Keep It Safe

by Olivia Snow

“Then go get him.”

  Trixie was pressed up against him while Diesel threw his head back laughing. He had made his feelings for me clear, and I was the one to always put a stop to it. I decided I wasn’t letting him go.

  I grabbed Axel’s beer, and took a swig from it before handing it back to him. I almost choked on the taste. That’s just nasty.

  Axel chuckled before nodding for me to go after what I wanted. I marched in their direction just in time for Trixie to notice me coming. Her eyebrows lift in confusion. Diesel looked my way just as I reached them.

  “Excuse me,” I said, wedging myself between them.

  Grabbing the collar of his shirt, I brought him down to me, crashing his lips to mine. The whistles and catcalls drowned out Trixie’s gasp, and Diesel’s body was stiff in surprise at first, but once my tongue swept his bottom lip he relaxed, tightening his arms around me.

  Our tongues collided as I moved my fingers up his neck and gripped the thick cord of his neck muscles. Diesel groaned and I felt his hands moving down; cupping my bottom, he lifted me up in one swoop. I wrapped my legs around him skillfully without breaking our kiss. I clutched his shoulders, needing to feel him closer to me.

  “Don’t start somethin’ you can’t finish,” he whispered against my lips.

  “Oh, I plan on finishing this.”

  “Sweetheart.” He shook his head and I felt his hold loosening. “I’ve told you I want to be with you. Do you want me, and only me? Because I ain’t one for sharin’.”

  “I only want you.” My voice trembled.

  “You sure, darlin’?” He shifted so only one arm was holding me up while he lifted my chin with his other hand to look into my eyes.

  “Yes, Diesel, I only want you. I love you.”

  His eyes glimmered with emotion as he crashed his lips back to mine and began to walk. I didn’t care where we were going as long as I was with him. Diesel stopped at his truck, breaking our kiss before he threw me over his shoulder. I squealed and giggled as he swatted my behind.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Somewhere private.”

  My stomach tightened at the possibilities. Minutes later, he stopped at the edge of a small lake. The only light was the moon and the silver blanket it made over the water. He set me down on a small patch of grass where we were surrounded by trees and wild flowers.

  “It’s beautiful,” I whispered, taking in my surroundings. Diesel spread a red wool blanket on the grass. “Where did you get that?”

  “From my truck.” He looked up at me from the ground. When he finished, he sat, reaching for my hand. He pulled me down next to him. “Say it again,” he whispered, nuzzling his nose around mine.

  “I love you.” I spoke softly, lightly moving my lips against his. Diesel smiled before deepening our kiss. The moment I felt his tongue against mine, I was desperate to feel his bare body against me. “Are we going to make love now?”

  Diesel sucked in a deep breath. “Yeah, baby, we are.”

  I licked my lips. “Can we not use a condom? I’m on birth control and I always wanted…I always thought my first time would be without one. It sounds crazy, but I don’t want anything between us. Is that stupid?” Diesel was stunned silent; it took him a couple of seconds before he answered me.

  “Yeah, we can do that. I’m clean. I haven’t had sex with anyone since I started the job in Denver.” He plucked the buttons off my flannel shirt with a single finger. My breathing labored; I was having issues concentrating on his words.

  “Not even your beer pong teammate?”

  “No, baby. No one.” He flicked the last button.

  Diesel pulled the shirt off my shoulders and hissed when he was able to see my chest. I quickly took it off as he ripped off his shirt. When my eyes met his exposed skin I stopped breathing; I think I died for a second or two. His chest was covered in tattoos all the way down to his abdomen. KNOX was inked on his chest in an arch. His entire chest and arms were covered in ink, everything from skulls to roses, to birds and guns. Anything significant to him was tattooed on his hard, rippled body.

  “I love your tattoos,” I said in a trance, taking in his artwork.

  Diesel lifted my chin and grinned before kissing me. I fumbled with his belt buckle and he fumbled with my pants; once they were open, our pants didn’t stay on for long. I lay on the blanket in my underwear as Diesel stood in his boxers and slid them off slowly.

  Oh, my lord. Dropping to his knees, Diesel placed his hands on my thighs and gently caressed me.

  “You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe your mine.”

  He worshiped my body with his hands and soon with his lips. He kissed the tops of my breasts while he tugged the straps down revealing my naked skin. I gasped as the cold air met my nipples. His tongue flicked over each one. I moaned at the sensation as he maneuvered one hand behind me and unclasped my bra, pulling it completely aside.

  “Diesel.” I moaned, begging for more as he moved to the other breast and I bucked against him, feeling his erection between my legs. “Oh, God, Diesel.” Gripping his shoulders, I pressed him closer, wanting to feel the friction again.

  “Patience, darlin’.” He grinned, slipping off my panties. He ran his fingers against my already wet folds; he hissed, biting down on his bottom lip as he looked down to his glistening fingers. “You’re so wet, baby. You really want me, don’t you?” He groaned.

  I whimpered, biting down on my lip as I nodded.

  “All right, baby, I won’t keep my needy girl waitin’ she wants it so bad, look how wet and ready you are,” he said, sliding fingers back and forth, teasing me.

  Moaning, I threw my head back as he positioned himself between my legs.

  “You sure about this, Vanessa? We can wait. I will wait until you’re ready, there’s no rush, baby.”

  “No, Diesel, I’m ready. I want you and only you.”

  With that, he eased into me slowly. My hands flew to the side, pulling out the grass.

  “Are you okay?” he asked breathlessly.

  “I didn’t expect it to hurt like that.”

  “It’ll only hurt for a little longer, but we can stop if it’s too much.” Diesel placed his forehead against mine.

  “No, I don’t want to stop.”

  He continued moving slower than before, and the pain subsided soon after, just like he said it would. The pleasure was increasing tenfold. With my mud and grass covered hands, I dug my nails into Diesel’s back. He growled as I met his hips with mine, my body desperate for more.

  “More, Diesel.” I whimpered.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, baby.”

  “Please, Diesel, please,” I cried, feeling my orgasm building.

  “Fuck, baby, you don’t have to beg, I’ll do whatever you want.” Out of breath, he thrust into me faster and harder. I moaned out his name, tightening my grip on him.

  “I’m so close.”

  Diesel kissed me savagely and nipped my bottom lip, and that was my undoing as my muscles squeezed him and he grunted, pumping into me one last hard time as he came.

  “Fuck, I love you.” He kissed the sides of my face and neck.

  “I love you too.” I giggled and kissed him. “Will you sing for me now?”

  “I’d do anything for you, Vanessa.”

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Ava

  I watched as he took the bags from her hands, and held his arms out for a hug. Jealousy ripped through me as the Frank Sinatra version of “I’m A Fool to Want You” played in the background. Oh, so clever, universe.

  Max and his wife easily flowed into a conversation about her flight and how she’d really been in New York and not in Australia. I waited like an idiot expecting him to realize I was still in the room, the same room he’d been moments away from fucking me in. Gwen made the first move, her gaze flickering to me. She smiled sweetly but her eyes glimmered with spite.

  “And who might this be?”

  Max froze when he seemed to real
ize I was still there. “Oh, yeah, this is Ava. Ava this is Gwen.”

  Oh, yeah? What the fuck, Max!

  “Right the nanny who’s sleeping with my husband.” She smiled, extending her hand to shake mine.

  “Babysitter, actually. But yes, I am fucking your husband and taking care of the son you abandoned. Excuse me, I have to go to work.” I dropped her hand and turned toward the kitchen to grab my things.

  “Ava.” Max followed me into the kitchen. He had the nerve to look pissed.

  “I have to go to work, Mac. Go back to your wife.”

  He flinched like I had slapped him. Moving around him, I left the kitchen.

  As I passed by Gwen, she grinned, wiggling her fingers as she spoke in a sing-song voice, “Tootles.”

  I could’ve taken her, but that was the old Ava who handled things physically. The new and improved Ava laughed at her foes even if internally she wanted to cry.

  In the darkness of my car, I did cry. I cried for letting myself fall for a man who was clearly not over his ex…his wife. Fuck, that’s why they never divorced. They were just waiting until they were ready, until one of them decided to come back.

  Gwen found out about me and she felt threatened. That’s why she returned to claim what was hers. I drove to Blush in an unstable state; I even managed to drive through a red light, almost causing a catastrophe of an accident. Parking behind the bar, I felt faint; my headache was back full force. Opening the car door, I leaned over and hurled. The back door of the bar was torn open before it slammed against the brick wall.

  “Ava?” Christian ran over and came to a complete stop when he realized I was throwing up. “Gross.”

  “Fuck you,” I mumbled, wiping my mouth with a Kleenex from a box I had in the car.

  “You look like shit.” He grabbed my hand, helping me out the car and around the vomit.

  “Again, fuck you.” This made him chuckle.

  Inside the back of the bar, Jade rushed to me once she got a glimpse of my face.

  “What happened? Are you okay?”

  I shook my head no and asked for a glass of water. Christian directed me to his office and gently pushed me to sit on his chair. Kneeling in front of me, he tucked my hair behind my ear, swiping his fingers softly against my cheek.

  Why couldn’t I love him? He understood me, never pressured me to talk about my past or my feelings. Christian was more than willing to keep me the way I was, but I needed someone like Max, someone to challenge me, someone to make me want to be a better person, to get past all of my bullshit. And he knew the only way to do that was to talk about it. Even if he had to force it out of me.

  “What happened?” Christian asked.

  I swallowed my tears before answering him. “You’re wrong.”

  “What?” He wrinkled his nose.

  “I always thought of you as my friend. Even when we were having sex, you were the first real friend. The first person I was able to depend on after...” I sighed. “After my dad passed away.”

  His eyebrows pinched; he wasn’t expecting this from me. I didn’t feel the same way he did, but I still loved him, just not the same way.

  “I’m sorry I called you a—.”

  “No, Chris, I am a bitch. I deserved it.”

  “No, Ava, you’re not a bitch. It’s not your fault you don’t feel the same about me, and it’s not your fault that I never told you my real feelings for you until now.”

  Looking down, I nodded as Jade walked in with a glass of water.

  “Sorry, am I interrupting something?”

  Christian and I both said no.

  “I’m going to get back out there,” he said. “Let me know if you need to go home, okay?”

  I nodded again. Christian placed a kiss on the top of my head. I exhaled a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

  “Here, babe, drink this.” Jade handed me a shot of vodka and the glass of water.

  My blood pumped in my ears as my mouth watered in a familiar way. I glared at the shot in my hands, slowly bringing it to my lips. The smell invaded my nose and I was instantly sick as a wave of extreme disappoint overcame me.

  What was I doing? I couldn’t drink this, I’d come this far and I couldn’t give up now. I love Max, but even with a broken heart I refused to jeopardize what I’d done so far, how far I’d come in my sobriety.

  Clarity shone through my mind and enlightened me. This was my life. I made myself happy, and I wouldn’t depend on a man or anyone else to make me happy.

  I wasn’t happy because of Max, I was happy because I was healthy and I was finally living. I poured the shot in the garbage and sipped on the water.

  “What are you doing? That’s liquid gold, are you crazy?” Jade’s eyes widened in horror.

  “I’m an alcoholic, Jade.”

  “Oh. Well, yes, I can see how you would throw that away. I hate vodka anyway, it’s a bunch of bacteria, did you know?” She stood with her arms crossed over her chest. I started to smile, but the sharp pain in my head stopped me. I groaned, placing my head gently on the desk.

  “You’re still having those headaches?”

  I groaned.

  “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  “They hurt so bad, the pain makes me sick to my stomach.” While I spoke, I leaned over the trashcan to throw up.

  “Ava, you need to see a doctor, you look pale as a ghost, your head is killing you, and you keep throwing up. What if it’s something really serious?”

  Normally, I wouldn’t consider her suggestion at all, but because of the intensity of the pain and the amount of time I’d had the pain, I was getting worried also. “Yeah, all right, would you mind telling Christian I went home?” I slowly stood.

  “No, I’m going with you.”

  “No, Jade, stay. You’re trying to buy a house, you need as much money as you can get.” I really appreciated the gesture, but I knew we would be at the hospital for hours and it wouldn’t be fair to her.

  “You can’t drive like this, call Max and have him get you.”

  Another wave of pain hit me again, and I knew it wouldn’t be safe for me to drive. But I couldn’t call him, no way. I wouldn’t tell her that.

  “I’ll call someone, I promise.”

  She waited for me to pick up the phone before she walked out.

  “Hello?” the voice on the other end answered.

  “Hey, Doc…I need a huge favor.”

  ***

  Dr. Parker looked at me with concern as he led me to his car.

  “You look nice,” I said as he put the car in drive.

  “Thanks.”

  “I’m surprised you were in Denver, I was expecting to wait two hours.”

  He didn’t say anything, just smiled as he focused on the road.

  “Wait, were you on a date?” That would explain his clothes, why he was in Denver, and the smell of his expensive cologne. He never wore cologne.

  “Yes, I was.”

  “Fuck! Turn back around, I’ll call someone else, call your date back.”

  “No, Ava, it’s fine.”

  “The hell it is! Why didn’t you tell me?” I glared at him as he passed through the streetlights, seeing the anxiety in his eyes.

  “Because, Ava, you are more important. I’m where I’m supposed to be.”

  Nodding, I bit down on my bottom lip to keep the tears from falling. He slowed the car as the light turned red, then turned and gently patted my head the way he had that day at the hospital eight months ago.

  Closing my eyes, I relished the feeling of having someone to depend on, someone who would never let me down. It was sad to think I’d never had this in my life. Not even from the people who were supposed to be there.

  We arrived at the emergency room shortly after. Inside, I went straight to the sign-in desk, but Dr. Parker pulled me in a different direction.

  “Where are you going? The emergency room is this way.”

  “You’ll be waiting forever in there, and I know a guy.
” He looked over with a smug smile.

  In a different part of the hospital, we approached a front desk with three nurses sitting behind it. The first one to look up asked what she could help us with, and Doc explained he needed to speak with Dr. Assaf.

  “Please let him know Dr. Charles Parker is here to see him.”

  The nurse glanced between the two of us, appearing uncertain. I was a little unsure, myself. She paged Dr. Assaf and moments later he rounded the corner.

  “Charles, my friend!” His voice boomed around the hallway as he gave Doc a hug and smacked him on the back.

  “Adir, how have you been? It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

  “Yes, it has. How is Jocelyn?”

  Jocelyn, huh? Dr. Parker stalled, looking terribly uncomfortable.

  “We are no longer together.”

  Dr. Assaf nodded like he understood why, and then smiled as he turned to me.

  “So, what can I do for you?” he asked.

  “This is Ava, she’s my, she’s my, uh…”

  “Ex-patient, somewhat-adopted daughter, if you will,” I explained.

  Dr. Assaf smiled, chuckling while he reached over the nurse’s desk and grabbed a clipboard with forms and a pen. He handed it to me.

  “Come, follow me.”

  Inside the examination room, I sat on the bed filling out the forms as Dr. Parker sat across from me annoyingly tapping his foot on the hard floor. It was his nervous gesture and it was making my heart ache worse.

  “Doc, please.” I pointed at his tapping foot.

  “What—oh, sorry.”

  “Nervous?”

  “Yeah.” He exhaled, scrubbing his face with his hand before he glanced at me. “Sorry.”

  “It’s all right, it’s actually comforting to know you can also unravel.”

  “I’m human too, you know.”

  “Yeah, I guess I forget Superman also has a weakness. Even if he’s still a superhero.” I focused back on the paperwork, and when I finished I glanced up and saw his eyes were full of emotion. “Doc, come on don’t go getting all emotional on me. I expected better from you.”

  Before he could say anything, Dr. Assaf stepped in and interrupted us. “Okay, Miss Ava, what is the problem?” I explained my symptoms, how often they happened, and for how long. He suggested I get an MRI to rule out anything serious. I agreed, then he handed me a cup.