by Olivia Snow
He was the closest thing I had to a father. Since meeting him, despite Gabriel’s death, my life had turned completely around. I’ve become a better me because of his guidance. I couldn’t help but feel like he was some sort of guardian angel. Letting me go, he stepped back, his eyes glistening with happy tears.
“Yeah, I decided to come early,” I said, a little embarrassed about my sudden flood of emotions.
“I can see that.” He laughed with his familiar stare, and I knew I was in for an impromptu therapy session. But isn’t that why I came? “Come on in.” He gestured toward his office. “Heather.” He gave her a nod, communicating silently with her as she nodded in return. Inside, I crashed onto the familiar white leather love seat with a giant “oomph.”
“So?” He sat across from me, bending his leg and placing his ankle on the opposite knee.
I shrugged, taking a strand of my hair and wrapping it around my index finger, feeling shy all of a sudden.
“How are you feeling?” His voice was full of concern.
Sighing, heavily I let go of my hair before answering. “I don’t know, Doc, I think I feel worse than I did before I left. If you can believe that.” I glanced up at his gaze after a moment.
“Are you having urges?” He frowned.
“To drink?” When he nodded, I continued, “Umm, no, not really, I mean…well, yeah sort of. But it’s not strong enough for me to actually go through with it.”
“Does that apply to both your addictions?” He shifted in his seat, showing a glimpse of discomfort, which piqued my interest. Why does he suddenly seem uncomfortable?
“Doc, I’m not a sex addict. I can go without getting laid. I’ve been abstinent since Gabriel.”
“Really?” He seemed surprised.
“Yes.” I sighed in annoyance.
He shifted again in his seat before mumbling, “How often do you masturbate?”
“Ew, Doc, gross, I’m not discussing that with you.”
“Ava.” This time he sighed. “I’m asking purely to evaluate your progress. I see you as a daughter, for Christ’s sake. Do you really think I want to know this? This is just to make sure you’re still stable.”
For crying out loud! I was so done with telling him I was not a sex addict. It was just my coping mechanism, as was alcohol. I wasn’t addicted to sex. It only helped conceal my sadness and anger. Honestly, I wasn’t even big on masturbating, why do that when I could go out and get the real thing? But Dr. Parker still seemed adamant I was a sex addict, so hopefully this time I could get it through his thick skull that I wasn’t.
“Nope. No flicking of the bean since way before Gabriel.” I stared at Dr. Parker as he choked on his own spit and turned bright red. His eyes widened before he buried his head between his hands.
“Jesus, Ava.” He spoke inside his shelter.
“What? You asked.”
“Sometimes I forget your youth.” His voice was muffled against his hands.
I grunted. “Me too.” Boy, did I ever. If I were to turn every horrible thing I had experienced into another year, I’d be in my late forties and not my youthful nineteen.
“Then maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all.” He shook his head, sitting up and dropping his hands into his lap.
“What’s not a good idea?”
“I have an acquaintance who is looking for a babysitter for his six-year-old grandson. It would be Monday through Friday and every other weekend. You would take the boy to school and pick him up afterwards. Then stay with him until his father gets home from work. His grandparents are getting too old to keep up with his schedule so they’re in need of some help.”
“Have you lost your ever-loving mind?”
“Pardon?” He frowned.
“You’re willing to place the life of an innocent child in the hands of a recovering alcoholic?” I gaped.
“Ava, you’re depressed. You feel like you have nothing, so you go back to that dysfunctional family of yours. I’m glad your back, but you need a life of your own. One that’s outside of your family. When I saw you walk into my office, it occurred to me that you would be great with Aidan. You’ve already proven more than once that you’re capable of properly caring for someone. You’re still doing it now, for crying out loud, it’s the reason you came back.”
“Aidan?” I asked, not wanting to hear any praises. Shit like that always made me uncomfortable. I didn’t like being labeled a good person. I’d done enough bad in my short nineteen years of living that would completely blow me out of that category.
“That’s the little boy’s name.” He gave me his I know what you’re doing stare. I nodded, ignoring his look as I sat back trying to figure out if I could do this or not.
The way my life was going, I was willing to try anything. I was too tired, I’d lost my fighting nature, and I was exhausted of everything being so damn complicated and brimming with drama.
I felt as if I was just going through the motions. Luckily, I was great with kids. They had always gravitated to me without me even wanting them to. I was fine with the idea of watching other people’s kids, though I had long since decided I would never have one of my own out of fear that I’d fuck them up like Rose did to me.
“Fine, what do I have to lose?”
Dr. Parker grinned. “Great! You start next week, let me get you all the information you’ll need.” He stood and stepped over to his desk.
Sneaky bastard already knew I’d say yes.
Chapter Six
Vanessa
I sat across from Stellen Webb and his mother, Eleanor Webb. Mother had gone to the trouble of decorating the entire back deck as if we were feeding the Queen of England.
There was an awkward tension in the air, made heavier by the fact that Stellen was freaking gorgeous. He was gigantic, so tall he had to scoot his chair away from the table in order to make room for his legs. His hair was so blonde it looked like snow, and his eyes were a warm hazel with flecks of gold in the center. The way he winked at me when he was being intentionally ambiguous made my stomach flutter.
He was brazen, but in a discrete way. Flirting with me in front of my mother spoke volumes about his personality. Stellen had been raised to know his place in the world, and confidence radiated off of him. I was instantly drawn to him, and a little envious of him at the same time.
“So, Vanessa, what are you majoring in?” he asked. As he took a strawberry to his mouth, he bit down making a sensual slurping sound. My eyes widened at his audacity, and I chuckled as my mother almost choked on her mimosa. Mrs. Webb was completely impervious to her son; she continued her conversation with Cynthia as if nothing had happened. Stellen raised his eyebrow, awaiting my answer.
“Um, Business Management. You?” I squeaked.
“Oh, I have my fingers in a couple of places.” Without even looking at her, I could feel my mother’s urge to say something to him. I bit down on my bottom lip to suppress my laughter, tucking my chin as I tried to hide behind my hair.
“Mrs. Saint John, this is a lovely home you have here,” he said, glancing around our impressive back deck that overlooked a forest of evergreens. “I have to say I’m a little disappointed we weren’t offered a tour.” Mrs. Webb adjusted herself in her seat as if she wanted to say something but dared not. Mother’s spine stiffened, the tops of her cheeks burning a light pink. Wow, Mother is embarrassed, what a sight.
“Well, Stellen.” She cleared her throat. “I’m sure Vanessa would love to show you around.” She turned to look at me, instantly communicating what she wanted me to do. I didn’t need to hear the words to know what she was thinking: “Keep him happy, Vanessa, or so help me God.”
Out loud, she added, “Wouldn’t you, sweetheart?”
“Yes, of course,” I replied sweetly, standing. I stretched my arm toward the door, signaling Stellen inside. He rose, fastening the single navy blue button on his light blue blazer before speaking.
“Mother.” He nodded sharply before turning to
face my mother and adding, “Mrs. Saint John.” Both women smiled politely in return, and I could tell my mother’s was forced. Once I closed the wide French doors behind us, Stellen’s demeanor changed, and his shoulders relaxed as he unbuttoned his blazer.
“I won’t bite,” he said, trailing behind me. Soon I felt his chest against my back and I froze, holding my breath. “Unless you want me to,” he added in a whisper, nuzzling his nose against the shell of my ear.
I stumbled, bumping into a wall, nearly toppling a few picture frames.
“Easy there, tiger.” He laughed, adjusting the frames.
“You’re quite friendly.” My breath hitched as I tried to laugh it off, but now that we were alone I was feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
“Am I laying it on too thick?” he asked, crossing one arm over his chest as he tapped his free index finger against his lips.
Grunting, I answered, “Ya think?” Snapping my mouth closed, my eyes enlarged in horror. Oh, no. Mother was going to be pissed. To my surprise, Stellen’s lips widened into a smile, and he bit down on his bottom lip.
“All right, honey, I’ll back off a little,” he said, stepping closer to me. “But we both know what this meeting was about, so you can either fight your parents on this and be terribly unhappy…or you can come easily and I’ll promise to make you a very, very happy girl.”
Stellen placed his hands on either side of my head, then lowered his lips toward mine.
In seconds, I considered what I should do next. If I kicked him in the balls, my parents would be infuriated. They may even lock me up in some sort of institution. If I kissed him, it would make them happy, but even though Stellen was beautiful, there was no chemistry or deep attraction there.
I wasn’t over Gabriel. No one could ever make me feel like he had. No matter what my parents tried to do, I refused to be with Stellen. I needed to come up with a plan that would please my parents for the time being, but keep him from getting closer. Before I could stop myself, I said the only thing I thought would stop him in his tracks.
“I’m a virgin.”
Stellen closed his eyes for a brief second before stepping back. Yes! Mission accomplished.
“Did you think I was going to take you here against the wall? What sort of a guy do you think I am?”
Oh, shit. I thought fast, trying to find the right words. “No, of course not. I just thought you should know, if we’re going to continue this, ah…whatever this is.” Well, that wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. I felt my cheeks burning all the way up to the tips of my ears. Stellen chuckled as he slipped a piece of my hair between his fingers and tucked it behind my ear, then caressed my cheek with his thumb.
“Listen, let’s take this slow, yeah? How I was acting outside was to make your mother squirm. It’s fairly easy, and I like pissing her off.”
That brought a smile to my face. Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.
“Okay,” I whispered, looking down as I nodded. “Let’s finish the tour.”
***
That night, Mallory came over to catch up. We hadn’t talked at all since yesterday when Ava had arrived. We sat on the reclining chairs in the home theater my mother despised. In front of us was an incredibly large assortment of popcorn sprinkled and dipped in varying flavors. My favorite was the sour green apple.
“That’s disgusting,” Mallory said, pointing at my bowl as I took a handful to my mouth.
“Waa? Ffhis?” I opened my mouth to gross her out even more. Green soggy pieces of popcorn fell from my mouth.
“You’re sick.” She laughed, throwing a kern and hitting me between the eyes.
I giggled, swallowing what was in my mouth.
“So, Ava’s back?” she asked, taking a sip from her water bottle.
“Yeah, she arrived yesterday. I’m surprised she hasn’t called you.” I took more popcorn from my bowl.
“I haven’t really spoken to her since she left.” Mallory looked down, seemingly out of embarrassment.
“Why not?” This was all news to me; I always assumed they had stayed in contact. Mal was Ava’s closest friend when she had lived here.
“I don’t know, I guess everything that went down really freaked me out, you know? She’s an alcoholic, I don’t need that sort of drama in my life. That makes me sound like a horrible person, doesn’t it?”
I swallowed hard before speaking. I needed that extra second to carefully arrange my words. “No, it makes you human. You have enough problems in your own life to be adding someone else’s. I just—” I stopped myself before continuing.
“You just what?” She looked up at me questioningly.
“I just…don’t get mad, all right? I just thought since you were like her only friend, you would have shown a little more concern.” She looked down once again, and this time I could tell she was embarrassed and regretful. “Mal, I didn’t mean to make you—”
“It’s okay, Van. So, who’s this guy who has Cynthia’s panties all in a bunch?” I knew this conversation wasn’t over, but I was willing to change the subject for now.
“His name is Stellen. Stellen W—”
“Webb, yeah, I’ve met him. Slimy as they come.” She shuddered. “I was wondering when your mother was going to set you up. I met him two weeks ago at that charity fundraiser I told you about. The one with the really good crab cakes, remember?”
“Ah, yes, I remember. You didn’t particularly like him? He’s pretty good looking.” I felt a little self-conscious my best friend wasn’t drooling over my potential future husband.
“Yeah, he’s good looking all right, but I don’t know…there’s something about him. Like he’s hiding something.”
“We’re all hiding something.”
“Meow! Miss Saint John, has he stolen your heart already?”
I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “No.”
“You’re sassy today, what’s up with you?”
“Nothing’s wrong, I just think you shouldn’t be so quick to come up with your own conclusions without knowing the entire story behind someone’s life.”
“Just like you not knowing the entire story behind Ava and Gabriel?”
“Or you with Ava?” I countered, feeling my face turn red with anger.
Mallory’s eyes widened in resentment and she opened her mouth before snapping it shut. “I think it’s time I go home.”
“I agree.” I stood up, watching as Mallory grabbed her purse and hurried upstairs toward the front door.
Shortly after she left, my mood only worsened. This was not the direction I wanted this night to go in. I wanted drama-free fun filled with junk food and movies with my best friend.
Leave it to the memory of Ava and Gabriel to ruin it. Maybe this was a conversation between Mallory and I that was long overdue. Maybe we needed to have it before either of us spoke to Ava. While I reached for my phone to call her, it rang in my hand. Mallory. We must’ve had the same thought.
“Hey,” I answered.
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too, but we have to talk about this. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I know. See you tomorrow?”
“Of course. Hey, Mal?”
“Yeah?”
“I love ya, Tinker Bell.”
“Love you, Pashmina.”
Chapter Seven
Ava
The next couple of days were eerily smooth. I couldn’t dispel the nagging sensation I was in the middle of the calm before the storm. Early this morning, I had received a call from Uncle Bill letting me know they were moving Vanessa’s things to the new apartment this afternoon. I was already staying at a hotel in Denver, so I let him know I would check out and meet them tonight.
I packed up my overnight bag while calling the Jack toy of a car. I could hear my father rolling in his grave from here. He hated tiny cars. It was his biggest pet peeve that people in Colorado drove around in anything but a truck. My mother would argue that not everyone had to drive up to the mountain
s, so a truck was pointless. In return, he always gave her a look that made her blush. Little Ava didn’t understand that look. Now I did.
I still wasn’t sure if I would get another truck. Emotionally, I wasn’t in the best place to fall in love with another vehicle. Which might sound ridiculous to some people, but I always ended up with an emotional connection to inanimate objects. Once I fell with a car or truck, there was no getting rid of the thing unless it was crashed and wrapped around a tree with no hope for salvation.
Checking out of the hotel room, I threw my bag in the back seat of the tiny red Honda. I drove toward my new neighborhood, deciding to get acquainted.
Right away, I spotted Uncle Bill’s newest apartment building. It was the most modern and highest building in the University neighborhood. It looked obnoxious and out of place in the much older, charming neighborhood. I paid my parking meter and began my exploration.
Vanessa was going to love living here. The school was a three minute walk just around the corner, and there was a Chipotle and a frozen yogurt place. Across the street from the apartment were bars I remembered from the last time I was here years ago, and I noticed a new bar and grill.
Just like Uncle Bill’s building, the bar and grill was sleek and modern but with a hint of warmth. In big typewriter type lettering, it read, Blush. On the black glass of the front door hung a sign that said, ‘Now Hiring’. Intrigued, I hustled across the street and almost ran into the front door as it flew open.
“Oh, shit. I’m sorry.” The voice was low and masculine—and very familiar. As he stepped around the door we both came to a stop and smiled in unison. His deep dimples warmed my belly in a familiar tizzy.
“Ava.” He spoke in almost a whisper.
“Hey, Chris,” I replied in the same tone, but before I could ask how he was, he took a giant step forward, engulfing me in a tight welcoming hug.
“Holy shit, baby, how ya been?” He mumbled into my hair, my feet dangling over the ground.
I let out a giggle—like a real girly giggle. What the fuck? So, so, so unlike me.