Mendez wasn’t going to allow it though. Maybe he thought she’d run, or maybe he just wanted her within reach at all times. Whatever the case, he’d made sure she had little choice but to do as he asked.
Lucky finished up and went downstairs around a quarter to five. Kev was in the kitchen, fixing coffee and microwaving something out of a box. She took a deep breath and went in to join him.
“Aloha,” she said, and he turned toward her, an eyebrow ticked up.
“Morning. Coffee?”
“Sure.” She took a step into the kitchen and stood there with her arms folded over her chest. She wasn’t cold—Kev had made sure the heat was turned up—but she was self-conscious. It was strange to be standing here with him when there was so much going on beneath the surface.
Kev poured coffee in a cup and slid it toward her on the counter. “Cream’s in the fridge. Sugar’s there if you need it,” he added, pointing to a jar.
“Thanks, but I drink it black.” She picked up the cup and blew on the steam.
“Didn’t think you’d be up so early. It’s still, what, midnight or something in Hawaii?”
“Or something.” She didn’t want to do the calculations because it would just make her tired all over again.
“I’ve got toaster waffles or frozen breakfast trays. Help yourself.”
Lucky wrinkled her nose. Such a bachelor. “Any bread?”
“Yeah.” He took a loaf from a breadbox and slid it toward her.
Lucky took out two slices, looked carefully for green spots, and pulled the toaster closer before popping the slices in and pressing the lever. She thought back with longing to the ripe pineapple she’d left on the counter in her rental. In Hawaii, she’d often fix toast and fresh fruit—pineapple, papaya, mango, whatever was available that day—and head out onto the lanai with her coffee. She could see the ocean through the trees and hear the power of it as it pounded the shore. She’d gotten used to that and damn if she didn’t miss it. One day gone and she was already homesick for the beach.
Not to mention it was fricking freezing here.
The microwave dinged, and Kev took out a tray that looked like it contained scrambled eggs, pancakes, and sausage. “What?” he said, and she knew she’d made a face.
“Nothing.”
“Of course it’s something. You disapprove of microwave convenience, apparently.”
“Not at all. I just think fresh tastes better.”
Kev shrugged as he stabbed a fork in the tray and speared some eggs. “Maybe, but who’s got time for all that?”
Lucky found some butter in the nearly empty fridge—no surprise it was bare—and buttered her toast when it was finished. “It doesn’t take much time to scramble an egg and cook a few sausage links.”
Kev snorted. “Since that stuff will kill you anyway, what’s it matter if I get it frozen or fresh?”
He had a point. Lucky bit into the toast and waved it at him. “Probably doesn’t. But like I said, fresh tastes better.”
Kev made a noncommittal noise.
“Maybe we could stop at a grocery store today,” she said. “Pick up something for this cold empty box you have here.”
He shook his head slowly. “Wow, just moved in and already taking over. I think I want to go back to Vegas and have a do-over.”
Lucky laughed. “Sorry. By the power vested in Mendez, we’re hitched until this operation do us part.”
Something crossed his features then, some expression she couldn’t quite read, and she wished she’d kept her mouth shut. But then he was looking at her again with an easy smile on his face. “Guess we gotta make the best of it then.”
“That’s what I was thinking.”
She chewed her toast in silence, leaning against the counter and trying very hard not to look at him. He finished up the microwave meal and tossed the tray in the trash. Then he stretched, and her mouth went dry at the bulge and pop of muscle rippling across his chest and arms.
“It’ll probably be a long day today, but I’ll see if I can’t talk Mendez into giving you a car at least. I know you’d like to come and go on your own.”
Lucky swallowed. “I would.”
“I could try to talk him into giving you a room on post. I don’t think he’ll go for it though.”
Her stomach clenched. She knew Kev didn’t want her here. It was uncomfortable for them both. “I don’t think he will either, but it’s worth another try. And I’m sorry he dumped me on you like this. But I can handle it. I was startled when you found me on the beach. I won’t fly off the handle like that again, I swear.”
His eyes were unreadable. “What did you say that I didn’t deserve? You didn’t expect me to show up like that. Or tell you we needed you to come back.”
“But what I said about Marco… it was wrong. The job killed him, not any of you.”
His jaw tightened. “I hate that it happened. You have no idea how often I’ve thought of it, how many times I’ve gone over it all in my head and wondered what we could have done differently. We were betrayed by our source, and we paid a high price. It’s the job, but fuck yeah, I still wonder if it could have been avoided. We all do.”
Lucky put down the remains of her toast. She couldn’t swallow now if she had to. “I asked him to leave HOT.”
Somehow, she got the words out past the tightness in her throat and then immediately wished she could call them back. Why had she told him that? It was private, and yet there was a part of her that felt a sense of relief that she had shared it with someone.
She’d never been certain if Marco had told Kev about their problems or not, but she could see by the look in his eyes that he was surprised.
“He didn’t tell me.” Kev straightened and pulled in a deep breath. She thought he looked troubled for a second, but then he looked the same as always. Stoic and closed in. But he was probably pissed at her all over again. Pissed that she’d fucked with Marco’s head like that, that she’d tried to take away the job he loved.
“But if he had told me,” he continued, “I’d have told him to go. It’s no life for a married man.”
Lucky blinked. That certainly hadn’t been what she’d expected him to say. And somehow it released the knot of tension in her stomach just a little bit.
“It can be. A lot of the guys and their families handle it just fine. Anyone who marries a soldier knows what they signed on for. And I knew it better than most, since I was also a soldier.”
He was studying her, his blue eyes giving nothing away. “After what you went through, I think it was a normal reaction to ask him to leave HOT.”
She picked up the toast again and took a bite. It was cold now, but she needed something to do. She chewed slowly, though it tasted like ashes in her mouth now. She didn’t talk about what she’d been through with anyone. It was too ugly, too shameful, and it made her feel less than human.
She hated those feelings.
“So what’s on the agenda today?” she asked brightly, once she choked down the toast.
His brows drew down but he didn’t question her. “We head over to HQ and start your training.”
She kept the bright smile on her face though her insides churned at the thought of all she would face in the coming weeks. “Sounds great.” She threw the remnants of the toast in the trash and turned to face him. “Ready when you are.”
He picked up his keys from the counter. “Let’s go then.”
They were putting on their coats when she stopped and looked up at him. “Do you really think this is going to work?”
“It has to. We can’t let the Freedom Force get that uranium.”
She nodded. But she didn’t tell him she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to pick out Al Ahmad in real time without giving away the game.
***
It turned out that training for a HOT mission was not like going to the gym and taking a spin class. Nor was it like surfing. Thank God for the surfing, however, because without the level of endurance requ
ired for the sport, Lucky would be in a whole lot worse shape than she currently was.
She stood bent in half after their current training session, panting, sweat rolling down her face as Kev sauntered toward her. He didn’t even look winded after the latest circuit of the obstacle course. But he was sweaty. Damn. Hot and sweaty. His T-shirt clung to hard muscles and his brow glistened. His dark hair stuck to his head and his eyes gleamed hot as lasers.
“You okay?”
She straightened, putting a hand in the small of her back and huffing in a breath. “Yeah, fine.”
He frowned. “Sorry to push you so hard, but it’s gonna be rough in Qu’rim. You have to be ready.”
“I realize that.” She shivered. They might have been working up a sweat, but as soon as she stopped moving, the cold air got to her. It wasn’t too bad, in the low fifties today, but it might as well have been a hundred below to her.
“You need to go inside for a while?”
She firmed her jaw. “No.”
“It’s okay if you do. You can’t do everything in one day.”
“I want this over with. I want to go into Qu’rim, get Al Ahmad, and go back to my life. If I have to run this course ten times a day to make that happen, I will.”
“I know you will.” He shook his head. “Come on, let’s go in. We’ll do some target shooting next.”
“You don’t have to pull punches for me.”
He lifted one eyebrow. “It’s the first day, Lucky. I think switching it up is acceptable. By the time we go on the mission, you’ll be ready.”
She wasn’t so sure about that, but what choice did she have? He started toward the compound, and she fell in beside him. Other guys were on the course, going through their paces in full gear. She’d gone through with nothing but the clothes on her back this time. Kev was also wearing only his workout clothes, and she knew it was so she wouldn’t feel self-conscious about her lack of conditioning compared to the rest of them.
They passed into the building, and Lucky wrapped her arms around herself. She was never getting warm again, apparently.
“Go take a shower,” Kev said when they reached the women’s locker room. “Then meet me at the indoor range.”
She didn’t argue. The shower felt damn good on her sore muscles, and she spent more time than she probably should have under the spray. But then she got out, dried her hair just enough so it wouldn’t frizz once she pulled it back in a ponytail, and dressed in a fresh sweatshirt and yoga pants before going to join Kev at the shooting range.
It was strange to walk around HOT HQ after so long away. But this building wasn’t the same building she’d been used to at Fort Bragg. And she wasn’t the same person. She passed people in the hallways who nodded at her. No one thought she didn’t belong, though women weren’t numerous in this outfit. But things were changing at the highest levels of the military, and women could go into combat now. It was only a matter of time before they were actually on the teams.
Lucky found the range and stepped inside. Kev was talking to Jack Hunter, and she stopped to watch them. Kev was dark and intense while Jack was golden and equally intense. Jack was one of the best snipers in the world. She’d heard the stories about Jack’s kills back when she was a part of the organization.
But not all of them were official, so he didn’t hold the record for confirmed kills that he should have.
And that was the thing about these men in HOT. They weren’t in it for the glory. Kev’s head lifted as if he sensed her presence, and then his eyes met hers across the distance. Jack turned and nodded. He wasn’t much of a smiler, that man. Then again, doing what he did, she figured he had to be partly inhuman anyway.
Maybe they all were. She walked toward the two men, relieved in a way that she didn’t have to smile and pretend she was happy. A row of handguns lay on the table in front of them, magazines ready to go.
“How long’s it been since you qualified?” Kev asked her.
“Two and a half years. And I haven’t shot a weapon since I left the Army.”
Kev picked up a pair of goggles and earplugs and passed them to her. She put them on while he put his on. Jack picked up his own gear and went over to a different station.
Lucky stepped into the lane and picked up the MK 23. It was smooth and cool in her hands, and she adjusted her position. The target was suspended from the ceiling downrange, and Lucky took her time lining up the shot. Then she squeezed off a round. The sound was deafening indoors, even with earplugs. The gun kicked a bit, but she wasn’t unprepared for it. Still, the shot went a little wild, missing the target completely.
Frustrated, she aimed and squeezed again. And again the shot missed the outline of the body, though it did hit the paper this time.
Lucky growled in frustration. She didn’t have time to be so bad. She had to get this right because her life depended on it.
She lifted the gun again, determined to hit the motherfucking outline this time.
And then she felt a warm body behind her and she went utterly still.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Here,” Kev said, putting his arms around her, gripping her wrists gently and guiding the gun into place. But Lucky couldn’t concentrate on what he was doing because her entire body had just gone on red alert.
She could feel his warmth right behind her, his hard, taut body pressing into her, and though she should want to run, she wanted to turn in his arms instead. Perversely, she wanted to slip her arms around his waist and put her cheek against his chest. And then she just wanted to breathe him in.
No one had held her in so long. She and Marco had ceased being intimate in the last few months of their marriage. She’d understood why and she’d thought it was for the best.
But it was a shock to realize now that she wanted to be held. But not by just anyone. By this man. She shivered. If Kev noticed, he didn’t say anything.
Instead, he bent until his cheek was next to hers, the profile of his handsome face right there in her peripheral vision. If he turned just a little bit, she could press her mouth to his. She could feel, once more, that firm, gorgeous mouth claiming her own.
Did she want to do that? She did, and it was overwhelming as hell.
The heat rolling off him distracted her, shook her to her core. She hadn’t felt anyone’s heat like that in a very long time. She’d vaguely thought she was fine with that, but now she realized she wasn’t. She wanted comfort and connection.
Lucky blinked as she tried to process the tsunami of feelings roiling inside her.
“You’re trying too hard,” Kev told her, his arms around her, his cheek so, so close.
Her heart was about to pound right out of her chest. She gripped the gun in clammy fingers as her pulse rocketed into the danger zone. He was touching her and… she didn’t want to shrink from it.
“You gotta concentrate on the weapon, on the way it feels in your hand. You have to let it be a part of you. Imagine you’re pointing at someone and the gun is an extension of your finger.” His hand caressed hers like a lover. “Don’t think so hard. Just point… and then squeeze as you let your breath out. Don’t hold it.”
She pointed, because she had to do something, but she didn’t squeeze. She couldn’t think with him so near. Or, rather, all she could think about was being a part of him. Not a part of this damn gun, but of him.
God, she was so pathetic. After so long shutting herself away from the world, her senses came roaring back to life with the wrong man. A man who’d already shown her once before that he didn’t want her.
“Stop touching me,” she choked out. Because she had to get away from him before she did something stupid. Before she leaned into his heat and melted against him.
Kev’s arms dropped as if he’d touched a hot stove. He took a step back.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I forgot.”
Her stomach clenched. He knew about her difficulty with being touched. She shouldn’t be surprised, because Marco and Kev
had been best friends and would have talked, but it made her feel like a freak. What else had Marco told him?
She gritted her teeth and sighted down the gun. Marco had sworn he’d told no one that he’d asked her for a divorce. He’d wanted her to be able to say she’d broken it off. He’d wanted to leave her with a shred of pride. She closed her eyes as tears welled in her throat. Marco would have kept that promise. He wouldn’t have told a soul.
But he had told Kev she didn’t like to be touched. That much was clear.
And she couldn’t tell him that what she’d really wanted was for him to hold her. He’d think she was crazy. Or pitiful. She couldn’t explain a damn thing.
Lucky lined up the shot and fired, determined to get on with this. To move past the awkwardness and just be normal for a few minutes. But of course she missed. She put the gun on the table and shoved the goggles off. It was no good. She sucked, and she was going to put them all in danger in Qu’rim.
Kev’s arm shot up, trapping her in place when she would have stalked out of the lane. Once more he was close, and she could feel the heat rippling off him. The anger.
“You aren’t walking away from this.”
She pressed her back against the lane divider and stared up at him. It was dim in the range, almost intimate if not for the gunpowder and the methodical sound of Jack firing rapidly and no doubt accurately. She couldn’t see Jack, but she could hear him.
Kev loomed over her, his brows drawn low, a question in his eyes as he searched her face.
Emotion welled inside her, but she swallowed it down and glared hard because she didn’t want him to see the boiling feelings below the mask. Her voice was laced with sarcasm because she needed to lash out. “You never walk away, do you, Kev?”
His jaw flexed, his eyes glowing bright. His mouth was a flat, hard line. And she knew that he understood exactly what she meant. Embarrassment threatened to turn her beet red. Why had she gone there again? Why had she brought up the hospital and his failure to show up when nothing was ever going to change it?
Dangerously Hot (A Hostile Operations Team Novel)(#4) Page 6