by C. J. Anaya
I feared the ruins would never be reached in time.
Some shouts ahead of our party caused pain to ricochet from one side of my skull to the other.
I was transferred from Chan’s arms to the ground, and then another set of arms encircled me.
A strange numbness settled in, and a desire to die and never be bothered again convinced me to give up the fight. From a great distance I heard panicked voices discussing my situation.
“What the hell happened to her? Was it her father again?” Musubi sounded furious.
“We can discuss the cause of this later. Right now we need you to shield her from her betrothed and save her if you think you can,” Kenji said.
Musubi moved a cool hand to my forehead and pressed me against his chest. Then he reached for me, not in a physical sense, but in the way that I was accustomed to reaching for others when connecting with their ki. He found mine and held it within his, wrapping his essence about me and instructing the damage in my brain to begin its repairs. It was incredible to actually be conscious enough to witness the process, and observe my entire being come alive in his presence. Every cell and molecule, all of the intelligences that were a part of me, were infused with a blindingly brilliant light, radiating an intensity I’d never before felt. My ki recognized Musubi’s spirit and accepted it wholeheartedly.
He hadn’t administered a kiss like Katsu had. I didn’t know if the damage hadn’t been as extensive as when I healed my mother or if he was simply more powerful, but it didn’t matter.
In that moment I knew I had found my other half, and I waited for his ki to recognize it as well, but that awful darkness surrounding his heart blocked his ability to witness the truth of our connection, and my ki merely succeeded in chipping away at the darkness for a few, brief moments.
I opened my eyes and beheld Musubi staring at me with an anxious expression on his face.
“Did it work? Are you all right?”
He wiped the blood from my face and pulled me closer. Could he not sense my ki? Couldn’t he feel that I was completely whole? Was that awful darkness blocking him from me?
“I’m fine, I think. How on earth did you manage to do that?”
He expelled a sigh of relief and rested his head against my chest as if assuring himself that I still lived and breathed by listening to the steady beating of my heart.
“You’re a kami, aren’t you?” Kenji asked.
His question surprised me while simultaneously making me feel like the biggest fool who had ever walked the face of this Earth. Of course he was a kami. Only kami could heal themselves completely, and only kami could heal others if they so desired. I had spent so much time considering Musubi to be human, I had been unable to see the truth as it stood plain as day in front of me. I had failed to use my “sight” to see the entire picture.
Musubi was a kami.
Musubi was also my soul mate.
I felt slightly dazed by the revelations. Did he know what we were? Did he understand the significance of our connection? Would he accept it if he did?
Musubi lifted me in his arms as he stood and walked me over to his horse, gently placing me up front and climbing up behind me.
“I think it is time to tell them the truth, Musubi,” Akane said. She walked up to his horse and placed a hand on its neck to steady it. “It can only help them to know who you really are.”
I felt Musubi shift behind me.
“You are correct in your assumption, Kenji. I am a kami.”
It looked as if Akane was waiting for him to reveal more, but after an intense staring match she gave up and shrugged her shoulders. Obviously there was more to his story, but he wasn’t interested in revealing it at the moment.
I looked at Kenji, wondering what he thought of this latest development. His face was illuminated by the trickle of moonlight sifting through the silvery clouds. His eyes filled with concern as we stared at one another. He walked over to where I sat with Musubi and reached up, placing a hand under my chin and guiding it toward him.
“What is it, Kenji?” Musubi asked.
“I’m merely checking to see if her eyes sustained any damage like they did before.”
“And?”
Kenji took a moment to search for any lingering damage, though I knew he would find nothing.
“They are perfectly fine.”
He released me and stepped back, but I knew exactly what he was thinking.
Katsu wasn’t my soul mate. This was something Kenji and I had already discovered, but what were the odds that Musubi was the kami who I was destined for? The prophecy held more errors than either one of us could have possibly imagined.
* * *
I paid little attention to where we were going after that. Exhaustion had taken over, and I was content to rest myself against Musubi, who likewise seemed content to let me. I must have dozed off shortly thereafter because the next thing I knew, sunlight streamed through a tented partition, awakening me from slumber. Tendrils of sleepiness beckoned me to continue my reposed and peaceful position, but a sudden movement to my left alerted me to the fact that I was not slumbering alone. I felt a strong arm encircle me as light breathing graced the back of my neck. I rolled over and came face to face with Musubi’s mischievous smile.
“Finally awake, are we, wife? You sleep like the dead, except for when you snore.”
I sat up quickly and gave him an outraged shove. “I do not snore.”
“Oh yes, you do. Like an old man with a respiratory condition.”
“What are you doing in my…” I looked around, trying desperately to place my whereabouts. “...my tent?”
Musubi’s smile widened.
“Your tent, my lady? I’m afraid you’re quite mistaken.” He reached for my arms and pulled me down, snuggling my body closer to his. He softly kissed me on the forehead, and then pulled back to stare at me. “This is our tent, dear wife. Are you ready to play the part you agreed to? We can’t have anyone besmirching your virtue.”
I stuck my tongue out at him. “Except for you, I would imagine.”
“Is that a proposition? Is my wife offering to sleep with me?”
His playful banter made my heart feel lighter than it had been in weeks. I didn’t know why he was in such a wonderful mood, a rarity to be sure, but I was content to bask in it for as long as possible.
“You saved my life, you know, and from what you’ve told me, kami do not usually risk their immortality to heal mere mortals.”
Musubi’s small smile slipped away and was replaced with a pensive expression.
“I did say that, and in most situations that is correct. A kami will not risk a healing for a mortal.”
I held his gaze as I formulated my next question. “Then why did you risk it for me?”
I hoped to hear him say what I was sure he had been feeling for the past few weeks now, but if I had been expecting a declaration of love I was soon to find myself disappointed. The anger that had been absent during our talk, slowly began to take root, almost as if he had called it forth on purpose in order to strengthen his resolve. I felt him bury the most important parts of himself, the most basic and sustaining emotional needs, as his rage took over and he pulled away from me.
“I’ve already told you that as your teacher, your safety is my number one concern, and now you seem a bit indispensable as our healer and…friend.”
I noticed it was hard for him to admit the friendship part. I considered sharing with him what I knew about our souls, the way we belonged to one another. He didn’t have to continue fighting what he felt for me when we were meant to be together, but I stopped short as I considered the possible ramifications.
Informing him that he had a soul mate, and that his soul mate was me, would be like the emperor telling me I had no choice but to marry Katsu. In the end, I wanted Musubi to choose me, not because he felt he had little say in the matter, but because he recognized his love for me without the idea that we were fated for one another.
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In truth, I was almost certain that plenty of couples in this world were happy together, whether they were fated for one another or not, simply because they had made the choice to love one another and committed themselves to that union. Even Musubi, at one point in his life, had loved Edana, so much so that he still mourned her. Soul mate or no soul mate, the decision had to be Musubi’s, and he had to make it without the added pressure placed upon him by some soul mate ultimatum. Forcing him to choose me and give up his original plans for vengeance would lay the ground work for future resentment and bitterness.
Even a kami like Musubi had the right to choose whom to love, and he had the right to decide if that love was worth more than the pain he had carried for so long.
I afforded him that opportunity to choose by remaining silent.
“I had better confer with Akane and find out what is on the agenda for today.”
“Please, tell me how Saigo is doing?”
Musubi smiled. “That troublemaker you call a brother has already succeeded in finding our food supplies and helping himself to all of our rations.”
I had to chuckle at that.
“I imagine we’ll be eating bark within a week’s time, long before that bottomless pit is ever satisfied.”
“Before you start rounding up bark for breakfast, would you ask Akane to come see me at her earliest convenience?”
“Of course,” he responded, barely making eye contact. “We have training within the hour. Don’t think I’ll go easy on you just because you almost died last night.” He flew through the tent door without a backward glance.
I smiled at his attempts to be gruff and indifferent with me. Though he continued to waver between his desire for me and his own personal vendetta, I thought I was beginning to see cracks in his well laid plans. More time spent together might very well break those cracks wide open.
When Akane arrived at my tent a few minutes later she rushed over to me and embraced me. “You nearly died last night,” she whispered.
I squeezed her small frame. “I know, but I suspected Musubi might be able to save me.”
She pulled back. “You weren’t certain, though, were you? You had no idea he was a kami.”
“No. I didn’t leap to that obvious conclusion, but I should have. He was the one who healed my eyes the first time, when we were chased by my father’s guards and had to hide ourselves within the forest. I also saw how his body was capable of healing itself the way mine does. I didn’t know he was a kami, but he was more in tune with his ki than anyone I had ever before encountered.”
“Musubi performed a healing on you for something as small as that?”
“He didn’t know he was doing it. The healing took place when he kissed me. He was the one who was able to heal my ki, at least I suspected that he was. I didn’t know for certain until last night when he did it again.”
Akane’s broad smile could not be contained. “He is your soul mate.”
I gave her a shaky smile. “Yes.”
“We have to tell him.”
“No!”
Akane let out an exasperated grunt. “Why not? We are dealing with far too many secrets as it is. Let’s cut through all of this confusion and help him make a decision already.”
“He has to choose me on his own, Akane. He can’t know that we are soul mates. It will simply cloud the issue.”
“Why do I get the awful feeling that this plan of yours will go terribly awry?”
“It has to be this way, my friend. Please don’t say anything to Musubi.”
She gave me a reluctant nod. “I suppose we may as well add one more lie to the list we’ve already told since last night.”
“What are you talking about?”
“No one has shared with Musubi the real cause of your injuries. He is under the impression that your father beat you again. I took Kenji aside, and he disclosed everything that happened after I left you at the ruins.” She looked at me guiltily as she began to pace beside the mat on the floor. “Another nekomata attack, Saigo’s fatal injuries, your own father stabbing you in the chest.” She stopped before me, looking angry and feeling responsible. “I should have pulled you and your brother from the palace much sooner. If I hadn’t been so desperate for the location of the arrival of that damn gold shipment none of this would have happened.”
“Akane, I agreed to join this cause. I agreed to help in whatever capacity I was able, and I do not regret my decisions. They were mine to make, regardless of what you requested. In the end, I think you’ll find that those events have brought about a small miracle of sorts.””
I reached within the inner pocket of my kimono and withdrew the small bundle, unwrapping the white linen and revealing a pitch black dagger. The curved edge glistened wickedly in the early morning light.
She stared at it in utter disbelief.
“Is that—”
“Yes. A weapon from the underworld.”
She took it from me almost reverently. I was happy to see it go. It felt wrong to keep it in my possession, as if it had a life of its own and an evil mind controlling it. Akane stayed silent for several moments, examining the weapon.
“Do you realize you just gave the rebels the key to defeating your father? One tiny scratch is all it would take. With your father dead the rebellion would be over, and you would be free to rule in his stead until Saigo is of age to take over the empire. You just gave me the only weapon capable of killing your father.”
I nodded solemnly.
“The question is, how to draw him out from the palace, considering he never leaves the damn place. We’re still faced with the same problem.”
“If it had been within my power to use that weapon and stab him myself I would have done so, but he is never alone. His guards are always flanking him. However, I think once you hear what else I have to share with you, you will find that it makes much more sense to infiltrate the palace rather than draw him out.”
“What have you discovered?”
I related in great detail what I had learned from the nekomata in my father’s study. Akane’s pallor only grew worse with each new detail.
“Musubi’s suspicions were correct,” she mumbled. “The emperor has Hachiman, and who knows how many other kami held within his dungeons. What’s worse is the castle is most likely being ruled by the recently restored kami from the underworld. Do you have any idea how many nekomata have partaken of your blood?”
“I’m assuming the number is exceptionally high. My father has been stealing my blood for much longer than we originally thought,” I stated. “I also have no idea if they will leave my father alive or continue to use him for their own purposes. I think it’s safe to say the rebels have a new enemy to concern themselves with. We have to rescue those kami being held prisoners in the dungeons and rid the palace of Amatsu’s followers before we can consider what to do about my father.”
“I agree with your assessment. We must discuss this news with Musubi and decide where we go from here. He’s going to have a million questions as to how you retrieved this information.”
“I will have a story ready for him. I promise you.”
Akane gave me an encouraging smile and slid the dagger from the underworld into her saya.
“There was another matter I wished to discuss with you, Akane.”
“I don’t know a thing about romance, so I hope this has nothing to do with how you plan on wooing Musubi.”
I let out a soft laugh.
“It’s nothing like that, though I’m not gaining much ground in that department, either. Any suggestions from you could only help at this point.”
She smiled. “If I were you, I would mount a surprise attack full of unrelenting kisses whenever the opportunity presents itself.”
I laughed out loud at that. “I appreciate the combative tone of your advice. In this case, catching him by surprise might be the only way to push through his emotional barriers. I have something completely different to discuss with y
ou, however.”
“I am at your disposal, Princess.”
“You and I know that I am a quick learner when it comes to fighting, but I will never harness the skills of the samurai in time to truly defend myself against a nekomata, though I might be able to take on a few soldiers.”
She raised an eyebrow at that.
“Fat soldiers,” I amended.
A faint smile lifted the corners of her mouth.
“I know you are aware of the method I use to gain intelligence from my father’s enemies.”
“Yes, you transfer their memories and absorb them. They become a part of you.”
“What if I could do that with your memories? What if I absorb every single lesson you received from Musubi and all of the combat experience you have had within my own mind in order to become a skilled fighter now? Tonight.”
Akane looked troubled. “I thought this killed the person from whom you transferred these memories.”
“That is merely because my father wouldn’t allow me to give those memories back, and also because he had me transfer every memory within their subconscious. He wanted them to die, but all I have to do is absorb your fighting knowledge and then give it back to you. My mind and spirit will remember the information, and your memories will be returned to you. I don’t know if that means my body will automatically know what my mind knows. I won’t have the same muscular build that you have due to all of your training and combat experience, but the knowledge will be there. What do you think?”
Akane blew out a steadying breath. Nervous tension ran through her body followed by excited anticipation.
“I think I trust you, and that this is most definitely worth attempting if it means you’ll be able to defend yourself at an experienced samurai level.”
“I only wish I’d thought of this sooner.”
“Yes, but then you never would have shared all of that time training with Musubi. Need I remind you that my purpose for having him train you is two-fold?” She gave me a saucy grin.
I shook my head and motioned for her to sit on the cot. “Let’s get started then.” She obediently sat down on the edge, and I stood in front of her, placing my hands on her temples and closing my eyes. I connected to her ki and took a moment to simply stare at it. Her ki was beautiful, far different from any I had ever encountered. It seemed to shine more brightly than most. “What I am going to do right now is sift through your memories to find your first lessons with Musubi, and then I will go from there and transfer those memories to my ki.””