by C. J. Anaya
“And what truth is that?”
“That he has finally moved on from Edana and fallen in love with you.”
My heart leapt at those words, but I couldn’t help to downplay the situation.
“I think you give this attraction between us more credit than it deserves. He kissed me, but it wasn’t to acknowledge anything. It was simply to end what might have been, and move on.”
“He…kissed you?” Akane’s astonished question and shocked look made me feel as if Musubi’s kiss may have held more significance than I thought. “I underestimated nothing then. Musubi’s control and composure has never wavered. Many women have tried to pull him under their spell, and he has never offered them a single glance, yet after all of these years of denying himself any kind of affection or companionship he kisses you.”
“Yes, but it felt all wrong. It felt as if he made himself a promise that he would never do it again.”
“We’ve talked about this before, Mikomi, but I want to hear you say it again. What do you want from your future?”
Her abrupt change in subject left me unsure as to how to respond.
“Do you want to marry your warrior god Katsu and go off to live with him, stuck in a loveless marriage and incapable of healing the veil or do you want to stay here, take control of the throne and help the people in this empire with Musubi by your side?”
“Honestly, all I’ve ever wanted is my freedom. The right to live how I wish, be whom I wish, and love whom I wish.”
Akane nodded with a smile. “Then don’t lock your heart away from Musubi’s simply because he has retreated. You’re an imperial princess, Mikomi. Stand your ground and fight for what you want most. You’ll wear him down eventually, and all thoughts of revenge will fade away once he realizes he truly has someone to live for and fight for again.”
“But I’m The Healer,” I said, my heart sinking. Despite my intention to leave the palace and join the rebels, I felt with sinking certainty that once the dust settled and the emperor had been overthrown, I would still be required to heal the veil. “Is it right for me to turn away from my responsibilities and allow the veil to continue to weaken?”
“I don’t for one second believe that the future of our world depends on forcing a young woman to unite with a man she doesn’t love, especially a man who isn’t her soul mate. True love is the most powerful force on Earth, surely powerful enough to heal a weakening veil.”
I stared at Akane, wondering at her profound and insightful take on life. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps my future could include one with the man I loved.
“You’re a good friend to Musubi. He is very lucky to have someone like you looking out for him.”
Akane smiled. “I owe him my life, and I will do everything I can to protect him even if I must protect him from himself. Will you help me?”
I nodded. If she thought I had the power to dissuade Musubi from furthering his plans for revenge, then I wouldn’t give up, and I wouldn’t allow him a moment of peace in my presence.
“Good,” she said, smiling. “Now how on earth did you manage to heal your ki? I thought only your soul mate was capable of that.”
“Perhaps Katsu really is my soul mate and his many healings finally took.”
Her look was skeptical. “You don’t really believe that, do you?”
“No. I fear the answer is more complicated than that. I have a theory, but I don’t wish to speak the words aloud just yet. Not until I have a way of verifying my suspicions.”
It frightened me to voice my hopes where Musubi was concerned. Better to have no aspirations in that department for if I was wrong, bitter disappointment was sure to follow.
“I won’t press you then.” She gave me an understanding smile. “Now let’s get you back to the ruins. From there I will let you make your way home without me. However, I agree with Musubi. You must collect your brother and Kenji and leave the palace within the next few days. Meet us sooner if you can be ready. I fear that your window for doing so is beginning to dwindle.”
A sudden urgency gripped me. Katsu anxiously awaited my return.
Akane dropped me off at the edge of the forest, just before the ruins so as not to expose herself in the open during the day.
“I will see you soon, Mikomi.”
She smiled again and then made her way back to the safety and cover of the forest.
I ran to the open clearing and then weaved my way through the broken stone buildings. I’d just managed to hide myself within the darkened entrance of the Shinto temple when I heard a shout from up ahead and then saw Katsu furiously riding an imperial horse upon the dirt path with several guards following close behind.
At first I feared that perhaps Katsu had not believed Kenji’s story and worried that even now my tutor might be in the dungeons as punishment for his lies. My concern over his welfare abated when Kenji came into view, following the intimidating party at a leisurely pace. I nearly laughed out loud as he made eye contact with me and lifted an eyebrow as if to say, “Quite the to do about nothing, wouldn’t you say?”
The thunderous sound of hooves meeting the bits of undamaged stone along their path drew closer, echoing eerily against the ruined structures surrounding their party. Katsu’s eyes alighted upon mine and his horse’s speed increased. I readied myself for any possible story I might need to tell in order to confirm Kenji’s claims, but then a terrible realization pierced my thoughts. My eyes were no longer red, and I had no way of explaining the circumstances of my miraculous recovery. I stared at the grassy foliage at my feet as I contemplated how on earth I was going to keep this from my betrothed, but Katsu came at me faster than I expected and took me by surprise when he enveloped me in his arms and crushed me to his chest in a fervent embrace as if he had supposed he might never see me again. He pulled back just enough to kiss me full on the mouth before I could say or do anything. All of this in front of the guards.
This kiss was so different from his previous attentions. His intent had been different, solely focused on healing me. Any affection normally existing between two souls fated for marriage never entered into the equation, motivated by duty alone. This kiss, however, held different emotions—fear, anxiety, relief, and even love. A kind of passionate exchange that I couldn’t help but reciprocate due to its unexpected occurrence.
He refused to loosen his hold upon me as he continued to explore my mouth with his own, behaving as if he would never get the chance to do so again. His ki reached out and took hold of mine, simple and intimate as if caressing the hand of a lover.
This dramatic change in his affections added to the shroud of guilt hanging over my head.
It was simply too late for us.
Yet I couldn’t help but crave the affection he freely gave.
My heart began a dull ache spreading from the center of my soul and out my body. My own ki cried out in pain at the thought of Musubi’s brooding face and the last kiss we shared. He intended to keep himself from me, but Katsu willingly offered his whole heart and soul. I felt tears leak from my eyes, but couldn’t call them back or rein them in. It wasn’t right to surrender myself to Katsu due to my aching desire to be loved and cherished. Any duty, sense of loyalty, or even friendship we shared would never be enough to build the foundation of an eternal union. Not a joyous one. In the end it would make me miserable and would be monumentally unfair to him.
I lessened the intensity of our exchange. Katsu pulled back, reluctantly it seemed, as my hand applied slight pressure to his chest. He looked at me with a question in his eye, and then his whole demeanor changed, an enormous smile interrupting the usual seriousness that clung to his every expression.
“It worked. Mikomi, it finally worked.”
“What worked?”
“Your ki has accepted mine. Your eyes have healed.” He leaned forward and kissed my forehead while I considered how fortunate his uncharacteristic behavior and consequent affections were at this particular moment.
I dare
d a glance at Kenji, who appeared truly puzzled with Katsu’s discovery. I gave him a barely discernible shake of the head, and hoped he would wait to question me about the circumstances of my miraculous recovery. He nodded in understanding and relaxed atop his mount.
Katsu continued his frantic narrative. “I couldn’t find your ki with my own when you disappeared. All I have to do is think of the person I want to find and their ki is made known to me based on where in the world they are touching the veil, but I couldn’t find you no matter how long I sat meditating.”
“I was under the impression that Kenji had relayed my whereabouts to you. When we last spoke you were quite adamant about curtailing my previous endeavors, but I assumed veil training was an acceptable activity. I’ve been within these walls, studying this entire time.” I inwardly cringed at the lie.
“I know…I…at first I wondered if you had left due to our last conversation.” He hung his head, failing to meet my gaze. True remorse enveloped his countenance. “I spoke to you in anger, and I should have never treated you in such a manner. I wanted to come to you and repair the damage I caused, but when I searched for your ki within the temple I found nothing. Kenji assured me it was part of the protection the temple afforded, but I was crazed with worry. I should have responded with more faith in his words but the absence of your ki led me to only one conclusion.” He swallowed hard before continuing, as if putting his thoughts into words was unthinkable. “I thought you were dead.”
My eyes went wide at this.
“Katsu, for Heaven’s sake. I’m surprised you didn’t attack the temple earlier if you were that worked up.”
Katsu shook his head. “No one is allowed entrance within the sanctuary of the temple if they are armed.” He cast his eyes to the ground, shame threatening to suffocate the both of us. “Forgive me, Mikomi, but I cannot part with The Grass Cutter Sword or leave it in the care of another. It would be dangerous for the weapon to fall into the wrong hands. Instead, I waited outside this very entrance yesterday and into the night. I vacillated between the fear of you never venturing out to forgive me, and the awful certainty that you were, in fact, dead due to some nefarious conspiracy having to do with Kenji.”
I looked at Kenji, who gave a patient shrug of the shoulders.
“Am I to understand that you had my tutor imprisoned and questioned?”
Katsu looked a bit sheepish, but Kenji’s eyes sparkled.
“I had no idea just how exciting interrogation and imprisonment coupled with the threat of certain death might be. I fear I may never return to my duties as your brother’s tutor with much enthusiasm after this. A rather boring life I lead, I must say.”
I threw a stern look at my tutor. “Kenji, were you tortured?”
“No, much to my dismay.”
Katsu’s mouth turned up into a reluctant half smile. “It is difficult to be angry with a suspect when he is the perfect picture of affable civility.”
I marveled at the lengths Kenji selflessly took in order to cover for me and my activities.
“Katsu, please do not think on our last conversation. Your anger and worry were understandable. I know your only concern is for The Healer’s welfare, and as my betrothed you had every right to be angry. I should have told you I was the village healer.” Though I meant every word I said, there was nothing on this Earth that would move me to share my involvement with the rebels no matter how much he desired to make things right between us.
His palpable relief tugged at my guilty conscience. No matter his recent behavior, Katsu was a good and faithful companion. I shoved my guilt aside before it tempted me to reconsider my decision.
His previous words began to sink in, and I felt anxious once again.
“I had no idea kami could find a person with their ki,” I stated.
“Every living thing is connected to the veil in some way. The veil is all around us, brushing against our spirits. We don’t sense its presence unless we learn to focus on it as I’ve been trying to teach you. I failed to encounter yours. I’ve never experienced that kind of fear.”
I remembered Akane’s cryptic remarks about Musubi’s ability to hide people. Did she refer to hiding someone’s ki?
“Not only was I safe within the wards of the temple, but my ki remained damaged. Might that also have contributed to your failed search?”
Katsu gave me a brief nod as if my explanation made perfect sense, but his emotions conveyed his unease on the matter. My explanation was weak, and I knew it. As a living entity, my presence should have registered no matter how damaged my ki remained.
“Let’s return you to the palace. I don’t like how exposed we are to possible rebels.” He gave me a once-over as if he couldn’t quite come to terms with the idea that I was truly alive and well. He stopped short once he took in my apparel. “Mikomi, do you always study at the temple dressed in men’s attire?”
I gazed upon my clothing in chagrin, searching my mind for a viable explanation when Kenji spoke up.
“Have you ever worn a kimono, Katsu? They’re terribly uncomfortable.”
Katsu’s eyes narrowed at this. “Have you ever worn a kimono?”
I bit the inside of my cheeks to prevent a chuckle from escaping.
“How did you know to come back for me when you did?” I interceded before Kenji was able to form some inane response.
“I’ve been scanning for your ki ever since you went missing in the middle of the night. One moment I could sense you and the next moment you were gone. About thirty minutes ago I was able to sense your ki again. It led me here.”
About the time Musubi took his leave from Akane and myself. That had to be the answer.
“Thus supporting my story,” Kenji stated airily. “This is the price we pay for extensive veil study and internal reflection, Mikomi. No good deed goes unpunished.” I might have felt guilty for the part I played in his arrest, but he looked so delighted by the entire ordeal, I wondered if I should feel guiltier for the endless monotony he suffered as a tutor day in and day out. Then again, it couldn’t have been too tedious. He did instruct Saigo, after all.
I was not happy with this newly discovered ability Katsu claimed to possess. So long as I lived and breathed, he would be capable of tracking me anywhere in the world. I wondered if it might be more prudent to tell him the truth now rather than later.
I opened my mouth, ready to confess, unburden myself and try to piece together the jumbled bits of this puzzle, when an arrow sailed through the air and hit Katsu’s mount within the fleshy part of its neck. The horse thrashed violently before tripping over the stony path and falling to the earth. Soldiers shouted a warning as they attempted to control their skittish horses. Another arrow sailed through the air, landing in the chest of one soldier and knocking him off his steed.
Force of habit prevented me from considering the possible danger I placed myself in as I lunged forward to aid the fallen soldier. Unfortunately, Katsu must have read the intent upon my face, interpreting my next course of action. He scooped me up in his arms and took off at a rapid pace, running faster than any living thing upon this Earth.
Kami were capable of much more physical exertion than humans, but I had no idea they could attain such outrageous speeds. Within moments we entered the palace gates; a journey of several miles traveled within seconds. I clung to him and breathed deeply before I could lift my head without fearing it might fall off. He gently set me on my feet and held me steady until he was certain I wouldn’t fall over. Once my surprise abated my concern turned to the wounded men we left behind.
“Katsu, I needed to help that soldier!” I yanked away and surprised myself by stamping my foot in outrage.
He shook his head in disbelief. A shadow of a smile lit his expression. “You are exasperating, Mikomi. You simply cannot help yourself, can you? Do you really think I’ll ever allow you to heal another person again? Your ki has finally regained full power, and I won’’t risk your ascension, especially for some nameless so
ldier who died an honorable death.”
Allow me?
So we were back to that again. Katsu baffled me with the extremes of his personality. Heartless one moment, then kind and caring the next. I could have screamed at him for his interference, but another more horrifying thought distracted me.
“And what of Kenji and the others? We’re just going to abandon them as well?”
“That tutor of yours is more resourceful than I think you or I have ever given him credit for, and my duty is to you. Always to you.”
I absently ran a hand through my disheveled hair. “I don’t understand what just happened. Who would be shooting arrows at us?”
“Your ignorance of your own peril, while quite endearing, is also utterly frustrating. Do you not understand that the rebels would love nothing more than to get their hands on you and use you against the emperor?”
Though his reasoning made perfect sense, I could hardly point out my involvement with the rebels in order to clear the group’s name. Who else might possess a motive for attacking us? Maybe a few disgruntled peasants or some of my father’s soldiers who had deserted his armies? How would they have known where to find me? A disquieting uneasiness settled over me. I did my best to shake off the sensation.
I glanced at Katsu. “Why on earth would you ever have use for a horse when you’re capable of running faster on your own?”
He let out a soft chuckle. “The situation necessitated that I bring guards with me in case we ran into any trouble, which we did, and running at those speeds takes up a large amount of energy. Most kami avoid this type of travel unless absolutely necessary.”