by C. J. Anaya
A tiny light went off in my head, and pieces of my life’s puzzle began clicking into place.
“You resent me for this. You hate me for what it cost you.”
I saw tears, real tears, slip down my mother’s face.
“I don’t hate you, Mikomi. I wish I could feel anything other than despair, but I can’t work up enough feeling to like you, let alone love you, and I don’t care if that makes sense to you or not. If I ever catch you healing again, I will punish you far worse than your father ever has.”
She was suddenly racked with a horrible cough. I’d never heard my mother cough like that before. It startled me into action, and without thinking, I moved to her, hoping to connect with her and find the cause of her ailment, but she shrank from me and threw her hand forward. “Don’t you dare attempt to use your powers on me!”
“I’m sorry. I only wished to help.”
“Then do your duty and become The Healer. That is all anyone needs from you.”
My mother wiped the tears from her eyes, straightened her clothing and swiftly walked past me out the door.
There were many things I could handle, and many things that I had handled. My father’s abuse, my suffocating existence, even a betrothal to a man I didn’t love and wasn’t sure I could respect, but with all of these hardships I operated under the delusion that despite my mother’s indifference there had to be a part of her, a small piece of her that loved me. With that hope shattered I felt displaced, untethered to my emotions or my drive for something better than life as I had always known it.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there with tears streaming down my face before Aiko entered my rooms and laid me upon my bed. I didn’t think I slept, but I wasn’t certain I was conscious either. The light from the outside world diminished slowly, and all of my hopes and dreams descended with it.
I heard a knock at my door and mechanically rose to open it. Kenji stood with a bright smile on his face, chasing all of my dark thoughts away. My mother didn’t love me, but Kenji and my brother did. Maybe I wasn’t so unlovable after all.
He bowed at the waist and rose swiftly. “Princess, our educational outing awaits us.”
I gave him a weak smile, attempting to muster my courage and determination despite my mother’s devastating revelations.
There were people who loved me and a life waiting to be lived; a destiny all my own. It was time to move forward and embrace it.
The small wrap I held around my shoulders did little to protect me from the growing chill in the air. We waited within the Yanbaru ruins for Akane and her warrior to arrive, but I was beginning to grow impatient.
“Child, if you continue to walk back and forth like that you’ll wear out your shoes, and I’ll be held accountable for it.”
I stopped my frantic pacing and tried holding still.
“It’s no good, Kenji,” I said as I began pacing again. “I’m nervous, cold…and hungry, now that I think on it. Pacing keeps me grounded.”
Kenji said nothing but gave me an amused chuckle. At least one of us was having an enjoyable time.
I couldn’t keep my eyes from straying to the Shinto temple rising up beyond the ruins, lighted by large torches, candles, and paper luminaries. I couldn’t see The Holy Cherry Tree in the distance, but I knew it was there, mocking me and calling to me all at the same time. I felt myself moving forward, with the temple in the distance as my lighted beacon. For reasons I couldn’t quite understand, I felt myself drawn to a place I had avoided all of my life.
“Child, where are you going?”
I heard Kenji and my guards following softly behind me.
It took only a few minutes to clear the ruins and approach The Holy Cherry Tree resting several hundred yards in front of the temple. Though dusk had settled over the earth, the tree let off a golden light all its own. Its bark and limbs were a golden amber hue, sparkling with a light only something as holy and magical as this relic could produce. The white cherry blossoms stood out against the darkened sky, sending off a magnetic aura of promise. The sweet fragrance of the blossoms filled my senses and pulled me forward. The tree was mystical and magnificent, but I knew what it was meant for.
Despite my deep reservations, I allowed myself to be pulled forward, entranced by its beauty and the possibilities it held. I stood only a few feet away from it when I felt a presence standing next to me. I couldn’t take my eyes from the ethereal blossoms, however. I struggled to rip my gaze from the hypnotic scene and acknowledge the person standing next to me but failed miserably. I needn’t have worried since the stranger broke the silence first.
“Are you here to request a blessing from the god of love and marriage? A little late in the evening for that sort of thing, wouldn’t you say?”
I knew that voice. The low timbre of his words effectively broke whatever hold the shrine had over me. I abruptly turned and came face to face with Musubi, the man from Daiki’s tavern. I couldn’t hide my elation as I felt a slow grin capture my lips. The glow from the tree glinted off his blue eyes, and they seemed to twinkle merrily from their dark depths.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I wondered the same thing of you. Is there some injured soul wandering the ruins looking for a pretty woman of medicine to attend his every need?”
I blushed. “Of course, not. I’m merely…passing through.”
He arched a skeptic eyebrow at me. “Passing through? With two warriors and an old man trailing you?” He paused, waiting for me to offer up some explanation, but I remained silent. I couldn’t break my promise to Akane and tell him who I was. He continued in another vein. “You don’t intend to ask the god of love and marriage for a young man of your own, then? I hear the deity is quite generous with his blessings when pretty young maidens are involved.”
“Of course not.” My blush became fiercer. “I’m not in the market for a husband at the moment, and even if I had a young man in mind, I certainly wouldn’t ask a kami for permission."
Musubi studied me, clearly intrigued. “Really? Why ever not?”
Well, now I’d done it. I couldn’t seem to behave properly whenever I found myself in this man’s presence. He looked upon me intently, as if my response might matter more than anything else ever possibly could.
“I’d rather leave my fate in my own hands.” We were facing one another now. A powerful urge to wrap my arms around him and pull him to me assaulted my senses, and I barely controlled the impulse.
Musubi reached for me. He lightly took hold of my hands and pulled them toward himself, studying them for a moment. His lips turned up at the corners and his smile was kind. “They seem like capable hands to me.” He gently rubbed his thumbs within both of my palms.
I couldn’t have uttered a single word.
Musubi had woven me under his hypnotic spell as effectively as had the shrine for the god of love and marriage. He lifted a hand to my face, and I held my breath as he brushed soft fingers against my hair and then brought his hand back with a flourish, revealing a beautiful, snow-white cherry blossom. He wove it through the strands of my hair just above my ear and then stepped back, considering me for a moment or two.
“It’s a pity you’re intent upon choosing for yourself. If circumstances were different, I would kidnap you from this very spot and force you to spend eternity with me.” He raised his eyebrows as if challenging me, and then gave me a mischievous grin.
Heat crept up the back of my neck and blossomed outward. I was grateful for the darkened sky and my olive complexion. He took note of my embarrassment and let out a wicked chuckle. I couldn’t help but feel delighted by his attentions and had to remind myself that he was merely being playful.
“If I have it my way, you’ll be claiming her tonight, and for as long as it takes to win this insufferable war,” a woman’s voice said from behind us.
I turned quickly to see Akane striding forward with a satisfied grin on her face. I felt so happy to see her I could hardly help mysel
f. I rushed forward and wrapped my arms around her, giving her a very informal greeting. She laughed and hugged me back.
“I knew you wouldn’t fail us,” she said.
“Of course not. I said I would be here, and here I am.”
“This is the woman upon whom you’ve placed all your hopes and dreams?” Musubi said.
I turned to see that he no longer appeared as happy as he had been before Akane’s arrival. He leveled me with a serious look. “Perhaps you might be willing to explain to me who you are and why you’re so important to our cause. Akane has been rather tight lipped about it.”
His displeasure and stunned astonishment hit me hard, but he reined in his emotions quickly. I looked to his eyes and noted the way their frosty azure depths brazenly took me in. I couldn’t seem to focus on anything else except their exotic hue, so foreign to me.
I walked forward and without thinking touched his cheek and then softly rested it against the side of his face. His eyes grew large at the unexpected contact. “Your eyes…I’ve never seen eyes this color before. Does it hurt?” I hadn’t realized I’d spoken out loud until I heard both Akane and Kenji laughing behind us. Musubi merely continued his startled assessment of me.
I didn’t feel embarrassed by my strange behavior because standing next to this man and holding his face in my hand felt more right than anything I had ever experienced in my entire life.
He lifted his hand to mine and rested it there.
“And if it did, would you know how to fix it?” he asked.
Everything went very still after that. The warrior and I continued our staring contest until Akane made a loud clearing sound in the back of her throat.
I stepped away quickly, but couldn’t keep my eyes from his face.
He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Well, that was interesting.” I heard him mumble under his breath.
“Did you say something, Musubi?” Akane asked.
“Yes. Are you planning on telling me what is so important about this…” he pointed to me, “...woman that you have me leaving my post to train her?”
I bristled at his tone but held my mouth in check.
“Mikomi is a very gifted student of medicine, and we need her to help patch up our men.”
Musubi surveyed me again. “Yes, I’m aware of her abilities, having already met her at Daiki’s tavern, and I considered having her help our cause but quickly dismissed the idea. It isn’t safe for her.”
“That’s why you’re going to train her.”
Musubi shook his head. “I don’t like this. It is completely inappropriate for a woman her age to be amongst soldiers, unmarried and unchaperoned.”
“That’s why you will be with her posing as her husband.”
My eyebrows rose at this. I hadn’t expected Akane to produce a real stand-in husband. I thought we would fabricate a story and that would be that.
“Pretend to be married? To a child? That’s absurd!”
I tried not to feel offended by his immediate rejection of the idea.
“It’s the only way to successfully pull this off without anyone questioning the legitimacy of our story. The men respect you. If she is posing as your wife they will leave her alone.”
Musubi shook his head. I could sense his anxiety on my behalf. “No, Akane. I will not allow this tiny female to endanger herself any further than she already has.”
“I’m also a tiny female, and it isn’t your call, Musubi. As far as danger goes, nothing will happen to her provided you train her as well as you trained me.” She pulled out her sword and swung it expertly to the left, right and down. “It is, after all, what we agreed to.”
He gave her a withering look and then landed that look on me. I was grateful for my wrap, considering it was cold enough outside without his glare frosting me completely.
I straightened my spine in an effort to look a little taller. He must have noticed because his amused look made me feel fairly ridiculous.
“She may be small, but I assure you this young lady is quite capable,” Kenji offered on my behalf.
I gave him a grateful smile.
“Fine,” Musubi said. “But for the record, I think this is a terrible idea, and I doubt very highly that this frail little child will be capable of anything like lifting a sword, let alone wielding one.”
“Duly noted,” Akane said dryly. “You have exactly five hours before we must return to camp. Use your time wisely, my friend.” She stood up and started to leave.
“Just where do you think you’re going?” Musubi asked.
“Kenji and I have some educational matters to discuss. We’ll only be a few damaged structures away from you, so if you need us simply shout.”
I watched as Kenji and Akane strolled side by side around a curve and out of sight.
I turned back to Musubi and cleared my throat. “I understand that you think I won’t be able to manage, sir—”
“Musubi.”
“Yes, well, I can assure you that despite my appearance I am strong, and I am a good student, but most importantly I can help your wounded men.”
Musubi rubbed a hand over his beautiful blue eyes and nodded.
“I believe you can help our men, but forgive me if I doubt your physical capabilities. Akane is a small woman, but she has fire. I can tell by the way you stand that you are used to being ordered around. You’re submissive and meek. You’ll never last on a battle field.”
I saw red and knew my anger was about to boil over, but this time I didn’t try to repress it. I didn’t try to squelch it. I simply let the hot anger flow. Squaring my shoulders, I marched right up to my pompous teacher and pointed a finger at his chest.
“I swear, if I have one more man in my life telling me what I can and cannot do, I will steal Kenji’s indestructible cane and beat you with it.”
The slow grin that spread across Musubi’s face might have delighted me if I hadn’t been so angry with him.
“Young lady, I believe I’m willing to work with that.”
* * *
“Before you learn to handle a weapon you must learn how to stand,” Musubi said.
I narrowed my eyes at him.
“I know how to stand. I’m standing right now.”
“I’m not referring to your ability to remain motionless, although you do paint a rather pretty picture in that stunning outfit you’re wearing.”
I felt my face grow warm and looked at my green kimono, smoothing it out self-consciously. I hadn’t even thought about changing into something more suitable, and the high quality of the fabric didn’t help my anonymity. I heard Musubi chuckle as if he enjoyed getting me flustered.
“There are eight quadrants that can be used for fighting and you must learn how to stand within these eight quadrants before you can learn anything else.”
I nodded, but still felt confused.
Using the pointed end of his sword, Musubi drew two straight lines in the dark earth; one intersecting the other in the middle. He pointed at the place where the two lines met.
“You will stand here and face the line that points to the north.”
I did as I was told.
“These lines are like a compass, pointing north, south, east and west. These are your first four quadrants. Your compass is also made up of sub quadrants.”
He drew lines in the middle of each regular quadrant and walked back to face me.
“These are called octants, northwest, northeast, southwest and southeast. If you can consider the space you fight in to be broken up into eight different quadrants you will be able to practice all of your footwork in eight different directions. It is not enough to be able to fight to your north or your south. Nor is it enough to fight on your east side or your west.” He paused and pointed to the compass line in between north and west. “Your enemy will not accommodate you by attacking you where you are at your strongest. He will come at you from whatever angle he finds you are weakest. You must, therefore, lea
rn how to stand and how to advance in any quadrant.”
I drank in the information he imparted like I was a thirsty child in need of refreshment. I could learn this. I wanted so badly to protect myself.
“Stand with your right foot forward and your left foot back, but your feet need to be pointed a little to your left.”
I moved into the position he instructed. He surveyed my stance and nodded.
“Now step forward with your right foot and follow it with your left so you are essentially standing in the same position you were before, you merely advanced forward. This is your north quadrant.”
I followed his instructions and looked up. “This is very simple.”
Musubi smiled like he was waiting to trap an ignorant animal.
“This has put you in a position where you can pivot and use a strong-side turn.”
“A strong-side turn? What does that mean?”
“You pivot and swing your sword to the side that will require the least amount of energy. If your right foot is forward, then you will pivot to your left. Pivoting right with your right foot forward is considered a back-turn or a weak-side turn. You must build strength to lift your sword in that direction, so for now we will have you practice without a sword, pivoting to your strong-side. I want you to use your hands defensively as you would to block an attack. Hold your right arm in front with palm flat, and keep your left arm closer to your chest. As you change directions your arms will change position with you.”
I used my arms to balance and pivoted back to my left. I was now facing south.
“Good. Now step forward with your leading foot, which is now your left, and pivot to your strong-side, to your right. This is called Zango.”
I pivoted left and faced north again.
“This encompasses two directions of movement that you can use when fighting. North and south is one and two. Using your right foot, step to quadrant three which is east, and pivot to your left to quadrant four which is west. Always pivot to your strong-side.”
I moved to the right and pivoted to my left, then stepped forward on my left and pivoted to my right, making sure I went from east to west and back again.