by Olivia Snow
“What was that for?” he asked, looking at my eyes before his gaze flicked to my lips.
“A thank you, for last night.” My voice was almost a whisper; that tickle in my stomach was back from the hungry stare in his eyes.
“That’s a sorry-ass thank you.” He took the side of my face in his hands.
“Is it?”
“Mm-hmm.” He feathered his nose on my cheek, nuzzling against me, and when he spoke I felt the warmness of his breath against my mouth. “I have a better idea how you can thank me.”
“Show me.” My boldness came from him, because I’d never felt this way with anyone else. Being around Diesel made me feel reckless.
As he pressed his lips softly against mine, my phone rang “Wake Me Up” by Avicii; it was Ava’s ring tone. Diesel broke contact, pressing his forehead against mine while I reached for my back pocket to retrieve it.
“It’s Ava,” I explained. I didn’t want him thinking it was Stellen. He nodded, pulling back to sit up against the truck.
“Hello?”
“Where are you?” she asked frantically. The signal was going in and out; I could barely hear her.
“I’m on my way to Oklahoma.”
“Oklahoma? Why are you going to Okla—Diesel, let me talk to him.” I chuckled, picturing Ava’s range of emotions as she figured out who I was with.
“Here.” I handed my phone to Diesel as I stood to stretch my legs.
“Hey, darlin’,” he answered, making me smile as I watched his lips curl into a mischievous grin. He was something else.
“Taking Vanessa on a little vacation away from her crazy parents and cheatin’ boyfriend,” he said after listening to Ava’s question.
I swallowed, remembering why I was running away. My throat felt dry, so I motioned in a way to ask Diesel for a drink. He pulled the phone away from his lips to tell me he had bought some sports’ drinks while I was asleep, and that they were in the cooler behind my seat.
I cracked open the door, pushing the seat to the front to open the cooler, retrieving a cold Gatorade. After taking my third large gulp, Diesel appeared, holding my phone out to me. I mouthed thanks before speaking to my cousin.
“Hey.”
“She will find out, Vanessa.”
My stomach dropped and I knew she was talking about my mother. I thought about what she would do if she were to find out, and all the possible repercussions, but I pushed them away. For once, I wanted to be selfish and not think of anyone else but myself. At least just for this weekend.
I didn’t know what else to say. My voice emerged in a whisper. “I know.”
“Are you ready for all that?”
“No, but it’s long overdue, don’t you think?” I wanted to believe my own words, and maybe I did believe them as I said them, but I knew that soon enough the wind would take them away and they wouldn’t mean shit.
“Yeah, sweets, it is. Let me know when you get there, okay?”
“Yes, of course.”
“I love you,” she said. And the world stopped. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and it wasn’t just the words that threw me off, but the sincerity in her voice. “Van? You there?”
“You said…you said…” I didn’t want to make her feel weird about saying it, or make her feel bad about the past, so I just replied, “I love you too, Ava.”
“I’m not her anymore, Van. I’m not that girl who can’t say I love you.”
My mind cleared at her words. “You’re right, Ava, you’re not her anymore. You’re Ava, my Ava, and you’re back. I’ll call you when I arrive.” It was as if I was twelve all over again.
“Okay.” Her voice was thick with emotion.
“Be safe.”
“You too.”
I hung up my phone and noticed texts from both Stellen and Declan, but I decided not to read them just yet. I didn’t want it to destroy the buzz I was feeling.
Diesel was watching me with his arms across his chest; he smiled, and I saw a different emotion in his eyes. My heart burned to kiss him, but I chickened out and asked him if he wanted me to drive so he could get some sleep.
Diesel looked at the keys in his palm before speaking. I could tell he was fighting an internal battle because I had those daily; I could spot one a mile away. Finally, after some time, he exhaled. Grinning, he handed me the keys.
“I’d let you have anything you want, Vanessa.” He closed my first around the keys, bending to plant a sweet kiss on my cheek before getting back in the truck.
Biting my bottom lip, I could feel heat spread along my cheeks. Gripping the keys, I skipped to the other side of the truck. I heard Diesel chuckle, making me giggle to myself. He fell asleep soon after I took the wheel.
Guiding me was the GPS on my phone as I entertained myself by memorizing three songs that kept playing over and over again on a local country station: “Boys ‘Round Here” by Blake Shelton, “Bottoms Up” by Brantley Gilbert, and my favorite out of the three, “It Goes Like This” by Thomas Rhett.
I had memorized that one, and each time it came on I’d look at Diesel’s sleeping face and melt all over again. If anyone on this earth was to make me want to sing, to become my muse, it would be him.
Chapter Thirty
Vanessa
“You have the voice of an angel,” Diesel said, and I jumped at the sound of his voice. I’d thought he was sleeping. Looking over at him, I smiled warmly, until he added, “An angel being strangled that is.” I scoffed, punching him playfully in the arm with my free hand.
“Jerk.” I growled, only half-kidding.
“Ouch, you hit hard.” He hissed, rubbing his arm. “I know, ask Ava.”
Diesel’s head snapped in my direction he looked surprised as hell. I wondered why it was so hard to believe that I’d hit her.
“Shit, and you’re still breathin’? Damn, I never would have imagined that. What did she do to make you punch her?”
“She slept with my boyfriend,” I snapped, my jaw clenching. I didn’t even bother to look in his direction. I knew he felt uncomfortable by my response.
“And you hit her? Fuck, you should have knocked some sense into him, not her.”
“Well, he’s dead. So I can’t really do that, can I?” Why was I directing my anger at Diesel? He didn’t know the entire story.
“Shit,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, Vanessa, I didn’t know.” I sighed, feeling the anger slip from my shoulders.
“I know you didn’t know, and I’m sorry for snapping at you. I guess I’m still a little sore about the whole thing.” I smiled apologetically at him, quickly returning my gaze to the road.
Diesel sat up, turning a bit in my direction. I knew the questions were coming, and I was ready to talk about it. Finally, after all this time, I was ready to talk about it to someone other than Ava and Mallory. Diesel reached over, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear before he caressed the side of my face with the backs of his fingers. I leaned into his hands without thinking. I wanted his touch, and when I received it, I took as much as I could.
“You’re so damn beautiful,” he whispered.
“Thank you.” I tilted my head to kiss his fingers.
“Tell me what happened.” Diesel dropped his hand to the back of my neck, gently massaging it.
Taking a deep breath, I exhaled letting out my life for the past eight years. I began with how we used to be, talked about how things changed when my uncle died, and then told him how I met Gabriel. I divulged my entire relationship with him, then how I found out about him and Ava. I also told him about Gabriel’s death.
“Shit.” He grunted. “And here I thought my family was filled with drama.”
“What I’ve learned is that no family is perfect. We all have skeletons in our closets. With my family, a lot was kept secret. Still is.”
“What do you mean?” He frowned.
“For instance, I don’t know where my mother is really from, except from what Ava’s told me. All I know is that s
he’s from Oklahoma. Other than my great aunt Helen who passed away last year, I don’t know much about my grandparents on my mother’s side or her background. She never wants to talk about it, and if it’s brought up she gets really mad.”
“That’s…weird.” Diesel scrunched his nose as he rubbed the stubble on his face.
“Yeah, tell me about it. What sort of secrets does your family have?” I asked, not expecting him to answer.
“Nothing much. Just the usual drunk dad beats on mom until the kids are old enough to fight back.”
Oh my God, that’s horrible. Swallowing hard, I tried to push down the emotions that were bubbling up in my throat. “How old were you?” I managed to ask.
“What, when I fought back or when it started?”
“Both.”
“Let’s see…” He mumbled as if he were talking about the passing scenery and not about a horrendous childhood experience, but I knew it was a defense mechanism. Diesel tried very hard to play everything off, but it was easy for me to see he was hurt
After a long moment of silence, he continued. “Dad was let go from his job when I was about seven, and soon after he started yelling at my mom. Then the drinking started, and he hit her a lot. I remember the first time it happened, my brothers and I were stunned. We were always raised never to hit women, you know, so to see him do that was…it was like my hero had died.” Diesel shook his head, as if reliving the memory. “He was a good man, up until that point.”
“What happened after that?”
“Well, my older brother Gage moved out. He was about fourteen when he shacked up with some seventeen-year-old girl.” Diesel laughed at my expression of disgust. “Believe me, darlin’, Gage didn’t look or act fourteen. He’s built like the hulk without even tryin’. With Gage gone, that left me and Axel. Axel was too little when shit started goin’ down, so at ten years old, finally I had enough. I jumped on my daddy’s back and started punchin’ him in the head until he got off my momma.”
The image of his mother being hit by a man she once trusted and loved, and little Diesel having to endure all this was too much. My breath hitched and I let my silent tears run down my cheeks.
“No, baby, don’t cry. It’s all in the past, it was a long time ago. That douche bag went to jail. We made sure of it.”
I nodded while he wiped the tears off my cheeks with his thumb. His stare burned into the side of my face, but I was too afraid to look in his direction so I inhaled a quivering breath, trying my best to focus on the road ahead of me.
Diesel cleared his throat, breaking away from his thoughts as he slid back against the door of the truck and fell asleep.
Chapter Thirty-One
Vanessa
I drove the entire way to Oklahoma as we spoke sparsely about our dislike and likes, and he talked a lot about his brothers who were all named after something related to a car—Diesel, Gage and Axel, courtesy of his mother Gracelyn Knox who was obsessed with cars and NASCAR.
He also spoke about his uncle Carson who was only five years older than him. Diesel said it was a surprise to the entire family when his grandmother and his mother were both pregnant at the same time, his mom with Gage and his grandmother with his uncle Carson.
I got the impression he was really tight with his family, especially with his mother and younger brother Axel who was my age. Gage was twenty-five and in his second tour in the army; when he spoke about Gage, it wasn’t as easy going and full of love as the way he spoke about Axel, so I imagined they had a rough history.
“Turn here,” he said, and I pulled onto a dirt road.
There were five houses on each side of the road; this community was secluded from the rest of Noble, surrounded by a wooded area. Off to the distance, past the dirt road and more trees, I could see the glimmer of water.
“Pull in,” he directed as I stopped in front of a gate. “Be right back.”
Diesel hopped out the truck and opened the aluminum gate. I thought about my parents’ house and the difference in gates. This one was rickety and old, and the one at my parents’ place was practically just a showpiece, exhibiting their initials as if they were marking their territory.
As soon as he gestured for me to pull into the driveway, the front door of the house opened, and Diesel bounced over to the women who’d emerged. Right away, I knew it was his mother; they shared the same distinct features. He picked her up, turning her around in the air, and she squealed, slapping his back to make him set her down.
I grinned, warmth spreading throughout my chest. He took his mother’s hands, pulling her in the direction of the truck as I parked. Nervousness overcame me and my hands trembled.
Oh dear, what is this woman going to think of me? Her son just brought a random girl to her house. Oh, shit. Diesel opened the door, looking at me in amusement. Oh, I’m so glad you think this is funny.
“Momma, this is Vanessa Saint John. She’s a friend I met in Denver.” His mother stepped in front of me, and I climbed out of the truck, shutting the door behind me. Even though I was his friend, the introduction left a sour taste in my mouth. I didn’t like it. Not at all.
“Oh my, you are gorgeous. How is it you’re hangin’ around my son? You are way to pretty to be friends with the likes of him.”
I beamed, shaking her hand, taking in her warm, friendly demeanor. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Knox.”
“Call me Grace, sweetheart.”
“Okay, Grace.”
“Y’all hungry?” She asked, looking between Diesel and me. In unison, we nodded our heads.
“Yes ma’am.” At the very thought of food, my stomach grumbled.
“Good. Come on in, honey.”
Diesel placed his hand on the small of my back, directing me inside the house. Before we entered, we all turned at the sound of a whistle. Grace shook her head, amused as she turned to go inside the house. Diesel dropped his hand from my back, intertwining his fingers with mine, pulling me to the group of boys who were headed our way. One by one they jumped over the fence and marched to us. The first one to reach us was a carbon copy of Diesel, but without the tattoos and gauges, a thinner build, and much longer hair. He grinned, displaying a set of deep dimples; his eyes sparkled.
“Missed you, brother,” he said as he wrapped his arms around Diesel. Diesel hugged him back with one hand, still holding onto me with the other. I tried to break away so he could fully hug his brother, but he only tightened his hold.
“I missed you.” He broke away from the embrace.
“Who do we got here?” Axel asked, not even hiding the fact that he was checking me out. I blushed at the intensity of his stare.
“Boy!” Diesel smacked the back of Axel’s head. “Have some respect, I taught you better than that.”
He nodded apologetically. “I’m sorry. I’m Axel, Diesel’s little brother.”
“I’m Vanessa. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Axel. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Axel looked as if he were in a trance as he shook my hand, soon pushed aside by the rest of the group.
“Hello, sweetheart, I’m Beau, Diesel’s best friend.” Beau was as tall as Diesel, but slimmer, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes that reminded me of Stellen’s.
Next to Beau was a redheaded boy named Cooper, and another young man with black hair and blue eyes named Duke, who was the better looking one of the three.
We all ended up sitting around his mother’s dining table eating good home cooked soul food. I couldn’t remember the last time I had food that wasn’t prepared by a chef. It was either from some Michelin star chef or from a restaurant, never from the heart like Grace’s cooking.
The boys asked me questions about what I did, and how Diesel and I met, but as soon as Diesel let my gamer ways out of the bag, that was all we talked about. Diesel sat back grinning, watching me interact with his brother and closest friends.
Our laughter was cut short when we heard the rumble of a motorcycle, and everyone in the room went
instantly quiet. I frowned, looking at Diesel in confusion.
He sighed before speaking. “That would be my uncle Carson.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Ava
Vanessa had been so depressed, so my only thought was to have Diesel come over and talk to her. On the kitchen counter, Vanessa had left her cell phone along with her purse. Scrolling down, I’d found Diesel’s name with the image of a little heart next to it, which made me smile. The phone rang twice before he picked up.
“Is it easy now?”
“Knox, it’s Ava.” I almost added, so I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I thought better of it.
“Oh, hey girl. What’s up?” He didn’t bother to conceal his disappointment.
“I need you to come over. Vanessa just found out some crazy shit. And I’m not sure how to help her. I thought maybe having you here would make her feel better.”
“She’s not pregnant, is she?”
“Are you kidding me, Diesel, did you fuck my cousin?”
“Hell no! She has a boyfriend, remember.”
“No, you dope, she’s a virgin,” I retorted. “Just come over.”
“I’ll be right there.”
Ten minutes later he was knocking at the door.
“She’s in her room, go right in,” I told him as he crossed the threshold.
Before locking myself in my room to lay down, I still wasn’t feeling too good. I heard Diesel knock softly on Vanessa’s door, asking if she was decent before he walked inside and shut the door behind him.
I lay in my bed looking up into the darkness, thinking about everything that had transpired in the last couple of hours. Just when I thought life was finally settling down a bit, God laughed and threw a curve ball. Declan is gay. He’s sleeping with Stellen, his little sister’s boyfriend. Boy, this sounds like a trashy soap opera.
My blood boiled when I thought about why Declan hid who he was, and all that came from suppressing his desires because of his parents and their judgments.