by C. J. Anaya
I couldn’t imagine all the things I had missed if I had truly been unconscious for the last three days. That meant I’d missed three trainings with Musubi, three chances to see him and be near him. Now I really wanted to cry.
“I’m surprised Akane has not received any knowledge of my condition. She usually knows the goings on within the palace better than anyone.”
“Your condition has been kept very quiet. Katsu worried that people within the empire would panic if the severity of your injuries were known.”
Yes, Katsu seemed to have a handle on everything, although I couldn’t fault him for his cold, hard logic. “Would you read the message to me, Saigo? My eyes are still having problems focusing.”
He nodded and pulled out a small piece of parchment paper, reading it aloud. “Meeting tomorrow evening. Same place as always. Burn immediately.”
“When was the message delivered?”
“This morning. It will be dusk within the hour.”
“Saigo, I have to find a way to get to that meeting, but I doubt very highly that Kenji will be able to impress upon Katsu the importance of my educational outings considering I almost died.”
“Yes, I doubt Kenji would even consider it himself. He’s been very worried about you.”
My heart warmed at that, but the problem still remained. If Akane needed me, then there was no help for it. I would do all that I could to make it to that meeting. A small grin spread across my face as an idea took root.
“Saigo, how do you feel about pretending to be me tomorrow evening?”
My brother grinned widely.
“I honestly can’t think of anything more exciting than dressing up in one of your kimonos and hair wigs.”
I slapped his arm as he moved into a feminine stance.
“Honestly, you think I’d allow you to actually walk around impersonating me? I’m supposed to be in bed. I want you to be my body. Just lie in this bed with one of my hair wigs covering your head and keep your back turned to the door.”
“Sounds easy enough. What happens if your maid, Aiko, comes in?”
I pondered that for a moment.
“I will instruct the guards to allow no one in my rooms for the rest of the evening.”
“That could work, but it also means you will have to go to your meeting unaccompanied. Are you sure you will manage?”
I nodded. “Granted, I’m no samurai expert, but I’ve learned some very valuable exercises that will help me defend myself. I should be just fine, Saigo.”
He looked worried, but I could tell the idea of helping me sneak out was an exciting one.
“How will you leave the palace?”
“The same way Akane did the first night we met her. Out my window.”
“You’ll be able to descend from the roof without any problems?”
“I’ve managed it before.”
“Just make sure you are back before the following morning, sister. I’m not certain how Katsu will react if he finds you gone and me snoozing in your bed, but I would rather not find out.”
“Agreed. We shall both be careful.” I leaned back against my pillows, feeling exhaustion descend. “I’ve slept for three days straight, and yet I feel as if I could sleep even longer still.”
“Then you most likely should. You may not be used to the same kind of fatigue we mere mortals suffer from, but I have found it is always wise to listen to one’s body.”
I gave Saigo a rueful smile. “You’re only half mortal.”
“And still it does me little good.” He gave me a rueful smile in return. “It is late afternoon and will be dark within a few hours. Get some rest, sweet sister, and we will plot and plan your rendezvous with Akane later.”
I watched as Saigo exited my rooms, and then let out a heavy sigh. I couldn’t afford to allow my breaching of the veil or its awful consequences to affect my health for long. I was still a spy for the rebels, and learning to protect and defend myself was important. I shifted in my bed, and a sharp stabbing pain shot through my arm.
I withdrew it from underneath my silken bed sheet and stared in shock at the small cut within the crook of my arm. It looked as if it had scabbed over at one point, but my movements had ripped the cut open and blood dribbled slowly down my arm.
I couldn’t quite grasp what was happening. Never in my life had I ever had such a minuscule cut remain on my person. Incisions like these healed within seconds, but it was clear my ki had struggled to heal something as simple as this.
More disturbing was wondering how on earth I had received such a cut. Had it occurred when I was delivered to my room? I grabbed a small cloth from my nightstand and placed it within the crook of my arm, staunching the small amount of blood flow and applying pressure. The movements had taken their toll and weakened me, another worrisome development. Since when did simple, everyday movements make me feel as if I’d just sprinted for several miles? I ignored the stinging pain in my arm and closed my eyes, allowing blessed oblivion to claim me for just a little while longer.
I could feel the sunlight, warm and inviting, seeping through the cracks between the shutters of my window as I slowly began to awaken from a fitful night’s sleep. I didn’t want consciousness to take me, considering the wonderful dream I’d had involving Musubi.
I could have lain in bed with my eyes closed for hours thinking about the way it felt when he touched me. I could have slept and wondered at the sadness he held trapped within his heart, a sadness that needed my help for release, but I soon became aware of another presence in my bedroom.
I opened my eyes and turned my head to the right, surprised to see Katsu sitting on the floor next to my bed, anxiously looking at me.
He reached for my hand when our eyes connected and let out a shaky breath. I sensed his emotional turmoil, but he reined it in quickly before I had time to fully understand the source.
I sat up, fearful that something terrible had happened. “Katsu, what is troubling you? Are you well?”
He pulled my hand to his cheek and placed it there for a moment. “I am well, Princess. I have been worried about you ever since you sustained the injury to your brain. I gave up the fight to sleep and came in here to sit by you and make certain you were well.”
“You’ve been here long then?”
“No, just a few hours. I just...I needed to reassure myself that you were still breathing.”
He let go of my hand, but I kept it against his cheek, running my thumb along his brow and cheekbone, touched that he would have been concerned enough about my well-being to sit beside me and watch over me.
I marveled at this caring compassionate side coming through. He was abrupt and indifferent with me in public, but in private he tended to disarm me with his behavior. He let out a soft gasp as I ran my fingers through his jet-black hair, and I nearly pulled my hand away, wondering if perhaps I had been too forward. His emotions stayed locked away, not allowing me to know exactly what he was feeling.
“As you can see, I am still breathing, and everything about me is functioning properly.” I held my hands out to either side to emphasize my point. Katsu rose to his knees, bringing himself eye level with me.
“Everything is not okay, Mikomi. Your eyes are still red. Your body should have corrected this by now. I am worried that not only was there damage to your mind, but to your ki as well.”
I considered his idea and thought it probable. If my eyes were still suffering from breaching the veil, then there was something very wrong indeed, and there was also that mysterious cut to consider.
“Is there anything that can be done to discover the extent of the damage? Any way to repair it?”
Katsu inched his face closer to mine. “There is, but it will involve crossing certain personal boundaries. It might make you feel…” he searched for the right word, “…uncomfortable. Do you mind if I connect to your ki?”
I couldn’t understand why Katsu would feel this to be a shocking personal boundary to cross. “Katsu, you conn
ected to my ki a few days ago to save my life. Why would this make me feel uncomfortable?”
He lowered his eyes, looking a bit uncomfortable himself. Then he raised them and gave me a look longingly desperate. I thought I saw fear and uncertainty cross his features, but then he grew determined, as if he had just made an important decision. “You might feel uneasy with the way I have to connect with your ki.”
Now I was curious, but I also felt a bit impatient, trying to draw Katsu out and discover his thoughts and feelings depleted what little energy I still possessed.
“You are an honorable kami, and I trust that you will handle my ki with as much care as you took in saving my life. Please do what you think is best and connect with me anyway you must.”
The corner of his mouth turned up into a grateful half smile. “As you wish, Princess.” He placed both his hands on either side of my face, an action I already anticipated. I didn’t anticipate what happened next.
Instead of closing his eyes to concentrate, he leaned forward and tenderly kissed my lips. I didn’t have time to react before I felt his consciousness enter my own, searching for my ki and embracing it with his.
It was different than any connection I had ever made with the people I healed. They were never as aware of their ki as kami were, and no one’s ki had ever reached out to hold mine the way Katsu’s did. Once he found it, I felt him deepen the kiss and by doing so deepen the connection. A slow warmth spread from my spine to the tips of my toes as he continued searching for the damage.
I could tell the moment he found it because his ki spread out and covered the area, completely encompassing it in white, healing light. For some reason I wasn’t responding to Katsu’s instructions and suddenly the bright light seemed to backfire, sending shock waves that blew our ki apart and ripped through our bodies.
My vision blurred as I opened my eyes and found myself displaced from my bed and cradled in Katsu’s arms. He was leaning his forehead against mine, taking in heavy gulps of air.
“I don’t understand this. I can’t understand what happened. I found the damage, and I could have fixed it, but there is a blockage of some kind.”
I reached up and placed a hand on his cheek, attempting to comfort him. “Is it a blockage of the mind? Did I put it there, or did I shut you out unintentionally?”
He shook his head, worry lines creasing his face. “No. This is completely different. It’s as if I have no access to your soul. Damaging someone’s ki is difficult to accomplish. It only happened as a direct consequence of your breaching the veil, but soul mates are able to balance each other’s ki. We have access to one another’s souls and can heal the damage sustained on any level so long as we are connected with one another. Your ki didn’t respond to mine. It was as if your soul didn’t recognize me.”
I stared at him wide-eyed. “What does that mean?”
“I don’t know, but we must uncover the cause of this barrier, or you will never be whole again, and without the full strength of your ki, you’ll never become a full kami.” He lifted me effortlessly back on my bed, and it was then that I realized I wore only my undergarments. Katsu didn’t seem to sense my embarrassment. He was too distracted by his failed attempt at healing me.
He stood up and strode toward the door.
“Where are you going?”
He turned to look at me. “I must speak with Kenji and see if there is anything recorded on this matter. We must find out how I can breach this barrier. If you feel up to it, I would like to continue our practice sessions after breakfast.”
Without so much as a farewell, he exited, leaving me to wonder if he had even thought twice about the kiss we had shared or if it had affected him in any way. It saddened me to think that my first kiss had been given for the purpose of healing me instead of loving me.
* * *
I arrived in the gardens with my guards early. If there was a chance Daiki had left a note for me, I needed to be there to retrieve it without Katsu’s watchful eye hovering over me. I didn’t need to worry about what the guards did or didn’t see since they were loyal to Akane.
I walked straight for the fist-sized rock snuggled next to one of the trees. Lifting it up I stuck my finger inside the small compartment chiseled into the center. I smiled when I felt a small piece of parchment tickle the tip of my index finger. I gripped the end of it and slid it out, swiftly stuffing it within a pocket sewn inside my kimono. I then replaced the rock.
Footsteps approached, and I startled to see both Katsu and Kenji directly behind me.
“Kenji, are you here to watch me practice?” I gave him a weary smile he didn’t seem capable of returning. Worry lines creased his forehead.
“Katsu shared with me the extent of damage your ki has sustained and his inability to heal it. I am quite baffled by this, Mikomi, but I am even more concerned with your well-being.”
“I’m sure there has to be an explanation for the blockage Katsu encountered,” I said. I was putting on a brave face, but inwardly I was concerned. If my ki no longer functioned at full power, what kind of consequences would that hold for the future?
I wasn’t concerned about never becoming a full kami. My father may have unintentionally given me an out in all of this. I couldn’t fulfill the prophecy if I didn’t become immortal. On the other hand, I wondered what would happen if I were injured slightly or even seriously. If my ki couldn’t heal the whites of my eyes, what hope did I have that it might heal other injuries of a more serious nature? And what of the rebellion? How would I ever heal Akane’s men?
“Come here, child, and let us experiment for a moment.” Kenji reached his hands out and grabbed both of mine. “My hip is feeling poorly. I think it best if we see what your ki can do with physical pain.”
I looked at Katsu, waiting for permission to proceed and hating myself for doing so. He folded his arms over his chest and nodded, barely making eye contact with me before focusing on Kenji. I didn’t know what to make of his standoffish behavior but thought it best to simply comply with Kenji’s request, rather than analyze Katsu’s ever changing moods.
I let go of Kenji’s hands and placed them on the graying hairline of his temples. Closing my eyes, I connected to him, but the connection felt fuzzy, as if my mental sight had been impaired in some way. I continued forward despite the disheartening handicap and located the inflammation in the joints of Kenji’s hips. I instructed his ki to minimize the inflammation and block the pain and discomfort he felt.
He took several seconds to respond, and when he finally did, the healing progressed at a sluggish rate, as if it were unclear as to the specifics of my instructions. I found that I had to use much more energy to accomplish something as simple as relieving joint pain. By the time Kenji’s ki had completed the task, I could feel droplets of sweat parading down my hairline. I opened my eyes and shakily released my hold on my tutor.
Unfortunately, holding onto him was the only thing that had been keeping me upright. The moment I let go, I felt my legs buckle and would have collapsed backward into the shallow pond if Katsu’s reflexes had not been so quick.
I leaned against him, breathing heavily.
“Why, was that so difficult?”
Kenji studied me for a moment. The tension in his face and body made me nervous. “Katsu, connect to her now and see what happens when your ki touches hers.”
He was already holding me, so turning his head and pressing a gentle kiss to my lips happened before I was ready for the intimate contact. Entering my mind and connecting with my ki occurred within seconds. He moved to a specific point, in a place where my brain had been injured and folded his spirit over mine in an attempt to surround the fractured area. The minute he touched it, my ki writhed in agony and fairly flung his spiritual force to the background, severing the connection immediately. He didn’t even get a chance to produce that warm healing light I had felt before.
When I opened my eyes, I realized we were both sitting on the ground with him cradling me in hi
s arms once again.
“Katsu, what happened?” Kenji asked, kneeling down next to us.
“I couldn’t even make contact with her. The minute my ki touched hers it instantly repelled me. I can heal her physically, but I can’t heal her spirit, and as her soul mate, this is something I should have access to.”
“I think I may have an idea of what is blocking your connection, though I can’t be sure until we give this situation some time, but I think the more she heals the less capable her ki is of receiving light or help. Her energy is used to doing this on its own, but it takes a certain level of energy for spiritual connections between soul mates to take place. The answer, hopefully, is that she must stop healing long enough for her ki to retain the strength necessary to accept you.”
“You think it is as simple as that?” Katsu asked.
“I certainly hope so. Only time will tell at this point, but might I suggest that you suspend her veil training for a week or two? I can continue with her educational outings in the meantime.”
“Yes, Kenji. I think it a very good idea.” Katsu sounded a bit relieved, even felt it. I sensed that before he threw the walls back in front of his emotions. Kenji’s were just as disturbing. He acted as if he had just solved all of our problems, but his emotions bounced from worry to fear to outright panic. I needed to talk with him but didn’t know how to end this session with Katsu. Fortunately, he did it for me.
“I must take care of some business matters with your father, Mikomi.” He easily stood, taking me with him and gently setting me on my feet. “In the meantime, I want you to rest for the next week or so, and we’ll try again.”
I nodded, and hoped for both our sakes that Kenji’s prediction became a reality. Katsu lifted his hand and tenderly brushed his fingers against my cheek. I shivered slightly at the contact and gave him a smile I didn’t feel. Then he dropped his hand to his side and walked swiftly down the path and around the bend.