had been affected by my disease. It was time. If it weren’t for my drinking I wouldn’t have slept with Gabriel, and if I had never slept with Gabriel I wouldn’t have needed to leave for Sicily after his death. I would have stayed here and helped Vanessa through her grief. She wouldn’t have turned to drinking and partying. She would have never felt so much hate toward me that she needed to see me suffer.
I reached over, taking Rose’s other hand into mine, and she turned so she was directly in front of me.
“I’m so sorry, Rose, this was all my fault.”
“What?” Everyone in the room spoke at once, almost like it was meant to be a whisper, but was said louder than intended.
“If I wasn’t so fucked up, I wouldn’t have betrayed Vanessa, and she wouldn’t have been driven to drink, and the accident would have never happened.” I kept my gaze on my mother. Her hands trembled as her mouth dropped open, then she started shaking her head.
“No, honey. This was not your fault. You take responsibility for the actions you made, not what your actions led others to do. Vanessa getting drunk and driving Babbo’s truck was her fault, no one else’s.”
“Your mother’s right, Ava,” Uncle Bill agreed. I heard what they were saying. Still, I couldn’t stop from feeling guilty for everything that had happened since we moved into their house. Thick silent tears ran down my cheeks as the weight of never driving that truck again hit me like a bag of bricks. I would never get to smell the worn leather and cigars etched into the seats and carpet. It felt like I was once again denied a last goodbye to my father. And they waited a whole three months before anyone said anything to me.
“Ava?” Rose cupped my face in her hands. “The only reason I didn’t tell you sooner was because you were doing so well in your program I didn’t want you to have any setbacks. I was going to tell you when the time was right, my intention wasn’t to keep it from you. Please believe me.” Her gaze screamed desperation.
I nodded, swallowing hard. “I believe you.”
I saw her relief as her shoulders relaxed a little. Internally, I was clawing at the need to run away from these people, but I couldn’t do that.
I was a different person from the Ava I left behind eight months ago. This new Ava could handle shit when it hit the fan, she didn’t run. I wiped the tears off my face and turned in Uncle Bill’s direction, clearing my throat before speaking.
“So, why am I here?”
“I…we,” he signaled to Cynthia, Rose, and himself, “want you and Vanessa to make up. Now, I know you two have a lot to talk about, and nothing’s going to change overnight. But if you agree to keep the attacks verbal and not physical…” He looked over at Vanessa who was now staring at me in humiliation. I don’t think she’s ever seen me cry, or at least she probably doesn’t remember the last time. “I have a proposition for the both of you.”
“What sort of proposition?” Vanessa and I said at the same time.
“Ava, I know you have no place to live, your mom’s apartment is too small for the both of you, and I know you don’t want to live here. I have a new apartment building across from D.U. You wouldn’t have to pay rent, but if you wanted to I’d give you a great deal. With Vanessa going to school there, this fall I want to make sure she’s safe and there’s no one I trust more with my princess than you.” Yeah, sure, he’s just saying this to butter me up. “And Vanessa,” he continued, “if you agree to live with Ava and fix your issues with each other, I will let you live in the apartment.”
“Pass, I’ll live in the dorms,” Vanessa said instantly.
“If you don’t go along with this, Vanessa, you’ll force me to do something I would rather not.”
“Like what, Daddy? Cut me off? Take my car? My phone?” She sounded like a major brat. Uncle Bill shook his head in distaste, his cold smile spreading while he directed his attention fully on her.
“Did you ever wonder why you never went to jail? Why you never received at least a ticket? The police chief is a longtime friend of mine. He helped me keep the accident off the books. If you refuse to reconcile with your cousin and live with her, I will call Pat and have him file a report. And you will go to jail.”
Holy shit.
Chapter Four
Vanessa
It took some time for me to processes the words that had come out of my father’s mouth. Fix your relationship with Ava or go to jail.
A part of me wanted to call his bluff, but another part—the most rational part—knew my dad wasn’t much for empty threats. Swallowing, I looked to my mother for reinforcement, and she responded with a curt nod in agreement with my father. I couldn’t believe this was happening. When did my parents start caring whether Ava and I got along?
I was accepted into Denver University just like they’d always wanted. Granted, I wasn’t named valedictorian in high school; my grades slipped a little after Gabriel’s death, but I pulled through on my finals enough to get acceptance into their preferred school. What more could they ask for?
I glanced at Ava; she was as dumbstruck as I was. Her mouth was sl
ightly open, and when she caught my gaze she snapped it closed, crossed her arms, and shook her head in disappointment.
“Well, what other choice do I have?” I asked.
“You’ll agree to do this?” Daddy asked cautiously.
“Um, hello, I have no say in this.” Ava waved her hands in the air, attempting to get our attention. Aunt Rose gently tugged her hands down, giving her a glare. Frustrated, she sucked her teeth without speaking another word.
“Yes, I’ll agree,” I said. “As long as in the future you won’t dangle this in my face again. You played your card and you can’t reuse it, it’s only fair.”
“As long as you keep your word and work things out with Ava, and do well in school, of course. You have my word.”
I believed my father, but Mother was another story. She would use this to get anything she wanted from me. I doubted she would go over my father’s head, but I knew never to underestimate my mother. I nodded, acknowledging my father, agreeing to this cruel coercion. Ava’s eyes flickered between my father and me, her mouth open once again in shock.
“Very well then, it’s done.” Mother clasped her hands together before standing. “Tea, anyone?”
Aunt Rose, Daddy, and myself gawked at Mother. Unbelievable.
Ava threw her hands in the air, sinking back into the sofa in defeat. I got up and went directly into my room, locking myself in. Before laying down on my bed, I took a quick glance at myself in the mirror. For the first time since changing my appearance I felt ridiculous. Who was I kidding? As if dying my hair and getting a piercing would turn me into a bad ass; I was a joke. No wonder Ava laughed at me.
I took my piercing out, hoping it would heal without scarring. There was nothing I could do about my hair except let it grow out. I wasn’t sure whom I’d turned into, or what I’d turned into.
Some might say I was foolish for breaking down after the death of my three-month boyfriend, but it was more than that. It was the betrayal of my family, as well as what my parents had done to Ava, how they left her after my uncle’s passing, and the way she had turned on me. I couldn’t comprehend how she could have slept with Gabriel and kept it from me.
Mallory told me everything after Ava left. How she had met Gabriel first at a party and slept with him. Then after finding out he was my crush, she had tried to stay away, but slept with him once again. After he and I had become a couple, they had fooled around behind my back. Mallory said they were in love, but we were in love. And all my blame fell on Ava. How could I be mad at someone who was no longer here? I couldn’t, right?
My emotions were all over the place, blame was scattered, spread throughout my family. I trusted no one. Not even myself.
***
I spent the entire day locked away in my room playing The Last of Us on my PS4, an action-adventure survival game. The next morning I came down to eat breakfast. Mother and Daddy were already sitting and reading their papers, completely ignoring each other. I had never really paid attention to my parents’ marriage until I had been in my own relationship. Then I began to notice the flaws in their relationship.
My parents hardly ever spoke to each other unless it involved business or Declan and I. They never hugged or kissed. The last time I remember them kissing was—wow, I can’t remember the last time I witnessed my parents kissing. I don’t think I have ever seen my parents physically interacting with each other.
“Good morning, Princess.” Daddy’s gaze followed my movements as I sat down at the table. I smiled tightly as I prepared my coffee, instantly sensing Mother’s stare boring into my head.
“Vanessa,” she warned.
“Mother.” I glared over the top of the mug, taking a sip.
“Let it go, Cynthia,” Dad cautioned. Her angry stare swept from me to my father.
Oh, if only looks could kill.
My poor dad would have been castrated and force-fed his balls by now. Her scowl soon faded into an icy sinister stare, then a calculating smile. It gave me goose bumps and I knew I wouldn’t be able to say no to whatever was about to come out of her mouth. My boldness only went so far. She still had a hold on me whether I wanted to admit it or not.
“I’m glad you took that ridiculous piercing out,” she hissed.
Picking up a strip of bacon, I pushed the whole thing in my mouth and replied, “Yup.”
She fumed, but quickly recovered her menacing expression, and my goose bumps reappeared. “There’s a boy I’d like you to meet. His family just moved to Colorado, and like you he will also be attending D.U. He’s only been here a couple of months. I’ve invited him and his mother over today for lunch. You will be attending and you will remember the manners you have seem to neglect. Understood?” She made sure to pronounce every syllable of the word. And when she says meet, she actually means I have to either kindle a friendship or worse, a courtship.
The bacon in my mouth now tasted spoiled, and the urge to vomit amplified when I looked at my father for some reassurance or some protection from my mother. Surely he wouldn’t be in favor of this. He knew, he saw the way I loved—the way I still love Gabriel. But Daddy only adjusted his newspaper, completely ignoring my pleading stare.
He was in on this. What. The. Hell? My eyes burned with tears. This was all I was to my parents, a ticket to a better social status. I’d been groomed and primed my whole life, preparing to get sold off to the highest bidder.
Whatever bravery I’d mustered recently diminished instantly, evaporating into nothing, causing me to curl back into my shell. Once again becoming the pristine princess puppet they had birthed into this world. Mother’s eyes lit up in awareness, and she smiled wickedly in triumph. She watched my whole demeanor change, my shoulders slumping.
“Yes, Mother.” My voice came out in a hoarse whisper. It took all my energy not to break down in tears.
“Good. Now finish your breakfast, I’ll call Santiago for an emergency appointment. Hopefully he’ll be able to do something to that ghastly hair of yours. Honestly, Vanessa what were you thinking?” Her rhetorical question went unanswered just like she intended.
I forced the rest of my breakfast down, willing myself to grasp onto the small amount of strength I had left. Excusing myself, I went upstairs, on my way glaring at the stupid chandelier. I can’t believe I once described my parents as my lifeline. How could I have been so stupid, not realizing what I really meant to them? In the sanctuary and security of my room, I pressed my head into my pillow and screamed, knowing my sorrow would be muffled. I sobbed until I wailed myself to sleep.
An hour or so later, Mother shook me awake, drawing in a breath of annoyance while she took a look at my swollen tearful eyes.
“Please, Vanessa, enough with the melodrama. Compose yourself, throw some cold water on your face. It’s time for your appointment with Santiago.”
Santiago, the master of all that is hair dye, dyed my red highlights a cross between light brown and blonde and my platinum blonde highlights into a subtle blonde. He cut my sharp layers so they flowed better, now they weren’t as blunt. To my surprise it looked really pretty, but I hated it because it was something else I was forced to wear without my input. My mind was clouded with darkness, and all of a sudden the thought of not coming back from that crash seemed morbidly appealing.
Chapter Five
Ava
I wasn’t given a choice on whether or not I wanted to do this. I wasn’t the type to let people punish me for the mistakes I’ve made, I did that all on my own. My fear was that I’d get sick of dealing with Vanessa and do something I’d regret.
I wasn’t sure if my new coping techniques would keep me from reverting back to my old ways and handle things with my fists instead of my words. But after Rose’s pleading, I couldn’t say no to her. No matter what she’d done to me in the past, she was still my mother and we were far better now than we had been eight months ago.
“Please, Avie, do this not only for me, but for your cousin. She’s lost and in need of guidance. I know
you don’t see it right now, but this will be the best for the both of you.”
I only flinched a little when she called me Avie. The reaction was reduced with confusion. How was this going to help either of us? I didn’t argue or try to have a conversation about it. I had no fight left when it came to this family. I was here to do whatever it was they needed, and nothing more. It was why I had come back.
After leaving the Saint John hellhole, I drove around town without having anywhere to go. I figured I’d rent a room at a hotel until Vanessa and I traveled down to Denver and moved into the new apartment building. Rose told me I could stay in her apartment, but I wanted my own space until I had to share it with yet another person I had issues with.
While I drove, I found myself near a very familiar building. I decided to park the rental car and pay him an unexpected visit. Heather, his receptionist, welcomed me with a warm genuine smile. I relaxed, a sense of comfort overwhelming me.
“Ava, how are you? You look well.”
I gave her an awkward wave with my tight yet sincere smile. “Heather, hello, I’m good. How are you?” Her grin widened as she stood, and I immediately noticed her protruding stomach. She placed her hand on her bump, making the statement clearer that she was pregnant.
“Oh, wow! How far—?” I was interrupted by the sound of his door opening. He carried a stack of papers under his arm. He was flipping through them without noticing I was a couple of feet away.
“Heather, would you mind—” He stopped mid-sentence when he glanced up. He beamed before dropping the stacks on Heather’s desk, and he took one giant step toward me. Dr. Parker tugged me into a warm hug, lifting me off the ground.
“You’re here,” he said into my hair. I hugged him tighter feeling my throat dry and my eyes water.