by C. J. Anaya
I never had the opportunity to cleanse Musubi’s heart before he ended our connection.
He didn’t bridge that gap. He didn’t kiss me in return in order to build upon the pain of his past and move forward toward the light of a more promising future. His affections remained absent of hope. Absent of the sure knowledge that our lives together might be the most perfect kind of destiny ever discovered by god or man. He kissed me, hoping to have one small moment of happiness to hold onto as he pursued his quest for vengeance.
He kissed me to say goodbye.
He kissed me and let me go.
The interruption of this near perfect joining left me feeling bereft and emotionally destitute.
Musubi stepped back and schooled his features though it fractured his ki to make the decision to turn from me and pursue his original goal.
“I think it would be best if I slept outside tonight. We’ll make our way back to our meeting point with Akane in the morning.”
I turned from him, already feeling the tears descending upon my cheeks. He cared for me, I was sure of it, but he would never act upon those feelings again, and perhaps, in the end, that was the most prudent path before us.
The next morning I awakened only to be startled by Musubi’s proximity as he thoughtfully studied me. I abruptly came to a sitting position, knowing full well I looked a mess, but having no brush to put my hair to rights. A frivolous thought in the midst of our more pressing issues.
“What’s wrong? Have the soldiers discovered us?”
He shook his head. “No, but I realized as I awoke this morning that I never once thought to ask if you had succeeded in retrieving the information about the gold shipment.”
My heart sank as Musubi went back to business as usual, pretending nothing had happened between us the previous night. He was focused on his agenda and whatever vengeful plan he had concocted, and he would not be dissuaded from it, not even by me.
“Yes, I was able to collect our information.” I delivered in detail the exact information I had shared with Akane.
“You came by this two days ago, so we have twelve days to meet the shipment before the emperor arrives.”
“I informed the emperor that the shipment would arrive a week later than is accurate.”
Musubi’s eyes rose in disbelief, and he swore under his breath.
“Do you have any idea how much danger you have placed yourself in?” He nearly exploded to a standing position, the anxious energy within him propelling his movements.
“What do you mean?”
He paused, his anger filling him and radiating outward. “Mikomi, the moment the emperor realizes you have fed him faulty intelligence he will find you and kill you. Your family’s wealth and position will not succeed in protecting you against an emperor who believes you have committed treason. This is why I protested such a dangerous mission. You weren’t prepared for it.”
I failed to mention to Musubi that even if I had decided to shy away from the assignment, I would have been forced to do it anyway. My father’s capture of Hatsumi and Daiki cemented that fact. The emperor knew my weaknesses and used them to his advantage. My father would no doubt be angry when he discovered my lie, but I hoped to be with the rebels by then. Killing me would never be an option, not even for my father. My role in the prophecy was too important.
Since Musubi knew none of this it remained imperative that I behave as if my imminent demise posed a real issue.
“I suppose I will have to up my time frame when it comes to leaving. I should probably make ready my departure before the emperor discovers my subterfuge.”
The idea of finally escaping my palace prison was intoxicating. In the back of my mind I wondered how far I might run before Katsu found me. After all, he was nothing but driven to fulfill his duty. He wouldn’t let me alone so easily. Still, however impossible the idea, I longed for the day when I would be able to leave the palace and live my life as I saw fit.
I stood up and approached Musubi, placing a hand over his shoulder to stop his worried pacing. “I am learning to fight more rapidly than most people. I can take care of myself and my brother should anything happen before we move to join you.”
Musubi grabbed my arms and pulled me close. “You are nowhere near ready to face a trained soldier. I don’t want to consider the consequences if you had to.” His hands slid down the length of my arms and then came to rest at my waist. As if finally becoming aware of his actions, he pulled his hands back and stepped away from me. “We need to move,” he said in a gruff tone. “I’m sure Akane is already waiting for us at the rendezvous point.”
I nodded and followed him outside. Musubi reached for my hand, preparing to help me mount. I gave him one more searching look, but he avoided my gaze. His steely resolve replaced any second thoughts concerning the status of our relationship.
He swung up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, leaning my back firmly against his chest.
“Why do you not have me ride behind you?” I wondered.
“If we need to run away from anymore soldiers, my back will be the only target they can shoot at. I don’t want any arrows hitting that beautiful backside of yours.”
I made a disgruntled noise at his teasing, but smiled despite myself.
“It looks as if you have completely healed from whatever your father did to you.”
I quirked a questioning eyebrow, but realized he couldn’t see it. “What do you mean?”
His hand reached around me to gently grasp my chin. He guided my head to look at him as he leaned around my shoulder. His eyes were stormy flecks of smoldering blue, and the desire held within their depths was something he was incapable of squelching no matter how hard he tried.
“The whites of your eyes are no longer red,” he said. “They’ve healed completely.”
His revelation forced me to focus on his words rather than my physical reaction to his addicting presence. “That’s…that’s impossible!”
His eye narrowed at my declaration. “I’ll admit it took an exceptionally long time for you to heal from that particular injury, but surely you didn’t believe your body would fail to recover completely.” He leaned back and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Take deep breaths, Mikomi, and form a connection with your center. Can you access your ki?”
I pressed my eyelids shut, desperate to discover if what Musubi claimed held any merit. I felt my mind open fully and found the familiar extension of energy and awareness present as if it had never been absent at all. I was both relieved and perplexed by this sudden change.
“I have access, yes.” My mouth felt dry at the implications of this miraculous recovery. The only male I had made contact with, the only person I had kissed within a twenty-four hour period had been Musubi, and according to Katsu, reparations to my damaged ki only occurred through a more personal connection of spirits such as the kisses Katsu had administered in the hopes that he might be the means of my recovery. How was it possible that Musubi had accomplished what Katsu had not?
The answer was glaringly simple, yet I doubted its veracity. I feared to hope that what I wanted was actually part of our First Parents’ plan. To claim Musubi as my soul mate demanded he be tied to the prophecy and immortal no less. He fell under neither of these stipulations, and even if he did, his stance on our future together had been spelled out in no uncertain terms.
It couldn’t be him, no matter how much I longed for the simplest of answers. There had to be another explanation. Maybe Katsu’s attempts at healing me had a delayed reaction. Either way, the damage was gone, and I felt better than I had in months.
“I suspect a night away from your father’s abusive presence must have done you some good. I think the arrangement should be made permanent.”
I remained silent as Musubi expertly guided his horse through the forest. I sat in the middle of a large puzzle with only a few pieces clicking into place. The rest remained a mystery, with scattered pieces blocking my way forward, preventin
g me from answering the most pressing question of all.
Who was my soul mate? Musubi? Some unknown kami who would suddenly appear and tear me from what I wanted most?
I supposed only time would tell.
* * *
After about thirty minutes of travel, we came to a small clearing where Akane frantically paced as she pulled at her fiery hair. The minute she saw us, her impatient movements morphed into a determined stride.
“Where the hell have you two been? We were supposed to meet here yesterday! I feared that you were captured!” She broke off when her gaze rested upon mine. “Mikomi, your eyes are no longer red. How—”
I shook my head ever so slightly, hoping she would drop the subject, as I wasn’t certain myself exactly how it had happened.
She took the hint and used a different approach. “Must be wonderful to have all of that medical knowledge at your disposal. I am happy to see you are feeling better.”
“Thank you,” I said.
Musubi jumped from the horse and then helped me to dismount. The warmth of his hand lingered long after he released me.
“We found it necessary to lay low for a day. It wasn’t safe to travel until now.” An incomprehensible look passed between them. “It isn’t safe for Mikomi to return home for long. The emperor will no doubt discover her deception when he goes to retrieve a shipment of gold that isn’t there. We need to offer her and her brother protection.”
“Yes, Mikomi and I discussed this just before we were separated. It is simply a matter of time before the emperor discovers the truth.” Akane looked at me. “Can you meet us at the Holy Cherry Tree two days from now?”
I considered this. My departure would be difficult now that I had been missing from the palace for longer than a day. As if reading my thoughts, Akane spoke.
“I sent a message to Kenji, informing him of what happened. He has told your father…and er…any other parties involved that you remained at the Shinto temple overnight studying with the monks. Kenji is planning to fetch you within a few hours from now.” She let out a shaky breath. “Thank the gods you showed up when you did, otherwise your lingering absence would have been much more difficult for your tutor to explain away.”
The understatement of the century. My betrothed’s response to my continued absence promised to be volatile at the very least. Katsu’s inability to heal me had provided his otherwise absent insecurities an endless supply of fuel. Regardless of the excuses Kenji made on my behalf, I fully expected Katsu’s reaction to be nothing short of smothering when I returned to the palace. He would no doubt have me under lock and key.
With Yao and Chan’s assistance, I thought it might be possible to make an escape within two days. Katsu would no doubt tear the kingdom apart looking for me. I felt a stab of guilt at the thought of leaving him after all of the time we had shared together. I hated to withhold so much from him and leave without an explanation, but our last conversation had made it painfully clear that no matter the civility and consideration we showed one another, his duty was to The Healer and nothing more.
Katsu in no way favored my father as emperor, but he would be angered that I had placed myself in what he would consider a dangerous position by siding with the rebels without his knowledge or express permission—permission he would never give for obvious reasons. With those factors driving all of his actions, emotions and choices, there was no telling what Katsu might do if the rebel army stood in between him and his betrothed.
“We can make it, but you must be aware, there are certain people, very powerful people who will be looking for me.”
“More dangerous and powerful than the emperor?” Musubi asked.
“This particular…man…will most certainly be motivated to retrieve me.”
Musubi grabbed my arm and spun me to face him.
“Man? What man?”
I swallowed hard.
“My parents promised me to K—”
Akane cleared her throat. “Her parents promised her hand in marriage to a wealthy land owner from the other side of the province.”
I understood her worry about revealing my identity, but I was tired of withholding information from Musubi and confused as to why she felt we couldn’t trust him with my identity.
Musubi’s grip on my arms tightened. “You’re betrothed?”
I could feel anger, hurt, and betrayal coursing through his frame.
“I had very little choice in the matter, Musubi. You know as well as I that women of noble birth are used as pawns to gain power, wealth, lands, and titles. My particular marriage contract is no different, but certainly something I wish to avoid. I have many reasons for leaving.”
Through the corner of my eye I sneaked a peak at Akane, whose shoulders relaxed after my response.
“You’ll be escaping a betrothal while jumping into a full-fledged marriage. Have you forgotten that you and I are supposed to be playing the role of husband and wife? The moment you join us, that ruse will be in full force. Will you be up to the challenge?”
My face flushed hot at the idea. “Will you?”
The corners of his mouth twitched in amusement, and I heard Akane chuckle under her breath.
He inched himself closer.
“I suppose we’ll find out, little healer.” He stepped back, picked me up in his arms and then threw me on top of his horse. “I’ll see that Mikomi arrives home safely.”
I looked at Akane in alarm.
“I need you back at camp with the soldiers to help them prepare for our journey. I’ll make certain Mikomi returns to her dwelling in one piece.” Musubi glanced up at me, and I thought I noticed a hint of longing and regret creeping through his anger. “I have a few things I must discuss with her in private,” Akane added.
He grudgingly acquiesced.
“Use my horse. You can bring my mount back once she has been delivered home.” He avoided making eye contact with me, and instead turned and ran swiftly in the direction we had come. I watched his strong figure disappear into the forest.
I’m not sure how long I sat there staring after him like a lovesick fool, but I wrenched my eyes from the dark shadows of the forest when I heard Akane clear her throat.
She gave me a sly look. “Just what, exactly, happened between you two while you spent all of that lovely alone time together?”
I could feel a faint blush warm my cheeks once again. “What do you mean?”
She let out a soft chuckle. “You must think me blind, Princess. There was something in the way he looked at you, his body language. If I didn’t know any better, I would think you’ve managed to crack that unyielding exterior of his even further than I first supposed. I’m quite thrilled by it.”
I shook my head in frustration. “I feel as if a strange pull brings us together, but he fights it. He can’t seem to allow himself to heal from the loss of a woman he once loved. Edana.”
Akane’s eyes rounded in surprise. “He spoke to you about it? You convinced him to give you the woman’s name?” She openly marveled. “I’ve known Musubi for many years, and never once have I ever been privy to the details of his vendetta.”
“Yes, he is still determined to punish the man he deems responsible for Edana’s death.”
“Incredible. You must have strong powers of persuasion at your disposal. I don’t believe he has ever shared so much information on the subject.” She looked at the ground and contemplated my words. “He can’t let it go. He’s been working toward this moment for years. There are several reasons that we are here, taking on the emperor’s army, but one of the main reasons is this notion of vengeance. He’s waiting for that one perfect moment when he can exact his revenge.”
“Has he given you details on when that is going to happen?”
“No, but it is an all-consuming obsession, and one I had hoped you might distract him from.”
We rode in silence for a moment before I asked, “What other reasons do you and Musubi have for going up against the emperor?”
>
Akane showed hesitance, unsure that she should elaborate. Her insecurities marred that otherwise tranquil core of hers.
“Musubi became aware of a serious disturbance in this empire. Some of his closest friends went missing. He believes them to be held prisoner within the palace’s dungeons.”
I raised my eyebrows at this. “Can you tell me the names of his friends?”
She shook her head. “I’m afraid I can’t divulge that information.”
“So the rebels are just a front for a different purpose altogether?”
“Yes, at least that’s how it began. We’re a decoy, a distraction, something to keep the emperor and his men looking one way while Musubi stealthily attacks. Over the course of this long campaign, I’ve begun to care about the suffering in the villages. After all, I used to be a starving orphan myself. I wanted to help people, to take the emperor’s dominion down and eliminate him as a ruler. If we captured him, we not only liberate Musubi’s friends, but the whole of Kagami.” She worried her hands for a moment, choosing her words carefully. “I had hoped over time Musubi could be reasoned with. That he could let his plans fall to the side to be replaced by something nobler, more worthwhile. I still wish to help him recover his friends, but this can be done through capturing the emperor himself, instead of using his plan for vengeance to be the catalyst for their escape. When I saw his reaction to you, I wondered if you might be the key in all of this. The one person capable of reaching him when no one else can.”
“I just don’t understand. How does distracting my father and his armies help him in his quest for vengeance?”
“Your guess is as good as mine, but the one thing I do know, the reason I’ve never wanted your identity revealed, is his vendetta involves a kami who is close to your father in some way. I didn’t want him using you as a pawn to further his scheme. It would distract him from what I sensed developing between you two right from the beginning. He can’t know who you really are until he finally succumbs to the pull he feels toward you. He would already lay his life down for you, I am sure of that, but I don’t know if he is ready to hear the truth yet.”